Recently in Michael Lohan Category

Lindsay Lohan's job in 6 months

There's no sense beating around the bush on this -- I just need to say it: Michael Lohan wants to nail his daughter. No no, not Ali -- that's just creepy. I mean Lindsay. From the New York Daily News:

Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen, Russell Crowe and other celebs may not recall exactly what they did at Scores during the strip club's thong-snapping, Champagne-drenched, mob-tainted heyday. But former owner Elliot Osher can help them remember.

For 18 years, since he started as a bouncer, Osher kept notes on anyone famous who walked into either of Scores' two Manhattan locations.

"Lindsay Lohan's father once sat down and described the kind of dancer he was looking for," says Osher. "We sent some girls over. Funny, they all seemed to look like Lindsay. We ended up having to show him to the door."

Michael Lohan admits getting into an "altercation," but maintains, "No girls danced for me. The last thing I'd want to see is a girl who looked like Lindsay. I don't even look at the magazines where she's done some risqué photos."

This explains everything about Lindsay. The drugs, the drinking, the cutting, the whoring, the mean emails to celebrity bloggers -- all are because of her twisted relationship with her father. The fact is that any guy that wants to get lap dances from a chick that looks like his daughter is guaranteeing three things in life: 1. His daughter will be messed up, 2. During the father/daughter dance at her wedding, he'll have wood, 3. A Christmas card from Joe Simpson.

Lindsay Lohan is a cutter

Headline in December of 2006: Lindsay Lohan is probably a cutter

Headline in January of this year: Lindsay's cutting again

Oh hey, guess what Dina Lohan confirmed to Lindsay's dad Michael in another one of those recorded phone calls he sold for cash and prizes. From RadarOnline:

In another glimpse into the twisted life of Lindsay Lohan, her parents Michael and Dina argued over how bad the situation with their daughter was, and Dina admitted that Lindsay had been cutting herself. The shocking bombshell is revealed in the recorded audio tape exclusively obtained by RadarOnline.com of a phone conversation between Dina and Michael, where the two blame each other for Lindsay's dire situation.

Michael is talking with Dina, telling her that he represents the bad things in her life and Dina interrupts him, saying "Her cutting herself and hurting herself? Yeah, it's bad Michael, it's bad." Lindsay has been photographed over the years and recently with scars on her wrists, a sign of the cutting, which is a desperate cry for help from the troubled starlet.

These tapes are incredible. Just devastating secret after devastating secret being exposed for all to hear. Really, what kind of monster of a father records family phone calls and then sells them for rent money? Michael took the concept of "trust," bent it over, and fucked it in the ass. Tomorrow I fully expect Dina to reveal that Lindsay was actually the second shooter on the grassy knoll. I bet on Saturday we find out she's the Zodiac Killer. Nothing would really surprise me about Lindsay at this point.

Lindsay Lohan at LAX airport (10/18)

According to Radar, Lindsay Lohan may file a restraining order against her dad Michael "in the next two days" (her attorney Shawn Holley Chapman has already started the paperwork). Apparently Lindsay's a little freaked out with the interview Michael did with X17 yesterday:

"I'm going to see the judge this week - I can't believe they didn't drug test Lindsay when she went into court. If I can't get a conservatorship, then I'm going to take her to an undisclosed location and get her straight. But I know I'm gonna get charged with kidnapping."

After hearing about the restraining order, Michael told Radar:

"Dina is the one that told her to get a restraining order. But you know what? I‘m still going to try to do everything with the courts to try and get Lindsay better."

Wait, Michael thinks a judge will grant him a conservatorship over Lindsay like Britney's dad got. Is he high? The only idea worse than giving Michael Lohan control of his daughter's assets would be hiring Kirstie Alley as night watchman at Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

Michael Lohan out and about in West Hollywood (8/8)

The dudes that robbed Lindsay Lohan's house on Sunday picked the wrong daughter to fuck with. Because her dad Michael is now on the case! He told E!:

"I am coming into town to work with private investigators in order to gather evidence which will be turned over to LAPD and the detectives assigned to the case. This time, these evildoers will be caught. If we are fortunate, we just might find out who the culprits were from the other thefts as well.

"My children are not going to be subject to violations of this or any kind any longer. Especially when they always give to others, and it seems some of these very individuals are the ones behind these crimes."

Michael then added, "If Lindsay has given you something, you can contact the Los Angeles Free Clinic at (323) 337-1809 and they should be able to get you some penicillin or something."

Lindsay Lohan outside her home in the Hollywood Hills (5/25)

Lindsay Lohan is taking applications for a new dad (qualifications: must have at least 20+ years experience and a nine-digit net worth -- half liquid) -- she's officially given up on her fuck-up of a dad Michael. From the Chicago Sun Times:

The renewed legal problems for Lindsay Lohan's father, Michael Lohan -- including charges he threatened his ex-fiancee and is behind in child support payments to LiLo's mom, Dina Lohan -- have further estranged him from his famous daughter. The actress continues to rebuff her dad's attempts to reach her -- specifically asking for money. A source close to the actress says she now describes her biological father as ''the sperm donor."

Why is Michael asking Lindsay for money? She hasn't worked in months. Her checking account is emptier than Paris Hilton's soul. At this point, he'd have an easier time getting money out of an IndyMac Bank. Since Lindsay considers her father to be nothing more than a "sperm donor" and wants him to stop relying on her for money, she should suggest he get a job at the one place where he's apparently overqualified: here.

Michael Lohan needs to shut the fuck up

Michael Lohan is not pleased that his daughter Lindsay and her girlfriend Samantha Ronson are back together after briefly splitting up earlier this month. Being the responsible and caring father that he is, he went to his blog to plead with anyone and everyone to help break them up. Of course he did.

PLEASE HELP!!!

Like I said in the past, "if I see or hear of anyone or anything causing harm or is seen as a threat to my children," I will speak about it, and do anything I can to try to intervene regardless of the repercussions on me.

With that said, after seeing promise and thanking God for Lindsay's freedom from SaMANtha's bondage, I see now, that since SaMANtha has once again, weaseled her way back into Lindsay"s life, things have taken a dark turn.

While I was enthused that Ali was with Lindsay, rather than SaMANtha, I am torn to see that SaMANtha has once again manipulated Lindsay into leaving her little sister in LA, only to join SaMANtha on another DJ gig in Boston.

Was this again, a means for SaMANtha to earn more money through Lindsay"s presence? Did SaMANtha's fee drop so much and so quickly when word got out that they parted ways? Are we so blind? Is Lindsay so blind? I know Dina and my kids aren't because they tell me so. But then again, why does Dina tell me one thing and do another?!

When a mother or father sees their child in turmoil (losing weight, not working, and purportedly cutting herself) are we supposed to stand by , remain silent and pretend it isn't happening? Or are we suppose to step to the plate and not care what people think, and do something about it?

Well, as you can see, I'm not going to sit back and let it slide.

I am asking everyone out their to intervene in every way possible to help Lindsay, and quite possibly, save her life. Help this wonderful, good hearted and gifted young lady to see what SaMANtha is doing to her and how she is destroying her life.

Help her to see that ever since SaMANtha came into her life, nothing good has come of it. As a matter of fact, Lindsay hasn't used her gifts like she did before meeting SaMANtha. Just LOOK! The proof is there! These aren't just words, but FACTS! PLEASE HELP!

I like the part where instead of writing Samantha, he wrote SaMANtha. Get it? A clever one that Michael Lohan. As most family therapists know, implying your daughter's girlfriend is a man is the first step to winning back her trust.

Michael Lohan slams Samantha Ronson again

ichael Lohan is at it again. After blasting his daughter Lindsay's girlfriend Samantha Ronson in the press a few weeks ago, he blasted her again earlier this week. In an email, Michael told paparazzi agency X17:

[. . .] There is a lot more to Samantha than meets the eye! Not that what we see is soooo pleasing anyway!I I mean, what's with this ...."person"??? Look at the way she "dresses"? Once more, she uses her middle finger more than she uses words! Personally, I think she is dark, hideous and a disgusting representation of humanity!

Have you ever seen her apartment? For God's sake, when she runs out of toilet paper she tells people to use the cardboard roll. (I was told this first hand). [. . .] (Source)

I'm not quite sure why, but I get the weirdest feeling that Michael Lohan doesn't like Samantha Ronson. They need to seriously think about going on a weekend getaway together to build up some trust. They can do that thing where they fall into each other's arms. That always works.

[Splash News]

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson in L.A. (8/21)

Who'd have thunk it but Lindsay Lohan is actually kinda pissed that her dad Michael went off on her girlfriend Samantha Ronson yesterday. And she's hit back . . . MYSPACE STYLE! Lindsay wrote:

DRUG FREE

Current mood: betrayed

Category: Life

If you have something to say to me, say it to my face- that's what i have believed my whole life- don't be a coward and say it to others first, let alone all the media in the world- i think we know where the rest of this blog is going...

If you guessed it had to do with my father- then you guessed right! It really hurts, because i have tried- after all that my mother and siblings have gone through, i really tried to make things work- For the hope of having a father again-wanting things to change- even though people have said, some people will forever remain the same.

Having said that- the people were right, and he is yet to change- but this time, without his daughter by his side- He has become a public embaressment and a bully- To my family, my co-workers, my friends, and a girl that means the world to me (its obvious who that is).

He has no idea what is going on in my life because i have chosen not to involve him in it- His recent attack on my life and my loved ones is simply for an ADDICTION THAT HE HAS- FAME. Why he feels the need to comment on anything in my life that i may want to keep private, is beyond comprehension- If he really cared about me and my life, then he would learn to respect my wishes by staying out of it.

Samantha has not and would never sell me out. Nor has my mother, who is wonderful.

This further proves that any information that my father has about me or the people in my life is internet based- and about as accurate as a page six item.

I'm not going to engage any further, though i probably could go on... (Source)

Not to be outdone, Samantha Ronson had her own message for Michael:

SHUT THE F*** UP

Current mood: bullied

i really don't want to say anything because i feel like he wins- he, being the man who is so desperate for attention that he goes to the media whenever possible- i know i am being used, i am just a pawn- easy to sacrifice in order to feed his addiction. I was angry when i first read his attack on me, but- for me- i believe that actions speak louder than words... so now i just pity him- i am not standing in his way- i am not the reason that he has no contact with his daughter- he is- his need to throw a tantrum for the whole world to hear is- i am not going to go into a play by play defense- i feel no need to publicly defend my role in lindsay's life- i'm just sorry that she likes me more than him.

p.s. i'm not the one that is so lost that i need to use my relationship with lindsay to earn a living.... i am, always will and always have been here for her for her- not for anything else....so I think it's safe to say that there is not now and never will be a tell all..... written by me..... when does your book come out mr. lohan? (Source)

Oh, I bet you must be fuming Lindsay. You know what you should do to really stick it your dad? Keep forgetting to wear a bra on sunny days. I bet it would really show that asshole you mean business.

Michael Lohan blasts Samantha Ronson

In an interview with E!, Lindsay Lohan's dad Michael went off on her girlfriend Samantha Ronson, saying she's using her. He claims the only reason Ronson has gotten so close to his daughter is so she can write a tell-all and make a ton of money . . . though I'm not exactly sure what she could reveal that would surprise anybody. I mean we are talking about the chick who got multiple DUIs last year while coked out of her mind. Anyways, Michael said:

"I've shut up about this long enough," Michael said. "She's using my daughter. People never even knew who Samantha Ronson was until she met Lindsay. She was just some L.A. DJ. And now she's writing a book? I am at wit's end with this stuff. This is not in Lindsay's best interest. Let's just say I hope Lindsay starts opening her eyes and realizes who the people using her are." (Source)

Immediately after that last line, Michael whipped out a list offering various Lindsay items for sale. Lockets of hair for $50, authentic baby pics for $500, her phone number for $10,000, and taped personal phone calls for $50,000.

[WENN]

Michael Lohan to box Kevin Federline?

Lindsay Lohan's dad Michael has challenged Kevin Federline to a charity boxing match . . . WINNER TAKE ALL not much! Michael told OK! magazine:

"Everyone wants me to fight K-fed because he's a notorious celebrity dad and so am I. It's for charity. It's serious

boxing. You have to go get a trainer. I have to register with the Mature Boxing Association."

It should be noted that K-Fed wasn't Michael's first choice for a sparring partner: "I called Richard Johnson [editor of the NY Post's Page 6 gossip column] and challenged him, but he didn't accept. I don't care who it is; it's for charity. I've been beaten up by the press, so I don't care if I get a few shots by a kid half my age." (Source)

If I really wanted see some wannabe white rapper take on an over-the-hill nobody, I'd go to an Eminem concert and watch him bitch about his mother. The best way to make sure blows are landed in this fight: dress K-Fed up as Dina, and dress Michael Lohan up as Britney's stomach.

[BauerGriffinOnline]