So Tiger Woods probably cheated
Remember last week when Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn broke up
because they weren't spending enough time together. Turns out that was true. It's just that, when they weren't spending time together, Tiger was banging other chicks. Oh yeah, girlfriends hate that. A "close friend" told the Daily Mail
"He had a relapse in the sex department. Lindsey found out about women again. Always while he's on the road. Just like when he was with Elin."
It was after Tiger was eliminated from the San Diego-based Farmer's Insurance Classic in February, somewhere near his old stomping grounds in Southern California,that Tiger had a one night stand, the friend divulged.
"He withdrew from Farmer's. You have to understand, while it's not right, it's not really wrong either. Tiger isn't married. He doesn't really drink or do drugs. He is allowed to find some relief. Most men would drink over such losses.Tiger has sex over it.
"Lindsey found out about the cheating the easy way, if there is an easy way. She didn't check his texts. Tiger confessed. He took the opposite strategy he did with Elin and instead of hiding it, he admitted it before getting caught."
Of course Tiger cheated. He's a sex addict. Sex addiction is no different than meth addiction, except you cum at the end. So way different.
*5 pictures total in the gallery:
Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn at the 16th Annual Tiger Jam at the Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas last year
Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn are no more. Tiger announced the split with an awkward, impersonal, five-sentence statement on his website
yesterday. In other words, it was exactly what you'd expect from Tiger:
"Lindsey and I have mutually decided to stop dating I have great admiration, respect and love for Lindsey and I'll always cherish our time together. She has been amazing with Sam and Charlie and my entire family. Unfortunately, we lead very hectic lives and are both competing in demanding sports. It's difficult to spend time together."
In related news, applications for the position of Waffle House waitress have surged. Mmm, mmm, Tiger loves him some Waffle House waitress.
*15 Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn pictures total in the gallery:
Lindsey Vonn publicly mocked Tiger Woods during his sex scandal
As you may have heard, Tiger Woods and really really good skier Lindsey Vonn announced on their respective Facebook pages on Monday that they are officially going steady (and even posed for pictures, one of which is a dead ringer for The 40-Year-Old Virgin poster
, above). It wasn't really surprising since the two have been hooking up for months (Tiger even let Lindsay borrow his jet so she could fly home from Austria after she blew out her knee last month). What is surprising is that Lindsey would date Tiger after her comments about him in a 2010 interview in Time
And like millions of Americans, Vonn can't help poking fun at Woods' staged event. When a member of her Vonn-tourage tells her that Woods gave a few friends hugs after ending his statement, she cracks, "They're like, 'Yeah, you're awesome, you go have that sex.' " The room breaks into a laugh. Then she describes a skit she would want to perform if asked to host Saturday Night Live: picture Vonn at Woods' podium, blue backdrop and all. "There's something you don't know about me," Vonn says in a faux solemn, apologetic voice. "Tiger, you're like my idol, and I too have a sex problem." More laughter. "That would be freaking funny." ...
When asked how she will deal with sports celebrity in the post-Woods world, in which the tabloids, websites and televisions cameras can threaten even a pristine reputation, Vonn seems nonplussed. "Well, I'm married" -- to her ski coach, Thomas Vonn, since 2007 -- "so I don't have that problem," she says. "But, um, I guess [Woods] is married too." Then she turns serious. "I mean, I guess if you have secrets, you have an issue. I've kind of been open about everything."
Uh huh. For as funny as Lindsey thinks she is, she's now getting a lesson taught to every Cracker Barrel waitress in the northern Florida area: getting Tiger Wood's 9-iron angrily driven into your sand trap is no laughing matter. Does Lindsey share her sense of humor with Mr. Woods? Maybe, maybe not. I bet the only thing coming out her her mouth when Tiger's in the room is "Hrumff . . . hrumff . . . no, not there, Tiger . . . hrumff . . ."*6 Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn pictures total in the gallery:
Here's another roundup of all the hottest twitpics of the last month. That's American skier Lindsey Vonn on vacation in the South of France on May 18. Not only is this chick the best skier in the world (gold in the downhill in the 2010 Olympics; one of only two female skiers to win four overall World Cup championships), but she's also ridiculously hot. God, I feel so damn proud and patriotic right now. I think I'm gonna go beat the shit out of a foreigner.*80 pictures total in the gallery: