Orlando Bloom


Selena Gomez and Orlando Bloom at his birthday party

Remember when Selena Gomez and Orlando Bloom were doing it last year? Well they're still doing it. Selena attended Orlando's birthday last week in L.A. (above, with shared manager Aleen Keshishian) and also wished him a happy birthday on Instagram using his nickname ("Happy bday Orly"). You don't call a 39-year-old man a cute little nickname unless his penis has been in your hands within the last 24 hours. Everyone knows that. Start the pregnancy rumors.

*4 Orlando Bloom and Selena Gomez pictures total in the gallery:

  • Selena Orlando Cozy 1
  • Selena Orlando Cozy 2
  • Selena Orlando Cozy 3
  • Selena Orlando Cozy 4

Katy Perry at the Weinstein/Netflix Golden Globes party (1/10)

So Orlando Bloom probably nailed Katy Perry on Sunday night. Thanks, alcohol! You know, and being rich, famous, and attractive. That, too. From the New York Post:
The screen star and the singer were at Harvey Weinstein and Netflix's Golden Globes afterparty, where Bloom was whispering into Perry's ear and touching her back. "Katy and Orlando were standing in the back of the party drinking Mo√ęt and were aggressively flirting before leaving together," a spy told Page Six. "He wouldn't stop staring at her cleavage -- and she was very flirty and laid on the charm."

The source said the pair even locked lips behind the scenes before leaving.
Since divorcing Miranda Kerr, Orlando has nailed Selena Gomez, Kendall Jenner, and now Katy Perry. And that's just who we know of. Take that, John Mayer! Orlando sees your pussy magnet occupation (musician) and raises you a British accent.

*15 Katy Perry pictures total in the gallery:

  • Orlando Bloom Katy Perry 1
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Kendall Jenner leaving the Trump Soho Hotel in New York (9/13)

Orlando Bloom and Kendall Jenner? Sure, why not. The Sun says Orlando has been banging the reality star all summer. And, yes, once a reality star, always a reality star. I don't care if Kendall's elected president in 20 years. She'll still be a reality star. Via the Daily Mail:
According to The Sun on Sunday, the 38-year-old actor and the 19-year-old face of Calvin Klein have enjoyed a number of dates since they were allegedly seen getting cosy at a film screening in Los Angeles, in July.

According to the paper, Orlando - who is twice Kendall's age- and the oldest of Caitlyn and Kris Jenner's daughters have been on a number of low-key dates over the summer. And on one particular occasion the Lord Of The Rings star is believed to have really laid on the romance, by treating Kendall to a meal at Bui Sushi, in Malibu, before taking her on a sunset drive.

A source revealed the pair have been seeing each other secretly, saying: "The age difference doesn't seem to bother them although it's far too early for either to tell if it's going to develop into something serious."
I'm not buying this for a second. This has clearly been planted by Orlando's people to drum up some buzz about him. It's not that I think Orlando couldn't bang a hot 19-year-old -- he clearly can and has. It's just that he's not, to put it gently, Kylie's "type" if you catch my drift. He's never even been in a Tyler Perry movie. What the hell would they talk about?

*5 Kendall Jenner pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kendall Jenner Orlando Bloom Hooking Up 1
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Orlando Bloom is still doing Selena Gomez

Remember when Orlando Bloom and Selena Gomez were totally doing it last year? That's apparently still happening. I know, right? Two attractive people having sexual relations with each other. Who could have seen that coming? From OK!:
"Selena loves the attention from Orlando and says the sex is great," the insider reveals. "But she's fooling herself if she believes it's healthy. She's not as tough as she thinks." The source adds that Selena wants to be the 38-year-old actor's girlfriend, but he's not game, "so she's taking what can get."
Poor Selena, hopelessly in love with those she can't have. Justin Bieber. Orlando Bloom. ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. You have to accept the fact that he's busy with jihad, Selena. He doesn't have time for you.

*30 Selena Gomez pictures total in the gallery:

  • Selena Orlando Sex Benefits 1
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Orlando Bloom in Malibu (6/28)

Orlando Bloom: American hero. And I don't care if he's British. He's a godddamn American hero in my book. The actor threw a punch at Justin Bieber late last night at a restaurant in Ibiza. You haven't heard anything about Justin being dead so obviously the punch didn't connect. From TMZ:
We're getting different versions of what incited Orlando, and people are taking sides. One account is Justin extended his hand to Orlando, who refused it, and when Justin asked what's your problem ... Orlando mentioned Miranda. Justin then tried to walk away and that's when Orlando swung.

A second version -- Justin said something to the effect of, I had sex with your wife ... and THEN Orlando swung . . . Orlando was in Cipriani restaurant which was packed with celebs, including Paris Hilton, and Diddy.
Looks like we can confirm those rumors that Bieber slept with Miranda Kerr. But Orlando fucked Selena Gomez, so everything should be even. The big loser in this whole thing is clearly Paris Hilton. What if everyone knew you existed, but no one cared?

*20 Orlando Bloom pictures total in the gallery:

  • Orlando Bloom Justin Bieber Fight 1
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  • Orlando Bloom Justin Bieber Fight 1
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Selena Gomez horseback riding in L.A. (4/18)

Orlando Bloom and Selena Gomez are totally doing it. The two were spotted arriving in the same car to Chelsea Handler's show at The Forum in L.A. on Saturday night. And then when the paparazzi tried to get a pic of the two together after the show, Orlando quickly tried to separate himself from Selena (FAIL). Smoooooooth, Orlando. Maybe next time you can wear a shirt that says "IN ABOUT AN HOUR, I WILL STICK MY PENIS INTO THIS GIRL" with a huge arrow pointing to Selena. Okay, okay, maybe we're reading into this too much. Maybe Orlando is just giving Selena advice on Justin Bieber. And that advice happens to be naked. And he cums at the end.

*10 Selena Gomez pictures total in the gallery:

  • Selena Gomez Orlando Bloom Hookup 1
  • Selena Gomez Orlando Bloom Hookup 2
  • Selena Gomez Orlando Bloom Hookup 3
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Orlando Bloom is enjoying the single life

After being linked with smoking-hot Frenchie Nora Arnezeder, Orlando Bloom was seen flirting with a hot American chick last week in New York. Like shooting fish in a barrel. From Page Six:
"Orlando was with friends, but was focused on one American girl, a brunette," a witness said. "He was getting cozy with her. He had his hand on her leg, and she was whispering in his ear while they were looking at pictures of his son on his phone."
Of course Orlando Bloom is enjoying the single life. The man has been treated to world class sympathy pussy ever since we all found out that Miranda was getting spermed by all of his friends -- probably in that apartment he loves so much, too. Luckily, American star-fuckers have a soft spot for overrated English actors who get humiliated by their lady friends. Although Legolas seems to be turning tragedy into awesomeness, he'll play it cool and not go running back to Miranda when she realizes that she's a 30-year-old single mother who's no longer a Victoria's Secret employee. The last thing Bloom needs is to be another Hollywood cuckold -- stealing Robert Pattinson's gimmick would seem a bit gauche at this point.

*10 Orlando Bloom pictures total in the gallery:

  • Orlando Bloom Single Flirting 1
  • Orlando Bloom Single Flirting 2
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Orlando Bloom's new girlfriend Nora Arnezeder

Orlando Bloom has branched out from smoking hot Australian chicks and is now dating a smoking hot French chick. Good for him. He needed a change. From the Daily Mail:
Miranda Kerr's ex Orlando Bloom arrived at The Roger Room on his Ducati on Tuesday night for a date with a new girl. The 37-year-old actor was spotted hanging out at the Los Angeles speakeasy with Nora Arnezeder, a gorgeous 24-year-old French actress. The pair were spotted at the hip L.A. watering hole and hours later Orlando left alone only to come back shortly afterwards to pick up his date.

A source in the bar told Mail Online: "Orlando and Nora were in the bar for about two hours enjoying some drinks and talking. They sat at a corner table together and weren't joined by anyone else."
Hey, young Will Turner seems to have rebounded from the epic send-off he got from Miranda Kerr a little while back. Nora Arnezeder is all types of hot AND, since she's an actress in her mid-20s, she's ready, willing, and able to do whatever it takes to stay in the mainstream, even if it means sipping elven cream from Legolas' enchanted tap. I'm happy for Orlando, but you know who's even happier for him, right? Leonardo DiCaprio and that Aussie billionaire James Packer, for starters. They're both former friends of his and they're both gonna fuck Nora eventually (hopefully not at the same time). Orlando's basically a headhunter for them (pun intended). I mean, c'mon, if they can swoop in on Miranda Kerr, then they can certainly swoop in on this delicious little French pastry.

*25 Nora Arnezeder pictures total in the gallery:

  • Nora Arnezeder Orlando Bloom 1
  • Nora Arnezeder Orlando Bloom 2
  • Nora Arnezeder Orlando Bloom 3
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Paparazzi photos from Thursday, December 26

Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom leaving their apartment in New York (pics start here)

Writer Lana Wachowski arriving for a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Lindsay Lohan out and about in New York (pics start here)

Keira Knightley shopping in London (pics start here)

Kylie Jenner leaving the Andy LeCompte Salon in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Jennifer Lopez shopping in East Hampton, New York (pics start here)

Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson shopping in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Jamie Foxx arriving for a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Bruce Willis' wife Emma Heming running errands in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Josh Duhamel leaving a gym in L.A. (pics start here)

Fergie leaving her parents' house in L.A. (pics start here)

Gwen Stefani leaving a friend's house in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

*108 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

  • Orlando Miranda Apartment 1
  • Orlando Miranda Apartment 2
  • Orlando Miranda Apartment 3
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  • Orlando Miranda Apartment 5
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Miranda Kerr at Roberto Cavalli's Flagship Opening Store in New York (12/12)

Orlando Bloom is not happy with Leonardo DiCaprio for waiting all of two days before moving in on his estranged wife Miranda Kerr. In Leo's defense, he's never had sex with Miranda before (who looks really good topless) and he needs to nail her to complete the full set of Victoria's Secret Angels. A source told the National Enquirer:
"Miranda is Leo's dram girl. He's had the hots for her for years but mostly kept his distance out of respect for her marriage. About a month ago Orlando told Leo that he and Miranda were splitting up and he was brokenhearted over it. Leo comforted his pal, saying, 'I know better than anybody -- there are plenty of other fish in the sea.'" Then Leo, 39, turned around and asked 30-year-old Miranda out on a date.

"Orlando was shocked that a friend would stab him in the back so callously," said the source. "He told Leo to lay off, at least until his divorce is final." Still, the source said that Orlando, 36, grumbled to another pal: "With friends like Leo, who needs enemies!" (Print Edition - 12/16)
I'm starting to feel bad for Legolas. It seems that all of his friends have been waiting for Miranda to come to her senses, and now they're lining up to come in her. I'm sorry, that was a cheap joke. I'm sure the fact that Orlando's ex is taking the pipe from all of his friends is just a coincidence, and has nothing to do with the fact that Little O is about as intimidating as a bowl of chicken noodle soup on a cold winter's day. Sorry bud, you knew that your pal Leo has dibs on all Victoria's Secret models, past, present, and married. Let the man do his thing to your wife and move on, get over it, and try not to think about it. Trust me, nobody wants to be compared to Leonardo's sex antics, just do what I do and keep swimming in his wake.

*30 Miranda Kerr pictures total in the gallery:

  • Miranda Leo Orlando 1
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Would You Rather?

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