Don't doubt for a second that famous people -- no matter what they look like -- can pretty much bang whoever they want. Above is Eugenia Volodina, a 24-year-old Victoria's Secret model. Eugenia ran into 56-year-old Mickey Rouke at the Bijoux Lounge in New York on Tuesday night. And then started making out with him two seconds later. Just one Oscar nomination. That's all I'm asking for God. Pretty please? From the Daily Mail:
It appears it was lust at first sight for the pair as she grabbed his thigh and he got her in a headlock before they started kissing passionately in front of their friends. The actor, who was sporting white highlights in his tousled hair, was in his element as he partied with a bevy of significantly younger models at the Bijoux Lounge in the Big Apple's Meatpacking district.
Observers of the sleazy scene were left to wonder exactly what was going on. Mickey was introduced to the Vogue cover girl Eugenie by KyKy Cornille, the owner of the Bijoux Lounge, a frequent celebrity haunt.
If Mickey wasn't famous, he would have been lucky to get the word "Mickey" out -- as in "Hi, I'm Mickey Rourke" -- before being pepper-sprayed. It really is amazing what being in movies can do for someone. I actually wrote a research paper about it when I was in college. I found that every Oscar nomination a man receives is equivalent to adding two inches to your penis and another pack to your abs. In a chick's mind, fucking someone like Jack Nicholson is basically like fucking Secretariat.
Mickey Rourke outside My House nightclub in West Hollywood (4/1)
Bai Ling -- who seemingly has no shame whatsoever -- really really really doesn't want you to think she hooked up with Mickey Rourke. Earlier in January, Ling "accosted" Rourke at a party in Hollywood and the two made out all night. The actress' -- and I use that term in the loosest sense imaginable -- publicist told the New York Post:
"While Bai Ling, who is single, has dated a lot during her career, she isn't some 'whore' who hooks on to rising actors. She considers Mickey Rourke a friend. He sent a car for her. She never had an interest in dating him. The next day it was all over the tabloids . . . Though she is an iconoclast with her fashion, too often she's mislabeled as a tawdry Holly Golightly."
Uh oh. If Mickey's smart, he'll cash in on his new-found 15 minutes STAT. Because if a nobody like Bai Ling is denying she hooked up with you, you know your career is circling the toilet. It's great how Bai's agent made a point of letting everyone know that his client isn't a "whore." I completely agree. I've always called the girls I've "visited" that look like her "deep tissue masseuses" . . . that forget to wear their tops.*
*BTW, if you've seen Bai Ling topless, you'll find yourself thinking: "That's not a nipple . . . that's a Space Station." (Link NSFW)
Mickey Rourke and Courtney Love are rumored to be . . . dating. *pukes in mouth* A source told the Mirror:
"Courtney has quite a crush on Mickey and finds him utterly compelling. They've known each other for years - she's stuck by him through the good times and the bad. Now he's back on the Hollywood A-list he's gone up another notch in the desirability stakes.
"Mickey texted Courtney totally out of the blue, around the time of the Golden Globes, asking to take her out for the night. They met up in secret and had an awesome evening. Let's just say they didn't stop at holding hands and a chaste peck on the cheek. They were supposed to hook up after the Elle bash and share a hotel suite. I think Courtney was banking on it. But Mickey was suffering from the BAFTAs the night before and appeared to be lapping up all the attention from women." (Source)
Can you imagine if these two ever reproduced? Their baby would look like Kuato from Total Recall. Besides, what's Mickey doing with Courtney Love anyway? After all of his recent success, he could be with tons of better-looking women like Rosie O'Connell, Amy Winehouse, or Clay Aiken. Of course, we all know what Courtney sees in Mickey: he reminds her of what her ex-husband looks like . . . now.
UPDATE: Mickey was asked by a paparazzo in New York last night if it was true that he was dating Courtney Love. He replied that he'd rather be on a deserted island with a gorilla. I think that means Courtney and him are on a break.
Bai Ling at the HBO Golden Globes afterparty at the Beverly Hilton Hotel (1/11)
It's official. Bai Ling has hooked up with every male in Hollywood except the kid that plays Charlie Sheen's nephew on Two and a Half Men. From the New York Post:
Mickey Rourke is already reaping the benefits of his comeback. The star of "The Wrestler" was at the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood the other night with Sean Penn and his long-suffering wife, Robin Wright Penn, when, our witnesses said, Rourke was accosted by fame-craving Bai Ling. Rourke was only too happy to oblige the Chinese-born actress and the two "made out and partied pretty hard." (Source)
I'd hardly say Mickey Rourke was "reaping the benefits of his comeback" by hooking up with Bai Ling. It's more like he was solidifying his fall from relevance. The only people that hook up with that whacked-out chick are washed-up actors and dudes that like three-inch-long nipples.* Pretty much the only way Mickey could have done worse is if he'd hooked up with a chick that looked exactly like him. Luckily for Mickey, last call at the burn unit is like 7pm.
After receiving 18 complaints from viewers, the FCC is investigating NBC's telecast of the Golden Globes for possible violations of indecency rules . . . because why wouldn't you waste taxpayer dollars investigating complaints by 18 of the 14.6 million people that watched the show? We can't just forget about that .000001 percent of viewers. The networks must adapt their programming to them. It's what our Founding Fathers fought for. From the Los Angeles Times:
Toward the end of the program, director Darren Aronofsky was caught on camera jokingly making an obscene gesture -- "flipping the bird," as it's commonly called -- at actor Mickey Rourke, who was onstage accepting an acting award for Aronofsky's film "The Wrestler." Rourke and other attendees also salted their speeches with occasional off-color language, some of which was bleeped by NBC censors.
Now the FCC, which regulates decency issues on the broadcast networks, has stepped into the fray. "We received 18 complaints about the Golden Globes telecast," FCC spokeswoman Edie Herman wrote in an e-mail to The Times, "and the commission is reviewing the matter." (Source)
If you're one of the 17* people that called the FCC to complain about a middle finger, do us all a favor and please kill yourself now. Or at least rip out your reproductive organs and set them on fire.
*The 18th was me. I called to complain about Mickey Rourke's face. That thing is just plain offensive.
