Mariah Carey at the premier of Precious at the Cannes Film Festival (5/15)
I should get into this whole "pop icon" thing. It seems like it pays really well. From the
New York Post:
Mariah Carey is celebrating Memorial Day with hubby Nick Cannon in Turkey -- and getting paid handsomely for it. The songbird, whose new album, "Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel," will be released later this year, is getting $1.5 million to perform at the opening of "Europe's most expensive hotel," the Marden Palace Hotel in Antalya. Tom Jones is getting paid the same amount to croon his tunes. Also flown in for the gala are the Cannes crew: Sharon Stone, Richard Gere, Seal and Heidi Klum and Paris Hilton.
I guarantee that even though Mariah got paid a ridiculous amount of money to perform for a single evening, she was absolutely fuming that Tom Jones got paid the same amount. It is easy to see why the organizers pushed for the identical payday: both have over-processed hair, overtly large bulges in their undergarments, and an affinity for feminine-looking mates. That's right
Nick Cannon. I just called you out. What are you gonna do, pull my hair?
Mariah Carey at LAX (5/20)
Mariah Carey showed off a bit more than she intended Wednesday at LAX. When will celebs learn that tight black tops + no bra + cameras flashing = exposed nipples. It's like black magic what the paparazzi do with their cameras. To be fair, some celebs have learned. For example, Michael Moore won't step a foot out in public without a bra on anymore. Which leads to the obvious questions facing bloggers such as myself: when a man's with D-cup breasts takes off his shirt, do you have to censor the photos?
NOTE: To see the uncensored pics, click the headline pic (or
thumbnails) and then click the "Full Size" button located at the top or
bottom of the image.
Mariah Carey at the Cannes Film Festival in Cannes, France (5/15)
One time when I was a kid, I stuck a butter knife into an outlet and got zapped. Did I ever do it again? No, I learned my lesson. Well I guess Mariah Carey didn't learn that same lesson with the laughably-bad
Glitter in 2001. She came back for more -- she's at the Cannes Film Festival right now promoting her new film
Precious. As bad as she was in
Glitter, Mariah's performance in
Precious is actually generating buzz across Cannes. There's already talk that she's a shoe-in for the "Dude, look at that crazy chick's tits" award.
NOTE: Mariah's tits are so large and intimidating that half of Cannes has already surrendered to them.
Mariah Carey has a nice house
Mariah Carey's (and Nick Cannon's) new home in Bel Air
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon leaving Mr. Chow restaurant in Beverly Hills (2/19)
"All the right reasons" being she wants to make sure she has a girl and she doesn't want to get fat. Awww, what a heartwarming tale of self-sacrifice. From the
Chicago Sun Times:
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon really want to have a child together, but it's sounding more and more like adoption will be the preferred route to parenthood for them. Carey is said to be worried about massive weight gain if she got pregnant, plus she wants to have a child ASAP. The singer also is definite about wanting a little girl -- another reason for the desire to adopt. (Source)
So, Mariah wants a child without actually making one? Sounds like Nick's getting the raw end of this deal. Obviously adopted children these days are becoming the "must have" accessory in Hollywood,* but since when is it done to accommodate a person's time frame, narcissism, and gender preference? If Mariah is really concerned about rescuing a child from a life of hardship and pain, she doesn't need to adopt -- she needs to have her uterus removed.
*See: David Banda (Madonna), Maddox Jolie-Pitt (Brangelina), and Khloe Kardashian (Right?)
Nick Cannon actually got a job
Now he doesn't have to ask Mariah for a raise in his allowance! From
AP:
America's got Nick Cannon as the new host of "America's Got Talent." The musician, comedian, actor and producer will preside over the NBC talent competition series when it returns for a fourth season this summer, the network announced Monday.
This variety show is the first of "multiple projects we are looking to do with Nick at NBC," said network chief Ben Silverman. Cannon takes over "America's Got Talent" from Jerry Springer, who announced his departure last week. (Source)
Mariah will never allow Nick to take this job. It might require him to stay out later than 8 PM on school nights. You just know Nick's got to be desperate for any type of work at this point -- especially if he's willing to take Jerry Springer's sloppy seconds. Either that or he's looking for a way out of the house. Giving your wife manicures and pedicures can get tiring after a month or two. Something else that he's probably getting tired of: the kiddie leash he always has to wear. On the bright side, at least Mariah sprung for the 20-footer. That's a lot of independence.
Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey in Aspen (12/24)
Do you think Mariah Carey realizes Nick Cannon is actually her husband and not just an assistant she's having an affair with? I say no. From the
National Enquirer:
When Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon topped by the AXE Fix Club on Jan. 17, Nick had to ask permission to say hello to his good friend, DJ Steve Aoki, up in the DJ booth! (Print Edition - 2/2)
Sounds like Nick's more whipped than Jesus.* For me to be as infatuated with a woman as apparently Nick is with Mariah, she'd have to posses three distinct qualities: 1. Have a soft serve ice cream dispenser mounted on her forehead, 2. Poop lottery tickets, and 3. Be a mute. Of course we all know the real reason why Nick would never even think of leaving Mariah:
her looks her money she's stronger than he is.
*Too soon?
Mariah Carey singing at the Neighborhood Inaugural Ball (1/20)
Mariah Carey was shocked after being treated like a common celebrity at the Neighborhood Ball Tuesday night in Washington, and not the ultra-super-duper-important celebrity she actually is. Organizers even had the gall to seat Carey in the VIP section with such low-rent celebs as Jon Bon Jovi, Mary J. Blige, Alicia Keys, and Bruce Springsteen. Ugh, the nerve! From the
New York Post:
Some divas cling to their high-maintenance ways even at moments of historic national import. Mariah Carey, who performed at the Neighborhood Ball for President and Michelle Obama, was "furious" when she found out where she'd be seated for the inauguration. A spy said, "Mariah was in the VIP area, where every celebrity, like Jon Bon Jovi, Mary J. Blige, Alicia Keys and Bruce Springsteen, was seated. But somehow she thought she'd be up with the Obama family. When she realized she wasn't, she bailed." (Source)
Instead of Mariah, Barack's mother-in-law Marian sat at the table. Which is a bunch of bullshit of course. How many times has that bitch sold out Madison Square Garden? How many gold records does she have? NONE.
Mariah CareyMariah Carey shopping in Aspen (12/23)
Mariah Carey and her big jugs ruined Christmas
"I'm sorry but Mommy and Daddy can't buy presents this year because Nick Cannon didn't pull out." From the New York Daily News:
Mariah Carey's pregnancy has forced her to scrap plans for an upcoming tour, says an insider. "Costume designers and dancers were all called Wednesday and told the tour is off," said the snitch. "Most were hysterically crying because they were relying on her for a paycheck this holiday season." A rep for the songstress said "a tour was discussed, but nothing was confirmed." (Source)
ariah's dancers and costume designers need to put things into perspective. If it weren't for another pregnancy -- the Virgin Mary's -- they wouldn't be celebrating "the holidays" at all. Something else they need to put into perspective: their career choice. Now that their holiday money is gone, I guess you could say the people that work for Mariah are a lot like the people that live in North Korea. Both work under an unstable dictator and both will find themselves eating tree bark this Christmas.
