Former celebrity Kirstie Alley is getting her own reality show. Tentative title: The Biggest Loser, Only The Exact Opposite. I wonder if it's gonna air on the Food Network? From Variety:
Cabler has picked up 10 half-hour episodes of the untitled series, which is set to run sometime next year. The program will follow Alley as she struggles with weight loss while handling life as a single mom to two teenagers in Hollywood. FremantleMedia North America is producing.
"Kirstie is exactly the kind of star A&E is drawn to," said A&E nonfiction/alternative programming senior VP Robert Sharenow. "Her personal life has been playing out in the media for years, but this will be the first time she'll be opening up her home to reveal her real life for the cameras."
Upon hearing the news, McDonalds, Burger King, Baskin Robbins, Pizza Hut, KFC, Dairy Queen, Wendy's, In-N-Out, and Taco Bell all issued a joint statement saying they can't wait for all the free publicity.
CONFIRMED: Kirstie Alley is really, really fat. From the National Enquirer:
Kirstie Alley has just four years to live, an expert predicts. Locked in a deadly cycle of binge eating and yo-yo dieting, the former “Fat Actress” star has shaved years off her life span, according to doctors who have reviewed her medical history.
At 5-foot-8 and 250 pounds, the 58-year-old Emmy winner is “playing Russian roulette with her life,” warned Patrick Wanis, Ph.D., a human behavior expert from Miami Beach, Fla. “I added up the stressors in her life, and unless she adds more balance to it, Kirstie may only live to age 62.”
The former “Cheers” star - whose last serious romance ended in May 2000 when she called off her engagement to actor James Wilder - lost 75 pounds nearly three years ago as the poster girl for the Jenny Craig weight-loss program. But she’s regained some 90 pounds since then with a weakness for fat-laden Chinese takeout and other unhealthy foods.
It doesn't take a Ph.D. to see that Kristie's turned herself into a fattie -- it just takes a truck scale and a forklift. If Kirstie's ever going to live to see 60, 70, or 80, she doesn't need to add more balance to her life, she needs to add more exercise. That, and less calories. My suggestion: no more sixths and sevenths.
What's most troubling about this story isn't that Jamie Foxx wants to bang Kirstie Alley -- it's imaging what kinds of nasty chicks he's banged in the past. Seriously, he admits that Kirstie Alley is what he's looking for a woman. *pukes in mouth* Remember kids, if you can't carry them home, you can't take them home. From Contact Music:
Oscar winner Jamie Foxx has been tempted by former Cheers star Kirstie Alley's offer of romance - because he likes big women. The actress recently revealed a longtime crush on the Ray star, telling America's People magazine she wanted a "booty call" from the actor/singer, and Foxx admits Alley does meet his criteria of ideal women.
He says, "I do like them thick (big)... (and) she is thick."
What the hell? Either Jamie's still in character as Ray Charles and hasn't seen Kirstie lately, or he's thinking of the 1982 version of her (the one without cankles and partially blocked arteries). Either way, considering her newfound Scientology beliefs, Jamie will never be able to get into Kirstie's pants unless he brings her a sacrificial offering for the all-powerful Martian goddess Zoolu. Or a whole cheesecake.
I gotta be honest with you. I came after reading this story. It's that freaking hot. From the National Enquirer:
Kirstie Alley asked a Hollywood supermarket to shut down while she shopped -- so other customers couldn't use their cell phones to take pictures of the food in her shopping cart!
"She actually called the Mayfair Market and requested they lock their doors for about an hour so she could do her grocery shopping," a pal told the Enquirer. "She said she was terrified someone would shoot a cell phone picture of her pushing a cart loaded with fattening foods."
The store manager's response?
"He thanked her for her patronage but turned her down," divulged the pal. (Print Edition - 3/23)
Bad business move by the store manager. If he'd closed the store down to the general public for an hour to accommodate Kirstie, he'd have doubled his revenues. The amount of food Kirstie apparently intended on buying just proves that she's the Hercules of eating -- except, instead of having the strength of ten men, she has the stomach. Also, she doesn't look as good lathered in baby oil. Oops, did I just say that out loud?
I guess Kirstie Alley doesn't have mirrors in her house or something because, after three years of promoting Jenny Craig, she now wants to start her own brand of weight loss products. The actress told People magazine:
"I want to create something new that will help millions of people end the seemingly never ending fatty-roller coaster ride." (People)
If Kirstie really wants to lose some weight, she's got three options. 1. Try the method that most of Hollywood uses called "The Finger" (Please note this method may not work for those without gag reflexes such as starlets Paris, Lindsay, and Clay Aiken). 2. She and the rest of her Scientology friends could travel to the planet Omicron Perci I-8 where the denser atmosphere makes everyone 50 pounds lighter. Or 3. She could go down the Amy Winehouse route and share needles with someone in the hopes of contracting nature's miracle weight loss condition: the HIV. BTW, I can't be the only one that misses Kirstie's "good ol' days" can I?:
Kirstie Alley is interviewed in this month's issue of Source magazine (the official magazine of the Church of Scientology) "gushing" about a Florida Scientology summit she attended last summer. Via Page Six:
"I'm walking out an entirely different being, and I mean entirely different . . . My viewpoint on the fourth dynamic and mankind and other people changed. You know, I liked animals more than people! OK, I liked certain people, but the idea of 'mankind' — it really irritated me! Then I realized why mankind upset me so much — it's because I wasn't taking responsibility! . . . Now, I have genuine affinity for mankind . . . I've made decisions here, big, crazy, mgreat, brilliant decisions here about the magnitude I'm going to help this group and help this planet, and it's real . . . I want everybody in the universe to experience this." Whatever you say, Kirstie!" (Source)
I can't judge Kirstie for coming out of a seminar all fired up like that. The same thing happened to me when I attended an Amway event last week. Sure it'll initially cost me $800 to get started, but it'll be worth it in the long run . . . the Pastor said so. Anyways, shouldn't Kirstie be using all of this enthusiasm to attend a different kind of meeting? You know, the kind of meeting where you pledge to only eat 3 pounds of fudge a day instead of 7.
Don't let Kirstie's finger distract you, concentrate on her midsection. That's not trick photography-it's actually expanding right before our very eyes. What happened to the whole Jenny Craig thing? I guess Sara Lee offered more money.
Note to Kirstie Alley: It's inadvisable to wear something that draws attention to your ass when it's that huge. In fact, it should be illegal to wear anything other than an exercise bike when your ass is that huge. Just like it should be illegal to wear these crotchless chaps my Dad got me for Valentine's Day last year. The supermodel riots. They simply must stop.
