Paris Hilton


Paris Hilton leaving Claridge's Hotel in London (4/28)

You know how you can tell Paris Hilton is getting old? She was getting into her car in London yesterday and she took *careful* measure to avoid flashing the paparazzi. The old Paris . . . let's just say the old Paris is the reason I aced my female anatomy class in college. "Cervix? I definitely know what a cervix is! Thanks, Paris!"

*30 Paris Hilton pictures total in the gallery:

  • Paris Hilton Getting Old 1
  • Paris Hilton Getting Old 2
  • Paris Hilton Getting Old 3
  • Paris Hilton Getting Old 4
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Paris Hilton out and about in Beverly Hills (4/22)

Stock up on the Valtrex and bear spray, because you know who just dumped her boyfriend. From Life & Style:
Paris Hilton and her Austrian boyfriend, Thomas Gross, have called it quits after a year of dating.

"They are both friends and remain close but with their busy work schedules and the long distance it just got too difficult," sources close to the pair told Life & Style. "Paris is very close with her family and her sister Nicky Hilton is about to have a baby. She really wants to be there for her and be an aunt. It broke her heart being so far away from family."

"They remain close friends and care for each other but work and the distance just got in the way. She will be back in Ibiza for her DJ residency all summer and he has to be in Switzerland for his work, it's an impossible situation," the sources added.
Oh yes, of course. It breaks Paris' heart to be apart from her family, buttttttt she's gonna be in Ibiza DJing all summer. So clearly that's bullshit and these two broke up for some other reason. I'm gonna with Paris is really into Nazi kink and Thomas found it way too offensive so he dumped her. "No, god dammit, I will not dress up like Joseph Goebbels again!"

*15 Paris Hilton pictures total in the gallery:

  • Paris Hilton Single Now 1
  • Paris Hilton Single Now 2
  • Paris Hilton Single Now 3
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Paris Hilton shopping in Beverly Hills (3/16)

Remember back in February when I made fun of Paris Hilton for carrying three iPhones? Well now she has four. Even President Obama doesn't have four cell phones. Hell, even Jamie Foxx as President Sawyer in White House Down (2013) didn't have four cell phones. Paris, you're not more important than both real and fictional presidents. Knock it off.

*30 Paris Hilton pictures total in the gallery:

  • Paris Hilton Stupid Phones 1
  • Paris Hilton Stupid Phones 2
  • Paris Hilton Stupid Phones 3
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Paris Hilton in The Maldives

In honor of her 35th birthday last Wednesday, Paris Hilton has been at Velaa Private Island in The Maldives for the past week. And Paris being Paris, she's instagrammed 30+ pictures of her trip including her on a private jet, her in bikinis and swimsuits, and her using a local dark brown person as a footstool why she painted her toenails. Totally kidding . . . he was more of a light brown.

*33 Paris Hilton pictures total in the gallery:

  • Paris Hilton Velaa Maldives 1
  • Paris Hilton Velaa Maldives 2
  • Paris Hilton Velaa Maldives 3
  • Paris Hilton Velaa Maldives 4
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Paris Hilton leaving Barneys New York in Beverly Hills (2/1)

So Paris Hilton apparently carries three iPhones around. Three iPhones = Three angles of vagina selfie to text to that guy you just met at Starbucks. Fucking brilliant.

*15 Paris Hilton pictures total in the gallery:

  • Paris Hilton Very Important 1
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Paris Hilton in the Winter 2015 issue of Paper magazine

+ Rosie Huntington-Whiteley wearing nothing but a scarf [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Jenna Dewan rocking the underboob [WWTDD]
+ Fatty! [IDLYITW]
+ Another Miley Cyrus upskirt (NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ There was no bear rape [The Superficial]

+ All pizza lovers will appreciate this [badSENTINEL]
+ 44 hot girls in santa outfits [Linkiest]
+ Adrian Grenier's girl is pretty hot [moejackson]
+ Sandra Bullock got another one [Cele|bitchy]

BIKINI PICS OF THE DAY: Jewel looking pretty nice in a bikini

*10 Paris Hilton pictures total in the gallery:

  • Paris Hilton Paper Mag Ass 1
  • Paris Hilton Paper Mag Ass 2
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Paris Hilton at Polish Fashion Week in Rzgow, Poland (8/28)

Paris Hilton's DJing career is really taking off. Here she is performing a set (i.e. hitting play on her iTunes) during Polish Fashion Week is Rzgow last week. I know, right? Freaking Polish Fashion Week. Paris' fee is gonna skyrocket to tens or even elevens of dollars after this headlining performance. There goes my dream of having her DJ my famous Labor Day party. Guess I'll have to settle for Skrillex.

*20 Paris Hilton pictures total in the gallery:

  • Paris Hilton Polish Fashion Week 1
  • Paris Hilton Polish Fashion Week 2
  • Paris Hilton Polish Fashion Week 3
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Paris Hilton bikini pics!

Paris Hilton hosting an Independence Day party at TAO Beach in Las Vegas (7/4)

*30 Paris Hilton bikini pictures total in the gallery:

  • Paris Hilton 4th Bikini 1
  • Paris Hilton 4th Bikini 2
  • Paris Hilton 4th Bikini 3
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Paris Hilton bikini pics!

Here's Paris Hilton in Ibiza earlier this week. Because I care about her so much, here's a few helpful phrases for Paris to use during her vacation on the Spanish party island:

  • Hurry up and take your pants off!: "Date prisa y tomar sus pantalones!"
  • Do you sell Valtrex?: "Venden Valtrex?"
  • Don't worry, I'm not wearing panties!: "No te preocupes, yo no llevo bragas!"
  • Haven't I fucked you before?: "No he tenido relaciones sexuales con usted antes?"
  • Gross, the maid is talking to me!: "Ay, de la dama esta hablando a mí!"
*9 Paris Hilton bikini pictures total in the gallery:

  • Paris Hilton Ibiza Bikini Pics 1
  • Paris Hilton Ibiza Bikini Pics 2
  • Paris Hilton Ibiza Bikini Pics 3
  • Paris Hilton Ibiza Bikini Pics 4
  • Paris Hilton Ibiza Bikini Pics 5

Paris Hilton and Tom Gross in Formentera, Spain (6/9)

Here's Paris Hilton and her new boyfriend Tom Gross on a yacht off Formentera yesterday. Gross is right. Or more like, embarrassing. Hopefully for him his friends don't start asking too many questions. "Tom, was that you kissing Paris Hilton on a yacht?" . . . "Me? Nope, not me. Not at all. I was in Bangkok fucking ladyboys. Fucked 'em real good."

*35 Paris Hilton pictures total in the gallery:

  • Paris Hilton New Boyfriend Yacht 1
  • Paris Hilton New Boyfriend Yacht 2
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