Nicky Hilton

Nicky Hilton is a mess

"Nicky wasn't focused on her career" might be the funniest thing I've read in the five years of writing this site. When did Nicky Hilton ever have a career? Was I asleep or on vacation when it happened? From In Touch Weekly:

It's been more than four months since their romance ended, but Nicky Hilton still isn't over her ex-boyfriend David Katzenberg, and she has the weight loss to prove it. Always on the thinner side, a friend reveals that Nicky has lost more than 15 pounds since David, 28, dumped her back in July, and the unlucky-in-love hotel heiress continues to lose weight. "Nicky was blindsided when David ended their relationship after four years," her friend says. "When he told her they needed to talk, she was expecting an engagement ring, not a kiss-off." In addition to her love woes, the friend says that Nicky, 28, is also worried about her career as the offers aren't coming in these days like they used to a few years back. "Nicky wasn't focused on her career when she was with David, but now she is," the friend says. "It's causing her some angst and affecting her appetite." (Print Edition - 12/12)

Well I guess the mystery of "whatever happened to Nicky Hilton" is solved -- if you want to call it a mystery. I don't mean the losing weight mystery, I mean the falling off the face of the Earth mystery. Look dummy, the boy toy dumped you because Windows 3.1 gets more Google hits than you do these days. Lately, the only Hilton that gets mentioned anywhere is that creepy little brother, Douchebag Hilton (I forgot his name). Now, I do have a heart. I understand that opening a bowling alley in Hidden Timber, South Dakota really isn't where Nicky pictured herself being as far as her celebrity goes, but let's be honest for a spell -- Nicky Hilton's "career" has been and will continue to be waiting for her parents to die.

*10 Nicky Hilton pictures total in the gallery:

Nicky Hilton shopping in New York (6/2)

Has Nicky Hilton actually done anything in life? It seems like she just sorta takes up space. From the New York Post:

By 3 a.m. [at Lady Gaga's party last week in New York] Nicky Hilton was "looking totally wasted," a witness said. "She was dancing like crazy, stumbling and twirling around, and tried to drag [Theory designer] Olivier Theyskens over to dance with her. Olivier pretended to dance, then he blew her off and returned to his friends."

Hilton "kept putting her clutch purse down and forgetting where she'd left it, then getting angry thinking somebody had taken it," the source added. She was also spotted "crawling around on the floor looking for something" at about 4 a.m.

Poor Nicky. You knew this would happen at some point. A person can only spend so much of their life with an attention-whoring party-girl (aka Paris Hilton) before some of those traits eventually rub off on them. It's kind of like Stockholm Syndrome -- except instead of just empathizing with the person you're with, you turn into a disease-riddled skank with no gag reflex and a vagina that's more loose than the slot machines at Harrah's.

*10 Nicky Hilton pictures total in the gallery:

Gee, I wonder where Paris gets it from?

I'm afraid we may never get to the bottom of the mystery of why Paris and Nicky Hilton are useless attention whores who value partying over everything else. From the New York Post:

Mom and daughter Kathy and Nicky Hilton share the family's astonishing ability to carry on a party. Just like club regular Paris, the two were spotted fist-pumping at The Pool After Dark at Harrah's Resort and Casino in Atlantic City Saturday night. They wowed the crowd with dance moves, including the Robot. Mom and daughter partied until 2:30 a.m. before catching a limo back to town to attend the Veuve Clicquot Polo Classic on Governors Island the next day, where they appeared perfectly coiffed and composed.

Who goes out dancing and partying with their mom? The last time I did that was at my high school prom. In all seriousness though, rather than partying until the wee hours of the morning, shouldn't someone in their mid-fifties be at home watching Murder She Wrote or testing themselves for diabetes? If Kathy's not careful, her daughters may wind up following her example and one day become useless, attention-whoring blonde bimbos. Oh, wait . . .

*10 Kathy and Nicky pictures total in the gallery:

Nicky Hilton bikini pics! (Maui - 12/24)

With those tiny breasts and sexy pale skin, I don't know why Nicky Hilton doesn't wear a bikini more often. I mean, if you got it, flaunt it. Right? I swear, I will never understand women.

*20 Nicky Hilton pictures total in the gallery:

Paris Hilton leaving the Kate Somerville Salon in West Hollywood (4/27)

REMINDER: Paris Hilton is more important than you. From the National Enquirer:

At Bar 210 [on April 21] were Paris and Nicky Hilton. Paris and a Nicky skipped ahead of everyone waiting for the bathroom, then slipped into the same stall. The pair were heard giggling as they flushed the toilet multiple times. When they emerged, they spent a good five minutes in front of the mirror fixing their faces. (Print Edition - 5/10)

What could Paris and Nicky possibly have been doing in the bathroom stall together? Calculus? Astrophysics? Quantum Mechanics? No, the more likely answer is either coke or using their fingers to maintain their 12-year-old boyish figures. Either way, let's just hope that anyone using the restroom after them was savvy enough to sanitize it first -- with a flame thrower.

*12 pics total in the gallery:

Nicky Hilton out and about in West Hollywood (11/19)

Nicky Hilton's house in the Hollywood Hills was robbed yesterday. According to TMZ, burglars stole her laptop (here comes the sex tape!) and some crystal. Nicky's sister Paris seemed to be more upset at the cops than the robbbers. She twittered:

It's unbelievable how my sister called the cops over an hour ago and they still haven't shown up. Her house just got robbed, so messed up :(
about 6 hours ago from web

If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that cops love when you publicly antagonize them. I wouldn't be surprised if the next time Paris needs their help, they show up to her house in, like, 30 seconds.

911 Operator: "911, what is your emergency?"

Paris Hilton: "This is Paris Hilton! There's a fucking axe murderer at my door!!! He told me he wants to put my head on his mantle and make a windbreaker out of my skin!!! Get your asses over here!!!"

911 Operator: "Qué? No speaka da Engrish."

Paris and Nicky Hilton out and about in Beverly Hills (11/6)

+ Looking down Kristin Cavallari's shirt [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Sophie Monk is stylish, expressionless [IDLYITW]
+ Tiffani Amber Thiessen got knocked up [Just Jared]
+ Inna Elena Alexander is see through (NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ A match made in douche heaven [Dlisted]

+ Guess who would rather go naked than wear fur? [PopEater]
+ I just can't wrap my head around this guy playing someone tough [Bam! Kapow!]
+ Anne V is hotter than you [Derek Hail]
+ Kate Beckinsale. In spandex. [Attuworld]

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Nicky Hilton out and about in Beverly Hills (10/23)

+ Levi Johnston is going full frontal [Just Jared]

+ This is just plain gay [IDLYITW]
+ Tyra Banks dresses up as Kim Kardashian for Halloween [Drunken Stepfather]
+ I really don't want to hear this "dude" talk about sex. No, really. [PopEater]
+ Holly Madison brings her boobs out to play [Popoholic]
+ Mischa Barton tit slip (NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]

+ Miley Cyrus voted worst celebrity influence [Cele|bitchy]
+ Sandra Bullock knows she's annoying [I'm Not Obsessed]
+ Jessi Rockwell is rather stacked [Holy Taco]
+ Guess that celebrity camel toe! [CityRag]
+ Taylor Swift is technically a cougar [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]

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Nicky Hilton Halloween Costume

Nicky Hilton at the Pure Halloween Party 2009 at Caesers Palace in Las Vegas (10/31)

Nicky Hilton out and about in West Hollywood (10/12)

Damn, I knew he hadn't worked much since Friends, but I didn't expect him to be homeless. He looks like he hasn't shaved or taken a shower in years. This is quite a shock.