Paris Hilton shopping at Sunset Live on Sunset Boulevard in West Hollywood (9/24)
When you've already
spent time in jail for driving with a suspended license, it's really not the smartest idea to drive around town without a license plate. Also not smart? Resisting arrest while not wearing pants. I won't make that mistake for a third time.
Paris Hilton at the Beverly Glen Marketplace in Bel Air (9/19)
A second album from Paris Hilton? No . . . no . . . NOOOOOOO!!!! -- *destroys stereo with hammer so I don't accidentally hear a song she paid a station to play* -- From
X17:
We caught Paris Hilton heading to lessons with a vocal coach today and then we heard this news ... Paris is brushing up on her singing skills, getting ready to record a second album!!!! A source close to Queen P tells X17online.com exclusively:
"Paris is preparing for album #2. She's super excited about it and the stuff she's started working on sounds amazing! There is NO question she's going to have another hit off this album, just like 'Stars Are Blind' was from the first one."
You'd think after her first album bombed,* Paris would realize that singing isn't her forte. She should just stick to things that she's actually good at -- like shopping, attention-whoring, and being the epicenter of biological outbreaks. Besides, if the public really wants to listen to the sound of screeching cats, they don't have to buy Paris' new album -- they can just tune into
The View.
*Of the 700,000 copies of her album sold in the U.S., her dad bought 699,854 of them. 699,850 of those CDs are currently sitting at the bottom of an abandoned well in Montana. The other four are being used as coasters. True story.
Paris Hilton leaving a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf in L.A. (9/18)
+
Kate Moss upskirt [Drunken Stepfather]
+ Ryan Seacrest is confused about sex [
DailyFill]
+ Mel Gibson is not making the same mistake twice [
I'm Not Obsessed]
+ Victoria Beckham upskirt [
TaxiDriverMovie]
+ Katy Perry gets all wet, feels herself up [
IDLYITW]
+ Kristin Cavallari loves short shorts [
NewsToob]
+ 10 awesome football announcer screw ups [
Holy Taco]
+ Big. Boobs. [
Double Viking]
+ Anna Friel gets nude on stage [
F-Listed]
Paris Hilton at Borgo del Tempo Perso nightclub in Milan, Italy (9/13)
How cool. Paris Hilton is making a stand against homophobia. Uh, right?
Pacific Coast News said
Paris Hilton during her last evening in Milan, Italy went to Borgo del Tempo Perso known as a very friendly Gay Club. There was controversy during the evening over a sign that initially she refused to hold, it read "Stop Homophobia"...
In Paris' defense, she refused to hold the sign at first because she thought it read "STOP DRUNKEN EIGHTSOMES."
Paris Hilton leaving The Grill in Beverly Hills (8/19)
Paris Hilton left quite the surprise for Doug Reinhardt before she left for an acting job in Vancouver last week. Oh, did I say surprise? I meant horrible, horrible nightmare. From
E! Online:
Now that P's out of Doug's eyesight, she's found a way to absolutely guarantee he doesn't forget about her again—not for a friggin' millisecond, folks.
So in what totally outlandish way did Paris accomplish this?
Says a superclose amigo to Hilton: Before jet-setting to Vancouver, Paris had her team pay a visit to D.R.'s house, bringing over life-size photos of herself to hang throughout the mansion. And we don't exactly think she got Dougie's permission! Talk about an extreme home makeover.
Certainly not entirely self-minded, P.H. managed to frame a few pictures of the two of them as well, hamming it up for the camera in all sorts of ridiculous kissy-kissy poses. P's crew hung them all over chez Reinhardt for all houseguests to gawk at
Doug doesn't need life-size photos of Paris hung on his walls to remind him of what he's missing while she's out of town. He needs to light his genitals on fire and douse them with salt. If Doug knows what's best for him, while Paris is away, he'll try to find himself another lady that isn't quite as vain as she is. Luckily, doing so shouldn't be too difficult -- all he has to do is avoid Tyra Banks.
Mel Gibson in Las Vegas (7/24)
Paris Hilton is lucky to be alive today. She was almost beheaded and then gutted by Mel Gibson earlier this month in Beverly Hills. From the
National Enquirer:
Mel Gibson was annoyed while shoe shopping with his pregnant Russian girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva at Neiman Marcus in Beverly Hills on August 1 -- because the salesgirl was taking too long to help them. As it turns out, the clerk was preoccupied with assisting two other customers: Paris and Nicky Hilton. The sisters tried on at least 20 pairs of shoes between them! Thankfully, hot-tempered Mel kept his cool. (Print Edition - 8/17)
Oh how the mighty have fallen. Three years ago if Mel Gibson had gone shopping at Neiman Marcus they would have shut down the store. Today, he has to wait for the world's largest living petri dish to finish before he even gets any attention. Of course what's most surprising about this story isn't that two celebrities were trying on shoes at the same time. It's that Paris was shopping for shoes in the women's department. They actually make sizes
that big?
Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt outside Beso restaurant in West Hollywood (6/8)
There's a vicious rumor floating around that Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt are back together. You know how the old saying goes: Once you go burning sensation, you never go back. A source close to the couple told
E!:
"The time apart has been good. He's kept a low profile, and he's been doing everything he can to impress her and get her back. They're still figuring it out."
Last Monday, Doug posted this to
his Twitter (fyi, Paris is one of only three people he follows):
What an amazing weekend with my beautiful girlfriend. I love her so much
Oh my god, what a pussy. You don't have to use words like "amazing" and "beautiful" to try to impress Paris Hilton. You just need to not shit on her, kick her dogs, or murder her family. You avoid those things and she'll probably at least blow you.
Paris Hilton and her huge feet leaving a spa in West Hollywood (7/13)
Paris Hilton's former manager Jason Moore is shopping a tell-all about the star . . . wait a minute, haven't we pretty much all been told already? From the
New York Daily News:
"Jason will demonstrate how, for 10 years, he managed to save his mercurial client from disgrace by manipulating the media, and Paris herself," according to a pitch letter making the rounds. "Paris was oftentimes her own worst enemy, making a sex tape with a former boyfriend, nursing hangovers during photo shoots, falling asleep everywhere, and getting thrown in jail for numerous driving violations. If Paris Hilton didn't have Jason Moore pulling the strings, cleaning up her messes ... she could well have faded into oblivion."
Moore, who'll call his memoir "Controlling Chaos," says the girl unkindly branded a "celebutard" was more than willing. "[She] spent hours at a time posing in front of the mirror, nailing down the ideal position to create the perfect paparazzi photo."
Her hope, he says, was to become "the kind of character ... that would land commercials, international endorsements, film and television roles." He winkingly adds, "... and the man (or maybe even the girl) of her dreams."
What could Paris Hilton's former manager write about that would actually be considered shocking? If he came out and revealed that she had an extra-terrestrial tied up in her basement with a seven-foot-long schlong that she rode like a pogo stick, I wouldn't be amazed. At this point, there's only one thing he could reveal that might surprise anyone: that she has her GED.
Paris Hilton at a screening of Paris, Not France held at the Majestic Crest Theater in Westwood (7/22)
At a screening in LA yesterday of the new documentary
Paris, Not France, Paris Hilton told
Extra that Michael Jackson named his daughter Paris after her. You delusional bitch. She said:
"My mom and Michael went to high school together and they were best friends since they were 13. So I grew up knowing Michael very well and when he had his daughter, he always loved the name Paris and grew up being an uncle to me. So he asked my mom if it was okay and of course she said yes and I think she's such a beautiful little girl and I'm proud we have the same name."
It's weird that Paris' mom Kathy was best friends with Michael yet I never saw a picture of them together or even heard a story about them being in the same room together at the same time. It's also weird that in
his book The Magic and the Madness (described by Amazon as "the fruit of over 30 years of research and hundreds of exclusive interviews with a remarkable level of access to the very closest circles of the Jackson family"), author J. Randy Taraborrelli says that Paris (full named Paris Michael Katherine Jackson) was named after the city she was conceived in, her grandmother, and her father. In conclusion, Paris Hilton is a lying fucking whore. The end.
Paris Hilton out and about in West Hollywood (7/14)
Wait, you're allowed to do that? *runs to the local mall*
