Kourtney Kardashian


Kourtney Kardashian in Miami (7/20)

A Kardashian with modesty? I've officially seen everything . . . *looks outside to see if the sky has turned red from the fire of a thousand suns*

*20 Kourtney Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kourtney Kardashian One Piece 1
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Kim Kardashian leaving an office building in Beverly Hills (3/22)

C'mon, did you really think you could separate these two forever? Of course the Kardashians were eventually gonna start selling their own line of fake tan. Snooki and JWoww are gonna be so excited! Kim told Women's Wear Daily:
"I think tanning has really been a way of life for all of us, living in California," Kim said. "Especially, more recently, the need for sunless tan. When I travel, the one thing that makes me feel alive whether or not I have makeup on is a tan, especially in my face. When you travel, you can't just go lay out. I do like regular tanning because I have psoriasis, and the tanning beds are particularly good for that. Every time I put sunless tan before, it wouldn't be even -- so we wanted a system that was really easy but yet is a full system."

"[We] came up with something that is still good for your skin and healthy for you; everything is paraben- and sulfate-free," Kourtney said. "We love beauty and fashion, but making sure we're taking care of our bodies is crucial to us."
You know what? I'm all in on this one. I've seen the Kardashians without makeup, so I can tell you in all honesty that these animals know all about blotchy, uneven skin. They need all the help they can get. Another thing the Kardashians know all about is the proper fluid squirting dynamics so crucial to a quality bottle of fake tan -- look for their new line to be dispensed from a giant black bottle that won't call you tomorrow.

*21 Kim Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kardashian Tanning Lotion 1
  • Kardashian Tanning Lotion 2
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Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian shopping in Beverly Hills (2/18)

Scott Disick's "2013 Father of the Year" candidacy is officially over. So sad. From Life & Style:
Scott Disick is picking partying over family time -- again! Life & Style has learned that during a recent family vacation to Punta Mita, Mexico, Scott left Kourtney Kardashian -- his girlfriend and the mother of their two children -- behind to blow off steam at a nightclub an hour away. While Kourtney cared for little Mason and Penelope, Scott and a group of pals drove more than 50 miles down the Mexican coastline for a night out at Strana in Puerto Vallarta.

"Scott and Kourtney got into a huge fight about it," a source tells Life & Style, on newsstands now. "She was pissed he was partying when they were supposed to be on a family vacation. Kourtney hates clubs and thinks it's embarrassing that Scott feels the need to go out and party instead of staying with her and the kids."
Scott's a dick, but I think Kourtney's in the wrong on this one. Sure, it was supposed to be a family vacation, but I feel the need to point something out: Kourtney Mary Kardashian is as boring a conversationalist as anyone ever to be farted out of Kris Jenner's  money-hole. I mean, doesn't Kourtney watch her own show? It's a half hour of her incessantly whining into her iPhone (via speaker, no less) about relationships and vacations. The fact that Scott didn't go all Mindy McCready and give himself a 9mm haircut is a real testament to his patience and listening skills. What, too soon?

*20 Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

  • Scott Disick Mexico Partying 1
  • Scott Disick Mexico Partying 2
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Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick arriving on a flight at LAX airport (12/16)

Kourtney Kardashian actually put her personal life ahead of ratings? Wait, what? Am I trapped in some kind of parallel universe where left is right, up is down, and the Kardashians don't sell their souls to the highest bidder? From Life & Style:
Scott Disick's offer of a ring is rejected by Kourtney Kardashian -- again! In the new issue of Life & Style on newsstands now, insiders reveal that Scott had been planning to get down on one knee -- for the second time in two years -- while the couple were in Miami filming Kourtney & Kim Take Miami; however, Kourtney got cold feet.

"She didn't allow for an engagement to be filmed," shares a Kardashian insider. "They did not film a proposal, and it was because of Kourtney. She said, 'No.' She does not want to be engaged."

For Scott, it was a repeat of 2010, when he'd bought a sparkler with yellow pavé diamonds only to have Kourtney cut off his plans during what was supposed to be their proposal dinner at Le Cirque.

"Kourtney really has been very vocal and told everyone how she does not want to marry Scott," a friend reveals to Life & Style. "She does not think their relationship is perfect and is scared of divorce. But Scott's not happy about her never saying yes to a proposal."
Nope. Sorry, I'm not gonna play this game. If Kourtney says she doesn't want to marry Scott because he's white, then I'll be OK with that, but this isn't anything of the sort. Kourtney Kardashian (she's the K in Team KKK) wants us to believe that she's a graceful flower who's above living her life on E!? Please, I've seen more class in a bukkake film. I'll bet the farm that this is more of a contract negotiation ploy by Mama Kris, who makes Honey Boo Boo's mother look like Princess Di. If we can get past this pesky Apocalypse today (and if the show survives another year) not only will we see Kourtney accept a ring from Scott, I bet we'll see the third Kourtney/Scott demon-bastard-child get consummated in her backside.

*15 Kourtney Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kourtney Kardashian Proposal 1
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Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick in North Miami Beach (11/4)

That's Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick both riding a scooter earlier this week in Miami, and both not wearing a helmet. Wow, what incredibly responsible behavior from a mother of two. This has to be the idea of Kris Jenner. "KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN; LEARNING TO LIVE WITH SEVERE BRAIN DAMAGE" would definitely be People Magazine's top selling issue of the year.

*20 Kourtney Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kourtney Kardashian No Helmet 1
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Kourtney Kardashian shopping in West Palm Beach, FL (10/24)

Gee, a TV wedding went so well the last time around for a Kardashian. Let's do it again! From In Touch:
In Touch has exclusively learned that longtime couple Kourtney Kardashain and Scott Disick "are planning to get engaged when they tape the end of the season of Kourtney & Kim Take Miami in December," a friend of the family confirms in the new issue of In Touch, on newsstands now.

And Scott is already shopping for a ring. "He was at Levinson Jewelers in Fort Lauderdale on Oct. 25," says an eyewitness, noting that the cameras were rolling. "He was looking at really big, expensive diamond rings."

Sources reveal to In Touch that they've already begun the planning and she's even given the green-light to televise their nuptials.

"She and Scott have met with a wedding planner," another friend confirms to In Touch. "And they've narrowed down the date -- the wedding is scheduled to take place after Christmas but before Easter. It's definitely just for TV ratings. Kourtney is getting caught up in the show, and he, of course, just wants the payday. Sadly, she's flirting with disaster -- and everyone knows it."
Even though this union will stink like a NASCAR jumpsuit with product placements, I believe that Scott and Kourtney might actually be a real couple. Why, you ask? Well, for one thing Scott makes Kourtney look like an idiot. Old lady Kris can't manipulate the media enough for us to ignore the fact that he's not under Team KKK's control, and that's something normally not tolerated in their universe. Second, he's white, and that's another thing normally not tolerated in their universe. Pretty odd code of ethics to follow since apparently setting up phony photo ops, profiting off of sex tapes, and orchestrating fake marriages are all fine and dandy.

*20 Kourtney Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kourtney Kardashian Made for Television Wedding 1
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Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick in Miami (10/29)

Scott Disick pretty much fingered Kourtney Kardashian in full view of the paparazzi yesterday in Miami. I know, classy stuff from a mother of two. "Shit, I better buy the rights to the video . . . I wonder if Kourtney will reshoot the scene so we can get some better shots for the DVD cover," thought Kris Jenner.

*30 Scott Disick pictures total in the gallery:

  • Scott Disick Horny 1
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Ha Ha, you suck Kardashians

Three separate neighborhoods in Miami blocked Kim and Kourtney Kardashian from moving in and filming the new season of their reality show there. Gee, I don't understand why. Who wouldn't want to live in the reality show version of an Afghan war zone? From Belle Isle Blog:
Their efforts to get homeowner approval in three Beach neighborhoods were dashed (sorry!) -- on the Sunset Islands, DiLido Island and on North Bay Road, according to Raul Gonzalez of Miami Beach's Office of Film and Print. In each case, they needed signatures from the immediate neighbors of the home they wanted to use for three months of non-stop filming, and well as support from 90 percent of homeowners within 500 feet. Residents complained the film crews and paparazzi would disrupt their quiet neighborhoods.

So, where will Kim and Kourtney be? "They found a place  in a gated community in North Miami Beach," just north of Oleta River State Park, Gonzalez said.
I'm willing to bet my precious left testicle that this particular situation wasn't planned out by Team KKK, even though history shows otherwise. Remember, every single faked press event is painted to make a Kardashian look likeable, even though they're about as likable as the bullet-riddled corpse of Muammar Gaddafi. They're sorta like Barack Obama. Back in the good ol' days of 2008, there wasn't anyone in the world as universally liked as Obama. But in 2012? Not so much. The word "Kardashian" is as cringe-inducing as the word "Obamacare," and that's a hell of a downfall for any attention whore to take.

BTW, don't be mad, bro. I lifted this article from Fox News.

*20 Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kardashians Filming Permit 1
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Kourtney Kardashian flashes her butt

Kourtney Kardashian had a wardrobe malfunction yesterday on the balcony of her hotel in Miami, flashing her ass after sister Khloe twirled her around. It was the most embarrassing wardrobe malfunction to strike the family since Bruce Jenner accidentally exposed his vagina on the season finale of Keeping up with the Kardashians. Seriously, you're not gonna convince me that that's a dude. He looks more like a lesbian than an actual lesbian.

NOTE: To see the uncensored Kourtney Kardashian wardrobe malfunction pics, click the picture above and then click the "Full Size" button located at the top or bottom of the image.

*30 Kourtney Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kourtney Crack Flash 1
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Kourtney Kardashian leaving church in Thousand Oaks, California (8/26)

Call me crazy, but it seems like you and your significant other moving into separate apartments during the filming of your reality show probably means you don't have the healthiest relationship. Also, if you and your significant other are being filmed on a reality show, it probably means you don't have the healthiest relationship. From In Touch Weekly:
While they'll be in the same building with "Kim and Kanye West and everybody else involved in the [Kourtney & Kim Take Miami], Kourtney and Scott will be living in separate apartments," a Kardashian insider confirms to In Touch.

Friends say Kourtney is so fed up with his hard partying and immature behavior that she can barely stand to be in the same room with him. However, living apart may be a recipe for disaster, say those who know the couple.

"It's the worst possible situation for Kourtney," explains an associate. "Scott's friends in Miami are partiers, and they're all in the club scene -- so he'll be worse than ever. With his own apartment, he'll have the privacy to do whatever he wants without Kourtney knowing. She'll still have to film with Scott every day and hear about all the bad things he's done without being able to do anything about it. There's going to be a lot of drama."
Wait . . . what? Kourtney is living with Scott on TV, but they don't share an apartment in Miami unless Kanye is there with a production crew . . . holy shit! These people are just too damn dishonest for me to follow. Is there ANYTHING Team KKK does that is completely sincere? Fake relationships, fake marriages, fake leaked porn tapes . . . it's all fake (well the porn tape was real; the "leak" was negotiated by Mother of the Decade Kris). Look, I understand that Kris and her hatchlings are nothing but a bunch of carnies, but that doesn't mean that we all have to be rubes. If you schemers ever wanted to know why you're so hated now, it's because you insist on treating us like a bunch of marks. Dammit, you assholes owe me a giant stuffed animal!

*15 Kourtney Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kourtney Kardashian Separate Apartments 1
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Would You Rather?

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