... of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter, Dannielynn Hope. It was just in announced in Florida. Predictably, the media is going apeshit. It's front-page news on all the major news sites (Drudge, CNN, MSNBC, Fox News). Conspicuously absent is the breaking news I received from my dentist this morning. It turns out it wasn't a cavity after all. So yeah, I'm pretty happy about that. Big thanks to those of you that sent flowers and cards. They were delicious!
Potential baby daddy Larry Birkhead dropped some bombshells on Howard K. Stern during their court appearance in Florida yesterday. Birkhead claimed that while Anna was in the hospital attempting to kick her prescription drug habit, Stern "thwarted efforts to get her off" by sneaking a bag of pills into her. Oh yeah, she was four months pregnant at the time. Anna's condition was so bad during the two-week stay that doctors put the former model on suicide watch after she started ripping her IVs out. Anna's Mom Virgie Arthur also lashed out at Stern:
"Howard was there when he [grandson Daniel] died, and Howard was there when my daughter died, and he has my granddaughter now and it's not even his child and I'm afraid for her life as well. Please help us!" (Source)
Is there anyone more hated in the country right now than Howard K. Stern? I could go on a spree killing at a battered wives' shelter and come off looking better than this guy. What he needs is something catastrophic to happen in this country. Remember when Paula Poundstone was accused of molesting her own foster kids? No? That's because the goddamn World Trade Centers were knocked down like the day after all that shit about her came out. Hmmm, that's an awfully convenient "coincidence" ...
*cough*paulapoundstoneisaterrorist*cough*
Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern--both claiming to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter Dannielynn--were in a Florida courtroom this morning battling it out over how best to gain control of Anna's riches Dannielynn. I don't want to bore you with the details so I'll just say it was your average courtroom scene with Birkhead's lawyer, Deb Opri, accusing Stern of killing Anna Nicole ... Actually maybe I will give you some details. The weirdest part of the proceedings occurred when the judge asked Stern to walk up to an easel and spell his daughter Dannielynn's name. Although I haven't seen the clip, I'm pretty sure it went like this:
Stern: "Excuse me judge? You can't possibly be serious! I'm not gonna lower myself to your level and play these stupid games to gain custody. Like I don't know how to spell my own daughter's name! ... *crickets chirping* ... c'mon give me a hint, what's it rhyme with?"
The entrance to the club was so packed that Jackson and crew had to enter through the adjacent strip club Tens. According to our spy, "Janet was very impressed with the moves of one stripper called Venus and wrote down her phone number, gave it to her bodyguard, who in turn gave it to Venus . . . Larry was there to take pictures, but wasn't allowed to in the strip club because of house rules."
Let's review this story again. Janet is having an album release party at this New York club. The entrance is so packed, it could pass as the gates to the album release party last week at the new club Room Service in New York City. Accompanying Janet was photographer Larry Birkhead, Anna Nicole Smith's ex:
The entrance to the club was so packed that Jackson and crew had to enter through the adjacent strip club Tens. According to our spy, "Janet was very impressed with the moves of one stripper called Venus and wrote down her phone number, gave it to her bodyguard, who in turn gave it to Venus . . . Larry was there to take pictures, but wasn't allowed to in the strip club because of house rules."
Let's review this story again. Janet is having an album release party at this New York club. The entrance is so packed, it could pass as the gates to the Saigon embassy right before we pulled out of 'Nam in 1975. How does Janet get in? Surprise! There's a place next door with a secret entrance. Oh yeah, that place also has naked women dancing about on tables. Did my head just fucking explode? Why does this type of stuff never happen to normal human beings like me? Just once I'd like to open the bathroom door at Taco Bell and find a whorehouse.
Two Vietnam references in one day? Beat that National Enquirer! Tomorrow I'll see if I can work in a little Russo-Japanese War humor.
Larry Birkhead, who claims to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's newborn daughter Dannie Lynn Hope, filed a lawsuit on Monday, demanding that Smith return to California for a paternity test:
Birkhead filed the challenge because Smith has not responded to his attempts to communicate, Opri said. "The access had been cut off about the time of the birth of the child," she said.
On the surface, this story seems perfectly normal--guy simply wants to find out if he's the dad of this newborn baby--until you realize we're talking about Anna Nicole Smith here. The bitch is certifiably crazy. She wore a fucking bikini to her fake wedding a week after her son died. It was bad enough for Birkhead to admit he nailed Anna. To admit the baby is his means he'll have to deal Anna-Nicole for the next 18 years. This whole situation reminds me of a frilly maid's outfit. Oh sure I'll wear it--I'll probably even look return to California for a paternity test:
Birkhead filed the challenge because Smith has not responded to his attempts to communicate, Opri said. "The access had been cut off about the time of the birth of the child," she said.
On the surface, this story seems perfectly normal--guy simply wants to find out if he's the dad of this newborn baby--until you realize we're talking about Anna Nicole Smith here. The bitch is certifiably crazy. She wore a fucking bikini to her fake wedding a week after her son died. It was bad enough for Birkhead to admit he nailed Anna. To admit the baby is his means he'll have to deal Anna-Nicole for the next 18 years. This whole situation reminds me of a frilly maid's outfit. Oh sure I'll wear it--I'll probably even look damn sexy in it. But there's no chance in hell I'm claiming it's mine. I have a reputation to uphold.
