Jennifer Aniston must have a death wish -- she's trying to convince her friend Ashley Cusato to stop hooking up with Mel Gibson. Uh oh, you know the ol' saying: "Cockblock Mel Gibson AND DIE, BITCH!" From Star:
From racist rants to violent outbursts, there's no shortage of reasons to steer clear of Mel Gibson. But Jennifer Aniston's pal and body double, Ashley Cusato, is getting a stern reminder form her A-list doppelganger.
"Jen respects Mel as an actor, but he's not the type of guys she'd want her friends to date - he's a heartbreaker," stated an insider, adding that Jen was stunned when Ashley broke the news that she's been dating Mel for the past month. "Ashley insisted that he'll be different with her, but Jen didn't buy it." Reminding her friend that cheating men don't usually change their ways, Jen also underscored Mel's temper tantrums. "Jen wants to be supportive, but she fears it won't be long before Ashley is crying on her shoulder." (Print Edition - 11/12)
Oh my sweet Xenu on his rocket ship, this is humiliation for Mel. Jennifer Aniston has been so careful over the years not to offer an opinion on any issue whatsoever, and this is the one she chooses to take a stand on? Give me a break. She'll call out Mel Gibson for having a lapse or two in judgement, but I've never heard her come out against the Nazi Party. So does Jennifer Aniston support the Third Reich? Well, there's no evidence that she DOESN'T support them, is there? Nope, all we know is that she has a problem with Mel. Jen, before you get all hot and bothered over Mel Gibson, can you join the war effort and help us rid the world of Nazis? Time to get those priorities straight.
Oops, sorry about that. I wrote this while watching Saving Private Ryan and my thought process got a little derailed. In summary, Jennifer Aniston needs to stop cockblocking and let nature take its course . . . however violent and screamy it may be.
*10 Jennifer Aniston pictures total in the gallery:
Mel Gibson and his girlfriend Nadia Lanfranconi leaving Nobu in Malibu (10/14)
Like Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, Mel Gibson went on a date on Sunday night. Unlike Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, a live bird ended up getting its head ripped off. C'mon, just look at that face. You're not gonna tell me Mel didn't just rip the head off a live bird with his teeth. And it was only the third craziest thing he did that day. Mel Fucking Gibson. God love him.
On May 27, 31-year-old Rudy Eugene was shot and killed by a Miami police officer after literally chewing the face off of Ronaldo Poppo, a homeless man he happened upon on the MacArthur Causeway. It's believed that Eugene was under the influence of "bath salts," a dangerous combination of the synthetic chemicals MDPV, Mephedrone, and Methylone. So what does this have to do with Mel Gibson? Well, run for your fucking lives, because, judging by that picture of him in Santa Monica on Saturday, Mel discovered bath salts. Trust me, you don't want to live in a world where Mel Gibson has developed a taste for human flesh. We are all fucked, my friends.
Here's the Mel Gibson rant everyone is talking about. Screenwriter Joe Eszterhas (of Basic Instinct fame), who Mel had been working on a movie titled The Maccabees with and has been in a war of words in the media with Mel over the past few weeks, provided the recording to The Wrap. Eszterhas says he gave the tape to the site to counter the recent "PR blitz questioning my truthfulness" that Mel has been engaged in over Eszterhas' recent allegations that Mel is one crazy motherfucker (he makes continual anti-Semitic remarks, threatens violence to his ex Oksana Grigorieva, and other general out-of-control behavior)
The rant was recorded by Eszterhas' 15-year-old son Nick on his iPod while he, his dad Joe, and mom Naomi were visiting Mel's Costa Rican compound last December. According to Eszterhas, fellow screenwriter Randall Wallace, his girlfriend Elizabeth Topp, Gibson's friend Brad Hillstrom, and household staff and their children were also present. Here's a transcript:
Mel - (screaming the whole time) Why don’t I have a first draft of "The "Maccabees"? What the fuck have you been doing? I’ll type it! — mumbling inaudible — It’s her! — mumbling inaudible — I go to work, you’re getting paid, I’m not! Shit! I am earning money for a filthy little cocksucker who takes advantage of me! Just like every motherfucker! So hurry the fuck up! [Throwing things, knocking down the totem pole] Fuck! God! [Coming up from the billiard room and approaching the table and screaming at the top of his lungs in the face of his guests] Who wants to eat?! Who the fuck wants to eat?! Go have something to eat! Hurrrrraaaaayyyyyy! (Screaming) Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuckin' hate! Fucking cunt cocksucker whore! (Very hoarse) Fuck! [Screaming as he runs toward the driveway, gets into his car and drives away]
In Mel's defense, this two minute rant in front of women and children could have totally been taken out of context. Hell, I sound way worse in the shower every morning . . . fucking cunt cocksucker whore bar of soap. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ALWAYS SLIP OUT OF MY HANDS! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
I'm pretty sure they're kidding, but according to TMZ, Mel Gibson has been sober for five years. That's a shitfaced Mel leaving Nobu in Malibu in 2009. 2009 was only 2 years ago, by the way.
It's been FIVE YEARS since Mel Gibson's infamous 2006 DUI arrest -- and sources close to the actor tell TMZ, he's been off the sauce ever since ... and celebrated the sobriety milestone with friends last week.
Mel was arrested on July 28, 2006 -- and from that day forward ... we're told he hasn't taken a sip of booze.
Mel and some buddies commemorated the occasion last Friday -- and the actor is telling friends ... even though it's been a rough couple years, he's ultimately grateful for his arrest that fateful night.
Why stop the party? -- Mel should celebrate again tonight: "Bartender, a round of shots to celebrate my sobriety . . . and don't be Jewish with the vodka this time."
*15 Mel Gibson drunk pictures total in the gallery:
Mel Gibson at the Cannes International Film Festival last month
Watch out ladies -- especially those from the Eastern Bloc -- Mel Gibson is back on the dating scene and looking for some fine single ladies to take home . . . and berate. From the New York Post:
Women everywhere rejoice: Mel Gibson is back on the singles scene. He relaxed at the Mondrian's Skybar in West Hollywood with a bevy of female friends Wednesday night. He was tucked away in the VIP hut with the group celebrating the launch of Deborah Cloyed's book, "The Summer We Came to Life." Gibson, who's working on a screen comeback, may be trying to give romance another go after his messy breakup, punctuated by his recorded ranting phone calls, with Oksana Grigorieva. Spies say he was "very flirty."
As if you didn't already know, this is the exact reason why everyone wants to be a movie star. This guy makes racial slurs, beats up his ex, has 15 kids, is a religious nutcase and STILL women line up to bang him. I get the feeling that if Mel lit half of his face on fire like he did in The Man Without a Face, there'd still be women willing to look past it . . . women like Heidi Klum apparently.
DIRECTV Cinema and MTV want to send you and a guest to the 2011 MTV
Movie Awards in Los Angeles, CA! All you have to do to enter is head to
http://ultimatemoviefan.com/, upload a short video about your favorite
2011 Movie Award nominee and explain why you are the Ultimate Movie Fan!
Easy enough, right?
The Grand Prize winner and a guest will receive airfare, hotel
accommodations and ground travel and tickets to the 2011 MTV Movie
Awards on June 5th in Los Angeles. The Grand Prize winner's video will
also be revealed during DIRECTV's broadcast of the 2011 MTV Movie
Awards. Five (5) runner up contestants will be chosen by a judging panel
and will receive a new tablet device! *5 Mel Gibson pictures total in the gallery:
As part of the plea agreement he struck last week for assaulting his ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, Mel Gibson stopped by the El Segundo Police Department last night for fingerprinting and booking. Jesus, does he have to be so serious? He should have worn one of those "I'm with Stupid" shirts that have the big arrow on them. Now who's the stupid one, Mr. Arresting Officer? Not Mel!
Mel Gibson struck -- pun intended -- a plea deal today and will avoid jail time for assaulting his commie ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva (mind you, Mel admitted to hitting her in a sworn declaration). Sweet, you can hit chicks now and not go to jail? I never knew that. Was that one of those new laws that passed this year? This changes my whole outlook on life. Let's see that whore waitress bring my potato skins late again! Mel's attorney Blair Berk said in a statement:
"I know from almost 20 years as a criminal defense lawyer that sometimes justice can come for a client at too high a personal price," Gibson's attorney Blair Berk said in a statement this morning. "That is particularly so for Mel, whose right to due process can only be exercised in this case with an enormous media circus attached.
"Mel's priority through all of this has been that the best interests of his young daughter Lucia and the rest of his children be put first in any decisions made. It is with only that in mind that he asked me to approach the District Attorney with a proposal that would bring all of this to an immediate end."
As part of Mel's plea deal, he'll have to serve 6 months as Charlie Sheen's assistant. That's almost, like, worse than jail. Can you imagine waking up every morning knowing that, at some point during the day, you're going to have to clean up a puddle of semen?
Mel Gibson shut down his church this week after one of his parishioners sold a photo of him playing with his daughter Lucia (this one) to TMZ. Wow, can you imagine traveling back to 1985 and reading someone that last sentence? You'd get punched in the face. From TMZ:
Sources connected with the church tell us ... Gibson was "extremely concerned about the invasion of privacy." One source adds, "He is not just concerned that photos of his daughter were taken at the church, he is concerned for the privacy of his parishioners."
Members of the Holy Family Chapel in Agoura, CA received an email notice from church honchos yesterday which read, "There will be no Masses here at Holy Family Chapel until further notice."
Our sources tell us, however, that limited services will continue to be provided. In fact, a service was conducted yesterday -- the Holy Day of Obligation -- for long term parishioners.
It's sad Mel had to do this, but I understand his concern. If a guy can't get a little privacy at his own cult compound, where can he get it? Oh well, at least now Mel has a lot of free time on Sunday to watch football . . . or go deer-hunting with his bare hands.
*6 Mel Gibson church pictures total in the gallery:
Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: