Michael Phelps

Michael Phelps is banging Jamine Waltz

Michael Phelps' latest hookup is Jasmine Waltz. If that name sounds familiar, that's because Jasmine has nailed half of Hollywood (e.g. David Arquette, Zac Efron, Chris Pine, Ryan Seacrest, Jesse McCartney, Doug Reinhardt, and Vinny from Jersey Shore ). And she has a sex tape. In other words, she's someone you could definitely bring home to mom . . . and then mom would call her a whore and kick her out of the house. From Hollyscoop:

Michael Phelps ditched his gorgeous blonde girlfriend Megan Rossee last month and is apparently rebounding with notorious Hollywood star f*cker Jasmine Waltz. Apparently Michael met Jasmine recently and the two have been reportedly hooking up.

"They've been hooking up for weeks," a source tells Hollyscoop, adding that its just about sex.

It's unclear when or where they met but Michael only follows a select number of people on Instagram and he recently started following Jasmine on the photo-sharing site.

The mind works in mysterious ways, doesn't it? Michael Phelps' life has been a seemingly never-ending series of first place finishes. He is the best there is at what he does. Mike really doesn't have a frame of reference for what it feels like to come in second, so he's decided to come in sloppy seconds -- enter starfucker extraordinaire, Jasmine Waltz. She's as second place as they come. She looks like a second-rate Megan Fox who accepts loads from second rate stars while appearing in third-rate productions. Congrats to Michael. As long as he's inside Jasmine, he's taking first, second, and third place in someone else's goo Olympics. Enjoy your lunch.

*21 Jasmine Waltz bikini pictures total in the gallery:

Michael Phelps in Miami earlier this year

When will this kid finally catch a break in life? From TMZ:

All Michael Phelps knows how to do is WIN -- the world's most medaled man hit Vegas this week and sources tell TMZ he walked off with $100,000 from a single poker game. Phelps has been touring the world with his buddies since scooping up 6 Olympic medals -- starting in the Maldives -- and last weekend, the crew took on Sin City.

According to our sources, Phelps and his buds played a cash poker game at Caesar's Palace, and naturally Phelps cleaned up with $100K in winnings. We're told Michael blew a nice chunk of it at Surrender nightclub in the Wynn.

Alright already, Mike. We get it, God shines his love on you just a little bit more than he does on the rest of us. There's no need to flaunt that fact, but just remember that a few decades ago, being born with elongated arms and tiny little legs would have landed you in a freak show. Today you're Michael Phelps, Olympic hero. A hundred years ago you would have been Bobo, the half-human half-seal boy. Just do me a favor Mike, don't go blow all your money and bet on NFL football. But if you do, I like Chicago -10 in Week 1. Trust me, I'm only wrong like half the time.

*15 Michael Phelps pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Tuesday, August 7

Michael Phelps and his new girlfriend Megan Rossee at the Speedo party at Roof Gardens in London (pics start here)

Julianne Hough on the set of Safe Haven in Southport, North Carolina (pics start here)

Olympic swimmers Nathan Adrian and Natalie Coughlin outside kebab house in London (pics start here)

Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union in St. Tropez (pics start here)

Janice Dickinson in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

David Duchovny filming Californication in Venice Beach (pics start here)

Socialite Olivia Palermo on a yacht in Formentera, Spain (pics start here)

Gwen Stefani taking her son Kingston to the South Florida Science Museum in Palm Beach (pics start here)

Geri Halliwell out and about in London (pics start here)

Vanessa Hudgens on her way to a gym in Studio City (pics start here)

Liv Tyler arriving at the Hollywood Bowl to watch Aerosmith (pics start here)

Rachael Taylor on the set of her new ABC series 666 Park Avenue in New York (pics start here)

Chloe Sevigny out and about in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr arriving at Sydney International Airport (pics start here)

*108 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Michael Phelps knocked up Brittny Gastineau

Did Olympic champion -- no, hero -- Michael Phelps knock up socialite Brittny Gastineau? You're damn right he may or may not have! And you can take that to the bank, brother! From the New York Daily News:

A source tells us the former reality star, linked in the past few weeks to Olympian Michael Phelps, was spotted on Friday at a Duane Reade at 63rd and First buying a pregnancy test and a birthday card.

That same evening, the dark-haired beauty drank only Diet Coke while celebrating agent Darren Bettencourt's birthday at the Gansevoort Park Hotel's Asellina restaurant, where she seemed quite smitten with foursquare founder Dennis Crowley. A close pal of the 28-year-old confided that Brittny is in New York promoting her Tres Glam jewelry line and "barely has time for a boyfriend, let alone for a baby." A spokesman for Gastineau tells us he doesn't comment on her personal life.

"Hey baby, my favorite stroke is the breast stroke. Get it? Because I like breasts . . . and pussy." I'm guessing Michael used a variation of that line to seduce Brittny. She doesn't seem like the brightest bulb in the box.

*17 Brittny Gastineau pictures total in the gallery:

Michael Phelps is all pro

In a statement released yesterday, Michael Phelps acknowledged his bad judgment in getting high at a party in November:

“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

The story behind the photo from News of the World (Here's my summary: Phelps showed up to a party and acted like he was 23. Shocking!):

It was on November 6, weeks after his Beijing triumph, that 23-year-old Phelps surprised students at the University Of South Carolina in Columbia by showing up unannounced at a house party. He was visiting Jordan Matthews, a girl he was secretly seeing who was a student there.

Our source revealed: “Michael came to visit Jordan but ended up just getting wasted every night.  He arrived with a group of girls hanging all over him. Jaws hit the floor when he walked in. You don’t get many celebrities in Columbia, so when Phelps comes to your party it’s a very big deal. He didn’t know many people so you’d think he’d be a little shy. But he was loud, obnoxious and slamming beers from the get-go. Every girl wanted a piece of him and every guy wanted to be his best buddy. He couldn’t get enough of all the attention.

"You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do. He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits. Michael ended up getting a little paranoid, though, because before too long he looked like he was nervous and ran out of the place.” (Source)

So France, how does it feel to get your Olympics ass handed to you by a stoner? Ha ha ha, suckers. Wait, are those tears . . . are you crying? Dude it was a joke, you don't have to act like that, I was kidding. Why are you waving a white towel? Are you . . . are you surrendering? But I'm just talking to you. I don't even have a gun. Stop it. Just stop it.