Archive: Nick Hogan

Nick Hogan getting out early for good behavior

Nick Hogan is getting out early. Though he was sentenced in May to eight months in jail for leaving his friend John Graziano in a permanent vegetative state after a street-racing accident, Hogan will be released three months early on October 21 because of good behavior. His lawyer Morris Weinberg Jr. explained to MTV:

“That’s not early, that’s when he would normally be released, once you figure in good time and all that. When you calculate good time, which everybody that’s there that doesn’t get in trouble [is granted], they come up with a date, and we’ve known that date literally since the day that he went in. October 21 is the day that we expect he will be released, but that’s because of good time and all that.” (Source)

Of course he’s been on his best behavior. It’s kinda hard to act up when you spend the majority of your day curled up in a fetal position in the corner, sucking your thumb. A good day for Nick is being able to eat almost half of his dinner cookie before the other inmates steal it. He’s not exactly the type to stir shit up.

Prison rapists love fauxhawks

Even though he’s been receiving threats, Brooke Hogan is under the mistaken impression that her whiny pussy brother Nick is actually tough enough to not get his ass kicked in the adult jail he was just transferred to . . . that is if the poor lil’ fella can maintain his spirit. Brook told People magazine:

“They had broken his spirit. When they put him in solitary, he was on the outs. I was worried about him, and his safety, and his well-being.”

But now that Nick’s out of a 28-day stint in solitary where he was rapidly losing weight, and in the general population with more privileges, he’s turning back into the little brother she knew.

“We get to visit him three times a week like everybody else, but it sucks,” she says. “I can’t just walk over to his room and give him a hug, or talk to him, or confide in him. … At least he’s not locked in hell, basically. And his personality is slowly coming back. I bring that out of him. He’s been threatened. Thank God he’s big and he can hold his own.” (Source)

Sure “he can hold his own,” but I don’t think he needs to. With lips like his, Nick’s more popular than seconds at Rosie’s house. His ass slightly trails “TV time” as inmates’ favorite thing to do during leisure time. It’s true. The warden took a poll.

[BauerGriffinOnline]

What a great mom

In celebration of Nick Hogan’s 18th birthday and his transfer from a juvenile to an adult prison facility, his mom Linda brought him a new skateboard over the weekend. KICK-ASS! What a perfect gift for Nick’s daily exercise sessions on the yard. With his new method of escape, let’s see all the big bullies try to rape his asshole now!

[Splash News]

Hulk Hogan is a moron

Hulk Hogan appeared on Larry King Live last night to talk about the street-racing accident that left his son Nick in jail and his friend John Graziano in a permanent vegetative state and, incredibly, he said this:

“This is in God’s hands. Things happen for a reason. This is to make Nick a better person. This is, in my belief, to make John a better person. It’s like I said before, this is God’s will where we’re at. This situation, I refuse to accept any negativity, any naysayers, and I firmly believe there’s a plan.”

This whole tragedy happened “to make John a better person”? How does a grapefruit-sized hole in someone’s forehead make them a better person . . . especially if it isn’t used for scat porn? The only thing that should have holes in their heads are whales, dolphins, and Barbara Streisand. If the Hulk really thinks disfiguring someone and turning them into a comatose vegetable is a good thing, I’ll be happy to supply him with a twelve pack and the keys to my car.

Nick Hogan’s out of solitary

I guess Nick Hogan’s bitching and whining paid off. The black sheep of the Hogan family has been transfered out of solitary and into a cell with three other individuals. TMZ says:

Nick Hogan has finally gotten his wish — kinda. He’s not going home to Mama, but Nicky Boy just got transferred out of his solitary cell and will be in a cell with three other juveniles … and a TV. The Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office tells TMZ the transfer was made as a result of “ongoing assessments of inmate situations.” (Source)

Is being forced to watch daytime TV really considered an improvement in Nick’s situation? I’d rather be transfered to the “hole” or waterboarded than have to sit through mind-numbing hours of Oprah and Dr. Phil. If there IS any justice in the world though, Nick will be locked up with new cellmates that are huge fans of The View . . . of his colon!

[INFDaily.com]

Nick Hogan’s jail cell

That’s the jail cell Nick Hogan is spending the next 7+ months in, the one that’s causing him “unbearable anxiety.” Is that . . . is that a combo toilet/sink? He effectively ends a man’s life and he’s rewarded with a combo toilet/sink? That lucky bastard! What convenience! After I go number two, I have to walk a good two feet to reach my sink. Yet another case of celebs getting the white glove treatment in jail.

[Splash News]

Nick Hogan is staying in solitary

Much like Paris Hilton last year, Nick Hogan is trying to bitch and whine himself out of jail. And much like Paris Hilton last year, DENIED. AP says:

Hulk Hogan’s 17-year-old son will stay in solitary confinement for now. A judge on Tuesday denied Nick Bollea’s request to change the conditions of his jail sentence because solitary confinement is causing him “unbearable anxiety.” (Source)

How ironic. Nick’s friend John Graziano — the one that was sitting in the passenger’s seat when a drunken Nick crashed into a tree — is also suffering from unbearable anxiety. I think it may have something to do with THE FUCKING HOLE IN HIS HEAD.

NOTE: Apologies for the graphic image of John Graziano. If it makes you feel even one more ounce of contempt for Nick Hogan and his awful family, then this post is a success.

[Getty]

Blame the victim

TMZ got ahold of another jailhouse phone call from Nick Hogan, this time with his dad. Unlike Nick’s last phone call, there’s little crying and a lot of victim blaming. TMZ summarizes:

While crash victim John Graziano lies in a permanent vegetative state in a hospital with a hole in his head, Hulk Hogan says that God laid some “heavy s**t”on him because of things that he was “into.” Nick agrees, saying John was a “negative person.”

I agree with the Hulk. John Graziano ended up a vegetable, destined to spend the rest of his life in a hospital bed, because of something he was “into” — namely Nick’s car! Blaming John for that horrible auto accident is like me blaming my condom for Alessandra Ambrosio’s pregnancy. Because in the end, it wasn’t faulty rubber that caused both her and Nick’s car to end up wrapped around a pole . . . it was heavy drinking.

NOTE: You can listen to the tape HERE

[Splash News]

Nick Hogan is scurred

TMZ managed to obtain a tape of a jailhouse phone call (here) between Linda Hogan and her son Nick. Despite the tough circumstances he finds himself in, Nick remains surprisingly stoic and strong, an emotional rock if you will. Nah I’m totally kidding, he cries and whines like a little pussy. Why can’t I have a room with a window! Waaaaa! I want to go outside and breath fresh air! Waaaaa! Linda manages to console Nick by telling him that solitary confinement is “more than you deserve for a car accident.” Can’t say I disagree. Hopefully whoever’s running that prison sees the light and releases Nick into the general population. So what if he gets gangraped a little, at least he’d be in the company of friends.

Nick Hogan is not doing well in jail

According to Nick Hogan’s friends, he is not doing well in jail. Earlier this month, Nick started serving an 8 month sentence at the Pinellas County Jail in Florida for a street-racing crash that left his friend John Graziano permanently disabled. Hogan’s friend told the New York Post:

“Nick’s doing really bad. He’s struggling to even form a sentence. They have him in a cell by himself, isolated from the general population, because of threats. He didn’t understand how awful jail really is
until now.” (Source)

In Nick’s defense, it is difficult to “form a sentence” when your cellmate’s given you lock-jaw. Burn!