Remember those pics of Elisha Cuthbert I posted earlier? Can you believe Kirsten Dunst is eight months younger than her? I mean, how is that even possible? Kirsten might as well be from another planet (one lacking mirrors). For the record Dunst is in New York filming her new movie How to Lose Friends & Alienate People. Step 1: Be Kirsten Dunst
Kirsten Dunst in London yesterday with boyfriend Johnny Borrell
More Kirsten Dunst pictures after the jump...
It's Kirsten Dunst's 25th birthday today. To celebrate the occasion I'm gonna do what I always do and make fun of her. With what she told London tabloid The Sun recently, it won't be that hard [WARNING: NSFW Kirsten Dunst breast talk to follow]:
“I had to wear a padded bra on [Spiderman 3], but I get it. It’s okay. It’s part of the thing. I didn’t feel like it was sexist or anything. I embraced my Mary Jane boobs!” (Source)
One can only assume "the thing" Kirsten refers to is being ugly. That's the only way that paragraph makes sense. On a related note, there's been this rumor floating around Hollywood for years that Kirsten was set to appear on Extreme Makeover but ABC couldn't free up enough time to air a 9-part special. And that was just for her teeth.
What I could barely ascertain from this article from The Sun is that Kirsten Dunst met this British dude a few weeks ago and now she's staying at his place and doing touristy stuff like sightseeing. Don't even attempt the second paragraph, it's pretty much unintelligible:
JOHNNY BORRELL has introduced new American girlfriend KIRSTEN DUNST to one of the great institutions this side of the pond - British bangers. As I told you yesterday, the Spider-Man star is making herself at home in Johnny’s London flat after meeting the RAZORLIGHT frontman only a few short weeks ago. My snapper - the picture is in today's Sun newspaper - caught them as they stepped out for a spot of sightseeing in the capital yesterday. Lunch was bangers and mash in a boozer.KIRSTEN joins MADONNA and GWYNETH PALTROW in the Honorary Brits Club. Madge could be a local girl as she sups Timothy Taylor ale with hubby GUY RITCHIE. Gwyn adores exploring London parks with CHRIS MARTIN. But I don’t think either of them have tasted a snorker. (Source)
I swear to God they talk in some sort of freaking code over there. Snorker? Sups? Snapper? Boozer? Bangers? My head is about to explode. Thankfully, hating Kirsten Dunst is an international language--it knows no borders. Like my Uncle Rich. He forges passports.
Yes that's Kirsten Dunst and yes that's a woman in a 1940s-era swimsuit feeling her up. And, yeah, I just puked. That usually happens when I write a sentence containing the words "Kirsten Dunst" and "feeling her up."
Kirsten Dunst is putting her acting career on hold for the next six months to study art. The actress has always had an interest in the subject, having studied it since childhood (her mother owned a gallery). Dunst will pick up acting again this summer when she plays the role of murdered aid worker Marla Ruzicka in an as yet unnamed project. Kirsten's spokesman, Stephan Huvane, told the New York Daily News:
"Kirsten has been studying art, among many other things, as well as just needing some time off after filming and promoting several movies in a row." (Source)
Why does Kirsten feel the need to continue studying art--she's already an expert. Tell me someone who can pull off the 'art' of being incredibly unattractive better than her. She's like the damn Picasso of our time--only if Picasso’s teeth looked like a horrific prop used on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Scholars from future generations will look back and marvel at how such a young wealthy actress managed to care so little about her appearance. And then they'll tear a magazine in half with their thoughts. Because that's the kind of shit they do in the future.
And you thought the DJ AM-Mandy Moore hookup was strange? MSNBC has a very interesting little item this morning regarding a certain OC star hooking up with a certain actress who's probably allergic to garlic:
Are Kirsten Dunst and Adam Brody an item? The two were looking awfully cozy at L.A. hotspot Hyde recently.
Dude, is there something polluting the Hollywood water supply? You're not supposed to go from exploring the plumbing of Rachel Bilson to carefully trying to avoid cutting yourself while making out with Kirsen Dunst. DJ AM should be the one hooking up with Vampira. That's how life works. The ugly people naturally hook up with each other. It's called natural selection, stupid--Charles Darwin invented it. Besides it's easier to make fun of ugly people when they herd.
Either Kirsten Dunst is more curious than we all thought or this is the worst Christmas present since my senile dad bought me that pack of tampons. And why do I say that? Because that box she's holding is the CDSA 2.0, a Comprehensive Digestive Stool Analysis kit. Stool. As in shit. As in Kirsten Dunst's shit. As in Kirsten Dunst is walking around Los Angeles carrying a box containing tools to analyze her own shit. Is this story the gossip equivalent to spending an eternity in hell? Of course it is silly!
According to Star Magazine, there's a very good chance that Kirsten Dunst may be pregnant:
She has been spotted wearing baggy clothing, ordering big boxes of sweet chocolaty treats, and overheard complaining of lower back pain and nausea during filming. Her rep denies that these tell-tale signs are signaling that Kirsten is a mom-to-be, but her interest in co-star Tobey Maguire’s newborn daughter suggests otherwise. Kirsten has become fascinated by details about the pregnancy of Tobey’s fiancée, Jennifer Meyer, asking how she dealt with morning sickness. When Tobey replied that Jennifer felt awful throughout the entire nine months, Kirsten just groaned, “Oh great!”
One word comes to mind when I see this story: Kirsten Dunst is uglier than death itself. Actually that's seven words but you get the point. Make no mistake, I feel very strongly about this. What especially pisses me off is that the entertainment media is constantly hyping her as "beautiful" or "stunning." When I finally seize control of Hollywood, anyone who calls Kirsten Dunst "beautiful" will be charged with a hate crime. Seriously, if she's stunning, then my toilet is slightly above average.
Actual conversation I had last week with my friend (we have our own scale of attractiveness, 10 being the hottest, "Dunst" being the ugliest):
Friend: "I got so wasted at Kyle's bar mitzvah that I hooked up with his Aunt."
Me: "Was she Dunst?"
Friend: "Yeah dude, WAY Dunst"
Me: "You've lost me both as a friend and a close confidant"
Note: Doesn't pregnancy usually require a willing penis to be inserted inside of you? Which seems impossible when talking about someone who looks like a hybrid vampire woman. Maybe Kirsten is kinda like the cop from Terminator 2. You chop off her foot and it pools into a puddle of liquid mercury before suddenly morphing into a new baby. I'd say that's pretty damn likely.
Even cameras have a hard time focusing on Kirsten Dunst's face
Can you beat my caption?
Winner, decided by me and posted Monday night (10/23), to receive $10 Amazon.com gift code (will be emailed).
Winner (10/24): Congratulations to this week’s winner Douchie McBagman:
Kirsten Dunst employing the homely in a failed attempt to make her appear pretty.
Check back this Friday for new contest.
