Kirstie Alley


Kirstie Alley leaving her hotel in Tribeca (6/17)

I just wanted to remind everyone that last week Kirstie Alley said she's *this close* to having a 22-inch waist. Now to be fair, I didn't really want to write another story about her comments until I saw these pictures of her leaving her hotel last Friday. I think they really drive home just how fucking insane she is. The only part of Kirstie Alley that's 22 inches are her thighs

*15 Kirstie Alley pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kirstie Alley Badonkadonk 1
  • Kirstie Alley Badonkadonk 2
  • Kirstie Alley Badonkadonk 3
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Megan Fox at the the Toyota Grand Prix Pro Celebrity Race in Long Beach (4/16)

Even though she's gained 12 pounds in the past month, Kirstie Alley says she can almost fit into the same size dress as Megan Fox. Yes, that Kirstie Alley. The rotund star told Life & Style with a straight face:
"My goal dress has a waist that's 22 inches," she shares with Life & Style. "I tried it on, and I can almost zip it up." She plans to wear the dress on her Italian vacation in a few weeks. "I'll be my target size by then," she exclaims. That means the 60-year-old can soon start sharing clothes with sexy Megan Fox! ["I do have a 22-inch waist," confesses the 25-year-old.]

Kirstie is determined to keep the weight off. "I’ve been dancing almost every day since the show ended," she confides. "I like all the Latin dancing. It's the best exercise and the best cardio."
Kirstie Alley thinks she's going to get down to the same size as Megan Fox? Only if Megan gives birth to octuplets. Seriously, you could fit two Megans inside Kirstie and still have room left over . . . we should try that.

*10 Megan Fox pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kirstie Alley Megan Fox 1
  • Kirstie Alley Megan Fox 2
  • Kirstie Alley Megan Fox 3
  • Kirstie Alley Megan Fox 4
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  • Kirstie Alley Megan Fox 10

Kirstie Alley leaving her hotel in New York (6/13)

Kirstie Alley -- whose weight has roughly mirrored the performance of the stock market over the past few decades (up, up, sometimes down, but mostly up) -- is well on her way to regaining the weight she lost during her appearance on Dancing with the Stars. I know, right? Aren't you totally shocked, too? From the National Enquirer:
After triumphantly slimming down on DWTS, Kirstie Alley has gone on a wild eating binge - and quickly packed on 12 pounds.

“No one expected her to keep up with the demanding 2000-calorie-a-day diet or grueling seven-hour dance sessions once the show was over, but Kirstie has returned to her bad old ways."

Losing DWTS - combined with not having a man in her life - has left her miserable, according to her friend. And Kristie has “been consoling herself by eating the best food the Big Apple has to offer… she’s put on about 12 pounds since the DWTS finale.”
In Kirstie's defense, she probably never would have regained this weight if bacon didn't taste like bacon. "It's not fair!"

*29 Kirstie Alley pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kirstie Alley Weight Gain 1
  • Kirstie Alley Weight Gain 2
  • Kirstie Alley Weight Gain 3
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Kirstie Alley = FAIL

Honestly, this business failure couldn't have happened to a nicer person . . . and by "nicer person" I mean "bigger bitch." A spy told the National Enquirer:
"Kirstie [Alley] opened her Organic Liaison store in the tony Los Feliz area eight weeks ago, and it's gorgeous-a huge storefront that's all glass, a loft, expensive modern furniture, beautiful hanging lamps and a wall-mounted big-screen TV that pumps out Kirstie clips. The palace has everything-except customers. I pass by at least twice a day and not once have I seen anyone inside, except a lonely salesgirl. On the one occasion I dropped in, the phone rang and the girl's face lit up-but it turned bout to be a wrong number." 
What did Kirstie think would happen? No one's going to go to a fat person's store to buy health conscious foods -- it just doesn't make sense. That would be like seeing a French person open a deodorant store or K-Fed open a Planned Parenthood.

*10 Kirstie Alley pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kirstie Alley Business Failure 1
  • Kirstie Alley Business Failure 2
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Kirstie Alley falls on Dancing with the Stars

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is normally associated with people who've fought in horrific wars or survived unspeakable tragedy, not contestants on reality shows. That all changed last night in Los Angeles. From Us:
[Maksim Chmerkovskiy] pro suffered a mysterious injury on Monday's performance show -- and nearly dropped parter Kirstie Alley when his thigh gave out. Although Chmerkovskiy, 31, was all smiles on camera, the dancer appeared to be in considerable pain during commercial breaks -- grimacing and apologizing profusely to Alley, 60.

"No big deal,' Chmerkovskiy  assured UsMagazine.com in a chat after the show. "I'll be fine... It'll take a stretcher to get me out of here! I'll be okay."
After seeing last night's show, organizers of the annual "World's Strongest Man" competition have added the "Two Minute Rumba with Kirstie Alley" to the event this year. In response, 2010 champion ┼Żydr┼źnas Savickas of Lithuania announced that he will not be returning to defend his crown. "Even I'm not zat fucking stupid!"


Kirstie Alley leaving Dancing with the Stars studios after practice in Hollywood (3/11)

Let this next story be a lesson to all future advertisers: If you hire Kirstie Alley, you may be biting off more than you can chew . . . which coincidentally Kirstie never has a problem with. From the Chicago Sun Times:
Kirstie Alley may be surprising people with how well she’s doing on “Dancing With the Stars,” but the folks at Jenny Craig are not cheering. The diet program honchos are very upset with the actress — believing Alley basically took their money for a well-publicized TV ad campaign, and then ran off to do her own diet plan. Even before Alley finished with Jenny Craig, the “DWTS” contestant had packed back on almost all of the pounds that she initially had lost.

According to a JC source, Alley simply didn’t stick with the diet and exercise program Jenny Craig espouses for all its customers. Now, supposedly partnering with several fellow Scientologists, Alley has launched Organic Liaison — a Los Angeles store that sells a program very similar to the Jenny Craig concept.

“To say the least, this was not our favorite celebrity endorsement arrangement,” said the JC source.
No shit Kirstie "didn't stick with the diet and exercise program Jenny Craig espouses." I'm pretty sure Jenny Craig's business model isn't to turn their clients into Jabba the Hutt. If Kirstie really launched her own diet program, her fellow Scientologists better make sure she follows through. Because as any 10th level Operating Thetan will tell you, unlike flights on Southwest, fat people can't buy two seats for the spaceships that fly to Xenu.

*17 Kirstie Alley pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kirstie Alley Jenny Craig Scam 1
  • Kirstie Alley Jenny Craig Scam 2
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  • Kirstie Alley Jenny Craig Scam 1
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  • Kirstie Alley Jenny Craig Scam 9

Kirstie Alley leaving a dance studio -- or possibly a buffet -- in Hollywood (3/7)

Gee, I wonder why anything bad is ever said about Kirstie Alley. She sounds like an absolute peach. From the Chicago Sun Times:
The backstage gossip at "Dancing With the Stars" is veteran pro dancer Maksim Chmerkovskiy is increasingly unhappy with his partner Kirstie Alley — finding her even more of a diva than he expected when he learned they’d be teamed up for this new season.
What did this Chmerkovskiy (try saying that name five times fast) guy expect? In Hollywood, any estrogen-laden celebrity over 300 pounds automatically thinks she's a diva. Aretha Franklin: diva. Oprah Winfrey: diva. Clay Aiken: diva. If Maksim had wanted a partner that wasn't so high maintenance, he should have found someone less opinionated than Kirstie: like Bill O'Reilly or Glenn Beck.

*13 Kirstie Alley pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kirstie Alley Dancing Delight 1
  • Kirstie Alley Dancing Delight 2
  • Kirstie Alley Dancing Delight 3
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  • Kirstie Alley Dancing Delight 10

Vanessa Hudgens at the premiere of Beastley in L.A. (2/24) and Kirstie Alley leaving STK restaurant in West Hollywood (2/28)

Man, this is a tough one. On the one hand we have Vanessa Hudgens, one of the hottest chicks in Hollywood. Not many people know this but instead of farting, her body actually emits a light spray of perfume. It's true. I've smelled it first hand. It's very pleasant. On the other hand we have Kirstie Alley . . . um . . . if you like chicks that smell like gravy, the choice is pretty clear.

*25 Vanessa Hudgens pictures total in the gallery:

  • Vanessa Hudgens Kirstie Alley 1
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  • Vanessa Hudgens Kirstie Alley 1
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Kirstie Alley arriving at LAX airport (2/21)

CAPTION: "At first I was pissed when I was forced to buy two seats for the flight, but the elbow room ended up being fantastic!"

*12 Kirstie Alley pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kirstie Alley Candy Mouth 1
  • Kirstie Alley Candy Mouth 2
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Kirstie Alley stinks

No intro means yours truly had waaaaaay too much to drink last night. From the National Enquirer:
Kirstie Alley's house smells like a zoo! The animal-loving ex-"Cheers" star owns a menagerie of 25-plus pets, and pals say they're stinking up her ritzy Hollywood Hills mansion.

“It's like Noah's Ark run amok at Kirstie's!” an insider told The Enquirer. “Everywhere you turn there are animals — dogs, cats, birds, rabbits and chinchillas.”

Adds the insider, "A full-time housekeeping staff works overtime to keep the place from stinking to high heaven," said the insider. "But no matter how hard they try, it's nearly impossible to keep it smelling fresh when they're trying to clean up after what amounts to a small zoo! The place is especially ripe in the hot summer months. The smell can be overwhelming."
Wait a second, are we supposed to believe that a morbidly obese trainwreck like Kirstie Alley doesn't keep her house clean and tidy? The hell you say. Kirstie needs to understand that if she wants her house to become presentable again, she's going to have to start getting rid of those things from which she gains the most comfort: like her cats  dogs  vending machines.

*6 Kirstie Alley pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kirstie Alley Stinks 1
  • Kirstie Alley Stinks 2
  • Kirstie Alley Stinks 3
  • Kirstie Alley Stinks 4
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