Olivier Martinez

Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez on their way to a Thanksgiving party in L.A. (10/21)

Both Halle Berry's current boyfriend Olivier Martinez and ex-boyfriend Gabriel Aubry ended up in the hospital on Thanksgiving after getting into a fight in front of Halle's house in Beverly Hills. Well maybe that asshole Olivier shouldn't have taken the last piece of pumpkin pie. Mmmmmmm . . . pumpkin pie. From TMZ:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ Gabriel showed up to Halle's house with [daughter] Nahla for a custodial hand-off. We're told Gabriel was still in the motor court when Olivier walked up to him and said, "We have to move on."

According to witnesses, Gabriel then pushed Olivier and threw a punch at his face, but Olivier blocked it and the punch struck him in the shoulder instead. We're told Gabriel then pushed Olivier to the ground, and Olivier cold-cocked him in the face, and a struggle ensued, ending with Olivier pinning Gabriel to the ground.

In the struggle, Gabriel suffered a broken rib, contusions on his face, and possibly a more serious head injury. Olivier may have broken his hand and suffered neck injuries as well. There are conflicting accounts as to whether Gabriel was rendered unconscious in the fight.

Police were called and Olivier made a citizen's arrest for battery against Gabriel. Gabriel was escorted to the ER and, ironically, Olivier went to the same ER an hour later. The two were just down the hall from each other.

A French-Canadian model (Aubrey) fighting a French actor (Martinez) on the driveway of Halle Berry. How . . . cute. What was the main event? A kitten fighting its way out of a paper bag?

*20 Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez pictures total in the gallery:

Halle Berry arriving at a friend's house in Burbank (8/11)

After getting engaged to her boyfriend Olivier Martinez earlier this year, Halle Berry was spotted without her engagement ring over the weekend in Burbank. So what's going on? Did Halle lose the ring? Did they break up? Are they still getting married? Was it Halle's fault? Did Oliver cheat? How strong am I? I don't know. No. Maybe. I don't know. Probably. No. Incredibly.

*25 Halle Berry pictures total in the gallery:

Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez leaving a doctor's office in Beverly Hills (3/2)

Halle Berry's boyfriend, French actor Olivier Martinez, confirmed to The Miami Herald over the weekend that the two are getting married. It's been rumored since January that the two were engaged, but this is the first either have spoken about it. While eating a croissant and complaining about something (presumably), Olivier said:

"Yes, of course it's true ... There is a jeweler taking credit for doing the ring and it's a lie! They have nothing to do with this."

By all accounts Halle is lead conductor of the crazy train so good luck to Olivier with this one. After all, no one wants to have sex night after night with an insatiable smoking-hot crazy chick who has absolutely no inhibitions in bed. Wait a minute . . . that sounds AWESOME! I don't know what Olivier did in a past life to deserve this, but damn. He must have been Mother Teresa.

*17 Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez pictures total in the gallery:

Halle Berry shopping at Bristol Farms in Beverly Hills (1/9)

Halle Berry is engaged to her boyfriend of a year Olivier Martinez. A boyfriend, I might add, that she's had premarital sex with on more than one occasion. The whore. From Us Weekly:

Over the holidays, Martinez, 46, proposed with an emerald-and-diamond ring from Gurhan. She first met French actor Martinez while working on the film Dark Tide; they stepped out as a couple in fall 2010. He previously dated Australian pop star Kylie Minogue for several years before splitting in 2007.

A source tells Us she "had given up on being married, but she trusts Olivier. He makes her feel safe. He's a keeper!"

Halle's been married twice before (to David Justice and Eric Benet), so I don't know why she's jumping into marriage with Olivier after only a year. It's so weird that Halle would make a rash decision based purely on emotion and absent of all logic. That's so unlike a woman.

*15 Halle Berry pictures total in the gallery:

Being famous is fun, convenient

Would it surprise you to learn that the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department has a special unit whose sole purpose is to provide "external" services to celebrities (e.g. crowd control, security, escorts home)? No? OK, they don't actually have that, but they might as well. From Flynet:

10-20-10 West Hollywood, CA - Actress Halle Berry and her new boyfriend Olivier Martinez arriving home after having lunch in West Hollywood, CA. The couple was escorted to the house by the LA County Sheriffs department. Upon arrival Halle and Olivier chatted with the cops for a few.....

Olivier is living quite the charmed life. Not only does he get a midday quickie with Halle Berry, but the police go out of their way to make sure he gets home safely to do it. I could win the lottery twice next week and still not be as lucky as this guy.

*25 Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez pictures total in the gallery:

Halle Berry leaving Hamburger Hamlet in Sherman Oaks (10/9)

I swear, women are such pigs. Men aren't some cheap commodity to be bought and sold at a mere whim. We have feelings, too. I like poetry and shit. From the New York Post:

Halle Berry had her eyes on Olivier Martinez weeks before the two arrived on the set of "Deep Tide." Before the cameras started rolling in June, "Halle sent her people to go after Martinez for the movie. She specifically requested him and told her camp to go get him," said a source. In April, Berry broke up with model Gabriel Aubry. Martinez dated Kylie Minogue for four years until they split in 2007.

Berry and Martinez were pictured getting cozy on the set in August and have since been seen together on romantic dates in Paris and LA. "It's definitely real, and it's hot and heavy," said our source.

This story epitomizes why people want to be famous. When you're a celebrity that's interested in someone, all you have to do is "send your people" to fetch the person you want to bang. So basically, it's just like living every day of your life in a whorehouse with your own personal madam . . . minus the $300 an hour price tag and smell of cocoa butter everywhere. Um, so I've heard.

*25 Halle Berry pictures total in the gallery:

Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez on the set of Dark Tide in Cape Town, South Africa (8/12)

Halle Berry is falling in love = smiley face. Not with me = frowny face. Slut. From the Chicago Sun Times:

Sounds like Halle Berry's romance with her "Dark Tide" co-star is heating up. The Oscar winner arrived at Olivier Martinez's Paris apartment with luggage that appeared to be filled with clothes "to last at least a year!"

The happy couple have been spied looking very cozy, kissing and hugging frequently and enjoying romantic lunches and dinners in chic cafes in Martinez's Paris neighborhood. The actress also has been overheard telling people she's always loved Paris and is seriously thinking of moving there permanently.

So this guy gets to live with one of the hottest women on Earth while she's on the rebound? You know what that means: anal. And lots of it. I'm going to assume that either Olivier rescued 50 orphans from a burning building in a past life or he's Halle's type: superficially good looking . . . *checks out picture* -- yep, just what I thought, screw burning orphans. They shouldn't have grown up without parents in the first place.

*6 Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez pictures total in the gallery: