Lamar Odom

Khloe Kardashian arriving at Sirius Studios in New York (2/1)

Life & Style says Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are on a "trial separation" right now due to the face that Lamar really really really wants to nail some NBA groupies on the Clippers road trip. Well, duh:

"He told Khloe he needs time to think and be away from her," an insider shares. "He feels completely smothered by her. He feels like he has lost a lot of himself in their marriage and being a part of the whole Kardashian machine, and he is over it."

Lamar's first night away was Jan. 28 -- and he didn't waste any time falling back into his bad habits. An insider says he was back to "partying and talking to other women," just days into the break. In fact, an eyewitness tells Life & Style on Jan. 31 Lamar was grinding with a scantily clad brunette at Bloke & 4th in Toronto. "They were into each other and majorly flirting," a fellow clubgoer tells Life & Style. "At one point, Lamar sat down, took off his knit cap, and the woman was right there rubbing his head." 

"Lamar just wants to be with his teammates and friends and let loose -- he and Khloe were barely speaking when he left for his road games," the insider adds. "I wouldn't be surprised if he moved out after this separation. He is completely checked out."

Wow, I just caught myself there. Sorry, I was about to go on a rant regarding the end of the Kardashian era, but Team KKK has fooled me before. I'll give them credit for going to the same well and not getting called out on it by anyone except yours truly. Look, Lamar got what he wanted out of this relationship -- an upgrade from main stage slutty strippers to champagne room classy strippers. Khloe will be fine, too. Now she can play innocent victim to an evil NBA villain, just like her enlarging sister, Kim. But really, who cares. The only K I had a hard-on for was Kourtney, but now she's just a baby-shitting machine. Let's get those two youngsters a little more seasoned so I can speak on the subject without getting child services involved.

*10 Khloe Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

Lamar Odom hearts strippers

Since marrying Khloe Kardashian, Lamar Odom has been getting a ton of ass. Life & Style says that "ass" has not been Khloe Kardashian's. Awk. Ward.

While at [Downtown Cabaret] in the heart of Minneapolis [on Jan. 16], an eyewitness tells Life & Style, Lamar and some of his Clippers teammates were escorted from a private booth on the side of the main stage into the $500-per-hour Champagne Room where Lamar handed out roughly $2,000 while enjoying extra attention from a stripper named "Jasmine."

"She'll do anything back there [in the Champagne room]," a co-worker revealed. "She was all over him!" And Jasmine got rewarded handsomely for her attentiveness, admitting Lamar took good care of her, and that Jan. 16 was her most profitable night in weeks. "I can't wait until he comes back. He promised!"

As Life & Style previously reported, over the past few months, Lamar has been spotted boozing, flirting and partying it up with pretty girls at clubs all over the country, while Khloe is nowhere in sight.

What hope do the rest of us have if a fake relationship as strong as Lamar and Khloe's can't survive? It's a shame -- I really wanted to see if they'd be the first couple to have an interspecies baby. Oh well, clearly Lamar is ready to give up being a Kardashian . . . by acting like one. It looks like Khloe will just have to find another guy "her type" to lay her eggs in. I'm sure the NFL, NBA, and NHL are on high alert . . . just kidding about the NHL (obviously).

*15 Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

Lamar Odom on Khloe Kardashian: She's "not small"

I mean, right? That's what he's hinting at here. When asked about a sex tape of Khloe and him being leaked, Lamar Odom told Playboy:

"When people see us in person, they see Khloe's not small. I’m not small. People see us and are probably like, Damn, I wonder how that looks. We wouldn’t have anything to be ashamed about, but no, that’s not going down."

Sorry Lamar, there's only one type of person that looks at you and Khloe and actually thinks about what the two of you look like in bed: anorexics. Imagining that beast and Shrek-body-double (you decide which is which) getting it on is a better appetite suppressant than coffee listening to a George Clooney acceptance speech.

*16 Khloe Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

kissy kissy

For some surprising reason, Khloe Kardashian posted this picture on her website earlier this week of her tonguing husband Lamar Odom. I use the word 'surprising' because Lamar thought he had destroyed the picture by driving over and then burning Khloe's memory card. And then smashing it with a hammer. And then burning it again. But I guess not. Tough break.

*2 Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom pictures total in the gallery:

Khloe Kardashian leaving Katsuya restaurant in Hollywood (9/21)

Like Anna Kournikova in Miami on Sunday, Khloe Kardashian was also looking pretty damn pregnant as she left Katsuya in Hollywood last night. In related news, Katsuya announced today that they're getting rid of their "All You Can Eat Fried Calamari" special after an unnamed diner on Tuesday night -- we'll call her "Khloe K" -- made the executive chef cry because of her maniacal demands and seemingly bottomless appetite.

*5 Khloe Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom at LAX airport (8/9)

Khloe Kardashian is denying that her marriage to Lamar Odom is in trouble . . . which is unfortunate for Lamar because time is running out on getting an annulment. From Celebuzz:

Khloé Kardashian is speaking out to set the record straight on rumors the that she had stormed out of a club in a jealous rage after husband Lamar Odom was chatting with other women, based on RadarOnline’s report this morning. Khloé took it upon herself to set the record straight exclusively with Celebuzz.

Khloé told Celebuzz exclusively:  "Sorry to disappoint everyone, but Lamar and I aren't big fighters. Come to think of it, that was actually a really fun night out with all of our closest friends...lots of dancing, drinks and our usual silliness. Stories like these don’t really bother me too much anymore."

Stories "like these" don't really bother Khloe too much anymore? Then why is she making a point of debunking it? In all seriousness though, Khloe has nothing to worry about. If who he's married to is any indication, Lamar has absolutely no interest in women whatsoever. He was probably chatting with these chicks at the club to get stock tips.

*20 pictures total in the gallery:

Khloe Kardashian and her husband Lamar Odom arriving at Katsuya restaurant (8/3)

Finally, it's socially acceptable to smell like my girlfriend. From E!:

Khloé Kardashian and Lamar Odom's latest passion project is coming to a store near you—just in time for Valentine's Day. Lamar let the cat out of the bag last night that the couple is collaborating on a unisex fragrance while attending Casio's Rock the World event in NYC.

"My hubby just spilled the beans on our unisex fragrance," Khloé posted on her Twitter from the party.

Sorry Khloe, just because you wear the same fragrance as your husband doesn't mean you get to label it "unisex." It's still called cologne. Besides, if women really wanted to be like Khloe, they wouldn't have to buy a scent from a department store. They would just live the rest of their life in denial about who their real father was.

*15 pictures total in the gallery:

Khloe Kardashian at the AXE "Cleans Your Balls" screening at the Sundance Film Festival in Park City (1/23)

And by "great," I mean "Kids? Oh shit, that's right, I have kids now. My bad." From Radar:

Four months into her marriage to Lamar Odom, reality star Khloe Kardashian has not spent time with his kids and did not accompany her basketball husband on a recent trip to see Lamar Jr. and Destiny, RadarOnline.com has learned.

Liza Morales, his ex and the mother of his children, confirmed to RadarOnline.com that the Los Angeles Lakers star did travel to New York to spend time with his children just before Christmas. Morales also confirmed that Khloe was not present.

Can you really blame Khloe for not wanting to visit Lamar's kids? Seeing children probably just reminds her of the medical conditon* she has that prevents her from having a baby. If Lamar wants Khloe to see his family more often, he needs to make sure she feels "at home" whenever she goes to visit them. The best way to do that: leave the toilet seat up and make sure the medicine cabinet is lined with cupcakes.

*a penis

Khloe Kardashian at the SWAGG VIP Kid Rock concert at The Hard Rock in Las Vegas (1/7)

Lamar's giving you half of a $4 million mansion and you're still hyphenating your last name? Really Khloe? From Star:

What's in a name? Apparently a lot if you are Khloé Kardashian -- or should we say, Mrs. Kardashian-Odom.

That's right, Khloe -- who married basketball player Lamar Odom in September -- has decided she wants everyone to refer to her by her new name Khloé Kardashian-Odom.

In fact, when Khloe was in talks to host the AXECYB.com party at the Sundance Film Festival later this month, "Khloé stressed she wants all of the invites, press releases and tip sheets to include her married name," a source tells Star. "She also said while in public everyone is to refer to her as Mrs. Kardashian-Odom."

There's only one thing a woman can do that's more annoying than hyphenating her last name: insist you wear a condom talk. The fact that Lamar's letting Khloe keep Kardashian in her last name is finally making something clear about this couple's relationship . . . Khloe has a bigger cock, doesn't she?

A typical breakfast for Khloe

"Operation Gold-Dig" is officially a go. Lamar Odom just signed over half of his new house to Khloe Kardashian. From TMZ:

What Lamar Odom taketh away, he also can giveth back -- 'cause dude just filed legal papers to transfer half the ownership of his new $4 million mansion to his wife Khloe Kardashian.

On January 5th -- one day after TMZ broke the story that title to the 8,347 square foot Tarzana, Ca mansion was held in Lamar's name alone -- Odom filed a new legal document to make the mansion JOINT property.

According to the prenup, Lamar has the right to keep the home in his name alone -- so the move is a pretty big sign of how Odom views his marriage.

Obviously Lamar has competent council from which he's getting his financial advice. I have a good feeling that, like most Hollywood marriages, this relationship will undoubtedly withstand the test of time and not be the biggest mistake of Lamar's life. Let us all look forward to decades of happiness between these two filled with prosperity, good fortune, and -- most importantly for any Kardashian -- never-ending media coverage. The end.