Mark Sanchez

Eva Longoria and Mark Sanchez split up

Eva Longoria and Mark Sanchez are no longer. She dumped his ass. I guess you could say that Mark had the love of his life wide open down the seam and he overthrew her. From Us Weekly:

After a couple months of dating, Eva Longoria and Mark Sanchez have split, a rep for the NFL star confirms to Us Weekly.

"Mark adores and respects Eva," Sanchez's rep tells Us. "It really was about scheduling more than anything else. They will remain close friends."

Read: "I finally realized I was slumming it with a dude who's never even been to the Pro Bowl."

"There was no drama," one source tells Us of the split. "They just have completely different schedules and lifestyles. He likes to go out and have fun. She's more focused on her career and her philanthropic work."

Damn it, I thought if there was a couple destined to be together for the long haul, it was Sanchez and Longoria. Well, I guess I can say my matchmaking skills are as good as Mark's throwing accuracy and Eva's acting: I wasn't even close to hitting the target. Maybe there's a chance to save this thing if either one of these two gets replaced with Tim Tebow. All they need is to have St. Tim inject his infectious faith deep inside them.

*15 Eva Longoria pictures total in the gallery:

Eva Longoria and her boyfriend Mark Sanchez in New York (9/22)

Even though they've been dating for less than a month, INF says that mediocre actress Eva Longoria and mediocre Jets' quarterback Mark Sanchez might already be moving in together as they were seen apartment hunting on Park Avenue over the weekend. They actually found a place, but when Mark went to go sign the lease, his signature was too wide of the dotted line. And then he tried again and it was too short. And then it was too high. And then it was too far to the left. And then the right. And then he fumbled the pen. You get the point.

*30 Eva Longoria and Mark Sanchez pics total in the gallery:

Eva Longoria on the set of a mystery project in L.A. (8/15)

Eva Longoria and Mark Sanchez are totally doing it, but not officially. Good for him. Less presents to buy. From Hollyscoop:

Eva Longoria and Mark Sanchez are NOT dating, even though they are hanging out a lot and going on dates. A source very close to the actress confirms to Hollyscoop that Eva and Mark are not dating, contrary to what you may have read or heard.

After ending things in her on-again off-again relationship with Penelope Cruz's little brother Eduardo Cruz, Longoria has been spotted several times out and about with New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez. 37-year-old Eva Longoria has been "hanging out with" or "seeing" the 25-year-old pro-baller after months of speculation of are-they-aren't-they dating rumors.

The couple went out on Friday night with friends in New Jersey where they were nibbling off each others plates, a sure sign that they are totally dating or just super hungry.

"She's been with him a lot," says one source.

Is this an item? Seriously? If we're calling spaghetti-armed Mark Sanchez and Tony Parker-reject Eva Longoria celebrities, then I'll shut Celebslam down and start selling herbal remedies online. Eva and Mark aren't high enough on the importance scale unless they ratchet up the kookery to Amanda Bynes-like levels. Now I do have a ban on boring people, but I will give Sanchez credit for banging a woman old enough to be his mother. What? Eva would have been 12 when Mark was born. She's Latino.

*15 Eva Longoria pictures total in the gallery:

Kristin Cavallari at LIV nightclub in Miami (2/6)

I don't mean literally. Unless Kristin's into that sort of thing -- which she's not. The last time we were together, she drew the line at light choking. Prude. From the New York Daily News:

Last weekend may have been about the Saints and the Colts, but Jets heartthrob Mark Sanchez still managed to steal one show in Miami. Our snowbird spy says the quarterback had lots of ladies fawning over him at a Maxim bash at the Raleigh Hotel on Saturday, but Sanchez had eyes for only one gal: "The Hills" star Kristin Cavallari.

"He was definitely all about Kristin," the source dishes. "They even left together at the end of the night."

Now we know the strategy that reality TV stars use to stay in the limelight: date a professional athlete.* What happened to the good ol' days when a reality star knew their place in the Hollywood pecking order and either faded into oblivion or wound up someplace even worse -- on the WB. Perhaps if we all cross our fingers, other reality stars like JWoww and Snooki will also end up with a professional athlete. An athlete like O.J. Simpson or Rae Carruth.
 
 *See: Kardashian, Kim. Kardashian, Khloe. Simpson, Jessica. Prejean, Carrie. Wilkinson, Kendra. Underwood, Carrie. etc. etc. etc.