Oksana Grigorieva

Mel Gibson strikes plea deal

Mel Gibson struck -- pun intended -- a plea deal today and will avoid jail time for assaulting his commie ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva (mind you, Mel admitted to hitting her in a sworn declaration). Sweet, you can hit chicks now and not go to jail? I never knew that. Was that one of those new laws that passed this year? This changes my whole outlook on life. Let's see that whore waitress bring my potato skins late again! Mel's attorney Blair Berk said in a statement:

"I know from almost 20 years as a criminal defense lawyer that sometimes justice can come for a client at too high a personal price," Gibson's attorney Blair Berk said in a statement this morning. "That is particularly so for Mel, whose right to due process can only be exercised in this case with an enormous media circus attached.

"Mel's priority through all of this has been that the best interests of his young daughter Lucia and the rest of his children be put first in any decisions made. It is with only that in mind that he asked me to approach the District Attorney with a proposal that would bring all of this to an immediate end."

As part of Mel's plea deal, he'll have to serve 6 months as Charlie Sheen's assistant. That's almost, like, worse than jail. Can you imagine waking up every morning knowing that, at some point during the day, you're going to have to clean up a puddle of semen?

*5 Mel Gibson pictures total in the gallery:

Oksana Grigorieva will not be posing nude

Playboy offered Mel Gibson's dumbass ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva $75k to pose for the magazine, but she politely declined . . . and by "politely declined" I mean she had her rep feign outrage at even the mere thought that she would do such a thing for money. To recap: Blackmail your ex-boyfriend because you're too lazy to get a real job? Sure, why not! Take your clothes off for a series of tasteful nude photographs. Heavens no! From TMZ:

Steve Jaffe, Oksana's PR guy, tells TMZ ... "Not now, not ever, nor for any amount of money, would our client, Oksana Grigorieva, even consider any offer to pose for Playboy.  Someone might have sent an email to one of her representatives but that's not news."

TMZ first reported ... Playboy offered O.G. the cover, writing to one of Oksana's reps in an email dated October 15 and obtained by TMZ, "It would be $75k with cover try."

Bitch you have implants -- stop trying to act like you're somehow above posing for Playboy. Hell, you should be happy they actually offered you $75k and not what most chicks would take: beads. Oksana not wanting to show off her fake tits would be like if I drove around town in Jeff Gordon's #24 car and got mad when someone pulled up to the stoplight next to me wanting to race. "Leave me alone dammit! I'm just going to the store to get some milk!"

*16 Oksana Grigorieva pictures total in the gallery:

Oksana Grigorieva leaving Ralph's supermarket in L.A. (7/11)

Mel Gibson's gold-digging ex Oksana Grigorieva actually signed a confidentiality agreement with him that would have netted her $15 million . . . but then she walked away from it. Ouch. Whore #1 needs to give this chick a good talking to. From TMZ:

Sources tell TMZ, during the child custody mediation in May, lawyers for Mel and Oksana worked out a financial deal for Oksana -- she would get a total of $15 mil, which included child support, a house and other assets.

But sources intimately familiar with the mediation tell us Oksana promised something in return -- that all "evidence" associated with the case remain confidential. We've learned the "evidence" includes the tapes.

Oksana and Mel both signed a "short form agreement" -- a bare-bones contract outlining the broad strokes of the deal. The lawyers then drafted a long form agreement which contained specifics of the deal, but we're told Oksana refused to sign the long form, claiming she felt coerced.

I'm sure Oksana will look back on this 20 years from now and be glad she didn't take Mel's $15 million. Sure she could have bought a sick Malibu beach house, some diamond jewelry, and a new Ferrari 599 GTO, but none of that would have made her happier. OK, maybe the Ferrari would have. Seriously, have you ever seen an angry person driving a Ferrari? Hell no you haven't. It's like Oksana doesn't even care that the 599 did a lap at Fiorano in 1:24 flat -- the 3rd fastest time by a street legal Ferrari in history. Dammit, I hate this bitch even more now. I hope she gets hit by a Ferrari.

*25 pictures total in the gallery:

She should have listened the first time

Radar (site's down right now) posted what Oksana Grigorieva says is a picture of her busted-up face after Mel Gibson punched her. There's just one problem. It's probably a fake. Oh I know, right? If you can't trust a shady Russian adulteress who uses her womb like an ATM, who can you trust anymore? TMZ says:

Sources connected with the dentist who treated Oksana Grigorieva tell TMZ the dentist believes "100% the photo circulating on the Internet has been altered."

We're told Dr. Ross Shelden is saying, "The nose is not hers. The lips are not right. It's not a true and accurate picture. It has definitely been altered."

We're also told the doctor says the teeth are in fact Oksana's, reaffirming that the teeth are intact, but one veneer was damaged and one was broken. We have specific information about the dentist's observations ... and they raise serious questions about the nature of Oksana's alleged injury. 

I knew it. I knew this bitch was lying from the start. Years of watching '80s action films have taught me to always question the motives of commies like Oksana. What else are you lying about Comrade Grigorieva -- what else are you hiding? That's a nice cell phone you're holding . . . OR SHOULD I SAY SECRET SPY TRANSMITTER!!! *smashes it to the ground*  . . . aw shit, turns out it actually was a phone.

*6 photos total in the gallery:

Mel Gibson audio tape released

Needless to say, this is way way way NSFW . . . unless you happen to be a secretary at KKK National Headquarters. "Aw god dammit, the copier's out of ink again."

"Sieg Heil!"

Turns out Mel Gibson doesn't just hate jews and blacks -- he also hates Mexicans. I know, right? Did not see that coming. From Radar:

Mel Gibson has been caught on tape making ANOTHER bigoted remark, this time against Latinos, RadarOnline.com  is reporting exclusively. The Oscar-winning director/actor is heard referring to one of his staffers as a “wetback” during a recorded argument with Oksana Grigorieva, the mother of his love child.

RadarOnline.com has heard the tape in which Mel tells Oksana: “I will report her to the fucking people that take fucking money from the wetbacks.”

He is referring to turning a worker into immigration authorities, RadarOnline.com has been told.

The joke's on you Mel! Some Mexicans know how to read and they are not going to be happy with this article. Good luck trying to find someone to mow your lawn now! Wait a minute . . . that was really really racist. Aw dammit I suck at this. I quit.

*5 pictures total in the gallery:

Mel Gibson unleashes crazy, racist tirade

Think of the craziest, most racist thing you could tell your ex-girlfriend. Got it? I guarantee it's still not as bad as what Mel Gibson said to his ex Oksana Grigorieva. Oh, did I mention there's a tape? Because there's a tape. R.I.P. Mel Gibson's Career, 1976-2010. Radar says:

In one of the most explosive, racist and vile outbursts by a celebrity ever caught on tape, Mel Gibson told the mother of his love child that the way she was dressed would get her "raped by a pack of n***ers," RadarOnline.com  has learned exclusively.

It's a shocking and blockbuster development in the couple's bitter legal battle, and Mel's disgusting words are on audio tape. His racist, misogynist statement is one of the secrets lurking in his war with his former girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva.

RadarOnline.com has heard the tape, which also includes Mel telling Oksana he will burn down her home.

"You're an embarrassment to me," Mel tells her at one point. "You look like a f***ing pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault."

Mel's profane outbursts are littered with references to Oksana being a "whore" and "c**t".

In another tirade, Mel tells Oksana: "How dare you act like such a bitch when I have been so f**king nice. I am going to come and burn the f**king house down... but you will blow me first."

In Mel's defense, "if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault" could mean a few different things. Before we call him a racist, let's just make sure that wasn't taken out of context.

*10 photos total in the gallery:

Oksana Grigorieva at a press conference in Moscow (4/19)

Shocking news about Mel Gibson's ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva. Turns out she may be making up this abuse story to get more money out of Mel. I know, right? What a shock. Besides being an adulteress whore, she seems like she has such a pure heart. From the Chicago Sun Times:

As the war of words -- and legal wrangling -- intensifies between Mel Gibson and ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, Hollywood sources say the Ukrainian singer and mother of Gibson's baby daughter Lucia has a history of telling tall tales. Budding actress Caroline Marcus claims she met Grigorieva at a party last year, "and she told me she would introduce me to Mel ... that I was perfect for a part in a movie he was developing.

"Naturally, I followed up -- several times," Marcus told me. "And she acted like she never heard of me and denied we ever had that conversation!"

Another longtime Hollywood player -- who socialized with Gibson and Grigorieva when they were together -- told me Monday, "That girl has a very vivid imagination. She claimed to have performed in most of the great opera houses in Europe. When I mentioned that to several friends of mine who are big in opera circles, they just laughed. Also, I caught her telling a lot of stories about things she and Me had done together -- silly stuff, like yachts they had partied on or people they had had over for dinner ... later finding out it was all not true."

It's hard to know what to think in this situation. Should we believe the lying Russian whore with the shifty eyes who got pregnant so she could extort money out of her billionaire sugar daddy for the next 18 years? Or the anti-Semite with the shifty eyes who cheated on his wife and left her for an Octomom look-a-like? Tough call. Of course, the real victim in this whole situation is Mel and Oksana's daughter Lucia -- no matter what happens between these two, she'll end up having to live with one of them.

*10 pics total in the gallery:

Mel Gibson and his girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva 

More details are emerging as to why Mel Gibson's girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva filed a restraining order against him last week. He knocked two of her front teeth out during a fight. Ouch. On the bright side, she's now a great whistler. From TMZ:

Sources connected with Gibson have told TMZ the actor did not get violent with Oksana during their January 6 confrontation, although they admit things did get physical. A source connected with Oksana, however, says, "Mel and his camp are spinning the facts in a desperate attempt to protect his reputation."

Sources in Oksana's camp say Mel's people are lying when they say she shook the baby. Instead, the sources say, "She tried to protect the baby during one of Gibson's violent episodes when he punched Oksana in the face two times, breaking her teeth and giving her a concussion."

As one source put it, "She tried to protect his reputation, despite her fears of him and his verbal and physical abuse." And the source goes on, "She regrets having believed in his empty promises to obtain professional help to control his violent nature."

The funny thing is that Mel knocking his girlfriend's two front teeth out in a fit of violent rage is the probably the most normal thing he's done in the past decade. He seems like a regular dude now instead of some crazy anti-Semite conspiracist. Hopefully Tom Cruise is paying attention to this whole sordid affair and learns a lesson or two. Not that I advocate extreme violence against women or anything like that. That is *rarely* the answer.

*11 pics total in the gallery:

Mel Gibson got "violent" with his ex-girlfriend

The answer to that headline question is an emphatic: I don't know! But Mel's ex Oksana Grigorieva did get a restraining order against him (it was reported yesterday that Mel got a restraining order against her; he did, but it was in reponse to the one she filed first). From TMZ:

We've learned Oksana's lawyers went to the family law court in downtown L.A. last Monday for an emergency hearing, and told the judge that Mel allegedly got violent with her -- two sources say Oksana claimed Mel was "extremely violent."

Sources tell TMZ the judge issued a restraining order prohibiting Mel from having any contact with Oksana. We're told the next day, Mel's lawyers went back to court and got the order modified so Mel could see their daughter.

We're told Mel also got a restraining order against Oksana, but only with respect to prohibiting her from releasing certain information.

Talk about an overreaction. When Mel said he was going to summon his New Millenium Army from the underworld to destroy Oksana's nonbeliever soul and then paint his house with fresh blood harvested from her lifeless organs, he was just kidding. Besides, it's more of a "militia" than an "army."

*10 pics total in the gallery: