Mezhgan Hussainy

Simon Cowell and Mezhgan Hussainy leaving the VIP Room in St. Tropez (8/8)

Simon Cowell loves the ladies as much as K-Fed loves cake, so it was kind of a surprise back in March when he got engaged to his fling-of-the-moment Mezhgan Hussainy. Fear not Simon's penis, order in the Universe has been restored -- Mezhgan's about to get dumped. From the Chicago Sun Times:

More Tinseltown buzz I heard over the weekend was about Simon Cowell. Not only does the TV and music mogul regret his quickie engagement last March to Mezhgan Hussainy, he's drawn up a very generous financial settlement for the former "American Idol" makeup artist to cover both a "temporary break" from their relationship and the expected permanent split that's coming.

Nothing says "true love" more like legal documents written up by your spouse's team of lawyers. Ladies, let this be a lesson for all of you. If it's your birthday and, instead of that necklace from Tiffany & Co. you've been wanting, your husband gives you a certified delivery from Cohen, Weinstein, and Katz -- you might want to start looking into how much the local gym is charging for a membership, hint hint.

*10 Simon Cowell pictures total in the gallery:

Simon Cowell and Mezhgan Hussainy out and about in Beverly Hills (2/19)

Even though he's on a first-penis basis with half the nine and tens in Hollwyood, Simon Cowell is actually thinking about getting married to his new girlfriend Mezhgan Hussainy. No, Simon. NOOO!!! From the New York Daily News:

Simon Cowell’s mother Julie has been speaking about her joy for her son’s new found love with Afghanistan-born make-up artist Mezhgan Hussainy. Speaking from her Brightonhome, she said:  "I knew it was serious when Simon said he had something important to tell me" reveals Julie, 84. "I asked if it was good or bad and he replies, ‘That depends which way you look at it.’ ‘Just tell me,’ I said. He explained that he had asked Mezhgan to move in with him. Although girlfriends had stayed with him in the past, he had never done that before. This seems to make it official."

"What baffled me most was the complete turnaround in my son," she continues. "He has always insisted, ‘I’m fine as I am, mother. I’m not going to get committed to a marriage and I certainly don’t want children.’ I used to reply, ‘You don’t know, you’ve never had them.’"

But it seems that Julie couldn’t be happier for her son "Now I really think marriage and fatherhood for Simon are going to happen. I would like to see an official engagement, a marriage and yes, then grandchildren. Mezghan is very family orientated, so she is ideal for him" Julie continues.

Can you imagine being married to Simon Cowell? Every day would be filled with nonstop criticisms of your cooking, cleaning, and size of your penis. Frankly, any woman that's willing to put up with that pompous ass should be granted immediate Sainthood . . . and a full bottle of barbituates to quickly put her out of her misery. Let's just hope Mezhgan has what it takes to make this relationship last: 2-dozen XXS t-shirts for when Simon runs out.