Chris Brown's interview with Larry King hasn't even been broadcast yet and he's already in full spin mode. Chris says the clip we saw yesterday -- where he claims he doesn't remember beating up Rihanna -- was a just big misunderstanding. He actually does remember repeatedly punching her in the face. In a statement he released yesterday, Chris said:
"There have been reports on the Internet that I didn't remember what happened that night with Rihanna. I want to try and set things straight.
"That 30 seconds of the interview they used of me was taken from a one hour interview during which that same question was asked something like 4 or 5 times -- and when you look at the entire interview you will see it is not representative of what I said.
"The first four times - or how ever many times it was - I gave the same answer -- which was that I didn't think it was appropriate for me to talk about what happened that night. I said it was not right for me and it really wasn't fair to Rihanna. The fifth time - or whatever it was - I just misspoke. I was asked, "Do you remember doing it?" and I said, "No."
"Of course I remember what happened. Several times during the interview, my mother said that I came to her right afterwards and told her everything. But it was and still is a blur. And yes, I still can't believe it happened because it is not me or who I am or is what happened like anything I have ever done before.
Oops, another misspeak. It's not Chris or who he is or what happened like anything he's ever done before besidesthat time in November when Rihanna and him got into a fight when they were in Europe and he shoved her into a wall.
"As I have said several times previously, I am ashamed of and sorry for what happened that night and I wish I could relive that moment and change things, but I can't. I take full responsibility for my actions. What I have to do now is to prove to the world that this was an isolated incident and that is not who I am and I intend to do so by my behavior now and in the future.
Oops, another misspeak. It was an isolated incident and that's not who Chris Brown is besidesthat time in January when Rihanna and him got into a fight when they were in Barbados and he got out of their Range Rover and broke both the front and passenger side windows.
"In conclusion, I am Hitler."
Finally, some truth . . . OK, I might have added that line.
Chris Brown's first public interview since he used Rihanna's face as a speed bag is scheduled to air this Wednesday on Larry King Live. You can check out a short preview above. A transcript:
Larry King: When you hear about all the things the police and the reports say you did, how do you react to that?
Chris Brown: I, I ,I just look at, like, wow, like, I'm in shock because first of all that's not who I am as a person and that's not who I pride myself on being, so I just, when I, like, look at the police reports or when I hear about the police reports, I don't know, what, what to think. I just don't know what to think. It's just like, wow.
Larry: Do you remember doing it?
Chris: No
Larry: Don't remember doing it?
Chris: I don't, I don't, it's like, it's crazy to me, like, I'm like, wow.
It's crazy that Chris doesn't remember beating up Rihanna. I mean, it only happened six months ago. Besides Rihanna's blood all over the car, Rihanna's blood on his knuckles, Rihanna's statement, his statement, and his guilty plea, how do we really know it was Chris who beat her up? Just look at his bow tie and cashmere sweater. People who wear bow ties and cashmere sweaters don't beat up their girlfriends. Seems like we might have jumped the gun on this one.
Larry King leaving Spago restaurant in Beverly Hills (8/26)
In the ass? Actually, no, what are you, some kind of pervert? He did an interview yesterday that's scheduled to air on Sept. 2. Jesus Christ you disgust me. From ET Online:
The R&B star spoke to the talk show host at CNN's studios in Los Angeles, and Brown's mother Joyce Hawkins was also there as well as his attorney Mark Geragos. A source tells ET that Brown's mother got very emotional and started to cry during the interview.
I'll bet Chris' mother got emotional. How could she not? She was expecting a new Bentley Continental GT for her birthday, but because of plummeting album sales, Chris could only afford a BMW 550i. It doesn't even have 14-way adjustable seats. Screw that bitch Rihanna.
Larry King and Shawn Southwick leaving Boa restaurant in Beverly Hills (8/10)
According to Wikipedia, Larry King is 75. 75! How is that even possible? I think there's a 1 missing in that number somewhere. Larry King is so old that, before they have sex, his wife dials 9 - 1 . . . and then leaves the phone off the hook *just in case*
Even though he'd been divorced six times before, Larry King didn't sign a prenup when he married Shawn Southwick in 1997. Last week the National Enquirer revealed that Shawn's been screwing another dude for the past six months. But don't worry, Larry's getting screwed too. Out of 50 million dollars. An insider told the tabloid:
"Shawn has had her share of problems with pills. And to her credit -- with Larry's help -- she went to rehab and cleaned up, but the cheating can't be dismissed. Larry has every right to dump her for what she did to him. But Larry refuses to do that - right now. Still, the thought surely can't have escaped him. If Larry decided to dump Shawn, he could be on the hook to her for $50 million -- despite what she did to him. That's a lot of money -- and it's only compounded by the grief she's put him through." (Print Edition - 11/24)
Am I the only one who sees the positive in all this? If Larry plays the sympathy card right, this would be the perfect time to finally get Shawn to do anal.
Damn, I really thought the seventh marriage would be the charm for Larry King. The National Enquirer is reporting that Larry King's "young wife" Shawn King (she's 48 lol) has been having a year-long affair with "hunky" B-list actor Hector Penate. From the mag:
The Enquirer blockbuster investigation uncovered that Shawn and Hector were so brazen in their adulterous tryst they even made love on the 74 year-old talk show host's desk at home. Their illicit affair began to unravel when Shawn' dependence on the powerful painkiller Vicodin deepened but it didn't end until a livid Larry confronted Penate, sources divulged.
The Enquirer first learned about the clandestine affair between the talk show host's lithesome wife and their son's baseball coach months ago but we chose not to publish the explosive details until they were corroborated by multiple sources. (Source)
I laughed until I cried, then cried until I laughed. Is it Christmas already? Because this story is so funny, it should be turned into a sitcom starring Andy Griffith and the girl who played Stephanie Tanner on Full House. Larry, how does it feel to be a cuckold? If you've ever wondered if your wife looked at you as just a fat wallet with a wrinkled set of balls, then wonder no more. How exactly did you find out that your son's baseball coach was deep-drilling your wife? Was it the paper weight that smelled like vinegar? How's this for irony: Hector must have told your son and your wife to "choke up on the bat," but with entirely different outcomes.
... and CNN's Larry King scored the first interview. Rumors were circulating last week that NBC was going to pay Hilton $1 million for her first post-incarceration interview. As the complaints poured in NBC dropped the interview. ABC's Barbara Walters also turned down a personal request by Hilton's mom, Kathy. Enter Larry King. Larry King Live spokeswoman Bridget Leininger said:
"[Paris] will be on for the hour. We had (filmmaker) Michael Moore originally scheduled for that time. Larry doesn't tell us production details, but what I can tell you is that Larry does not pay for interviews and there are no ground rules." (Source)
Is anybody surprised that Paris took the easy way out yet again? See, Larry King has a well-deserved reputation as being a softball interview. Basically he's an idiot. So tune in to CNN Wednesday night to find out Paris' favorite flavor of ice cream. You won't want to miss this shocking revelation! Oh yeah, don't expect Larry to ask Paris anything about the sex tape since he's never seen it. I don't think it was released on Betamax.
Larry King and wife #7, Shawn Southwick, got into a huge fight at Nate 'n Al restaurant in Beverly Hills late last week. According to an eyewitness, Larry and Shawn suddenly began screaming at each before Shawn finally got up and ran out of the restaurant, leaving Larry behind:
"Larry got up and started chasing her down the street, screaming. Eventually, King's friends were able to grab him and force him to go back to the restaurant to calm down. It was a spectacle." (Source)
King told us through a spokesman: "We had an argument and some words were exchanged, but ... we have hugged and made up."
y ass Larry got up and chased his wife down the street. The dude can barely freaking move. At best he waved his cane in the air and yelled something about "you damn kids" or "back in my day." According to the Sunday comics, old people seem to say that a lot. Usually in response to a hilarious situation involving the neighborhood kids and their prize-winning roses.
