Archive: Oprah Winfrey

She really wanted to make $400 million

According to an in-depth study conducted by TV Guide, celebrities makes millions of dollars a year. Who knew! The results of their shocking research:

• Oprah Winfrey’s income: $385 million/year

• Simon Cowell: $50 million/year

• David Letterman: $32 million/year

• Charlie Sheen: $825,00/episode of Two and a Half Men

• William Peterson: $600,000/episode of CSI

• Mariska Hargitay: $400,000/episode of Law & Order: SVU

• Kyra Sedgwick: $275,00/episode of The Closer

At $385 million a year, can you imagine how much money Oprah has to pay in taxes? The poor thing. There’s no way I’d want to have to shell out that kind of money to the government every April. Nope, I’m happy just the way I am with my Ramen Noodles, 12 Guatemalan roommates, and scurvy. Besides, if you want to be fat, gay, and old you don’t need to make hundreds of millions of dollars a year . . . you just need to be this guy.

[WENN]

A sampling of topics over the past few years from The Oprah Winfrey Show:

“Oprah’s Bra and Jean Intervention”

“Oprah’s Bad Hair Day”

“Medical Mystery: The Mermaid Girl Miracle”

“Releasing Your Inner Sexpot”

“The Best Burger in America Discovered!”

“The Best Cake in America Revealed!”

“Does My Butt Look Big?”

“Dog with Jobs”

One of Oprah Winfrey’s family members sold her ass out to the National Enquirer, revealing to the gossip mag that the media mogul had a secret baby at age 14 (the baby died shortly after birth). Oprah confronts the rumor in the newest issue of her namesake magazine:

“A member of my family who has since passed away had gone to Florida, headquarters for The National Enquirer, sat in a room, told them the story of my hidden shame — and left their offices $19,000 richer.”

She also reveals the betrayal by one of her family members was actually a blessing in disguise:

“Having the secret out was liberating. Not until then could I begin the repair work on my spirit for the sexual abuse and damage done to me as a young girl.”

In other Oprah related news, this weeks Forbes magazine named Oprah the richest woman in show business, estimating her net worth at $1.5 billion.

Women who have secret babies at 14 aren’t supposed to get their names on any sort of Forbes Magazine list. They’re supposed to ask me if I want to buy a lap dance, which by the way, I never turn down. Young mothers who’ve suffered through years of sexual abuse always give that extra little bit of effort.