Michael Moore

Michael Moore is a drama queen. And fat.

Michael Moore claims he had to hire a private army to protect him after his controversial Oscar speech in 2003 in which he stopped chewing long enough to criticize President Bush. Because Hollywood is such a hotbed of Republican extremism, you see. From the New York Post:

Michael Moore was so reviled after his 2003 Oscar speech -- in which he yelled, “Shame on you, Mr. Bush!” from the stage -- that he hired nine ex-Navy SEALs to protect him. “[I] met with the head of the top security agency in the country, an elite, no-[bleeping]-around outfit that did not hire ex-cops, nor any ‘tough guys’ or bouncer types,” Moore writes in his new memoir, “Here Comes Trouble.” “They preferred to only use SEALs and ... due to the alarming increase of threats and attempts on me, I had nine of them surrounding me, round-the-clock."

It sounds like Michael was being a little dramatic. He didn't need to surround himself with Navy Seals to protect his life, he needed to surround himself with nutritionists. When considering his future, Michael Moore should worry less about some nutty gunman and worry more about nutty chocolate bars. Mmmmm, trans fat.

*11 Michael Moore pictures total in the gallery:

Looking good Michael

Famed eater Michael Moore is suing the Weinstein brothers after he claims they used "Hollywood accounting tricks" to screw him out of $2.7 million in profits from his Fahrenheit 9/11 "documentary" -- and I use that in the loosest possible sense of the word. Moore's lawyer Larry Stein told The Hollywood Reporter:

"An independent auditor came in and discovered that the Weinsteins had re-routed at least $2.7 million dollars that belonged to Michael Moore from "Fahrenheit 9/11." This is the first time Michael Moore has ever sued anyone in his 20-yr career as a filmmaker. That should be some indication about how serious this is. It's very sad it had to come to this. Michael believes the Weinsteins have been a force for good when it comes to championing independent film -- but that does not give them the right to violate a contract and take money that isn't theirs. The $2.7 million is just the floor of what we believe is owed. When this goes to discovery I wouldn't be surprised if the amount of what was taken goes much, much higher."

What a sanctimonious asshole. All this guy does in every movie he's ever made is rail against the greed of "the man," but then he goes and complains that he isn't getting his fair share of a movie from which he's already made millions of dollars. Obviously this guy's hypocrisy begs one question: "What do you call a person who professes to hate Capitalism but loves his own money?" Answer: "Fatso."

Michael Moore at the Washington premiere of Capitalism: A Love Story (9/29)

In this post about Michael Moore, I attempt to make as many food references as possible. Should be easy as pie! From the New York Post:

Michael Moore, champion of the working class, used non-union stagehands to film "Capitalism: A Love Story." The porcine provocateur is promoting his anti-Wall Street jeremiad by giving free tickets to unions, but the American Federation of Teachers has turned them down because Moore didn't hire any members of the International Alliance of Theatrical Stage Employees. "Michael Moore and one of our sister unions, IATSE, are in discussions about concerns the union has," the AFT told ABC News. "The AFT has decided against accepting tickets until those issues are resolved."

Sure when it comes to documentary films, Michael Moore is the big enchilada, but he's also a complete hypocrite. First he blasts the fat cats on Wall Street for being too greedy and money hungry (and really, they're just trying to provide for their families, to bring home the bacon if you will), and then he turns around and acts the same way by hiring non-union workers because they don't cost as much cheese. What's next, seeing him in a 24 Hour Fitness commercial? I bet Michael thought it'd be a piece of cake to butter up these unions, but now he has nothing but egg on his face. Sausage, sausage, sausage!

Michael Moore at the Venice Film Festival (9/6)

I think a mistake has been made. WENN says this is Michael Moore at the premiere of his new film Capitalism: A Love Story at the Venice Film Festival in Italy on Sunday. But I'm pretty sure the film's real title is Calories: A Love Story. Right? Right?

UPDATE: Kind reader Dan just informed me that the film's title actually is Capitalism: A Love Story. In the time it took you to read that last sentence, Michael Moore ate an entire pizza.

Haven't eaten in 17 minutes . . . must eat . . . must eat . . . must eat

Famed overeater Michael Moore is being sued by the owner of an all you-can-eat buffet a prize-winning journalist angry at the filmmaker's use of one of his photos in an anti-war rant on his website. From the New York Post:

Last year, to illustrate one of his anti-administration bombasts, the portly polemicist posted on his michaelmoore.com Web site a heartbreaking photo from Iraq of an American soldier carrying the blood-spattered body of a child. The picture was snapped by acclaimed independent war correspondent Michael Yon, who has been very careful about how his images are distributed and goes out of his way to make sure they aren't used for demagogic diatribes. Yon - a Special Forces vet who posts regular dispatches from the front at michaelyon-online.com - is considered by many as the "Ernie Pyle of our time." The misappropriated photo shows US Army Maj. Mark Bieger cradling an Iraqi girl wounded by car-bomb shrapnel. She died a short time later.

Yon has tried to contact Moore for seven months to discuss his unauthorized use of the poignant snap, but hasn't heard a word back from the director of "Fahrenheit 9/11." Now, the fed-up photojournalist has told his lawyer to ready a lawsuit against Moore for copyright infringement.

"The implication on Moore's Web site was that our soldiers were somehow responsible for that kid being wounded," Yon's lawyer, John Mason, told Page Six. "That is absolutely not true. She was the victim of an insurgent's car bomb." Yon said: "I've never sued anyone in my life. It looks like Mr. Moore might be the first." Page Six e-mailed Moore for his response, but he didn't get back to us, either. (Source)

I hope this guy takes Michael Moore to the cleaners - literally. That fat bastard looks like he stinks something awful. Michael probably hasn't been able to respond to Yon's requests because he's been too busy exercising dieting single-handily creating global grain shortages.  If Yon really wants to get Michael's attention, he won't send a lawyer to deliver the lawsuit, he'll send a guy from Domino's. Get it? Because he's fat.