Celebslam: They're Better Than Us: Pamela Anderson Archives

I might actually watch this

Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon at Disneyland (10/14)

Pamela Anderson and her new husband Rick Salomon are in talks with E! to develop a reality show about their newlywed lifestyle. The couple wed in early October of this year after dating for only a month. A source told Us Weekly:

"Think Nick and Jessica's show [MTV's Newlyweds], but with a lot more sex and a crazier family life. These two don't have any boundaries, which is perfect for reality stars." (Anderson recently said of her marriage, "We're in every night. Having sex.") (Source)

The only way I'll watch this show is if it's filmed in a clinic and each episode revolves around them getting tested for a new disease: "Mrs. Anderson, I'm afraid THIS week you've developed Hiradenitis Suppurativa . . . which means you've been picked up for Season #2! Congratulations!" But if that idea doesn't work, E! could always show looped footage of "old" Pamela running in slow motion and just call that her new show. I promise I won't tell.

PICS: Pam Anderson high on coke in Las Vegas last weekend:

Pam Anderson had fun

Pamela Anderson in Las Vegas (12/8)

Pam Anderson had fun this weekend in Vegas. The newlywed--allegedly "high as a kite"--was all over illusionist Criss Angel at LAX nightclub on Saturday night. "Former Hollywood publicist turned gossiper" Jonathan Jaxson says:

Pamela Anderson was partying in her new home city of Vegas last night with friends, including Criss Angel. Pam and company partied it up at LAX Nightclub last night where she was also high as a kite. YES . . . some things will never change. Personally, I think she should be taking better care of her body and health and lay off the regular cocaine use! (Source)

So it's wrong to get high on coke and flirt with another dude just weeks after you got married? Well then my brother's wife has some explaining to do. Hey don't blame me for her actions, blame my abs.

Pamela Anderson’s a cokehead?

Pamela Anderson

According to former Hollywood publicist Jonathan Jaxson she is. A source "very close to Anderson" told him:

"She is out of control. She knows she is going to die soon, so she continues to party out of control thinking nothing of it. Never does she mention her kids. Her marriage to Rick Solomon, nicknamed by Pam and friends as "Scum," was something to full-fill her immediate emotional needs. We have all known one another for years and nothing ever sparked between them until recently!"
"The 3-4 days a week cocaine binges are insane. There isn't a day that goes by in the past 4-5 years of knowing her that I have seen Pam sober. She won't even take care of her health properly and the drugs are only further causing her liver trouble. I have witnessed her using several drugs over the past few years. Including: Crystal Meth, Methadone, Ecstasy, Marijuana and her nearly daily drug of choice, Cocaine." (Source)

C'mon I think this friend is being a *little* dramatic. Pam's gonna die? When was the last time a former Playboy Playmate with blonde hair, big boobs, and a bigger drug addiction died in her late 30s/early 40s? Oh yeah, February, my bad.

Pamela Anderson is broke, possibly pregnant

Pamela Anderson and her "breasts" in Hawaii earlier this year

According to Kid Rock, everything we've been hearing about his divorce to Pamela Anderson is false. One popular rumor about the couple was they broke up because Kid couldn't get over Pam's appearance in Borat. Wrong. Kid claims Pam spreading that story is a perfect example of her psycho nature. Regarding the couple's finances, Kid told Howard Stern earlier this week Pam doesn't have much money:

"The worst thing in life is to be famous without money." Further, Pam started spending Kid's money from the get go — telling him when she moved into his $12 million beach house in Malibu, "If we don't fix this house, I'll throw up." (Source)

Of course she's broke! The cost of daily penicillin injections can really add up! And have you priced out Valtrex/Acyclovir recently? I'm surprised she hasn't been selling her ass on the street just to make her co-pays. Wait, she has? I better get myself tested! Or maybe Pam spent all her money on those awesome breast implants. Breasts that natural don't come cheap.

BONUS: In Touch Weekly is claiming Pam is two-months pregnant with husband-of-one-week Rick Salomon's baby. Sex out of wedlock Pam? What kind of example is that to the children of America? I expected more out of you. (Source)

Pamela Anderson got married

The marquee at Planet Hollywood casino on Saturday night

arriage license last weekend. Wedding this weekend. Pam Anderson married Paris Hilton sex tape star Rick Salomon Saturday night in Las Vegas. Rather than take the night off from her job as assistant in the Hans Klok magic show, Pam conveniently squeezed the wedding in between the 7 and 10 P.M. shows. The marriage marks the third for both Salomon (Elizabeth Daily; annulled marriage to Shannon Doherty) and Anderson (Tommy Lee; Kid Rock). People magazine says:

Anderson had previously intimated there was a new man in her life in an interview with Ellen DeGeneres, saying, "I paid off a poker debt with sexual favors, and I fell in love. It's so romantic. It's romance." (Source)

WTF? I tried that same thing and I got the sex predator label slapped on me. Granted it was Casino Night at my local church and we weren't actually playing with real money but I think you get my point: Salomon's penis probably tastes like chocolate.

NOTE: If you're thinking about sending the couple a gift, the bride and groom have specifically requested no more nightvision camcorders.

Pam Anderson not married yet

Numerous gossip outlets are reporting that Pamela Anderson married slimeball Rick Salomon in Vegas over the weekend. Not quite. Though Anderson and Salomon applied for a marriage license on Saturday, the couple returned to L.A. later that night without tying the knot. Norm Clarke of the Las Vegas Review-Journal reports:

Keep in mind that the Marriage license move could be another Hollywood publicity stunt. Anderson has been overtime on the nightclub scene to promote her show with illusionist Hans Klok, often hinting (too) broadly that she and Klok have something going. Skeptics aren't ruling out that it's all a publicity illusion.
The engagement came days after Anderson attempted to play down a Page Six report that her friends are concerned about her recent hard partying in Sin City. Noting that Anderson has Hepatitis C, Page Six said the "increasingly haggard pin-up has gotten even wilder now that she's hanging with [Salomon]." (Source)

You probably know Salomon better as the costar of the Paris Hilton sex tape . . . or if your name is Paris Hilton, you know Salomon better as #4,632. Once you reach a certain level of whore in life, it's a lot easier to start remembering guys by number. My mom told me that.

Splash News

Pamela Anderson had the talk

Pam Anderson had to tell her children about her infamous sex tape before they found out about it via Borat. In an interview with UK tabloid The Sun, Pam reveals what she told her children:

"You know, when your dad and I were first together we used to video tape everything. Everybody's naked, hugging, kissing, all that good stuff and someone stole the tape. And I remember when we were watching the film and (her son) Dylan goes: 'You mean everybody has seen this?' And I said, 'Yes.'" (Source)

Sadly, I've been waiting a LONG TIME for this day to come. The day when Pamela finally had to have "the talk" with her kids. I imagine it went something like this: Pamela: "Kids, a long time ago, Mommy was a whore." Kids: "You mean like last week when the Detroit Pistons ran that train on you?" Pamela: "No, before you were born. When you were just a gleam (and caked seamen) in my eye. Now go fetch mommy that rubber fist from the movie ... she's got some plumbing to do."

Pamela Anderson still has enormous tits!

Now Pam wants one

While Pamela Anderson was visiting Russia last week she stopped by an orphanage and--surprise, surprise--fell in love with the children there. Considering Russia's stance on foreign adoptions, it may be difficult for the former Baywatch star to pick one up. Pam wrote in her online diary:

“It’s very difficult to adopt from Russia unless you are Russian or living in Russia, but it’s not common in their culture. They do not have a foster care system. When a child is orphaned that is their status — they will be schooled in the orphanage and maybe 5 percent get adopted. They will stay 'til they are 16 most of the time. I’m going back to visit. I’m in love with them and their spirits.” (Source)

So typical of a hot new Hollywood accessory to be tough to find when it's first released. Last season it was all about the Malawians. Now those things are a dime a dozen. I saw one marked down 85% at Marshall's the other day. I stole it. Yeah that's right, I shoplift. Who doesn't?

Pam responds

Pam Anderson responded to those bikini pics of her in Hawaii that pretty much every gossip site posted yesterday. From her website:

It’s only a family vacation. We had a great time in Maui - hope everyone had a great spring break too - no photographers.
Thank god I don't have a google alert on myself (like some people I know do on themselves) - I've just been sent some pics from Hawaii - I have to laugh - well at least the world knows I don't get botox - ha!...I'm much hotter in my mind - (I swear I look better) - then again I hardly check a mirror before I go outside - may start doing that more.
I may have to start working out too though - genes and gymnastics have gotten me this far.
I just refuse to let these paparazzi ruin my time or my lifestyle in general with my children - I'm not going to spend time putting makeup on or staying covered up on the beach - it's definitely surreal though - I think I look alright but everywhere you turn you have a camera in your face - up you butt - it's crazy - too many tabloids - must be running out of stuff to print...I'm a semi-retired single mom - hello?
I'm having a great time with my kids always!...nothing new.