Kylie Jenner: Winner of #kyliejennerchallenge
Kylie Jenner says she's not responsible for hundreds of teen girls across America suctioning the hell out of their lips to get them as plump as hers. Well it is named the #kyliejennerchallenge. I'd say that's a smoking gun of guilt right there. She tweeted:
I'm not here to try & encourage people/young girls to look like me or to think this is the way they should look. I want to encourage people/young girls like me to be YOURSELF & not be afraid to experiment w your look.
Hold on hold on, writing this down . . . teen girls possibly dumb
. . . and highly influential
. Well, I certainly need a moment to compose myself. These are some shocking claims being made today.
*15 Kylie Jenner pictures total in the gallery:
Kylie Jenner leaving the Epione Skin Care center in Beverly Hills
Sometimes I forget that Kylie Jenner is still only 17-years-old. But then sometimes I remember.
*6 Kylie Jenner pictures total in the gallery:
Kylie Jenner's underage swimsuit
Via her Instagram, here's 17-year-old Kylie Jenner doing a swimsuit photoshoot in the Hollywood Hills over the weekend. What an amazing job by this photographer. He didn't let the Child Protective Services agents who suddenly showed up ruin any of his pictures. A true master of his craft.*10 Kylie Jenner pictures total in the gallery:
Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner out for lunch in Calabasas
Kim Kardashian is making millions from her stupid mobile game, so it makes sense that Kendall and Kylie Jenner want a piece of that action, too. Enter Glu Mobile. The CEO of the company said in a statement:
"Kendall and Kylie Jenner bring a tremendous amount of brand power and social impact to an audience largely untapped by the gaming industry. We are pleased to partner with them over the 5-year contract term.
Two sentences in and I already despise this game. I'd rather be caught with child porn on my phone.
"We expect that their creative input along with Glu's expertise in the celebrity-based mobile gaming genre will produce an experience that resonates with Kendall's and Kylie's more than 72 million social followers around the world. The game will allow players to interact with the sisters as friends and mentors as they work to realize their creative and career aspirations."
This saddens me. Because they're gonna make a metric fuckton on this. Hundreds of thousands of people are gonna download this and spend millions of dollars on worthless in-game coins and upgrades. For the first time in my life, I'm ashamed to be American. The Kardashian-Jenner family megalopolis have destroyed my sense of national pride. These cunts would never rise to power in Finland. Here's what MTV
has to say about the game:
Oh, and Glu Mobile: PLEASE make Kendall and Kylie's game cross-compatible with Kim's so we can transfer all our K-coins. Pretty please?
You know what, fuck you MTV. Just fuck you and your stupid douchebag writers. I'm officially my parents.*15 Kendall and Kylie pictures total in the gallery:
Kyle Jenner at a photocall for Nip+Fab at Westfield London
It might be considered controversial here in America to have a 17-year-old promote a product with her breasts, so that's why Kris Jenner flew her daughter Kylie over to England to promote Nip+Fab skincare. Sure she may have no soul or moral compass, but that bitch is fucking brilliant.
*20 Kylie Jenner pictures total in the gallery:
Kylie Jenner's home at 25420 Prado De Oro
17-year-old Kylie Jenner is officially a homeowner. The reality star just purchased a $2.7 million, 4,900 square foot McMansion in Calabasas. The home features 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, a 3 car garage, and a library (a must for a voracious reader such as herself). It's about damn time Kylie rewarded herself. After all, who works harder in this industry than her? Who can forget the, um . . . and the, um . . . oh, and we all remember the, um . . . well I'm sure I'll think of something eventually.
Congratulations, Kylie! As a housewarming present, I'm sending you one of those wood carving thingies you can hang above your front door:*15 Kylie Jenner house pictures total in the gallery:
Kylie Jenner quits high school
Not only is Kylie Jenner not gonna be one of those celebrities who still goes to college for the experience despite having already hit it big -- a la Natalie Portman or Emma Watson -- but she's not even gonna have a high school diploma. According to Life & Style
, she quit homeschooling last year:
"Kylie quit homeschooling a few months ago. She told her mom it was getting 'in the way' of her career, and that she wanted to focus her energies on building her personal brand and making money."
And momager Kris Jenner "gave in," the insider tells Life & Style. "She feels the girls are smart and savvy and they don't need a piece of paper to show that."
This is terrible. No high school diploma means no prom. And without prom, how is Kylie gonna lose her virginit--LOL! I was almost able to type that without laughing.
*20 Kylie Jenner pictures total in the gallery:
Kylie Jenner and Tyga leaving Project nightclub in Hollywood
Here's Kylie Jenner hiding from the paparazzi after partying at Project nightclub in Hollywood over the weekend. Hmmm, that's strange. Isn't Kylie Jenner 17-years-old? In related news:
Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control
Attention: Complaint Desk
3927 Lennane Drive, Suite 100
Sacramento, CA. 95834
Project Club Los Angeles
6356 Hollywood Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90028
(323) 469-0040*7 Kylie Jenner pictures total in the gallery:
Kylie Jenner at the L.A. Mission's Annual Thanksgiving for the Homeless
"Oh, you want some green beans? Maybe you should get a fucking job and quit polluting my vision with your filth." - Kylie Jenner to a bunch of homeless people last week, presumablyALTERNATE HEADLINE
: If Kylie Jenner was any less enthusiastic, she'd be dead
*30 Kylie Jenner pictures total in the gallery:
Kylie Jenner hearts collagen
Kylie Jenner is starting to get annoyed that people are still saying she got lip injections
. While not at school because she doesn't need school because, oh my gosh you guys, she's just, like, super smart, she tweeted on Monday:
I mean, c'mon, leave it alone already. The girl who turned 17 in August clearly hasn't had any work done. Just look at Kylie last year (below). She's just going through the normal biological process that all girls go through when they become women. I actually wouldn't be surprised if her breasts mysteriously increased two cups sizes overnight. Puberty tends to strike the Kardashian women in strange, plastic, ways.
*10 Kylie Jenner pictures total in the gallery: