Michael Lohan

Dina Lohan pockets $50k for talk show appearance

Dina Lohan was paid $50k last week to fight with her ex-husband Michael Lohan on The Test -- a new talk show that uses lie detectors to see if guests are being truthful. Seems like a wise investment. If I know anything about television, it's that Dina Lohan is ratings gold. Heck, I bet her whole family watched. From TMZ:
As we told you ... Dina and Michael Lohan went nuclear on each other Thursday during a taping of a new show that uses lie detectors to settle disputes. Dina and Michael were at each other's throats over Lindsay, infidelity ... the usual.

So why would Dina and Michael go on a show? To help Lindsay get better? Unlikely. To settle their differences? That's never gonna happen. The reason is simple. Dina got $50 grand, and it didn't feel dirty because we're told she got Lindsay's permission in advance.
In my village there's an old saying that goes a little something like this: "A job's a job, right?" No, not right. That's how a prostitute justifies her actions before performing a particularly degrading act (see: Paris Hilton in life, Harrison Ford agreeing to do Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull). It's also what Mikey Lodown and White Oprah say to themselves every night to keep from shotgunning their brains to the ceiling -- this is why I'm not overly mean to Lindsay when I report her misadventures. LiLo and her future celebrity rehab siblings were clearly raised by wolves . . . dirty laundry the Lohans will gladly air out for an extra $84 and a bottle of Jack.

FUN FACT: In my village, the word "wolves" is a euphemism for the word "cunts"

*5 Dina Lohan pictures total in the gallery:

  • Dina Lohan Paid Talk Show 1
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Dina Lohan got knocked the fuck out!

Yesterday Dina Lohan summoned up the courage to make allegations that her ex-husband Michael Lohan "raped" her twenty years ago, so that's why nothing Lindsay Lohan does is ever her fault (seriously). That sound you here is me playing the world's saddest song on the world's smallest violin. And now Entertainment Tonight has these exclusive photos of Dina with a black eye:
Michael vehemently denies abusing Dina, telling ET, "[Dina] hit me with an ice tray, and I turned around and swung ... I didn't punch her. I didn't do anything deliberately to attack her. I swung out of reflex ... she's twisting everything."

During an interview with the New York Daily News, the mother of four alleged that Michael physically abused her in front of their daughter Lindsay Lohan, claiming, "that's why she's so screwed up." In the vintage photos, Dina is carrying a baby.
"Physical abuse in a relationship is NEVER okay," said a man who had never met Dina Lohan. Seriously, Michael Lohan should be sainted for not immediately putting Dina in an armbar once she hit the ground.

Check out the full gallery of photos over at Entertainment Tonight

Lindsay Lohan at Coachella (4/13)

Wow, I'm surprised we made all the way to Thursday before hearing about Lindsay Lohan fucking up this week somehow (fight, drunken antics, DUI, drug arrest, etc.), but we did. And that's something she should be proud of. Baby steps Linds, baby steps. From TMZ:
Lindsay Lohan returned to the scene of the (alleged) crime!!! We've learned she showed up at The Standard Hotel on the Sunset Strip Wednesday night ... went to Smoke and Mirrors, the same nightclub where she allegedly pushed a woman 2 weeks ago, and got into it with ANOTHER woman ... and it ended with LiLo on the receiving end of a flying drink.

Here's how it went down.  Lindsay's friend drove her car to the hotel -- LiLo was in the passenger seat.  The driver pulled into the parking garage and hit another car.  Witnesses say Lindsay then called her dad, Michael, for help, and he dutifully showed up. 

So what did Michael do?  He took Lindsay inside the club and the two hung out for hours ... we're told without any alcohol.

Around closing time, a woman in the booth next to theirs made a snide comment about Lindsay showing up with her dad.  Lindsay then got up and screamed at the woman, "Shut the fuck up."  We're told that's when the drink drenched the actress.
Oh yes, how convenient. Lindsay and her dad -- both known rocks of sobriety -- were sitting for hours at this club drinking Shirley Temples, and then this chick just happens to start picking on innocent little Lindsay and she gets alcohol thrown all over her. Sounds like the makings of another excuse to me. "Honestly Judge, I didn't mean to steal the SWAT Team van and drive it into the ocean, but this big ol' bully who was jealous of my success threw alcohol all over me and practically forced me off the wagon."

*17 Lindsay Lohan pictures total in the gallery:

  • Lindsay Lohan Coachella Guy 1
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Is Lindsay Lohan buying drugs?

Michael Lohan is mad as hell about the video X17 released yesterday of Lindsay Lohan and her friend allegedly buying drugs in Venice Beach (more here). Wait a minute, there's drug dealers in Venice Beach? Well I never! Michael told the paparazzi agency:
"I can't believe that Lindsay still surrounds herself with these shady people and puts herself in this position. These guys look like a bunch of thugs on the streets. Everyone around her looks so shady and dark.

"How does she ever expect her life to move in the right direction? I can't believe her! Lindsay has to start to learn to respect herself a lot more, as well as her family and the people in her life that truly care."
Why is everyone assuming that Lindsay was buying drugs? Give the girl a break. She easily could have been buying something like enriched uranium, weaponized smallpox, or graphic child porn. Let's not jump to conclusions here until we know all the facts.

*20 Lindsay Lohan pictures total in the gallery:
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Michael Lohan beats up Kate Major

I guess it's domestic violence day here on Celebslam. Lindsay Lohan's dad Michael was arrested Monday night in L.A. after slapping around his ex-girlfriend Kate Major. According to TMZ, Kate stopped by the apartment the two used to share to pick up some of her stuff, which apparently didn't sit well with Michael:
We're told Michael became upset that Kate was packing up for good, and "went ballistic."  They started arguing, and Kate turned her back on him.  She told cops, Michael then grabbed her and threw her across the room.  Kate says she struck the bedpost with her left shoulder.

Kate claims she threatened to call the cops, and then Michael allegedly took a towel and began choking her.  She also claims Michael then threatened to cut himself with a razor blade and tell cops she did it -- if she called police.

Kate went to the Sheriff's sub-station, where cops photographed what we're told are "visible injuries."

Michael was arrested and booked on inflicting corporal injury on a co-habitant, false imprisonment, and preventing the report of victimization -- all felony charges.
God damn, these Lohan parents are insane. And really, you can't blame the kids for being such screw ups -- they never had a chance. They would have been better off being raised by a Playstation 2 and a bunch of frozen pizzas. It'll be a minor miracle if the youngest Lohan, Cody, doesn't grow up to be some kind of world record-setting serial killer.

*5 Michael Lohan pictures total in the gallery:

  • Michael Lohan Beats Up Girlfriend 1
  • Michael Lohan Beats Up Girlfriend 2
  • Michael Lohan Beats Up Girlfriend 3
  • Michael Lohan Beats Up Girlfriend 4
  • Michael Lohan Beats Up Girlfriend 5

Michael Lohan and Gina Rodriguez outside Katsuya in Hollywood (1/17)

CAPTION: "Lindsay's still feel bigger..."

*5 Michael Lohan pictures total in the gallery:

  • Michael Lohan Grope 1
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  • Michael Lohan Grope 5

Dina Lohan continues to amaze

So I guess Dina Lohan is against Lindsay reconciling with her dad Michael because she thinks he's just trying to use her to get famous. Oh. The irony. The fact that we even know who the hell Dina Lohan is means she's capitalized on Lindsay's fame. For example, name Katy Perry's mom. Exactly. From the Chicago Sun Times:
Dina Lohan, vehemently opposed to a Michael-Lindsay reconnection, has refused to join in any counseling sessions at Betty Ford where he was present. "Dina just knows that Michael will always be out to just promote Michael," said a Dina pal Saturday. "She got even more suspicious when she heard Michael already was pitching a film project to Lindsay that he would help produce. ... This is just another way he's trying to capitalize on Lindsay's fame."
Dina's accusing Michael of trying to capitalize on Lindsay's fame? Frankly, it's a little surprising that an attention whore like Dina didn't make this announcement through her publicist while on her own self-produced reality show. The reality is that if Dina were to leech any more off of her daughter, she'd have to change her last name to Federline.

*12 Dina Lohan pictures total in the gallery:

  • Dina Lohan Idiot 1
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Michael Lohan and a bartender at Hogs and Heifers in New York (9/15)

It's already well established that Michael Lohan is attracted to his two daughters (see here, here, and here), so it really comes as no surprise that he's hitting on bartenders that look like Lindsay. What is surprising is that a woman with such large breasts whose living depends on tips would be wearing such a low-cut shirt. I mean, geesh, it seems like her boobs are almost about to fall out of her top. Didn't anyone tell her?

*3 photos total in the gallery:

  • Michael Lohan Lindsay Bartender Lookalike 1
  • Michael Lohan Lindsay Bartender Lookalike 2
  • Michael Lohan Lindsay Bartender Lookalike 3

Michael Lohan's new girlfriend Sonia Stickles

Add this to the "Michael Lohan is a sick pervert" file (previous impossibly-disturbing entries here and here): Michael Lohan's new girlfriend, Sonia Stickles, is dressing exactly like his daughter Lindsay. So I guess she's wearing clothes that aren't hers and no panties. From the Chicago Sun Times:
Lindsay and Dina couldn't care less that Michael is now dating the 26-year-old Hamptons-based waitress, who claims to be a model and actress. "What creeps out both Lindsay and Dina is the fact that this girl is dressing and styling her hair to look like Lindsay -- and Michael finds that appealing!" said a solid LiLo source Tuesday.
Well, that's a little creepy. Perhaps Michael needs to learn an important lesson about old men dating women who look and dress like their daughter: never do it . . . unless your name starts with a "H" and ends with a "ulk Hogan." Then again, the reality is that Michael doesn't have to explain who he's dating to anyone. Especially since his new girlfriend is nothing like Lindsay -- she has a job and likes men.

*6 photos total in the gallery:

  • Sonia Stickles Pictures Photos 1
  • Sonia Stickles Pictures Photos 2
  • Sonia Stickles Pictures Photos 3
  • Sonia Stickles Pictures Photos 4
  • Sonia Stickles Pictures Photos 5

Michael Lohan and Kate Major at Celebrity Boxing 19 held at South Philly's Bar and Grill in Philadelphia (4/7)

You may have heard yesterday that Lindsay Lohan's dad Michael got engaged to his girlfriend Kate Major. What you probably didn't hear is that Lindsay used to be Kate's boss. Um, OK. From Rob Shuter at Popeater:
As a fellow celebrity reporter, I have known Kate for years -- and in 2008 we worked together at Star Magazine. And I know first-hand that Kate was once a key member of Lindsay's entourage, serving (either paid or unpaid) as a driver, confidant, an all-purpose factotum.

Another mutual friend provides some additional context: "Kate was really close with Lindsay when she was in rehab at Cirque Lodge in 2007. Kate drove her back to Los Angeles from Utah and was the one that brought in the first-person post-rehab interview for In Touch."

Adds the mutual friend: "They hung out and partied a lot together after that. But Lindsay stopped returning her calls when Kate started getting closer to Michael Lohan. Kate used to go out to the Hamptons and hit events with him and his girlfriend [later reputed fiancee] Erin Muller. She had a picture on her desk of the three of them at a white party out there."
Boy I would love to hear what Lindsay thinks about all of this. Hmmmm, how would I get a hold of her right now . . . wait I know -- is anyone near the gutter at the intersection of Hollywood Blvd. and Vine right now? Can you go over and poke Lindsay with a stick to wake her up and then ask her for me? Thanks!

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