Michaela Kocianova

Michaela Kocianova

Slovakian model Michaela Kocianova

*21 Michaela Kocianova pictures total in the gallery:

Michaela Kocianova at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show in 2009

Meet Michaela Kocianova, Guy Ritchie's new girlfriend. The two were seen on a pub crawl together last week in London. To recap, she loves beer and dressing up in lingerie. She's God's perfect creation. from UK tabloid News of the World:

Michaela insists she conk-ered Guy when he was directing a Christian Dior perfume ad in Paris that she was starring in, alongside Jude Law.

"Guy fell in love with me because of my nose. He told me beauty is boring - I love your nose. He was really kind to me," she said. "The script went out the window. I was much more on camera than was originally planned because he wanted to see more of me. He told me he believes in me and said I looked great."

Guy Ritchie must be kicking himself. He wasted 8 years of his life with Madonna when he could have been pulling ass like this. 8 years. That's 2920 days. According to my calculations (accounting for threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes, and quickie BJs in bathroom stalls), Guy could have hooked up with 7,956 supermodels. Along with Lamar Odom marrying Khloe Kardashian* and whoever hires Lindsay Lohan for their next film, Guy marrying Madonna may go down as one of the biggest blunders of the 21st Century. It pains me to say this because I do genuinly like the guy, but dammit, Guy Ritchie is a fucking idiot.

*Khloe's this big in her 1st year of marriage in her mid-20s? Imagine how big she'll be in her 20th year of marriage in her mid-40s.

*34 pics total in the gallery: