Kris Jenner

Kris Jenner arriving to Kim Kardashian's baby shower in Beverly Hills (6/2)

What, you've never seen a 57-year-old grandmother driving a white G-Wagen with white 25s before?

*10 Kris Jenner Mercedes pictures total in the gallery:

Kris Jenner at Naimie's Beauty Center in North Hollywood (5/16)

I can't believe Kris Jenner would cheat on another husband. I thought people only did that once and then stopped forever. From the National Enquirer:

Sources say the suspicious liai­son blew up after a neighbor caught a half-naked Kris planting a kiss on her hunky hairdress­er of 30 years, Alex Roldan.

"She's been con­fiding in him about her struggles with Bruce, and they've also bonded over re­ports claiming Alex is Khloe's real dad. At first they just laughed off the rumors. But after joking about their supposed secret sex life, all the hot-and-heavy talk got real sexual chemistry brewing!

"Kris was in the back area of Alex's salon for a hair treatment," said the insider. "She removed her shirt to put on a protective cape - but then accidentally dropped it and was left standing there in a sheer, plunging bra. Alex quickly ran over with a towel to cover up Kris' exposed breasts. She made a comment about how chivalrous he was, then gave him a kiss.

I can't believe Kris Jenner. Just when you think that she found the bottom of the barrel, Kris pulls a shovel out of her asshole and starts a diggin'. It must be horrible for Fatso Kim, Khewbacca, and Baby Factory that Kris is cheating on Bruce with a white guy. What's the world coming to? Forget Bruce the cuckold -- I sure hope O.J. doesn't get paroled; you know how he feels about his former conquests getting the pipe from other dudes once he's been there. Wait, maybe he should be allowed out for a week or so . . .

*15 Kris Jenner pictures total in the gallery:

Kris Jenner arriving at LAX airport (5/1)

So apparently Kris Jenner is having some trouble booking stars for her new talk show Kris that launches in June. But but but, she's famous because her daughter starred in a sex tape! Why wouldn't you want to talk to her? A source told Star:

"Kris thought Hollywood's biggest names would be lining up to come on her show but they're not even taking her calls, It's gotten so bad that she is relying on her business partner Ryan Seacrest to pull in the celebrities but even he seems to be striking out. Not many stars want to be associated with Kris or her show."

This surprises me, it really does. I've always assumed that Kris was in on the joke, but apparently she really takes herself seriously. How could the porn director expect to book A-list guests when she's the one personality in America who can't take the moral high ground over Jerry Springer or Maury Povich? Kris needs to go to the bottom of the barrel and book guests more to her ilk. She can start with mothers who have the same regard for child-rearing as she does, like Andrea Yates or Casey Anthony. I would recommend booking guests from Team KKK's datebooks, but really, how many times can you bring in the Harlem Globetrotters?

*20 Kris Jenner pictures total in the gallery:

Kris Jenner is the worst mom ever

In Touch Weekly got a hold of Robert Kardashian's old diaries that allegedly wrote while still married to Kris Jenner, and yeah, she's pretty much a terrible human being.

"Kris was kicking and beating her and said she was going to kill [Kim]!" Robert claimed in his diary on Aug. 24, 1989. "Kim was hysterical." That's just one of the shocking incidents the lawyer, who died of esophageal cancer in 2003, recorded in his journal at the time his 12-year marriage to Kris was imploding.

Robert goes on to detail Kris' alleged affair with younger soccer player Todd Waterman, claiming Kris left her kids -- all under the age of 11-- for days at a time. "She doesn't leave a number in case of emergency. She doesn't care!" he wrote on Dec. 15, 1989. "She left [the] kids and screwed all night!" Only 10 days after that entry, Robert chronicled that "Kris couldn't get her act together" to spend Christmas with her children, "I was home alone with 4 kids."

Typical Robert, he accuses Kris of things then refuses to listen to her reasoning because he's dead. I'm pretty sure that most mothers these days arrange fake marriages to Neanderthals, force their children to live their lives on bottom feeder TV shows, tease paternity results, direct their own daughters in taboo sex videos . . . wait, what are we talking about again? Oh yeah, Kris Jenner-Kardashian has to give back her "Mother of the Year" coffee mug. Point to Robert K, from beyond the grave. Jesus, maybe we need to take a second look at Al Qaeda's beef with this shitty society of ours.

*10 Kris Jenner pictures total in the gallery:

Kris Jenner is drunk

Kris Jenner went out to eat at Casa Vega on Saturday night with daughter Khloe and family friend Nicole Richie, and maybe she should have stopped after her fourth margarita? You can tell Casa Vega is a Mexican restaurant because of Kris' sombrero. Mexicans love when you honor their culture by wearing a sombrero at their restaurants. Heck, I keep one in my trunk just in case.

*5 Kris Jenner pictures total in the gallery:

Kris Jenner and Kourtney Kardashian leaving Barneys New York in Beverly Hills (7/5)

If there's anything we know about the Kardashians, it's that once your umbilical cord is cut, you better start earning your keep. Which doesn't make this story from Radar about Kris Jenner trying to make a quick buck off her new granddaughter Penelope that much of a shock:

"Kris immediately started trying to make money off the baby, literally from the moment she was conceived! Even Scott stepped in and told Kris to back off, he actually told her they needed time to enjoy their baby before they share her with the world. But Kris was relentless and started taking photos with the intent to sell them, and the whole family knew it.

"The last straw was when Kris wanted to take pictures of the baby during the birth, while she was coming out! Scott drew the line there, he said absolutely not! Both Kourtney and Scott have told Kris to step away, their baby is not some money making tool. They have a deal in place with a magazine to run the first photos of Penelope, but after that they want a little privacy for her."

Kourtney could stand to lighten up on granny Kris. Who can blame Kris for doing what she does best, which is selling children? Look, the porn star and kong are both cum dumpsters, but unlike Kourtney, their wombs are barren -- which means money will never, EVER, fall out of their vaginas. Until Team Jailbait are officially in heat, you'll have to leave it to little Penelope's bikini shots to pay for your Kardashian lifestyle.

*10 Kourtney Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian in 2009

Kris Jenner actually pressured Reggie Bush to call his ex/her daughter, Kim Kardashian, on the night of her wedding to boost ratings for the special that ran on E!. Wow. Despite that, Reggie's still thinking about getting back together with Kim. Run Reggie. Run as far away from this family as you can, Forrest Gump style. A source told the National Enquirer:

"Reggie would take Kim back, but he's making it absolutely clear he doesn't want their romance to appear on her show. He refuses to have the cameras follow his every step with Kim and record their private conversations."

Reggie, who plays for the Miami Dolphins, has already butted heads with Kim's mother/manager Kris Jenner over her request that he phone Kim the night of her wedding, which was filmed for a two-part special on the E! network, according to the source. "Kris wanted to have Reggie call Kim for ratings," the source revealed, "He wouldn't do it." (Print Edition - 12/12)

So Kris Jenner was trying to pimp her daughter to another man on her wedding day for the sake of ratings? This, my friends, is what I call par for the course. Nothing about these slugs shocks me anymore. It wouldn't surprise me if it were to come out that Kris was holding the camera during Kim's interracial porno with Moesha's less-talented little brother. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't bet against Kris tongue-polishing Reggie Bush's cervix-smasher before he plows into fatty if it meant getting a mention on TMZ TV. Wow, who would have thought that Robert Kardashian would be the one with at least a shred of dignity in this family?

*5 Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

Honestly, who the hell would read this book?

Another day, another story about a Kardashian's shameless attempts to make a buck. In this case, we have Kris Jenner ruthlessly squeezing nickels out of "mommy bloggers." From the New York Post:

Jenner, who has done a grueling series of TV appearances this week to insist that Kim didn't profit from her mega-televised wedding to Kris Humphries, took time for a book launch at The Darby on Wednesday night to make some of her own money. Spies at the event said publisher Simon and Schuster brought along 100 books for Jenner to sign, but instead of giving them to the invited guests for free, as is usual, they set up a credit-card machine, charging all the mommy bloggers for their personalized copies. "They even had a fanny pack on hand to collect cash," said a source.

What is Kris' infatuation with money? Even when she's promoting her own product, the greedy bitch won't give anything away for free. Of course, you can't really blame Kris for charging these people for copies of her book. Anyone pathetic enough to drive to a store and wait in line to meet Kris Jenner deserves to get fleeced. And put down Old Yeller style.

*12 Kris Jenner pictures total in the gallery:

Kris Jenner is pulling the strings

The matriarch of the Kardashian family, Kris Jenner, is appearing on The Today Show this morning to talk about her daughter Kim's divorce. One subject that I'm sure won't come up is the fiscal crisis in Europe how she's basically pulling the strings on everything. From The Hollywood Reporter:

An insider also told The Hollywood Reporter that Jenner -- who serves as the family's business manager -- made sure that Kardashian and Humphries' divorce was announced on Monday in time for coverage in the weekly magazines, which go to deadline that day.

The Kardashians unleashed multiple statements to the media Monday (making sure to first give them to E! News, which airs their reality show, and thus pays their bills), before the ink was dry on the divorce filing.

If you think Kris is manipulating her daughters like a puppet on a string, you're wrong. She's manipulating us. The fact that she timed the announcement of her daughter's divorce to coincide with the tabloids' deadlines is disgusting, repugnant, and exactly what you'd expect from a woman that sees her children as an ATM. Speaking of ATM, I hear Kim might be getting back together with Ray-J.

That last line is much funnier if you click the link.

*10 Kris Jenner pictures total in the gallery:

Khloe Kardashian really loves cake(s)

Kim Kardashian, Kris Humphries, Kris Jenner, and Rob Kardashian went wedding cake-tasting at Hansen's Cakes in Beverly Hills on Friday. Oh, and Khloe Kardashian also partook in the tasting. She was actually already there eating cake (her 2 P.M. tradition) when Kim and everyone else walked in -- she didn't even know they were coming. What a lucky coincidence!

*51 Kardashian family pictures total in the gallery: