Christina Aguilera and Matthew Rutler at the launch party for The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim in L.A. last November
These are the problems you run into when you date the mouth breathers of society. It's why I only date chicks from private high schools that have money--colleges, I meant private colleges . . . *looks around nervously* . . . From the National Enquirer
"[Matthew's] always saying, 'Let's make this official.' They already live together, and he wants some security. He's basically become her full-time helper," a source explains. "But she's still getting over her divorce" from music exec Jordan Bratman, the father of her 4 year-old son, Max, which was finalized in April 2011.
Another big concern? "Christina is bothered that Matthew has no money and no real job of his own," says the source. "He admitted that if she did agree to marry him, he'd have to borrow money from her to buy an engagement ring."
Matthew, forget about marriage -- just mainline the goo into Xtina's hoo-hah and hope it takes hold. You've been carrying her bags for the last year and she still hasn't let you pop the question, so you need to pull a Federline and start popping holes in your rubbers. Honestly, I think you should have had her all pregnant and shit in the first month of you two hooking up, but you're either too much of a pussy to not wear protection or you're just shooting blanks. Dummy, you need to put a bun in her oven or start co-adopting savages like the Pitt-Jolies, because your time is about as short as Keanu Reeves' attention span.*26 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery:
Christina Aguilera and Matthew Rutler leaving The Little Door restaurant in L.A.
I guess when your girlfriend is the breadwinner of the family, you can't just call her fat in the media, so we end up with fake stories like these. Via Contact Music
Christina Aguilera's boyfriend is "happy with her body." The 31-year-old actress is known for her fluctuating weight, but Matthew Rutler - who she met on the set of Burlesque in 2010 - thinks she looks great, whatever her shape.
A source said: "Matt is happy with the way she looks, however it is. Even when she was looking heavier, he would always say, 'She looks gorgeous to me'."
Quote: "Christina Aguilera's boyfriend is happy with her body."
Translation: "Matthew Rutler did not sign up for this shit."
Come on dude, we're not stupid. We all know that you wanted old crazy slutty Xtina, not fat and crazy Christina. Putting up with bipolar mood swings is certainly easier to take when your bride weights 98 pounds yet carries a nice C cup. Be honest, you thought fatso would have dropped the extra weight by now, right? Hah! That's what you get for stealing from Frodo Baggins
, Matt. Hey, it's lunchtime. Be a dear and go fetch Christina's feedbag? Good boy.*15 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery:
Christina Aguilera and Matthew Rutler arriving at the Sadler Wells Theatre in London
Matthew Rutler might want to think long and hard before he marries Christina Aguilera. Speaking of long and hard, as of Monday, Christina can now fit an entire baguette in her mouth at once. Good for her. From In Touch Weekly
Christina Aguilera is so anxious to marry boyfriend Matthew Rutler that she's preparing to pop the question herself. Indeed, Christina, 30, has not been shy about telling friends and family that she and her beau are definitely getting married. According to friends of the couple, "She makes jokes about him proposing all the time in front of him. He gets a little embarrassed, but it's obvious they've talked about it. It's coming soon. She wants to start over and thinks that asking him to marry her is the way to start."
But another friend says Matthew, 26, may actually beat her to the punch. He wants to propose over Christmas but he's scrounging for money to buy her a rock. Unlike Christina's ex-husband, music executive Jordan Bratman, Matthew doesn't have the funds to keep up with Christina's lifestyle or extravagant tastes. "He wants to buy her a major diamond, so he's saving his pennies," a friend says. "He's going to propose this year, even if he has to buy the ring on credit." (Print Edition - 12/12)
What's this? A fat girl is desperate to get married to whatever she can get? Welcome to the real world, sweetheart. You know, let this be a lesson to all you young hoochies. No matter how successful a career you've made for yourself, nothing -- and I do mean NOTHING -- is as attractive as wearing size 0 jeans. If you don't believe me, just look at the evidence. Even though Xtina is a multiple Grammy winner, has an amazing voice, and has sold millions of records, she still can't keep a man. She has to deal with the embarrassment of being dumped by Jordan "fat Frodo Baggins
" Bratman by buying her own engagement ring and pretending that Mathew "young Elijah Wood" Rutler bought it for her (I'm sorry, I just watched Lord of the Rings
again). You think that would have happened when she weighed 90 lbs? Believe whatever lets you sleep at night, but I'm telling you to never doubt me.*13 Christina Aguilera and Matthew Rutler pictures total in the gallery:
Christina Aguilera and Matthew Rutler leaving Il Ristorante di Giorgio Baldi in Pacific Palisades
Sure Christina Aguilera may be a [drunken
] shell of her former self, but dating
her does have its benefits. Like free rent, baby! From the New York
Christina Aguilera's boy toy Matt Rutler is returning to Hollywood to put the finishing touches on his rags-to-riches story. Sources say the mformer film production assistant has been packing up his dingy apartment in Rhode Island for the good life with Aguilera, whom he met on the set of "Burlesque." A source says, "He'd been living in Rhode Island and put most of his belongings in storage." Rutler, who moved into Aguilera's Beverly Hills mansion almost the second she announced her divorce from Jordan Bratman, also ditched his Rhode Island roommate.
Matt's life isn't a story of "Rags to Riches." It's more like a cautionary tale of "Hags and Bitches." Selling out just so he can be the puppet of a self-absorbed diva isn't going to make this guy happy. It'll just make him Nick Cannon -- and there's only one other person on this planet who has less dignity than that suck-up:
Madonna's old boyfriend Jesus Luz
any contestant on Wipeout
.*24 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery:
Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend Matthew Rutler leaving Il Ristorante di Giorgio Baldi in Pacific Palisades
Looks like Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend Matthew Rutler finally figured out that it's way better to pay someone to give you a ride home after you get drunk than it is for you to drive yourself and get arrested
. Trust me Matt, blowjobs in the back of a chauffeured car are definitely way better than you being forced to give a blowjob in a holding cell. No way I let that happen a third time. *shudders**24 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery:
Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend Matthew Rutler arrested
And now, the most predictable story ever about Christina Aguilera. From TMZ
Christina Aguilera was arrested early this morning along with her boyfriend in West Hollywood, TMZ has learned. Christina was popped for public intoxication and her boyfriend was arrested for driving under the influence.
Aguilera was arrested at 2:45 AM and booked at the West Hollywood Sheriff's substation on a misdemeanor charge.
On the booking report, Aguilera was listed at 5'2" and 100 pounds.
Aguilera's 25-year-old boyfriend Matthew Rutler was also arrested last night at the same time for a misdemeanor offense. According to the L.A. County Sheriff's Department, Rutler's bail was set at $30,000.
Law enforcement sources tell us Aguilera appeared to be "extremely intoxicated" and was "unable to take care of herself."
How funny is it that Christina's weight was listed at 100 pounds? What, was Matthew so drunk that he drove through a tear in the space-time continuum and the two ended up being arrested back in 1998?*5 Christina Aguilera and Matthew Rutler pictures total in the gallery:
Christina Aguilera at LAX airport
Wow, it's been nearly 27 hours since hearing a story about Christina Aguilera getting drunk and engaging in embarrassing behavior. I was beginning to think something was wrong with her. From Us Weekly
At a recent family gathering, Christina Aguilera and new beau Matthew Rutler had sex in a bathroom, an insider tells Us Weekly.
"Her friends are fed up," the source says of Aguilera's recent antics. "Nobody can get through to her. They think she's trashy. And her ego is out of control. She's really spiraling. I would be shocked if she's not in rehab in the next month or two."
In Christina's defense, orgasms can
break up the whole monotony of a family gathering. I mean, have you heard Aunt Mildred's story about her goiter? I'd much rather be cumming than listening to that.*23 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery:
Paparazzi photos from Saturday, January 1 and Sunday, January 2
and her boyfriend Matthew Rutler
leaving the Ivy restaurant in West Hollywood (pics start here
Model Josie Goldberg
in Miami (pics start here
performing at Orange Drive's "Jam on the Sand" New Year's Eve concert in Miami (pics start here
arriving at the W South Beach Hotel (pics start here
leaving Planet Nails in West Hollywood (pics start here
hosting PURE Nightclub's New Years Eve party at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas (pics start here
and her husband Swizz Beatz
shopping in St. Barts (pics start here
and his wife Mellody Hobson
in St. Barts (pics start here
and her fiancé Eric Johnson
in Aspen (pics start here
in St. Barts (pics start here
out and about in Miami (pics start here
at Miami International Airport (pics start here
in St. Barts (pics start here
*113 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:
Christina Aguilera and Matthew Rutler leaving the Mahiki Club in London
Christina Aguilera's only been dating Matthew Rutler for a few weeks
, but she's already lavishing him with gifts and taking him on expensive European vacations (London, above). Wow, that definitely beats the time I "dated" Marisa Miller. The only thing she got me was a face full of pepper spray and a restraining order. She is such a kidder!*10 Christina Aguilera and Matt Rutler pictures total in the gallery:
Christina Aguilera is being used
Is Christina Aguilera being used by her new boyfriend
Matthew Rutler? Sure, why not. From TMZ
Christina Aguilera is the best thing that ever happened to her new boyfriend's band -- and they know it -- because they quickly plastered her name all over their website in an apparent effort to gain exposure.
Right after the news broke that Matt Rutler was getting all cozy with Christina -- the guys from the Nate Mott Band posted Xtina's name and Matt's name all over the "Tags" section of their homepage -- hoping to increase the likelihood that anyone doing a Google search for those two will find their band's website.
But, it seems somebody wasn't happy with the coattail riding ... because the Christina-related tags have since been removed from the website.
Can you really blame this Matt guy for using Christina to get exposure? He's got to make sure something positive comes out of this relationship . . . other than his bloodwork. Of course, if you're a guy in a rock band, associating yourself with Christina Aguilera probably won't get you the badass reputation you're looking for. They'll probably end up with about as much street cred as Jay-Z. Hmmm, I wonder what he's up to this week? Probably shooting an ad for a mutual fund company.*15 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery: