Sofia Vergara in the new Vanity Fair
It's not unusual that two exes would fight over a kid . . . um, except in this case. Sofia Vergara's ex Nick Loeb is suing to prevent her from destroying two cryopreserved female embryos the former couple created through in vitro fertilization. Via In Touch
Nick, who filed the suit under the pseudonym John Doe, "seeks to ensure that the Female Embryos are not destroyed, but Jane Doe [Sofía] refuses to agree to their preservation under all circumstances," the document obtained by 'In Touch' states.
The court papers also claim the 42-year-old actress "was physically and mentally abusive" to Nick on numerous occasions. "She punched him in the face on two occasions, kicked him, and threw her phone at his head. She also routinely bullied him, calling him a 'loser,' 'worthless' and other degrading names," according to the papers.
So what, she's Colombian. That sounds like a normal Tuesday to me.
"Nick has always wanted to be a father and will do whatever it takes to save these two remaining female embryos," an insider close to the situation tells 'In Touch.' "Nick is very emotionally invested in these female embryos because he's pro-life and believes life begins at conception."
So you're telling me there's two frozen babies out there just waiting to be born? And they're girls? And they're half Sofia Vergara? Anyone want to help me set up a GoFundMe for Nick's legal costs?*20 Sofia Vergara pictures total in the gallery:
Nick Loeb and Sofia Vergara at the 2014 Angel Ball at Cipriani Wall Street in New York
Awk. Ward. Sofia Vergara ran into her shit-talking
ex Nick Loeb on Monday night. The two were both at the 2014 Angel Ball in New York when they bumped into each other on the red carpet (above). You can tell Sofia's current boyfriend Joe Manganiello wasn't there because Nick didn't get a car thrown at him. Joe does that sometimes when he's angry. He's strong.
*30 Sofia Vergara pictures total in the gallery:
Sofia Vergara leaving a spin class in Brentwood
There's no easy way to get over Sofia Vergara dumping your ass, but I'll be damned if Nick Loeb isn't trying his hardest. Talking to the New York Post
last week, Nick took the "she wasn't good enough for me anyways" approach and slammed his ex:
"I'm sort of a conservative, so I like a girl to dress a little classier," he says.
Meaning not a lot of Vergara-style cleavage?
"No," he said. "I've always sort of liked the more classic, elegant look on a woman."
You know what trumps a woman dressing like Elizabeth Taylor? Tits the size of watermelons
. Me thinks Nick Loeb has his priorities mixed up. Dude needs to stop snorting the onion dust
*15 Sofia Vergara pictures total in the gallery:
Nick Loeb promoting Onion Crunch at Big Smoke Burger in New York
You may think Nick Loeb is depressed and suicidal after being dumped
by Sofia Vergara? Nah, man. He has onions. Delicious, crispy onions. And that's worth 50 Sofia Vergaras. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he's a billionaire by this time next year. As long as the tomato lobby doesn't hold him back. They're pretty powerful.*5 Nick Loeb pictures total in the gallery:
Sofia Vergara and Nick Loeb in Sydney, Australia
Our prayers have been answered. Sofia Vergara dumped her fiance, Nick Loeb. Finally, I'll have a chance to bang her . . . and by "I" I mean "John Mayer or Adam Levine." Sofia wrote on her WhoSay
Not that anyone should care, but in order to not give the press the chance to invent crazy and hurtful drama, I prefer to tell my fans personally that Nick and I have decided to be apart. We have been having too many problems with having to figure out how to spend time together and because of my work and now his, it's been getting worse and worse, not fun anymore. We are still very close but we believe this is the best thing for us right now.
Nick needs to look on the bright side: He no longer has free and easy access to Sofia Vergara's boobs or bank account, but he still has onions:
Yep, Nick owns that company. Sofia Vergara was engaged to the Onion Crunch King:
In the past, Vergara hasn't been happy with Loeb's onion peddling. He once reportedly tried to get President Obama to pose for a pic holding Onion Crunch on a trip to the White House with Vergara. He also smuggled in smaller packets of the flavoring, trying to get them to Obama's chef. (Daily News)
Shocked that this relationship didn't work out. Your fiancee has boobs straight out of a comic book and you're more worried about onions.
*20 Sofia Vergara and Nick Loeb pictures total in the gallery:
Sofia Vergara and Nick Loeb arguing at Miami International Airport
Healthy marriages are built on a solid foundation of arguing and bickering, right?
*30 Sofia Vergara and Nick Loeb pictures total in the gallery:
Sofia Vergara and Nick Loeb in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico
So I guess Sofia Vergara didn't break up with her fiance Nick Loeb. There was a rumor last week that the two had called their wedding off
, but there they are earlier this week on vacation in Puerto Vallarta. And of course Nick has a shit-eating grin on his face. Guess I don't blame him. I could win the lottery tonight, but I'm not waking up next to Sofia Vergara in the morning :(*30 Sofia Vergara pictures total in the gallery:
Sofia Vergara might not be getting married
Nick Loeb is an idiot if he fucks this up. Not only is Sofia Vergara hot as hell
, but she's rich as hell
, too. Sofia Vergara is so damn hot that I'd fuck her even if she had a bad credit score. A source tells In Touch Weekly
about Sofia and her fiancee Nick Loeb not spending Thanksgiving together -- a hugely important holiday in Sofia's home country of Colombia . . um, I think.
"She and Nick have been having problems since this summer, and they've been spending more time away from each other," an insider tells In Touch. "There is no wedding date, no plan, no dress."
And though the Colombian-born beauty plastered her Instagram page with photos of the Thanksgiving dinner she hosted with her son, Manolo, 21, on Nov. 28, Nick was nowhere to be seen.
"He wasn't with Sofia," confirms a source close to the businessman. Adds the insider: "The fact that Nick wasn't with her family on Thanksgiving speaks volumes."
Good Xenu on his rocket ship, enough with this asswipe. Nick is probably the luckiest coat check boy in the history of the world. I understand that Nick's daddy is supposedly rich or a member of the Illuminati or whatever, but God damn did he hit the jackpot when he met Sofia. Stupid Nick went from being a spoiled little rich zilch to being a spoiled little rich zilch who's allowed to be a part of Sofia's A-list life -- all he has to do is hold doors open for her and translate that unintelligible gibberish that comes out of her beautiful mouth. I hope stupid Nick does fuck this up -- the boy needs to go back into obscurity and earn his fame instead of having it handed to him by being the guy who gets to motorboat the greatest set of 32F titties seen since Rob Kardashian
went to the beach last weekend.*10 Sofia Vergara pictures total in the gallery:
Sofia Vergara in Miami
Sofia Vergara and her fiance Nick Loeb's fight on New Year's Eve
was so bad that Loeb was thrown "out of the back door of the club" by four security guards, but the two were spotted yesterday at the beach in Miami. Sofia does look a little melancholy. If she really wants to get back at Nick for pushing her and ripping her dress, she should pull down her top right there on the beach in front of him and the paparazzi. "Hey Nick, jew push me again, I leave jew and jew no touch these again!" and leave it down for a few minutes so Nick and the paparazzi will know she means business. I promise I won't look.*34 Sofia Vergara pictures total in the gallery:
Sofia Vergara and Nick Loeb leaving their hotel in Miami Beach
Sofia Vergara and her fiance
Nick Loeb rung in 2013 with arguing, screaming, and even "pushing and shoving," according to some witnesses. "Happy New Year, you fucking bitch!" From the New York Post
Sofia Vergara's fiance Nick Loeb was thrown out of a Miami club after they had a heated argument, Page Six has exclusively learned. Witnesses said Loeb and the stunning actress began arguing in the VIP section of hot new Miami Beach club Story in the early hours of today. One said there was "some pushing and shoving" before the fight was broken up.
One witness told us, "Nick appeared to get really angry after Sofia took a picture with a stranger, and started screaming at her. Nick had to be pulled off Sofia by security. Her dress got torn in the melee. This happened right in front of everyone in the VIP section. Four security guards grabbed Nick and threw him out of the back door of the club, with Sofia following behind." It is believed the couple then returned to their hotel.
Wow, that was quick. From what I understand, Nick's New Year's resolution was to not physically assault the hand that feeds him -- but luckily for him, Sofia has a little Rihanna in her. I'm not gonna lie to you kids, I'm having a really hard time wrapping my enormous intellect around this relationship. I'll just go ahead and email my close personal friend, super-nerd Dr. Michio Kaku, to get to the bottom of this.
Update from Dr. Kaku: Nick Loeb is hung like potted cactus.*15 Nick Loeb and Sofia Vergara pictures total in the gallery: