Mariah Carey


Nick Cannon is getting it on the reg

Thjanks to Nick Cannon, we now know way too much about his and Mariah Carey's sex life. Gee, thanks. From Us Weekly:
TMI! Nick Cannon got extra personal while sharing the secret to his successful marriage with Mariah Carey. The 33-year-old America's Got Talent host recently chatted with Us Weekly about his recent family vacation -- and how he and Carey don't let their 2-year-old twins cramp their love life! How do the spouses of five years keep the flame alive in their marriage?

"Lots of sex," Cannon candidly told Us at the Variety Breakthrough Awards in Las Vegas on Thursday, Jan. 9.
Well, to each his own, as the Good Book says. Now, does Mariah let Nick watch and fap? Or does he have to leave the house when she's having sex? Oh wait, Nick is claiming that HE'S the one having sex with HER? Oh . . . weird. It's just strange for me to imagine that this charade is still going on after all these years, but then again, Nick is an excellent and committed butler (he even got his boss' name tattooed on him, which severely limits his future employment within the industry). Oh, and I'm sure Nick is a great nanny to the Turkey Baster Twins, so it's pretty much a win win for all sides. And here I thought Nick's career was over way back in 2002 with that insult to black colleges of a movie, Little Drummer Boy.

*20 Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey pictures total in the gallery:

  • Mariah Carey Sex Life 1
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Mariah Carey demeaning her assistant in Aspen (12/20)

Gotta love that oil money. From the Daily Mail:
Mariah Carey is rumoured to have been paid [$1.5million] to perform at a private celebration in London for the son of the Sultan of Brunei at the five-star Dorchester Hotel. She is understood to have performed around three hits, including Always Be My Baby, and lead a chorus of Auld Lang Syne, much to the delight of the crowd. Miss Carey had been invited to appear by Prince Azim, the billionaire 31-year-old playboy son of the Sultan of Brunei. The pair have been friends for a number of years.

The singer, her husband and their two children, along with members of her entourage, were flown from the US by private jet, before the family was put up in the [$8,000]-a-night Harlequin Suite at the prestigious hotel, which is owned by the Brunei Investment Agency.

Miss Carey, 43, performed alongside veteran star Diana Ross at the New Year's Eve event, where other guests included model Jerry Hall and actresses Sophia Loren and Faye Dunaway.
What the hell is this? Mariah accepted cash money to perform for the Sultan of a Country that doesn't have outrageous record of Human Rights violations? Come on, in the past Mariah's performed for such notables as the humorless ex-General of the Libyan People's of Gobbledygook Muammar Gaddafi, and the notoriously high-strung Jose Eduardo Dos Santos, President for Life of Angola -- internationally renown for using machetes to end debates. It looks like someone is feeling a little bit high and mighty all of a sudden, but we'll see how long that lasts. I don't know much about foreign relations, but I do know that the one thing that sociopathic leaders of rogue nations love more than crushing the will of the people under boot is rubbing elbows with out-of-touch American celebrities, so look for Sean Penn, J. Lo, and Hilary Swank to try to cash in on the vacuum that her royal highness Mariah is leaving open. Hell, even dictators need to be entertained -- ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!

*12 Mariah Carey pictures total in the gallery:

  • Mariah Carey New Year Payday 1
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Mariah Carey shopping in Aspen (12/24)

The secret album Beyonce released earlier this month has been a huge success, and now Mariah Carey wants a piece of the action. Although it's not really a secret if you talk about it. A "music insider" told the New York Daily News:
"Mariah has been telling everyone how she wants to drop a surprise album. It is hilarious because nothing Mariah (above) does is low-key. Can you imagine her filming a video without anyone knowing? Or Mariah sneaking into a recording studio in a hoodie in the dark?"
Awkward, the old lady thinks she still has enough heat to pull a secret album off. I'm sorry, but Mariah needs to dance for her dinner because, pardon my English, she ain't no Beyonce. I admit that Mrs. Z is big enough to score double platinum by scratching a release date into the door of a bathroom stall in a Congolese Walmart, but Mariah's fans need old school press releases so they can at the very least have something to line their birdcages with at the old folks home. Hopefully someone who Mariah respects will talk some sense into her before she humiliates herself . . . and by "hopefully" I mean "hopefully not." Let's get this train wreck started!

*10 Mariah Carey pictures total in the gallery:

  • Mariah Carey Secret Album 1
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Mariah Carey in a bikini

Here's Mariah Carey in a bikini in Aspen on Saturday night. How cold was it? Right around 5 degrees. It was so cold that Nick Cannon's testicles froze. But don't worry -- Mariah keeps them in a mason jar so she was able to just pop them into the microwave to thaw them out.

*5 Mariah Carey bikini pictures total in the gallery:

  • Mariah Carey Red Aspen Bikini 1
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Mariah Carey at the Tree Lighting Ceremony at Rockefeller Center in New York (11/27)

Nick Cannon didn't actually get to bang Mariah Carey until their wedding night. Wait a minute, what if she had a secret cock? That's a pretty big gamble. From the New York Post:
Nick Cannon is an awfully patient man. Appearing on the Howard Stern Show this morning, the host of 'America's Got Talent' revealed all sorts of intimate details about his sex life with wife Mariah Carey, or the lack there of. According to Cannon, he was totally fine with following Carey's beliefs which meant that the couple did not have sex, or any sexual relations of any kind, until they were married.

"I didn't care," Cannon continued, "It's one of the most beautiful women to ever walk the planet."
I believe this story with every fiber of my being, including my pee pee. Of course Nick wasn't allowed to plow Mariah, he was only the motor of her wardrobe trolley. He'll, I'm surprised that Mariah didn't eat him like what other black widows do to their mates -- I guess being allowed to live is one of the perks Nick got for letting his boss brand him with that awful tattoo on his back. If Nick ever runs away, I guess we know where to return him.

*15 Mariah Carey pictures total in the gallery:

  • Mariah Carey Cleavage Pics 1
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Mariah Carey performing the season closing concert at Ischgl Ski Resort in Austria (4/30)

Thank you, Mariah Carey, for introducing the phrase "Raging Cameltoe" into my lexicon. I am forever in debt.

Yours truly,

The Celebslam Guy

*23 Mariah Carey pictures total in the gallery:

  • Mariah Carey Raging Cameltoe 1
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Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon shopping in Paris (4/27)

Even after four years of marriage, you can tell that Nick Cannon is still madly in love with Mariah Carey. It doesn't look like he's growing annoyed with her at all. Nope.

*25 Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon pictures total in the gallery:

  • Nick Cannon Paris 1
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Mariah Carey is a diva again

I was wondering how long it would take Mariah Carey to get back to her diva ways once she had her twins. Not long, it turns out. From the New York Post:
[Mariah Carey], who had her twins Moroccan Scott and Monroe on April 30, partied at Chelsea hot spot Juliet Supperclub until 2:30 a.m. yesterday morning with two female friends and without hubby Nick Cannon. One witness said:

"Mariah came into the crowded club with a small entourage and was surrounded by people taking photographs. She was smiling, friendly with everyone and seemed relaxed. It seems motherhood is suiting her. But her diva ways are definitely still there -- it was very hot, and she had a young man fanning her throughout the night with a big red fan.

"She spent a lot of the night dancing, and was nice to anyone who approached her. But the club was very crowded, so she asked if she could have 'a minute' of quiet time in the bathroom. The ladies' was cleared out, and Mariah ordered a $450 bottle of Perrier Jouet, and had a few glasses in the privacy of the bathroom before coming back out to join the masses."
Can you imagine having your own personal minion constantly fanning you? That's some real diva shit right there. Staying cool all the time seems like something only an Egyptian Pharaoh or I should be allowed to do. You've got to give Mariah some credit though -- this may be the first story of a celebrity going into a club's bathroom for "quiet time" that didn't end with them walking out looking like THIS:

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*22 Mariah Carey pictures total in the gallery:

  • Mariah Carey Bathroom Champagne 1
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Mariah Carey is huge

Mariah Carey posted a picture of her pregnant belly on Twitter earlier today and holy crap she's huge. Of course she decorated it because she's nine and completely insane. But anyways, holy crap she's huge. Hope Nick Cannon enjoyed the sex with Mariah during their first few years of marriage, because now it's gonna feel like he's banging a ghost.


Mariah Carey's sister is a hooker

No no no, I don't mean Mariah Carey's sister is a whore in the "boy, that chick is a real whore" type of way. I mean she will actually suck your dick for money. From the National Enquirer:
Alison Carey Scott -- a former drug addict who's been arrested twice for prostitution and is also HIV positive -- is shopping herself on the Long Island, N.Y., edition of backpage.com, a free Internet classified service used by many hookers. While the audit entertainment ad touts a 36-year-old sexy blonde named "Denise," The ENQUIRER learned the ad is actually for 49-year-old Alison, who charges $250 an hour for house calls. The picture is fake. "You have no idea how badly I need cash right now," a distraught Alison admitted to the The ENQUIRER. "But I'm not having sex for money! I provide personal companionship and erotic body rubs."

In an emotional and candid conversation, The ENQUIRER spoke to Mariah's sister when she showed up Jan.21 to meet a male business traveler in room 431 at the Hilton Garden Inn hotel in Ronkonkoma, N.Y. Dressed in jeans and a baggy sweater, Alison said: "I've been forced to do this because my family refuses to help me financially. For weeks, I was driving a vehicle with practically no brakes. It was unsafe, so I reached to my family for help, but they basically ignored me. I wish I didn't have no make a living by hooking up with strangers on the Internet, but sometimes I feel like I don't have any other choice."
The most troubling part about this story isn't the fact that Mariah has completely ignored her own sister and forced her to become a prostitute to earn a living. It's that there are guys out there actually willing to pay $250 an hour to be with a 49-year-old with HIV. Frankly, if I wanted a chick like that so badly, I'd just dress up as a 20-year-old and introduce myself to Madonna.

*25 Mariah Carey pictures total in the gallery:

  • Mariah Carey Hooker Sister 1
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Would You Rather?

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