Lynn Patridge

Audrina Patridge's mom Lynn goes on epic drunken rant

Lynn Patridge went on an EPIC drunken rant Tuesday night outside Beso, the same night her daughter Audrina was eliminated from Dancing with the Stars. A few highlights:

(:41) "Audrina is going to fucking rise. She's got class. You know why? Fuckin-A, she's a Polish, Catholic, fucking full-on Italian. Not only that, she was raised right. And I don't give a shit. It's all American."

(1:23) "She's kicking ass on her reality show and we're going to fucking smoke it, especially Lauren Conrad's pissy little fashion shit. That bitch wants to bring it on? Let's go! Fucking let's go!"

(1:40) "If you think Kurt Russell and fuckin' Sarah Palin's daughter did good, right on I hope they win, but I hope Brandy wins."

(2:47) "I've had it. I've been a celebrity mom eight years through this Hills bullshit, but Audrina's going to the next level, baby. She's got it in her. Fucking Hills girls -- Hills tramps! My baby's a star! She's the only one that has some class and I don't give a fuck about it."

(3:34) "Hey, I'm gonna be on TV soon baby. you better look for me 'cause I'll be on another reality show with my daughter. And we're gonna kick ass and show you how the real American -- All-American family lives."

(3:53) "...I usually don't drink..."

(4:25) "Happy America. We are all Americans -- hoo yah!"

I NEED more of this woman in my life. If I can find a cheap flight (Southwest maybe?), I may go to L.A. this weekend and start stalking her.