Recently in Martha Stewart Category

Christina Aguilera the launch of beautyLIGHT held at the Wallis Anneberg Cultural Center Beverly Hills (11/10)

Don't think celebrities aren't feeling this economic slowdown. It's hitting them pretty hard. From the New York Post:

SIGHTINGS: Christina Aguilera and Martha Stewart clinking snifters of $35,000 cognac in Beverly Hills to celebrate photographer Matthew Rolston's new book "beautyLIGHT" (Source)

Oh wow. I knew things were bad but I didn't think they were this bad. To tell you the truth, this economic downturn has got me pretty scared. I fear what the future holds for my children. I fear I'll never have enough money to retire. I fear Christina Aguilera may never get to experience the joy of $75,000 cognac again. I guess all we can do is work hard and hope things recover.

[WENN]

artha Stewart received quite the scare earlier this week while she was on her way to a taping of The View. After leaving her Bedford, NY, estate to go to New York City, Martha's chauffeur-driven car was immediately followed by police. After she arrived at the View studios, police surrounded the car and promptly arrested her driver. According to a source, following the incident a "furious" Stewart went into her dressing room and yelled at her assistant over the phone:

"How could you do this to me? Don't you do background checks on people? He was Egyptian! What do I pay you people for?" (Source)

OH MY GOD! An Egyptian! ... From Egypt! Do you know how many scary dark-skinned people live there? A LOT. I have it on good authority that they don't even speak English in that backward's nation. And electricity? Ha ha ha, don't be foolish.

artha Stewart noticed a very familiar face in the audience during the taping of her show earlier this week--Shirley Shepard aka the courtroom sketch artist that covered her trial. Being the classy lady that she is, Martha briefly stopped taping and graciously welcomed Shirley to the show. Oh wait, no she didn't:

When Stewart saw Shepard in the studio audience, she pointed her finger and exclaimed, 'I know you!'" Stewart then declared, "She's the bad artist who did all those terrible sketches of me" - and told Shirley to stand up. "Martha, you get prettier every day," Shirley responded. (Source)

Damn, Martha Stewart is a bitch. The sketch artist was just doing her job, leave her alone. Geesh! I guess I'm a little sensitive because I used to get shit like this all the time when I was an electrician. I'd be minding my own business and suddenly a woman would burst into the bedroom and start screaming bloody murder threatening to call 911 on me just because I was a little "naked" and might have been "sniffing" her panties. Like it's my fault you came home early for lunch. Bitches can be so uptight sometimes.

Martha Stewart claims she still doesn't understand why she was thrown in jail:

"When I say I really don't know what I was accused of, I mean that," Stewart tells Life magazine. "It was a very difficult time in American business. The clamping down on business behavior, the intense scrutiny on very visible figures in America, I was one of them, because I was the first woman to make a billion dollars in America, herself. So I sold some stock, and I was accused of doing something around that sale that really didn't make too much sense, and I had to go to jail because I defended myself."

Yes Martha, you being sent to jail was clearly a product of the government "clamping down on business behavior." Last time I checked, lying to federal investigators about your insider trading doesn't constitute "business behavior." Building a huge fort out of paperclips and staring at secretaries' asses all day long doesn't constitute business behavior either, but I'm not the one in the spotlight here. Why are you even trying to change the subject? Seriously, get off my back.

Four Martha Stewart Show staffers using fake names were caught trying to infiltrate the audience of the Rachael Ray Show. Fortunately, an astute security guard noticed and put a double-tap in each one of the staffers' foreheads (actually that shooting part didn't happen at all but imagine how cool that would of been!):

"They were kicked out because they lied about their names," sniffed the spy. "Otherwise they would have been welcome to stop by - we have nothing to hide." A rep for Ray said: "We did have a group at a taping on Wednesday who misrepresented themselves and were turned away from being in the studio audience."

A Stewart rep said it was all a big misunderstanding.

"No one from Martha Stewart misrepresented themselves. In fact, a Rachel staffer who they knew well, greeted them warmly, even asked if she could get them better seats. For reasons unknown to us, they were asked to leave by one of Martha's former audience coordinators, not by a security guard - and they did so."

So basically someone's not telling the truth. The fact that Martha Stewart has a prison tattoo and Rachael Ray makes teddy bears and puppies look scary and intimidating makes it obvious who's lying. What's next? Putting a bug in Rachael's stand mixer? This is the kind of shit that happens when you give a convicted felon her own television show.