Leonardo DiCaprio and Toni Garrn at the CAA Golden Globes After Party at the Sunset Towers in West Hollywood (1/12)
Leo DiCaprio HATES to have candid pictures taken of him (that's why he wears a hat low on his face any time he goes in public), so you better believe I'm posting these pictures of him making out with . . . *checks his notes* . . . *compares face to description* . . . *cross references name* . . . Toni Garrn. Her name is Toni Garrn. Wow, that was almost awkward for Leo. Good thing he keeps notes.
*5 Leo DiCaprio pictures total in the gallery:
Leonardo DiCaprio at the premiere of The Wolf of Wall Street in New York (12/17)
Leo DiCaprio tells The Sun that he could have been a cokehead from the age of seven like his friends, but it just never interested him. Oh, you mean like River Phoenix? What ever happened to that guy?
"I'd seen all the hedonism and insanity of the world of drugs. I grew up in a hardcore neighborhood. Then coming to Hollywood and actually starting to make a career, you see the stuff around you and you're like, 'I saw this at age seven'. It's never really been a problem for me."Wait, am I to understand that in all the parties Leo's been to all over the world -- where the cocaine flowed like Grey Goose out of Lindsay Lohan's water bottle -- he's never put a rolled up 20 euro note to his nose? I just can't believe that to be true, it's sacrilege. No wonder Mr. DiC runs through supermodels the way chili cheeseburgers run through Kirstey Alley -- he clearly has the advantage of a clear head.
Leo: "Hey, [insert Victoria's Secret Model here], I'm feeling a bit blue, can you suck the bah humbug out of my yule log after you finish that bump?"...or something like that. I'm sure I'm not too far off.
*20 Leonardo DiCaprio pictures total in the gallery:
Miranda Kerr at Roberto Cavalli's Flagship Opening Store in New York (12/12)
Orlando Bloom is not happy with Leonardo DiCaprio for waiting all of two days before moving in on his estranged wife Miranda Kerr. In Leo's defense, he's never had sex with Miranda before (who looks really good topless) and he needs to nail her to complete the full set of Victoria's Secret Angels. A source told the National Enquirer:
"Miranda is Leo's dram girl. He's had the hots for her for years but mostly kept his distance out of respect for her marriage. About a month ago Orlando told Leo that he and Miranda were splitting up and he was brokenhearted over it. Leo comforted his pal, saying, 'I know better than anybody -- there are plenty of other fish in the sea.'" Then Leo, 39, turned around and asked 30-year-old Miranda out on a date.I'm starting to feel bad for Legolas. It seems that all of his friends have been waiting for Miranda to come to her senses, and now they're lining up to come in her. I'm sorry, that was a cheap joke. I'm sure the fact that Orlando's ex is taking the pipe from all of his friends is just a coincidence, and has nothing to do with the fact that Little O is about as intimidating as a bowl of chicken noodle soup on a cold winter's day. Sorry bud, you knew that your pal Leo has dibs on all Victoria's Secret models, past, present, and married. Let the man do his thing to your wife and move on, get over it, and try not to think about it. Trust me, nobody wants to be compared to Leonardo's sex antics, just do what I do and keep swimming in his wake.
"Orlando was shocked that a friend would stab him in the back so callously," said the source. "He told Leo to lay off, at least until his divorce is final." Still, the source said that Orlando, 36, grumbled to another pal: "With friends like Leo, who needs enemies!" (Print Edition - 12/16)
*30 Miranda Kerr pictures total in the gallery:
Miranda Kerr at the launch of the new Jaguar F-TYPE Coupe in L.A. (11/19)
This should probably come as a shock to no one, but it's rumored that Leo DiCaprio is already nailing the newly-single Miranda Kerr. The dined with a group of 15 friends over the weekend in Las Vegas, and witnesses say there was some obvious sexual tension between them. From E!:
An eyewitness at the eatery says Kerr, who was with two girlfriends, and DiCaprio sat across from each other. Kerr wore sunglasses, skinny black pants and a black shirt and ate sushi while DiCaprio enjoyed chicken teriyaki.Let's see, did Leo "I plow a supermodel as often as the average guy masturbates" DiCaprio lay the pipe to Miranda "I am a known supermodel" Kerr? Come on, people, work with me. Of course he did, dummies! I don't know if he invented it, but Leo undoubtedly patented the whole "Let's have my squadron of wingmen run interference so we can sneak and survey your vaginal tribute to me" fake get-together. It's a dangerous maneuver practiced by a very elite type of man-whore -- only true masters like Leo and myself are skilled enough to pull it off and not come off as total douchebags . . . right, Mr. Piven? Leo's the latest in a long line of superheros to have this power. He's sort of a James Bond, except he's not catching evil villains -- he's pounding puss.
"They looked like they were having a great time," a source tells E! News of Kerr and DiCaprio, who weren't acting flirty in any way. "They came with a bunch of friends and were overheard talking about going out the night before."
*30 Miranda Kerr pictures total in the gallery:
Kat Torres is not dating Leo DiCaprio
You know you've reached true player status when you get ridiculously-hot models who want to bang you so bad, they just make up stories about it. Like Kat Torres, who claimed a few weeks ago that she was secretly dating Leo DiCaprio. Sorry, bitch. Get in line. From Page Six:
Leonardo DiCaprio and his model gal pal Toni Garrn were spotted on a date rolling up to Merchants River House in Battery Park for lunch Tuesday on Citi Bikes. DiCaprio was rumored to be secretly dating Brazilian Kat Torres after she said of "The Wolf of Wall Street" star, "We have a pact that nothing can ever be said about our relationship."Yeah, you're right. I did call bullshit on this one. While all the other celebrity magazines and websites were ringing the moisture out of their collective panties over the news of yet another Leonardo supermodel plowing, I remained calm, cool, and collected -- like a man should. Kat Torres broke radio silence regarding her "relationship" with Mr. DiC, which is a mortal sin in his world, so I knew something was fishy. Here's a few other things a respectable person just doesn't do, for example:
But sources close to Leo have shot down her claims as a publicity stunt. "[He] met Kat once five months ago with Toni. They aren't dating," sniffed one pal.
1. Don't put Leonardo on the front page without his say so.
2. Never wear white after Labor Day.
3. Don't become blood brothers with Magic Johnson.
Well, two out of those three might be judgement calls, but you get where I'm going with that.
*25 Kat Torres pictures total in the gallery:
Leo DiCaprio's new girlfriend Kat Torres
Leonardo DiCaprio is done with attractive blonde supermodel Toni Garrn and has moved on to -- wait for it -- attractive blonde supermodel Kat Torres. Wow, what a stretch for him. Kat told the Daily Mail:
"I met Leo in Cannes. We were staying in the same house at the festival. I really don't know how the photographers got the picture because we were well guarded and no one could come close in any circumstances. Leo is amazing, but I worry about what he will think about me talking to you. We have a pact that nothing can ever be said about our relationship. In Europe it is different. People see us together in many places so they do not need to ask us about anything."Sweet Jesus, Kat Torres is an idiot. She must be some kind of backwoods savage, since she clearly doesn't know the first rule of dating Leonardo DiCaprio is to not talk about dating Leonardo DiCaprio. The second rule of dating Leonardo DiCaprio is to NOT TALK ABOUT DATING LEONARDO DICAPRIO. Why is this chick speaking of Mr. D as if he's some douchy reality star? He's Leo God Damn DiCaprio, Goddammit. This is the same guy who dumped Gisele, Bar Refaeli, Erin Heatherton, and Blake Lively, so giving this mouthy bitch a Viking funeral is nothing to him. Hell, Kat is lucky if Leo even knows her name by now. For him, that formality usually comes after the relationship enters the anal stage.
*30 Kat Torres pictures total in the gallery:
Leonardo DiCaprio out and about in Mallorca, Spain (8/15)
I know Leo DiCaprio really hates being photographed by the paparazzi, but that just looks dangerous. I mean, if you're a paparazzo, what's making you more money: "Buy my pictures of Leo DiCaprio riding his bike in Mallorca" - or - "Buy my pictures of Leo DiCaprio in a crumbled heap on the ground with a handlebar sticking into his chest because he thought he had the ability to ride a bike without looking."
*25 Leonardo DiCaprio pictures total in the gallery:
Toni Garrn (and Leoi DiCaprio) in Ibiza, Spain (8/6)
+ Marloes Horst looks amazing in lingerie [Drunken Stepfather]
+ Lady Gaga is butt ass naked (NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ Emma Roberts tried to cut in line for a cronut [The Blemish]
+ Amanda Bynes is officially not in control of her life anymore [Celebuzz]
+ 22 Hottest Photos of Girls in Yoga Pants [Brobible]
+ Selena Gomez really likes shitty food [Socialite Life]
+ Lindsay Lohan is partying again [Evil Beet]
+ Matt Damon lashes out at President Obama [Cele|bitchy]
+ Sharon Osbourne looks like an evil genius [I'm Not Obsessed]
BIKINI PICS OF THE DAY: Ashley Sky looks amazing in a bikini
*20 Toni Garrn pictures total in the gallery:
Leonardo DiCaprio at the De Grisogono Party during The 66th Annual Cannes Film Festival at the Hotel du Cap-Eden-Roc in Antibes, France (5/21)
Leo DiCaprio's hotel room sounds exactly like you'd think, right down to the panties strewn everywhere. From Star:
Leonardo DiCaprio doesn't have a party-boy reputation for nothing! Star has learned that he racked up $50,000 in damages to his suite in the Hotel Du Cap-Eden-Roc during the Cannes Film Festival! "Every night, Leo would throw parties," a source tells Star. "He left cigarette burns on the carpet, bed and couch. And bathtub and toilet were clogged, which caused a huge mess, and women's underwear was everywhere! He was definitely a gentleman in the end and gladly forked up the money to pay the $50,000 bill for the damage." (Print Edition - 7/13)Do you want to know what's badass about this story? It's that the Hotel Du Cap-Eden-Roc would love nothing more than having Boss Leo come back and do even more damage. Why? Because this motherfucker is Frank Sinatra reincarnated. Leo is stylin' and profilin' through life like a goddam Ric Flair promo. Mr. D. can probably take a steaming cream dump on a glass coffee table and the entire Victoria's Secret catalog will dive underneath it. This is why I'm sending my resume to Leo's people, and I'm sending it with no shame at all. I make no demands -- I want to be an official hanger-on like the dude who used to hold P. Diddy's umbrella. Damn it, I just want some scraps . . . and an @mention on his twitter (well, I do have to get the word out on my website -- it's this or a real job).
*15 Leo DiCaprio pictures total in the gallery:
Leonardo DiCaprio and his girlfriend Toni Garrn in Versailles, France (6/6)
CONFIRMED: Leo DiCaprio is dating German supermodel Toni Garrn (as was rumored a few weeks ago). The two were seen visiting the Palace of Versailles outside Paris on Saturday. Hah! Your secret is revealed, Leo! Now everyone in the world knows you like extremely attractive models who look really good topless!
*30 Leo DiCaprio and Toni Garrn pictures total in the gallery: