Nicole Richie

Paris Hilton arriving on a flight at LAX airport (6/16)

Paris Hilton has been "practically begging" anyone who's famous to appear on her new reality show, and anyone who's famous is saying no. From the National Enquirer:

"Nicole [Richie], her former BFF and 'The Simple Life' co-star, told Paris she's a wife and mother now - and just doesn't have time for her," revealed an insider. "Nicole doesn't feel beholden to Paris anymore. And even though Kim [Kardashian] had mended fences with her one-time enemy, she didn't want anything to do with a Paris show - saying it would 'dilute her brand.' That's Kim-speak for not wanting to prop up a competitor."

"Paris is reaping what's she's sown," said the source. "She's treated friends shabbily for so long that no one wants to appear on her show. Paris seemed to have the world at her fingertips once - but today, she's a sad, lonely women!"

What a bunch of ungrateful bitches. Sure, Paris is an egotistical skank whose only notable accomplishment is starring in a night-vision porno, but if it wasn't for her, Nicole Richie and Kim Kardashian wouldn't be famous. Both of those floozies owe everything they have to Paris -- which, coincidentally, is exactly what her ex-boyfriend Cy's physician at the clinic told him.

*16 Paris Hilton pictures total in the gallery:

Nicole Richie might get a talk show

Apparently Nicole Richie is working on a pilot for a new daily talk show. Finally. From In Touch Weekly:

"Nicole loves the idea of hosting her own show," a friend says. "She sees herself as the next Oprah."

And The View’s TV host Elisabeth Hasselbeck thinks she has what it takes! “I think she’s lovely. I think she’s the most wonderful woman,” Elisabeth told In Touch at the More and Fitness Magazine Half-Marathon on April 3. “I have a feeling she can do anything.”

Nicole’s pal adds that the concept of the talk show will include segments on fashion, celebrity guests and parenting tips, in addition to helping people improve their lives. "Nicole went from being a heroin addict to a happily married wife, mother and successful businesswoman," her friend says. "She'll share her own struggles and victories in hopes of helping others."

That's what housewives want to watch -- a rich, spoiled, recovering drug addict giving them advice about life and telling them about her favorite things. Yeah, I can see most American women relating to that. What Nicole really needs to do is speak in front of a group of people that might actually identify with her more. Like at an AA meeting or methadone clinic.

*18 Nicole Richie pictures total in the gallery:

Nicole Richie out and about in Studio City (1/9)

Nicole Richie was spotted in Studio City over the weekend without her wedding ring on, leading many to believe that she and husband Joel Madden oh my god this is the most boring story ever I'd rather set myself on fire than write anymore about this chick. Seriously, my bad guys. As an apology, please accept this picture of a bear riding a motorcycle. Bears aren't suppose to ride motorcycles!

*10 Nicole Richie pictures total in the gallery:

Christina Aguilera and Nicole Richie leaving Voyeur nightclub in West Hollywood (7/22)

Jordan Bratman was living the idyllic life: a famous wife, an awesome house, fast cars, and more money than he could ever spend. And then those homewreckers Nicole Richie and Sam Ronson had to go and mess everything up. From the Chicago Sun Times:

There's been a lot of buzz the past couple of days about Christina Aguilera's  attending a "wild party" vacation with galpals in Cabo San Lucas -- reported as the "last straw" that led to Xtina splitting with hubby Jordan Bratman.

Not true, says an Aguilera insider who was on the scene in the Baja California resort.

According to my source -- who has a history of accuracy -- it was more about Aguilera's long chats in Mexico with girlfriends Nicole Richie, Samantha Ronson and others -- leading her to realize her marriage might be beyond repair.

Aguilera reportedly spent a great deal of time being consoled by her friends and told in pretty blunt terms about what was clearly missing from her relationship with Bratman, long her musical producer as well.

Obviously Sam Ronson (aka Lindsay Lohan's ex) would think Christina's relationship with Jordan wasn't going well -- he has the one thing she never wants her lovers to have: a penis a job. Of course, when it comes to advice on men, listening to Nicole and Sam probably isn't the best idea. Sure they've both stuck their fists into an animal all they way up to their elbows (see here), but that doesn't make someone an expert on relationships. That makes them a puppeteer.

*10 Christina Aguilera and Nicole Richie pictures total in the gallery:

Nicole Richie at Taronga Zoo in Sydney, Australia (6/18)

With the trials and tribulations of Lindsay Lohan in the news on a daily basis, it's easy to forget that there are other morons in Hollywood, too. Such as Nicole Richie. Remember the DUI she got in 2006 for DRIVING THE WRONG WAY ON A FREEWAY while she was high? Her probation was just extended a year because she didn't complete the terms. From Us Weekly:

Her lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, explained to the judge Tuesday that Richie had a court-approved leave of absence from her alcohol education classes, a condition of her probation, while she raised her kids, Harlow, 2, and Sparrow, 9 months.

Richie's probation will be extended until March 2011, but the judge said she'd call off the probation if Richie finishes her classes earlier.

Nicole's probation required that she attend 12 hours of alcohol education classes. She had 3 years to complete 12 hours of classes. And she couldn't even do that. And worse, she's using her kids as an excuse. That's Nicole on vacation in Australia last week. Without her kids (the flight to Australia from L.A. takes roughly 12 hours, btw). And it's not like this is her first vacation during her probation. She's blown off classes to go to Europe, Africa, Asia, etc. She's been to more continents than Carmen Sandiego. Not that that matters, of course, she lives in L.A. The judge in her case isn't just an idiot, I think he might be an actual monkey. Nicole's probably been mailing him bananas the past three years to get on his good side.

*30 pics total in the gallery:

Nicole Richie at Bloomingdales in Costa Mesa (12/12)

While you were out this weekend, Nicole Richie colored her hair and grew tits. Is it just me or is she hot now? Oh shit, I think a pig just hit my window.

UPDATE: Apologies for this post. Clearly my penis started drinking way too early this morning. Bad penis! BAD! . . . I'm sorry I had to do that in front of you guys.

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden at the First Annual Noble Awards in Beverly Hills (10/18)

This story pretty much settles it: monkeys are running the television industry. And not just regular monkeys who throw their own shit. Retarded monkeys who eat their own shit. From Star:

[Nicole Richie] is in talks to star with her husband, Good Charlotte singer Joel Madden, in a new reality series. According to a friend, the concept is an at-home talk show where Nicole’s famous friends pop in to be interviewed by the couple.

“Nicole turns down a lot of roles because she doesn’t want to leave her children, Harlow and Sparrow,” the friend explains. “This would be an option because she could work from home.”

The only way people would ever watch this show is if Nicole reenacted the cow scene from The Simple Life with Joel -- by sticking her fist elbow deep up his ass. In all seriousness though, if people really want to watch some homeless-looking guy who's covered with tattoos babble incoherently with his anorexic partner, they don't have to wait for a TV show to come out. They can go to an HIV clinic.

UPDATE: The worst idea for a show ever just got even more worsterer

Nicole Richie bikini pictures!

Nicole Richie in Malibu (June 2006)

Nicole Richie bikini pics!

Nicole Richie in Malibu (Aug. 2006)

Nicole Richie out and about in Santa Monica (6/14)

Nicole Richie's less fat today. She gave birth to a boy earlier this morning. From her blog:

In the middle of night, the very early hours of September 9, 2009 Sparrow James Midnight Madden was born to Nicole Richie and Joel Madden.

He weighs 7lbs 14oz. Nicole, Joel, Harlow and Sparrow are all doing well. Thank you for all of your good wishes.

Nicole and Joel chose "Sparrow James Midnight Madden" as a name because their first choice -- "Hey Other Kids At School Please Kick My Ass Madden" -- wouldn't fit on the birth certificate.