Jude Law and Kimberly Stewart making out at 195 nightclub in London (5/17)
Jude Law’s zipper was down at a club the other night in London and Rod Stewart’s daughter Kimberly totally zipped it back up for him. So helpful that girl. It’s refreshing to see a well-adjusted celebrity kid that thinks of others before she thinks of herself. Rod must be so proud.
Kimberly Stewart? Why doesn’t the wind ever pick on hot chicks like Jessica Alba or Biel? Besides, Kimberly Stewart upskirt pics are a dime a dozen. Turn to pages 27, 36, 75, 83, and 103-106 of her high school yearbook and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
According to today’s New York Post, Kimberly Stewart and Tommy Lee are dating. The two were reportedly all over each other at last week’s opening of the Pink Taco restaurant in LA–which isn’t really that shocking. When two tens* like Tommy Lee and Kimberly Stewart get together obviously there’s gonna be an attraction.
*scale of 1-100
Fresh off his break up with Mischa Barton, Cisco Adler may be back with ex-girlfriend Kimberly Stewart. The two were seen partying together at a “relive your college days” theme party thrown by Details magazine in New York City over the weekend. A New York Post “spy” reveals:
Stewart and the Whitestarr frontman “looked totally cozy, just like in the old days,” says our spy. As you’ll remember, Kimberly, daughter of Rod Stewart, got a tattoo reading, “Daddy’s Little Girl Loves Cisco.” After their breakup, she changed it to say, “Daddy’s Little Girl Loves Disco.” (Source)
If I could pass on one piece of advice to all my young readers, it’s this: for God’s sake don’t get a tattoo of your girlfriend/boyfriend’s name anywhere on your body. I made the mistake a few years ago when I was dating this girl named Kelly. I got this dragon tattoo that kinda looked like her name if you tilted your head to just the right angle and squinted your eyes. It was such a pain in the ass when we broke up. You know how hard it is to change a dragon tattoo into a “Kelly is a Stupid Bitch” tattoo? It was worth the trouble though, I think it came out really classy.*
*no, no it didn’t
Much like Britney’s ex, Isaac Cohen, Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis also gave an exclusive interview to the UK’s News of the World over the weekend. Francis talked about his childhood, his influence on America, and his insecurities…kidding–he mainly talked about nailing a bunch of celebrities.
Regarding Paris:
“Me and Paris had sex in every place you can imagine, in every corner of the world. One time we felt horny while on my plane—so we popped into the bathroom for fast, furious sex on the sink. She loved being filmed during sex. too. There must be hours of footage. The touch of a woman’s body also drove her crazy. I watched it—what man wouldn’t give his right arm for that?”
Regarding Kimberly:
“Regarding the bedroom, Kimberly is without doubt the best sex ever — she’s wild.”
Regarding Lindsay:
“Paris was better than her at oral sex. But I love Lindsay and she’s a very, very close friend. Right now I’m a shoulder to cry on during a tough time.”
And finally, regarding Tara:
“Tara just lay there — she didn’t move a muscle! I might as well have been in bed alone.” (Source)
I’m stunned, really. There’s no other way to put it. No, no, no–not about Joe Francis banging all these famous chicks but the fact that he has a freaking jet. A jet! I used powdered milk for my cereal this morning and this douche bag has his own jet. It’s gonna take a lot of counseling for me to get over this one. Is it considered bad taste to bring a sleeping bag to your therapist’s office? God I hope not.
I used to think the only people that caught liver disease at age 27 had last names like ‘Anheuser’ and ‘Coors’. Well, according to Rod Stewart, his 27-year-old daughter Kimberly has “liver disease due to too much heavy boozing.” He has to be wrong about this, right? Doesn’t liver disease require at least 20 years of heavy drinking? According to my calculations……lemme see here…..Kimberly is 27 years old……carry the 1……etc, etc,…..Kimberly would have had to start drinking at like 2 years old. The only way that happened is if her parents gave her a wine cooler to settler her nerves before the first day of school. Or maybe if they told her about the legend of the Captain Morgan’s fairy who leaves little girls a special surprise for a lost tooth.
I had my money on Kimberly catching tetanus.
Rod Stewart gave his daughter Kimberly some sage advice when she was asked to tour with Cisco Adler’s rock band Whitestarr: get your own hotel room and a return flight ticket. The blonde socialite was asked to accompany her pals on tour and went to her dad to ask him if he thought it was a good idea.
Rod tells men’s magazine Blender, “I said, ‘That’s OK, darling. But make sure you get your own room and a return flight. You don’t want to end up sharing a bed with someone you don’t know.’”
Uhhhh, he is talking about Kimberly Stewart right? The only person who’ll be sharing a bed with her is someone who’s blind or that just lost a bet. Or even better, a blind man that just lost a bet. Blind kids are the easiest marks. Money in the bank!
I don’t have much to say about Kimberly Stewart except that it probably sucks to be known as “the dumber version of Paris Hilton.”
At least she remembered to wear clothes this time.
We already knew that Kimberly Stewart hates shoes. She’s taken her disdain for basic attire a step further and is no longer wearing pants. It’s only a matter of time before the Pocahontas-style vest goes, too. When did strip poker turn into a month long affair and where do I sign up?
I could make a hilarious banana peel joke right here but I think I’ll refrain from the obvious. In Kimberly’s defense, lots of people walk around Hollywood without shoes. They’re called orphans. Let’s just hope that Kimberly has not received her tetanus shot so I’ll be able to bring you a cool “Kimberly Stewart Treated for Lockjaw after Stepping on Rusty Nail” photo spread tomorrow.
[source]
