That's actually gravy Oprah Winfrey gave the commencement speech Sunday afternoon at Duke University. And she pretty much nailed it (via the
Wall Street Journal):
"It’s great to have a nice home. It’s great to have nice homes! It’s great to have a nice home that just escaped the fire in Santa Barbara. It’s great to have a private jet. Anyone that tells you that having your own private jet isn’t great is lying to you."
Of course Oprah's right about the house thing. All these celebrities that tell you the best part about being famous is giving back to others or seeing a smile on a fan's face is full of shit. No, no, no, I take that back. The best part about being famous actually is seeing a smile on a fan's face . . . while she's laying next to you naked in your 9000 square foot beachfront home in Maui.
Oprah hearts Fudgsicles
In "fat again" news, Oprah's fat again. She reveals in January's O magazine that she's gained 40 pounds since 2006 and once again weighs over 200. The talk show host told the Associated Press:
"I look at my thinner self and think, `How did I let this happen again?' I'm embarrassed. I'm mad at myself. When it comes to maintaining my health I didn't just fall off the wagon. I let the wagon fall on me. I didn't follow my own fundamental rule of taking care of self first."In 2005, Winfrey said she starved herself for four months to lose weight. Ever since, her weight has yo-yoed. She weighed as much as 237 pounds and by late 1990 acknowledged she had regained most of the 67 pounds, saying "I'll never diet again." (Source)
No wonder she gained weight. When you're as wealthy as Oprah, you can afford finer dining luxuries like rich creamy sauces, gourmet cheeses, and succulent pre-schoolers. That said, a billionaire like her should never be fat -- she can afford to have a trainer, nutritionist, or Samantha Ronson's finger on hand to keep her weight down. Of course if Oprah really wants to induce vomiting, she could always try ipecac lima beans watching her own show.
Oprah forced to poop like a normal person
During Barack Obama's post-election speech in Chicago on Tuesday night, Oprah Winfrey was *gasp* forced to use a porta-potty. It was the first time in her life she's ever used one. Via Starpulse:
Millions of Americans saw the talk show queen in tears during Obama's moving post-election speech in Chicago, Illinois' Grant Park - and Winfrey was so determined not to miss a word, she kept her legs crossed and dashed for a porta-potty as the new President left the stage.She says, "In all these years at every event, I've said, 'No, I'm not going to do the porta-potty' but I said I better use it." (Source)
This story has to be fake. Not that it's beneath Oprah to take a monster dump in a porta-potty mind you -- it's just that my analytical mind will not bend enough to accept this as fact. First, I didn't hear anything regarding hundreds of people dying in Chicago Tuesday night, which is a natural result of an Oprah public bilge dump. Second, unless someone finally figured out how to collapse space/time, how do you explain The Big O "dashing" anywhere and/or wedging herself into a portable toilet?
[WENN]
She really wanted to make $400 million
According to an in-depth study conducted by TV Guide, celebrities makes millions of dollars a year. Who knew! The results of their shocking research:
- Oprah Winfrey's income: $385 million/year
- Simon Cowell: $50 million/year
- David Letterman: $32 million/year
- Charlie Sheen: $825,00/episode of Two and a Half Men
- William Peterson: $600,000/episode of CSI
- Mariska Hargitay: $400,000/episode of Law & Order: SVU
- Kyra Sedgwick: $275,00/episode of The Closer
At $385 million a year, can you imagine how much money Oprah has to pay in taxes? The poor thing. There's no way I'd want to have to shell out that kind of money to the government every April. Nope, I'm happy just the way I am with my Ramen Noodles, 12 Guatemalan roommates, and scurvy. Besides, if you want to be fat, gay, and old you don't need to make hundreds of millions of dollars a year . . . you just need to be this guy.
[WENN]
A sampling of topics over the past few years from The Oprah Winfrey Show:
"Oprah's Bra and Jean Intervention"
"Oprah's Bad Hair Day"
"Medical Mystery: The Mermaid Girl Miracle"
"Releasing Your Inner Sexpot"
"The Best Burger in America Discovered!"
"The Best Cake in America Revealed!"
"Does My Butt Look Big?"
"Dog with Jobs"
One of Oprah Winfrey’s family members sold her ass out to the National Enquirer, revealing to the gossip mag that the media mogul had a secret baby at age 14 (the baby died shortly after birth). Oprah confronts the rumor in the newest issue of her namesake magazine:
"A member of my family who has since passed away had gone to Florida, headquarters for The National Enquirer, sat in a room, told them the story of my hidden shame — and left their offices $19,000 richer."
She also reveals the betrayal by one of her family members was actually a blessing in disguise:
"Having the secret out was liberating. Not until then could I begin the repair work on my spirit for the sexual abuse and damage done to me as a young girl."
In other Oprah related news, this weeks Forbes magazine named Oprah the richest woman in show business, estimating her net worth at $1.5 billion.
Women who have secret babies at 14 aren’t supposed to get their names on any sort of Forbes Magazine list. They’re supposed to ask me if I want to buy a lap dance, which by the way, I never turn down. Young mothers who've suffered through years of sexual abuse always give that extra little bit of effort.
