Kris Jenner

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West at a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton in L.A. (8/6)

I never thought I would say this in a million years, but I'm voting for Donald Trump.


Caitlyn Jenner leaves Patricia Field's boutique in New York (6/30)

Should I be concerned that I find Caitlyn Jenner way more attractive than Kris Jenner?

*30 Caitlyn Jenner pictures total in the gallery:

  • Caitlyn Jenner Hot 1
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Kris Jenner totally knew

Kris Jenner is leaking stories about her being shocked, outraged, and embarrassed about Bruce Jenner's desire to become a woman, but she's lying -- she's known a long time about Bruce's hatred of his penis. I know, right? It's so unlike Kris to not be completely transparent and honest about something. From Star:
"Living with Kris was an absolute nightmare for Bruce for so many years," a source says of his ex-wife. "She was nasty and dismissive when it came to his identity problem, when what he needed was compassion and understanding." And despite her acting shocked around her friends over Bruce's secret life, the source says Kris knew about his feelings from the time they were married in 1991. "Bruce told Kris on their wedding night that he liked to dress in women's clothes," claims the source. (Print Edition 4/27)
Of course Kris Jenner knew. You don't live with a guy for over 20 years and not know he really wants to be a woman. I think the third time Bruce had Kris kill a spider for him was the big giveaway. "Eeeeeeek!"

*15 Bruce and Kris Jenner pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kris Jenner Knew 1
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Bruce Jenner is becoming a woman

Holy shit this is actually happening. We've made jokes for months, but Bruce Jenner really is transitioning from a man into a woman. And of course E! is going to be there every step of the way. Hell, they probably pressured him into this whole damn thing. "C'mon Bruce, all the cool dads are turning their penises into clitorises." Via Gossip Cop:
Bruce Jenner is reportedly gearing up to discuss his "wish to transition from male to female," with Us Weekly claiming the star has already "taped a major sitdown interview." ...

According to Us Weekly, that time is rapidly approaching. The magazine says Jenner was "uncomfortable" going public for a while, but now, with his family's blessing, "wants to put it all out there." "Bruce has had these urges for many years, so the kids have known," one Jenner "friend" tells the outlet, further saying that Jenner takes on a more womanly appearance at home than he has so far in public.

Us Weekly reports that Jenner, who was wed twice before he married Kris and has children with all three wives, was already "taking steps to live as a woman" when he met the Kardashian matriarch in 1990, quoting a source as saying he "had gone to doctors, started plastic surgery, and begun the transition." Kris, however, allegedly "talked Bruce out of acting on his feelings." Tension over the issue reportedly dominated the couple's marriage, eventually leading to their breakup after more than 20 years together. As Gossip Cop reported, the former couple filed for divorce last fall, more than a year after their separation.

Jenner is said to be now taking estrogen hormones, even as soon-to-be ex-wife Kris has "refused to accept the truth." Us Weekly says the momager remains in "denial," and quotes its source as saying "she has made no attempts to understand" what Jenner is going through.
In summary, Kris Jenner is such a cunt of a woman that Bruce Jenner has given up on being a man. He's just over it.  At least that's what I'm getting out of this.

Bruce Jenner driving on Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu (1/14)

They've been separated for months, and officially divorced since last month, but Bruce Jenner will still not take off the symbol of his love to Kris Jenner: his wedding ring. This is getting . . . awkward. Regarding her ex-husband, Kris Jenner was unavailable for comment because she's too busy moving on with her life by fucking a bunch of new dudes. Maybe Bruce needs to do that. And judging by his transformation the past year, maybe literally.

*10 Bruce Jenner pictures total in the gallery:

  • Bruce Jenner Wedding Ring Finger 1
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Kris Jenner departing on a flight at LAX airport (9/22)

Kris Jenner is officially single. She finally filed for divorce from her husband Bruce Jenner yesterday. The petition lists their official separation as June 1, 2013, but you can tell Bruce checked out years ago. In response to the filing, Bruce has planned a fireworks show outside his home in Malibu for later tonight. From the New York Daily News:
In the filing, which cites irreconcilable differences as the cause of their split after 23 years of marriage, Kris requests joint custody of daughter Kylie, the only one of their kids who is still a minor.

She is also petitioning to keep all her jewelry and wants to divide the rest of their assets later.
I'm shocked Kris is listing June 1 of last year as their separation date. "Excuse me lawyer, what's the date when I officially started making more money than Bruce? January 9, 2003? Okay, we split up January 10, 2003. MONEY! MONEY MONEY!"

Kim Kardashian's soul is said to be crushed after learning about the divorce filing. Luckily she sold it to a dude in the Middle East years ago, so she's not really feeling anything right now. Yeah for money!

*10 Kris Jenner pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kris Jenner Divorce Filing 1
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A dream third wedding for Kim

Kris Jenner is "seething" that Kanye West and Kim Kardashian didn't cash in on their wedding pictures, and instead released them to the internet. The New York Post says they turned down international offers of $11 million for the pics. International? Hell, I'm assuming. From the paper:
Kardashian klan mastermind Jenner, however, "very much wanted to sell the pictures," a source says, pointing out that Jenner gets commission on her kids' business interests. The source told Page Six, "Kris was none too happy."

But West had other ideas. "Kanye is taking a page from [Jay-Z and Beyonce], who own their photos," a source said.

Another source close to Kim insisted that Jenner had nothing to do with her decision to turn down money for the wedding photos. "These are Kim's wedding pictures," the insider said. "Kim and Kanye were getting offers for money, and they decided with their teams not to take any."
I like how the Post says that Kanye "and Kim" decided not to sell the pics. Make no mistake, this was 100% Kanye's decision. Kim won't turn down a nickel she finds on the sidewalk. Getting her to give up $11 million for doing literally no work whatsoever is like getting Jonah Hill to give up donut cheeseburgers. You can try, but you're gonna lose an arm.

*11 Kanye Kim pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kanye Kim Wedding Picture Sale 1
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Kris Jenner on her way to SoulCycle in Beverly Hills (3/10)

Stop me if you've heard this story before, but one of the Kardashians is being blackmailed over a sex tape. Plot twist: It's the mom. From Radar:
According to a source close to the Kardashian-Jenner family, Jenner was approached over a week ago by an unknown man claiming to be in possession of a sex tape starring the Keeping Up with the Kardashians momager.

"At first she thought it was a joke, because she knew it couldn't be real," the source told Radar. "Obviously she would never allow herself to be taped like that! Initially, she just ignored it."
"Obviously she would never allow herself to be taped like that" in reference to Kris Jenner might be the funniest thing I've ever heard. If the money was right, she would go fuck O.J. in prison and sell the footage to Vivid. There's literally nothing she wouldn't do for money.
But it soon became clear that her tormentor would not let go so easily.

"He called Kris more than one hundred times in the last seven days, from more than 100 different phone numbers," the source revealed. "He uses scrambled cell numbers. He called more than 25 times just yesterday (Sunday) alone! The man has been demanding money from Kris. If he's not paid, he claims, he'll release the tape."
Oh no, Kris must be so stressed. If only there was someone she could talk to -- a daughter-like figure, perhaps -- who was in the same situation in the past, but used it to her advantage to make millions of dollars. Nope, can't think of anybody.
As a result, the insider revealed, "The family has drastically stepped up their security and Kris had no choice but to turn all the information over to law enforcement and to [the family's private investigator] Gavin DeBecker."
In other news, the Kardashian family has a private investigator on staff. They're basically like their own little country. I wouldn't be surprised if they try to take over Malibu like it's Crimea.

*15 Kris Jenner pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape 1
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Kris Jenner arriving a medical center in L.A. (2/4)

Since Kris Jenner has squeezed every last nickle she could out of Hollywood, it only makes sense that she'd move on to the high seas. "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, give me all your appearance loot and sponsorships booty, um, or I'll rape you!"

*10 Kris Jenner pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kris Jenner Pirate 1
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The Kardashians are going out Heaven's Gate style

Kris Jenner says when the Kardashians finally retire as a reality family, they're going out all at once . . . with E! filing bankruptcy shortly after. Kris said:
"We made a deal with one another when we shot the first episode that if someone is not having a good time we'll have to stop, and no one has ever said they're not having a good time I think we're having the time of our lives."
So the only thing keeping Team KKK on TV is whether or not the sows are happily producing cultural poison? Well, since being off TV is like death to these people, I believe a Heaven's Gate-style exit suits them perfectly. Hopefully Kanye will be a full member by the time the UFO flies by so he can join in on the tequila and cyanide shots . . . who are we kidding? -- this family isn't going anywhere. After all, it was Kris who promised her money makers that she'd quit as soon as they weren't having fun, and we've all heard how much she honors promises made to her family . . . specifically husbands.

*10 Kardashian family pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kardashian Family Retirement 1
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Would You Rather?

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