Lindsay Lohan leaving a party in London
Lindsay Lohan is determined to sleep with the most eligible bachelor in the U.K. (Prince Harry), and she's not gonna let anyone stop her. Not even Prince Harry. She'll roofie that asshole if she has to. A source told National Enquirer
"Lindsay has always had a huge crush on Prince Harry. She drools over him whenever he's on TV and goes on and on about how physically perfect he is, how much she loves his accent, and what an amazing match they would be between the sheets. She's like, 'if I could just get to meet him one time, I know he'd go for me.'
"She's convinced Harry will eventually fall for her charms The way she sees it, they're both cut from the same cloth. She really wants to have him as one of her bedpost notches and she'll do almost anything to make it happen."
So Lindsay Lohan thinks she has the goods to be royalty, does she? Well, just because she can stack up boilermakers and go shot for shot with a Royal Marine/party animal doesn't make her blue blood material -- it just means she's Lindsay fucking Lohan. The Prince has his pick of millions of much classier broads than LiLo, so there's no way this hookup will ever happen unless a bout of PTSD strikes and he needs to hear the horrific screams of battle to get an erection. Lindsay's been chasing the dream for years, but she should stick to people of her ilk -- like Jack (Daniels), Jim (Beam), and Jose (Cuervo).
*25 Lindsay Lohan pictures total in the gallery:
Lindsay Lohan leaving Boujis nightclub in London
Before making her way to Sundance this week (where she announced
that she's producing and starring in the appropriately-named film Inconceivable
), Lindsay Lohan was living the dream in London. Bar, nightclub, bar, happy hour, nightclub, bar, nightclub. And she was getting paid for it. From TMZ
...we've learned LiLo has hooked up with some Londoners with connections to the city's hottest clubs and other night spots and they've negotiated deals for her to make tens of thousands of dollars in appearance fees.
We're told Lindsay has already made some appearances and more are scheduled ... she's pulling in between $5K - $15K per appearance. She claims she's stone cold sober.
On paper we know that a person in recovery should probably stay away from bars and nightclubs, but I'm willing to make an exception for Lindsay because she's way more interesting once the booze starts flowing. Sober Lindsay is boring, so thank Xenu we haven't seen her with a clear mind since the '90s. Nothing but good (for us) can come from a drunken Lindsay getting behind the wheel of a high-powered European sports car and trying to drive on the wrong side of the road, as her majesty's subjects tend to do over there. Now throw the DUI Queen of Long Island (aka Dina Lohan
) into the mix and we'll see some really tragic shenanigans. Cheers, mates!
*10 Lindsay Lohan pictures total in the gallery:
Paparazzi photos from Friday, January 17
outside No. 41 club in Mayfair, London (pics start here
and Jamie Dornan
filming Fifty Shades of Grey
in Vancouver (pics start here
leaving her office in Beverly Hills (pics start here
and Conor Leslie
at the series premiere of Klondike
at the Best Buy Theater in New York (pics start here
British singer Jessie J
out and about in Beverly Hills (pics start here
leaving Whole Foods in West Hollywood (pics start here
shopping in West Hollywood (pics start here
leaving Gelson's in Los Feliz (pics start here
on her way to lunch at Hugo's in West Hollywood (pics start here
arriving on a flight at LAX airport (pics start here
leaving Whole Foods in West Hollywood (pics start here
on her way to Bristol Farms in Beverly Hills (pics start here
*114 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:
Barron Hilton at Coachella last year
Believe it or not, Barron Hilton is exactly the spoiled little asshole
you think he is. By now you've probably heard that he was awesomely
punched in the face last Friday by Lindsay Lohan's friend Ray
(pic of his bruised and battered face here
). Barron claims Lindsay ordered Ray to do it, but a source tells the New York Daily News
that Barron got punched because he's a spoiled little asshole:
"There were a bunch of kids at the house, when Ray got back from a party, who weren't meant to be staying there. They had all been up all night drinking and Barron was one of them," says one source.
LeMoine asked the group to leave and Hilton took exception to it, says the source, asking LeMoine, "'Don't you know who I am? Do you know who my sister is?' .. Barron just snapped at Ray and started pushing him and shouting at him, and that's when Ray hit him."
Holy shit, "Do you know who my sister is?" when your sister is Paris Hilton might be the funniest thing I've ever heard. It just invites punching. If anything, you should be apologizing for that, not bragging. I've never even met this Ray LeMoine guy, but I'm sending him a Christmas present. Somebody send me his Amazon wishlist.*11 Barron Hilton pictures total in the gallery:
Lindsay Lohan at a friend's house in Miami
Lindsay Lohan fled her Miami hotel late Saturday night because the police are trying to question her in the assault of Paris Hilton's little brother Barron. Barron was punched in the face by a dude at a party both attended at a Star Island mansion on Thursday night/Friday morning, and he's claiming Lindsay order her friend Ray LeMoine to do it. Ah yes, those Thursday night mansion parties. I attend those quite often here in the real world. A source told the New York Post
"They had been partying all night, when Lindsay's current boy toy started talking to Barron about what a nightmare she is and how he wants to end things with her. Barron sympathized with him, but Lindsay overheard and was so angry he was 'talking smack' about her. She ordered her friend [to] beat up Barron."
The source added, "Barron has filed a police report naming Lindsay Lohan and his attacker, who is a friend of hers. Miami police are looking for them both. Barron's face is a mess and he has been seen by a doctor. He is the victim and is really shaken up."
A separate source claimed Miami police showed up at Lohan's hotel twice Saturday, without a warrant, looking for the alleged attacker. We're told the officers were turned away on both occasions without interviewing Lohan or the alleged assailant, who was not at the hotel. A frantic Lohan was spotted checking out of the Shore Club "in a hurry."
Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton's asshole brother Barron
-- there's not one remotely likable person in this story. It's like Hitler fighting Stalin, only worse. At least Hitler had a cute little mustache.*20 Lindsay Lohan pictures total in the gallery:
Lindsay Lohan in Miami
I never thought I'd say this, but Lindsay Lohan should seriously consider getting back on cocaine. Not doing drugs is wreaking havoc on her body. I'm worried about her being this healthy. She needs to move back in with Dina.*20 Lindsay Lohan pictures total in the gallery:
Lindsay Lohan's luxury apartment in New York
Lindsay Lohan is currently living in a $16,800/mo luxury Manhattan apartment -- and it's all being paid for by Oprah. The apartment is part of the $2 million reality show deal Lindsay signed with her back when she was in rehab. A source told the Daily Mail
"It's exactly the same as if the network was paying for a film set. Lindsay is filming in the apartment, so it's all part of the deal."
Oh yes, it's exactly like a film set. Except when actors finish filming a movie, they normally don't try to strip the set of fixtures to sell on craigslist. "Practically New Sub-Zero Refrigerator: Will Trade for Coke or Co-Starring Role in Made-For-Television Movie (Coke Preferred)."*5 Lindsay Lohan apartment pictures total in the gallery:
Lindsay Lohan out and about in New York
Lindsay Lohan is pretty much stalking Queen Elizabeth's granddaughter Princess Eugenie in the desperate hope that she'll befriend her and introduce her to Prince Harry. And it's starting to get a little awkward. A source told Heat
"Lindsay's long been obsessed with the royals, particularly Prince Harry, who she thinks is a perfect match for her."
Perfect match for me: Jessica Alba. See how fun these delusional fantasy games are?
"But Eugenie's quite low-key. The two run into each other at their favorite restaurants - La Cenita and Bubby's - where Lindsay makes a beeline for Eugenie and invites her to her house ... Eugenie's trying to let Lindsay down gently but it's not working ... She's practically stalking the princess in a desperate bid to upgrade her image."
This is so sad. Hanging out with a real princess won't boost Lindsay's image. The kid's fallen so far off the map that hanging out with a pack of stray dogs or reality stars would be an upgrade for her. Even having Lindsay Lohan as a Facebook friend would be embarrassing for Princess Eugenie. Plus, who wants friends with a reputation for hogging all the blow -- especially the high grade stuff that only royalty, athletes, and Canadian mayors get? Look, it's time for all of us to prepare for the inevitable. Lindsay Lohan has finally become that tragic figure that the West just can't get enough of . . . I don't mean tragic like Marilyn Monroe, I mean tragic like drunken coke whores at the end of their death spiral. Cheers!*10 Lindsay Lohan pictures total in the gallery:
Lindsay Lohan leaving a club in Manhattan
Lindsay Lohan is partying until the wee hours of the morning and acting like an uppity bitch to nightclub staff, you say? Are you completely sure? According to her PR rep, Lindsay's doing fantastic, and PR reps never lie. From the New York Daily News
[Lindsay Lohan] has become a regular at a downtown dive, partying into the wee hours with drunken pals. Last Monday, LiLo hit Sing Sing Karaoke bar with a gaggle of girlfriends on Avenue A in the East Village, where she proceeded to start a verbal fight and refused to leave at closing, planting herself at the bar until almost 6 a.m., multiple sources tell Confidenti@l.
"Lindsay was chain-smoking," our tipster says. "She walked in sober and she left looking tired." The night took a turn for the worse when a customer overheard LiLo get into a "disturbance" with a staffer, as she begged to keep the bar open past closing and was acting "insanely belligerent."
When asked to leave, Lohan called the cops, claiming staffers had locked her in the private karaoke room. The NYPD showed up, but no one bothered to file a report. When Lohan and the group finally left, staffers found their private karaoke room littered with trash and empty bottles.
I forgot that sober Lindsay is just as big a twat as drunk Lindsay. This is why White Oprah
doesn't acknowledge her daughter's suicidal lifestyle -- the behavior never changed. Maybe LiLo should go back to getting incredibly wasted every night. At least it'd give her handlers enough time to clean the puke and cocaine residue out of her firecrotch every few hours, and it would probably help with the pungent odor that seems to stick to every barstool and public restroom in the greater NYC area. A fully aware and completely high-on-rage Lindsay would be a nightmare for an assistant who isn't trained in the art of MMA submission holds. Trying to corral a lucid Lindsay is like trying to circumcise a sexually-mature African elephant. While it's possible to do, you're most likely gonna end up dead and covered in jizz from head to toe.*5 Lindsay Lohan pictures total in the gallery:
Lindsay Lohan out and about in New York
Lindsay Lohan is back with her old assistant . . . uh oh. Cue the "Lindsay drinking vodka out of a water bottle in the VIP room" stories. From TMZ
Lindsay Lohan appears to have made-up with an old friend ... only problem, it's another crony with whom she has a history of getting into trouble. LiLo was spotted leaving Lure restaurant in NYC last night with Gavin Doyle -- the same guy who ratted her out to cops last year when he told them Lohan was the driver in their crash on PCH -- a fact Lindsay tried to conceal.
Lindsay also famously booted Gavin from her car last year after leaving an NYC jail for allegedly punching a "gypsy." He was also her employee during most of Lohan's darkest drug fueled days. It's unclear when the two made up -- but we thought for sure he would have been one of the 80 "toxic friends" LiLo cut from her life after rehab.
I'll go ahead and put this story in the "lesson NOT learned" file for two reasons:
- Sobriety cannot take unless all of the bad influences are removed permanently.
- Lindsay Lohan is an idiot.
I'm sorry, but what am I supposed to say about this dummy? She's back with the assistant who broke the cardinal rule of paid lackeys: "If your boss is about to go down for the count, then it is up to the lackey on site to take the heat, amen." Gavin Doyle broke this rule, so he should be punished severely and without mercy -- but Lindsay is the one really to blame here. She should be banned from our precious site, but she won't be. Why, you ask? Hint: it rhymes with "big tits
." If Lindsay hadn't struck genetic gold, she'd have gone the way of Sarah Stavrou years ago. Who's Sarah Stavrou? Exactly
.*15 Lindsay Lohan pictures total in the gallery: