Michael Jackson

Christina Aguilera looks like hell

A host of stars turned out for the "Michael Forever" Michael Jackson tribute concert Saturday in Cardiff, Wales. In addition to sets from Jamie Foxx, Cee Lo, Leona Lewis, Pixie Lott, Alien Ant Farm, and Ne-Yo, Snooki also performed (above). It was really cool of her to show up, especially since she was born five years after Jackson's most popular album was released (Thriller in 1982). She must have been a huge fan of his to travel so far in his honor. Also, there was free pizza backstage.

*10 Christina Aguilera/Snooki pictures total in the gallery:

Michael Jackson did 'far worse' than molest kids

Let's just get the child molestation story out of the way early today, before I eat breakfast. From the Daily Mail:

In his first interview since being jailed on 78 counts of wiretapping in 2008, Hollywood's most notorious private investigator has made an explosive claim concerning the late singer Michael Jackson. Pellicano revealed why he allegedly dropped the King of Pop as a client, after being hired to investigate one of the families accusing the singer in the 2003 child molestation case.

He claimed he told Jackson he would only work for him if he wasn't guilty: "I said, 'You don't have to worry about cops or lawyers. If I find out anything, I will fuck you over.' I quit after I found out some truths. He did something far worse to young boys than molest them."

I'm not usually one to believe a guy doing time in the pen, but who amongst us doesn't think Michael Jackson did "far worse" than molest young boys? Frankly, I'm a little surprised it's taken this long for someone to come forward. You'd have thought Macaulay Culkin would have had a press conference five minutes after MJ's funeral: "I'd like to take a moment to announce that I still have nightmares about sleeping on my stomach."

*17 Michael Jackson pictures total in the gallery:

Michael Jackson performing during the Motown 25 special in 1983

Michael Jackson has never been more valuable. The glove he wore during his famous Motown 25 performance in 1983 fetched $350,000 at an auction on Saturday. From the New York Daily News:

The winning bidder counted himself lucky to be taking home the prize of the auction.

"It was a bargain - we were expecting to pay more," said Hoffman Ma, a Hong Kong hotel executive. "We're going to put it on display in our hotel. It will be free for everyone."

Ma traveled to New York just for the auction but some of his staff bid on other items online - to round out their new King of Pop collection, set for display at his Ponte 16 hotel in Macau.

What a brilliant business decision. I know when I go on vacation, I choose hotels based on random memorabilia they have in the lobby. When I went to China last year, I stayed at a hotel that had an actual piece of gum Zac Efron had chewed on display near the front desk. You better motherfucking believe I got my picture taken in front of that. What I want to know is if this guy really wanted to purchase some memorabilia to memorialize Michael Jackson, why didn't he save hundreds of thousands of dollars and buy a $12.95 pack of underoos? Of course if you think $350K is a lot for money for Michael's glove, just wait until his most valuable accessory goes on sale: his nose.

Joe Jackson is a horrible person

This month's "Joe Jackson is a monster" story is brought to you by the Chicago Sun Times:

Given Michael Jackson’s final concerts had been scheduled for London and were instant sellouts, Papa Joe has moved to make some serious moolah tied to the release of "This Is It," the upcoming film of Michael’s final rehearsals for that tour.

I’ve learned that when the film opens in England, Joe will introduce screenings during the first week at selected venues. Word has it, he will be paid about $250,000 for his, uh, efforts — which reportedly will include sharing a few stories about the King of Pop with audiences before the screenings.

"He stands to make more from these London shows than from his Vegas deal," said a source privy to the London project, referring to the VIP packages Jackson is promoting for "This Is It" openings Oct. 26 and 27 in Las Vegas, with prices ranging up to $3,000 per ticket.

This might actually be a newsworthy story if Joe wasn't trying to make money off his son. Hell, this guy would charge people to watch his son's body decompose in its coffin if he could. Oh, and if anyone's wondering what "stories" Joe will tell about Michael, I can pretty much guarantee they'll be moving, heartfelt, and revolve around a new recording artist Joe just signed.

Paris and Prince Jackson leaving the Beverly Hills Hotel (5/15)

Well that didn't take long. The first exploitation of Michael Jackson's grieving children is scheduled to air in December. From Us Weekly:

The Jacksons are at odds over the inclusion of Michael Jackson's three children in an upcoming A&E reality show about the famous family, Us Weekly reports in its latest issue.  A source tells Us Weekly the buzzed-about program will include Michael's kids -- Prince, 12, Paris, 11, and Blanket, 7 -- though not everyone's happy about it.  Eldest sister Rebbie, 59, who has refused to be in the series (called The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty, tentatively set to air in December), "feels Michael would spin in his grave if he knew his kids would be on this show." 

While Janet, 43, is on board, mom Katherine "is just going along with things," the source continues.  Still, one of the creators of the program -- which will be either five one-hour episodes or 10 half-hour episodes -- says the family shines on the series.  "We have 23 cast members with the last name Jackson," executive producer Jodi Gomes tells Us Weekly. "They've done a great job opening up about losing a brother." (A Jackson family rep couldn't be reached)

Michael wouldn't "spin in his grave" if he knew his kids were being exploited -- he'd rise from it faster than the zombies did in Thriller to join in. Besides, exploiting kids is a Jackson family tradition. If these kids were actually allowed to grow up out of the spotlight, that would mean only one thing: the Jacksons finally realized that children should be treated like children and not a cash cow Joe Jackson was dead.

Macaulay Culkin might be the father of Michael Jackson's son

The Sun is claiming that Macaulay Culkin is the real father of Michael Jackson's 7-year-old son Blanket. Culkin became close friends with Jackson after appearing in the 1990 hit Home Alone. The two had a falling out in the late '90s when Culkin's voice deepened and he started growing facial hair. From the tabloid:

Now sources close to Jackson say the Thriller star asked Culkin for the donation to help him complete his "perfect" family.

The source added: "This isn't just chitter-chatter, even Culkin suspects he's Blanket's father. So many names have been mentioned as prospective dads, and this is probably the wackiest yet. But Jackson and Culkin were best friends. He was one of the few people Jackson really trusted and Mack never let him down. Really, Jackson idolised him - that's why he asked Mack to donate sperm. Deep down, I think he always wished Mack was his son. Creating Blanket was the next best thing."

Wow, talk about an awkward phone call.

Michael: "Macaulay, I need your sperm."

Macaulay: "But Michael! You said that last time would be . . . *sigh* . . . fine, pour me a glass of wine and put The Wiggles DVD on that scene I like."

Michael: "No, no, it's not like that this time."

Michael Jackson was murdered

Shit, meet fan. From the Associated Press:

The Los Angeles County coroner has ruled Michael Jackson's death a homicide, a law enforcement official told The Associated Press, a finding that makes it more likely criminal charges will be filed against the doctor who was with the pop star when he died.

The coroner determined a fatal combination of drugs was given to Jackson hours before he died June 25 in his rented Los Angeles mansion, according to the official who spoke on condition of anonymity because the findings have not been publicly released. Forensic tests found the powerful anesthetic propofol acted together with at least two sedatives to cause Jackson's death, the official said.

OK, I'm cool with a homicide. After all, the guy that gave Michael the drugs -- Dr. Conrad Murray -- was, you guessed it, a doctor. Hell, it's in his name. It's not like this dude was a full-time mechanic who didn't know anything about the dangers of mixing prescription drugs. OR WAS HE?

UPDATE: Turns out Dr. Murray actually is a doctor. I thought we maybe had one of those Judge Reinhold situations on our hands. And for the record, expect to be laughed at if you ask Judge Reinhold to approve your search warrant. Asshole.

Dr. Conrad Murray

The shit is about to hit the fan for Michael Jackson's personal physician, Dr. Conrad Murray. Fox News claims he will be charged with manslaughter in the death of the singer "within the next few weeks":

The source initially said Dr. Conrad Murray could be arrested as soon as next Wednesday — but investigators have decided to execute one more search warrant, likely at a Los Angeles pharmacy, next week in an attempt to gather more evidence against him. The arrest is now expected the following week.

Investigators initially had hoped to charge Murray with a more serious crime than manslaughter — a defendant may be charged with second degree murder in California without the presence of a motive — but prosecutors are concerned that a jury will be unlikely to convict without one, sources said. Unless a "smoking gun" is found in next week’s search, Murray will be charged with manslaughter.

Law enforcement sources previously told FOXNews.com that Murray admitted he gave the King of Pop the intravenous anesthetic propofol to help him sleep just hours before his death — and that propofol was at least a contributing factor in the 50-year-old entertainer's death.

Wow, this dude is so fucked. If I were him, I'd start running now. Since everybody in the world knows Michael Jackson, he needs to go somewhere remote, where there's no chance of running into another human being ever. My suggestion: Jessica Simpson's home gym.

Michael Jackson to finally be buried

A spokesman for Michael Jackson's family announced today that the singer's body will be buried later this month -- 65 days after he died for those of you keeping score at home -- on what would have been his 51st birthday. From the New York Times:

In its release, the publicity firm Sunshine, Sachs & Associates said that Michael Jackson would be buried on Aug. 29 at 10 a.m. Pacific Daylight Time, at Holly Terrace in the Great Mausoleum at Glendale Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale, Calif. The release said that the burial ceremony would private and limited to the Jackson family and close friends, but that there would be nearby accommodations for the news media. The Jackson family added that it “once again wishes to express its gratitude to Michael’s fans around the world for their support during these difficult times.”

Crap, 65 days! It hasn't taken this long to bury a celebrity since Larry King died in the late 90s. I think his corpse was actually seen roaming Beverly Hills last night.

Michael Jackson performing at Madison Square Garden in 1985

There were rumors floating around earlier this week that Michael Jackson was buried at the Forest Lawn Cemetery in Hollywood. Nope. After all, it's only been what, a month and a half since he died? Geesh, give the family some time to grieve. From E! Online:

Shooting down published reports, father Joe Jackson tells E! News exclusively that his son has not already been laid to rest at Forest Lawn Memorial Park. Joe declined to specify any burial plans or confirm whether his son's body has been placed in Motown maven Berry Gordy's crypt as some outlets have speculated.

The Jackson patriarch, who resides primarily in Las Vegas, also tells E! News he supports a proposal to move Neverland to Vegas.

"I think Vegas would be great," says Joe. And while he doesn't think the family would visit such a shrine to his son, Joe does believe "the fans would come."

Of course Joe hasn't buried Michael yet. The court order mandates that he stay 50 yards away from the body, or more specifically, "50 yards away from Michael's mouth full of gold fillings."