Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr leaving Taverna Tony restaurant in Malibu (7/5)
Orlando Bloom's girlfriend Miranda Kerr was acting awfully friendly with actor Lukas Haas on the dance floor at the Jane Hotel in New York last week . . . which would lead one to believe that Lukas saw her naked about an hour or so later. From the
New York Post:
If Miranda Kerr is still dating Orlando Bloom, they have a very understanding relationship. Spies at the Jane Hotel the other night saw the Victoria's Secret model dancing with actor Lukas Haas. One witness reports, "They were together the whole night . . . Jared Followill from Kings of Leon kept staring at them." A rep for Kerr did not return calls.
Can you really blame Miranda for going out with other men? Victoria's Secret models can't be tied down to one guy -- especially if that guy uses the same strawberry exfoliator and wears the same size pants they do. They need someone whose broad shoulders and bulging biceps will make them feel safe and protected -- so a lot like a Roman gladiator or celebrity blogger. Why just the other day I lifted an entire gallon of milk over my head.
Twice.
Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr in Sydney (2/26)
Orlando Bloom is passing up a $15 million+ payday for the next
Pirates of the Caribbean movie because he wants to spend more time with his girlfriend, Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr. From UK tabloid
News of the World:
Pirates of the Caribbean star Orlando Bloom is giving up his movie treasure quest - because he has all the booty he needs at home. The star is turning down a part in the fourth Pirates flick to spend more time with Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr.
I'm told: "Orlando loved the films but thinks it's time to bow out because they tied up nicely for his character Will Turner. The producers are OK with that because they want to concentrate on the new adventures of Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow."
What the hell is Orlando thinking? Dude, I don't care if Miranda's vagina is made of cinnamon and rose petals, $15 million is $15 million. With that kind of money he could travel to some Eastern Bloc country and buy as many eager-to-please girls as he wanted. The real reason why he's sticking with her must be that she's either spectacular in bed or just has that certain "je ne sais quoi" quality Orlando's looking for in a woman -- a large penis.
Orlando Bloom in L.A. (1/8)
Orlando Bloom and the Unabomber
Orlando Bloom crashed
Orlando Bloom was involved in a car accident early this morning that left two women injured and bleeding. After being cut off by another car near Fountain Ave. and N Vista St. in Hollywood, the actor crashed into a Porsche Cayenne SUV parked on the side of the road. Risking his own safety, Bloom pulled the injured women from the flaming wreckage as the horde of bystanders spontaneously burst into raucous applause. The end . . . Errrrr, maybe not:
In video taken immediately following this morning's accident, Bloom can be seen walking away from the scene, leaving two women -- one injured and bleeding -- in his smashed-up ride. After walking down the block, the paparazzi repeatedly advise Bloom to go back to the accident scene and "deal with it," saying that if he leaves, it could be a hit and run. Bloom thinks twice, turns around and walks back to the car. (Source)
Obviously he wanted to get the hell out of there, getting arrested sucks. We've seen it before with Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie--DUIs can inconvenience a celebrity for literally hours. Famous people simply don't need that kind of aggravation. Not when the world needs saving (CLICK HERE to read more about Angelina Jolie!).
NOTE: It's been a great week for Orlando. Not only did he escape a DUI but he also might be banging Jessica Simpson!
I hate selfish Hollywood stars. Take Orlando Bloom for example. The actor was sitting at a Santa Monica coffee shop when he was approached by two college chicks wanting him to pose for a calendar to raise money for charity. Mike Walker of the National Enquirer picks up the story:
Orlando actually seemed interested until the coed cupcakes revealed the naked truth – they'd be photographing the " Pirates of the Caribbean" stud in the buff! Orlando blinked, then cracked up and declined, howling: "Are you girls kidding? My mum would have a fit." (Source)
Not only would his "Mum" have a fit, but so would his pool boy Antonio--Orlando's goods are for his eyes only. Now, I'm not saying Orlando is gay, I mean I'm sure plenty of straight guys pluck their eyebrows, shave their chest, and have shoulder length hair which they moisturize and condition on a daily basis. My brother does the same thing and he's totally not gay. I think his boyfriend might be, though.
Remember the story earlier in the week about Orlando Bloom and Penélope Cruz flirting "outrageously" with each other at an Oscars pre-party? The first line of the story was something along the lines of "Orlando Bloom and Penélope Cruz probably had sex Sunday night." Well guess what? Orlando Bloom and Penélope Cruz definitely had sex Sunday night. They were seen at Prince's post Oscar party taking the earlier flirting one step further:
"Penélope and Orlando couldn't keep their hands off one another - they were making out the whole night," says a witness. "It was crazy! Touching, kissing - even a little bit of groping. And in view of tons of actors, too, like Leonardo DiCaprio and Ryan Gosling." (Source)
Wow, was this witness describing Prince's party or my last family reunion? The touching, kissing, and groping--it's uncanny! You get a couple beers into Uncle Frank and suddenly the line between friend and family gets awfully blurry. And don't bother asking how I got Leo and Ryan to come to my family reunion. My violent death threats pretty smile and gentle demeanor tend to open doors in this industry.
Orlando Bloom and Penelope Cruz probably had sex Sunday night. Hate to be so blunt about it but sometimes I like to get the point of a story without all the extraneous bullshit. The two were seen flirting “outrageously” at an Academy Awards pre-party. And as we know kids, outrageous flirting almost always leads to outrageous sex. A source told the U.K.’s Daily Mirror:
"Orlando and Penelope were playing pool and flirting outrageously. Penelope seemed more than a little smitten and afterwards they retired to a corner for a couple of drinks - they couldn't keep their hands off each other.” (Source)
Never been much of a flirting man myself. I think it comes from my Dad. I love the guy to death but man could he be crude sometimes. He used to always tell me “Son, if you’re flirting, you’re not penetrating.” “But Dad,” I used to counter, “the only thing these prisses are into is oral.” My Mom slapped me when she heard that, saying it was inappropriate language for a sixth grader. Whatever.
Some pics of Penelope at the Oscars after the jump...
Poor Orlando Bloom. He thinks people don't take his acting seriously because of his good looks:
HUNK Orlando Bloom hates his picture perfect looks and wants fans to value him for his acting skills and personality. The 29-year-old actor relished his recent role in new indie flick Haven, in which he played a man with a hideously scarred face. But despite his thick layer of make-up in the movie, Bloom still wishes his character had looked even more gory. Orlando said: "I wanted it to be worse. I wanted to lose an eye or something."
I can totally relate to Orlando on this one. Being an unbelievably good-looking male is not as glamorous as it may seem. I've had to deal with this struggle my entire life (I call it "my burden"). You know how hard it is to even order a Big Mac at McDonalds when the cashier is mesmerized by your sparkling eyes, chiseled features, and flowing mane of hair? Sometimes a man just wants two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun without being propositioned for sex. By the way ladies, my name's NOT Adonis. It's Nick. I'm sick of everyone always getting it wrong.
