Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey at the Tree Lighting Ceremony at Rockefeller Center in New York (11/27)

Nick Cannon didn't actually get to bang Mariah Carey until their wedding night. Wait a minute, what if she had a secret cock? That's a pretty big gamble. From the New York Post:

Nick Cannon is an awfully patient man. Appearing on the Howard Stern Show this morning, the host of 'America's Got Talent' revealed all sorts of intimate details about his sex life with wife Mariah Carey, or the lack there of. According to Cannon, he was totally fine with following Carey's beliefs which meant that the couple did not have sex, or any sexual relations of any kind, until they were married.

"I didn't care," Cannon continued, "It's one of the most beautiful women to ever walk the planet."

I believe this story with every fiber of my being, including my pee pee. Of course Nick wasn't allowed to plow Mariah, he was only the motor of her wardrobe trolley. He'll, I'm surprised that Mariah didn't eat him like what other black widows do to their mates -- I guess being allowed to live is one of the perks Nick got for letting his boss brand him with that awful tattoo on his back. If Nick ever runs away, I guess we know where to return him.

*15 Mariah Carey pictures total in the gallery:

Mariah Carey performing the season closing concert at Ischgl Ski Resort in Austria (4/30)

Thank you, Mariah Carey, for introducing the phrase "Raging Cameltoe" into my lexicon. I am forever in debt.

Yours truly,

The Celebslam Guy

*23 Mariah Carey pictures total in the gallery:

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon shopping in Paris (4/27)

Even after four years of marriage, you can tell that Nick Cannon is still madly in love with Mariah Carey. It doesn't look like he's growing annoyed with her at all. Nope.

*25 Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon pictures total in the gallery:

Mariah Carey is a diva again

I was wondering how long it would take Mariah Carey to get back to her diva ways once she had her twins. Not long, it turns out. From the New York Post:

[Mariah Carey], who had her twins Moroccan Scott and Monroe on April 30, partied at Chelsea hot spot Juliet Supperclub until 2:30 a.m. yesterday morning with two female friends and without hubby Nick Cannon. One witness said:

"Mariah came into the crowded club with a small entourage and was surrounded by people taking photographs. She was smiling, friendly with everyone and seemed relaxed. It seems motherhood is suiting her. But her diva ways are definitely still there -- it was very hot, and she had a young man fanning her throughout the night with a big red fan.

"She spent a lot of the night dancing, and was nice to anyone who approached her. But the club was very crowded, so she asked if she could have 'a minute' of quiet time in the bathroom. The ladies' was cleared out, and Mariah ordered a $450 bottle of Perrier Jouet, and had a few glasses in the privacy of the bathroom before coming back out to join the masses."

Can you imagine having your own personal minion constantly fanning you? That's some real diva shit right there. Staying cool all the time seems like something only an Egyptian Pharaoh or I should be allowed to do. You've got to give Mariah some credit though -- this may be the first story of a celebrity going into a club's bathroom for "quiet time" that didn't end with them walking out looking like THIS:



*22 Mariah Carey pictures total in the gallery:

Mariah Carey is huge

Mariah Carey posted a picture of her pregnant belly on Twitter earlier today and holy crap she's huge. Of course she decorated it because she's nine and completely insane. But anyways, holy crap she's huge. Hope Nick Cannon enjoyed the sex with Mariah during their first few years of marriage, because now it's gonna feel like he's banging a ghost.

Mariah Carey's sister is a hooker

No no no, I don't mean Mariah Carey's sister is a whore in the "boy, that chick is a real whore" type of way. I mean she will actually suck your dick for money. From the National Enquirer:

Alison Carey Scott -- a former drug addict who's been arrested twice for prostitution and is also HIV positive -- is shopping herself on the Long Island, N.Y., edition of backpage.com, a free Internet classified service used by many hookers. While the audit entertainment ad touts a 36-year-old sexy blonde named "Denise," The ENQUIRER learned the ad is actually for 49-year-old Alison, who charges $250 an hour for house calls. The picture is fake. "You have no idea how badly I need cash right now," a distraught Alison admitted to the The ENQUIRER. "But I'm not having sex for money! I provide personal companionship and erotic body rubs."

In an emotional and candid conversation, The ENQUIRER spoke to Mariah's sister when she showed up Jan.21 to meet a male business traveler in room 431 at the Hilton Garden Inn hotel in Ronkonkoma, N.Y. Dressed in jeans and a baggy sweater, Alison said: "I've been forced to do this because my family refuses to help me financially. For weeks, I was driving a vehicle with practically no brakes. It was unsafe, so I reached to my family for help, but they basically ignored me. I wish I didn't have no make a living by hooking up with strangers on the Internet, but sometimes I feel like I don't have any other choice."

The most troubling part about this story isn't the fact that Mariah has completely ignored her own sister and forced her to become a prostitute to earn a living. It's that there are guys out there actually willing to pay $250 an hour to be with a 49-year-old with HIV. Frankly, if I wanted a chick like that so badly, I'd just dress up as a 20-year-old and introduce myself to Madonna.

*25 Mariah Carey pictures total in the gallery:

Mariah Carey on Lopez Tonight (11/2)

According to the UK tabloid Now, Mariah Carey spent £800k ($1.3 million) on the nursery for her twins, which are due at the end of March. Also, OH MY GOD LOOK AT MARIAH CAREY! Are we sure she's not pregnant with octuplets? A source told the tabloid:

"Mariah and Nick have converted a whole wing of their Beverly Hills house into a luxury nursery,' says a pal. Mariah wanted 18-carat gold trim, with ivory walls, soft furnishings and walk-in wardrobes full of Petit Trésor designer clothes. There's a top-of-the-range sound system and they'll each have diamond-encrusted iPods and a flatscreen TV that comes down from the ceiling."

The twins will sleep in Chelsea Sleigh cribs, £1,390 each, while Mum and Dad relax in Glam Glider chairs at a knockdown £1,420. And there's a Clara changing table, worth £1,780.

"It might seem over the top, but Mariah has waited 
a long time for her baby dreams to come true and 
she says the twins will be 
the most spoilt kids on 
the planet."

Diamond-encrusted iPods? 18-carat gold-trimmed walls? Flatscreens that descend from the ceiling? It sounds like these kids are going to be pampered to the point that they'll become completely self-centered spoiled brats that'll think the entire world revolves around them Gwyneth Paltrow. Frankly, the only way these kids could be brought up in a more sick and delusional environment is if they were raised inside Camille Grammer's head.

*5 Mariah Carey pictures total in the gallery:

Mariah Carey performing at the Formula 1 SingTel Singapore Grand Prix (9/26)

There's been a rumor for the past 5-6 years that Mariah Carey is pregnant. I'm happy to report that the rumors are finally true -- she actually went to the obstetrician yesterday to find out the sex of the baby . . . ***drumroll please*** . . . It's a chocolate cake. Congrats!

Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey out and about in Malibu (5/29)

Please please please let Mariah Carey become the new judge on American Idol. I want to see Mariah Carey's loopy ass attempt to form coherent sentences on TV every Tuesday and Wednesday night almost as much as I want a car made of solid gold. From the Chicago Sun Times:

Nick Cannon's pitch for "American Idol" to pick his wife, Mariah Carey, as a judge might pick up steam now that it appears Jennifer Lopez is out of the running. People.com cites J.Lo's divalike demands as being a stumbling block to cutting a deal for her to join the show.

Are the producers of American Idol absolute morons? How would having Mariah Carey as a judge be any different than having J.Lo? While they're busy picking egotistical queens who think their shit doesn't stink, why not ask Gwyneth Paltrow, Tyra Banks, or Barney Frank to be judges? If Idol wants to rise to the top once again, they need to get someone in there who doesn't have such high standards -- like anyone willing to date Courtney Love.

*24 pictures total in the gallery:

Mariah Carey is demanding

The Smoking Gun managed to get a hold of the rider for Mariah Carey's concert tour this year. And it's pretty interesting as it provides a glimpse into the mind of an insane person (no "busy patterns" - huh?). Among this highlights (actual rider is in the gallery here):

the bubbly has been replaced with a $200 bottle of cabernet sauvignon and her dressing room is outfitted with two dozen white roses  and vanilla aromatherapy candles. As for the furniture in her "living room space," Carey wants "no busy patterns; black, dark grey, cream, dark pink are all fine." It is unclear what kind of negative effect plaid or tartan seating would have on the 41-year-old's performance. Carey's room "should be about 75 degrees," and a "lamp or clip light" should be provided so that "harsh lighting may be turned off" in her backstage bathroom.

Besides that busy patterns thing, these requests are actually tame for Mariah. In the old days, she'd have expected there to be exotic animals, lavish bed sheets, and rare documents waiting for her in her room. Perhaps Mariah's finally started to mature and now realizes that those sorts of requests are outlandish and pretentious. Or, more likely, she just can't afford those things anymore since she went and hired yet another full time staff member.*

*Nick Cannon

*30 pics total in the gallery: