Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian in Cannes, Fraance(5/23)

Kim Kardashian was out and about at the Cannes Film Festival yesterday, and if you had a telephoto lens and zoomed all the way in, and tilted your head to just the right angle, and Kim had her body tilted to just the right angle, and you managed to catch her on the downstep just as her top was sorta bouncing away from her body for a split second, and if the sun was shining just right, you could maybe kinda sorta see a little part of her nipple. I know, right? What a complete whore!

NOTE: To see the uncensored Kim Kardashian wardrobe malfunction pics, click the picture above or any thumbnail with a yellow star on it and then click the "Full Size" button located at the top or bottom of the image.

*11 Kim Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian leaving a yacht in Cannes (5/23)

MY CAPTION: "Wow, I can't believe my cock fit into that last night!"

YOUR CAPTION: Leave it in the comments . . .

*25 Kim Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

This is how Kim Kardashian promotes things

No, that's not a picture promoting the new Kardashian Kollection line of lingerie (kill yourself if you've ever bought that, btw). Kim actually tweeted the pic over the weekend to remind everyone to watch the new season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians:

"Season 7 of Keeping Up With the Kardashians starts tomorrow!!!! OMG"

Wow, even Snooki thinks this is low class, and she once sucked a guy's dick because he promised to watch Jersey Shore. What's Kim gonna do to get everyone to watch the finale? A Juggs photoshoot?

*5 Kim Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West out and about in London (5/16)

You know how when someone has leprosy or bird flu you don't want to go near them because you don't want to catch leprosy or bird flu? That's pretty much how the A-list of Hollywood views Kim Kardashian now. It's why she wasn't invited to the Met Gala last week:

"[Kanye West] asked [designer Tory Burch] if Kim could accompany him as his date," a fashion insider tells In Touch. "There was nothing Tory could do against Anna's wishes, but if Kanye had requested to invite a well-liked celebrity, it surely wouldn't have been an issue ... [Kim] was so upset that he went to the Met event without her."

And why all of her famous friends are abandoning her now:

After Kim's quickie divorce filing, her onetime friends began abandoning her in droves, with former pals like Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce and Eva Longoria keeping their distance. Kim's splashy TV wedding "didn't sit well" with Gwyneth Paltrow either. "She'd die if she were photographed next to Kim," a pal tells In Touch. "She hates what she stands for."

Sadly, Kim is far from well-liked these days. "She's always wanted to surround herself with famous people, but they don't want anything to do with her anymore," confides a source close to the 31-year-old.

It's finally here. It's Armageddon time for Kim. Not in the biblical sense, I just mean that the only thing that Kim K really loves (celebrity) is telling her to piss off. Honestly, I saw this coming. With its relentless self-promotion, the Kardashian train was a monster, but even monster trains run out of steam. As we all know, once a train stops moving they're nearly impossible to get going again (trust me when I tell you that Kim is an expert at pulling trains). Anyways, thank the good Lord for Nickelodeon and Disney. Between them pumping out whores and the current batch of skanks in the lineup, good ol' Celebslam is gonna have an up summer, recession be damned.

*20 Kim Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

Justin Bieber defends Kim Kardashian

In an interview in the new issue of GQ, Justin Bieber cums to the defense of Kim Kardashian. Oh, and "cums" isn't a typo. Not when writing about Kim Kardashian. The awesome Drew Magary writes:

After forty minutes, Bieber's done. That's it. I have been told repeatedly what a hard worker he is, but in two nights—Bieber only records at night—I've witnessed him work for a grand total of forty minutes. Soon he's back to pinballing around the studio. He catches [business adviser Allison Kaye] ragging on Kim Kardashian. "That bitch should never wear white in public again," she says. Bieber gets mildly indignant and sticks up for Kardashian. "You guys are so mean, bro.... People say she doesn't do anything; she actually does do stuff.... She works hard."

Aw, how sweet of Justin to defend Kim. As a sign of her gratitude, I bet she gives him a Bouquet of Roses. Yep, a nice big Bouquet of Roses.

NOTE: "Bouquet of Roses" is what Kim calls a blowjob where she tickles the guy's asshole at the same time. She's a hopeless romantic like that.

*11 Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

Sofia Vergara out and about in New York (5/13)

Wait a minute, did Sofia Vergara ever fuck a guy on film and then profit from the resulting publicity? I may be mistaken, but I don't ever remember her doing that. From the National Enquirer:

Kim Kardashian wants to become the next Sofia Vergara - and she's begging the "Modern Family" star to help her become a bona fide comedy actress! The brunette bombshells bonded on April 28 at the White House Corespondents' dinner in Washington, D.C. And now Kim wants to move from reality TV to a prime-time sitcom.

"Kim chased Sofia around the Correspondents' dinner and peppered her with questions about making the transition from reality star to full-fledged actress," said a source. "Kim couldn't stop gushing about what a huge fan she is of Sofia's work and how much she respects her for juggling a sexpot persona and razor-sharp comedy skills. In Kim's book, Sofia is the gold standard. She wants Sofia's career. She's determined to parlay her fame from reality TV into meaty acting roles."

"Kim confided to Sofia that while she's thankful for her reality TV success, she's ready for bigger and better things," said the source. "Kim really sees Sofia as a model of what she herself can become." (Print Edition - 5/21)

In Kim's delusional mind, she's just one helping hand away from replacing North, Central, and South America's sweetheart. I see this as a Single White Female situation, except one is Colombian and the other is Black by injection (sorry guys, interracial pornography is hot, but taboo for a reason). It won't happen, mind you, because there are some things you just don't do: you don't vote democrat two election cycles in a row; you don't wash your ass before your face; and you don't replace a TV star with the world's most mainstream porn star. I believe that's actually written in the Bible. Amen.

*15 Kim Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

Kim Kardashian is visiting the troops

According to sources, Kim Kardashian will be going to Kuwait to visit the troops this October. No, no, no, she's not doing it out of the pure goodness of her heart. She's tacking the visit on to the end of a moneymaking business trip. Of course. From Emirates 24/7:

The blog Moody'N'Cheeky, run by two girls in Dubai and Kuwait, broke the news, stating: "Just got this news from the company behind the franchise of Millions of Milkshakes, Kim Kardashian will be coming to Kuwait on October 11.

"She will be at the opening of Millions of Milkshakes and there will be other private events that she will be attending while she's here," according to the blog.

Meanwhile, Expat and the City blog has added another nugget, saying: "Shadi [Ghanim, the Al Recardo CEO, which has in its portfolio Millions of Milkshakes, Golds Gym and Ninas Paris in Kuwait] informed me she [Kardashian] will visit the US Troops while in Kuwait and it was his idea."

YES! YES! YES! Please let this happen, please! OK, let me compose myself . . . deep breaths . . .1, 2, 3 . . . OK, I'm back. I'm sorry about that, it's not everyday that you find out that there is a God, allow me to explain. Kim Kardashian is going to a part of the world that's not particularly known for its tolerance of women, especially those that do what Kardashians do for fame. I couldn't tell you how many fights I've had on Al Jazeera's message boards, defending this great nation of ours only to lose the battle via a Kardashian exploit. Now, I'm as American as apple pie and defaulting on mortgages, but I do wonder if maybe Al Qaeda might have a point or two when it comes to America's addiction to interracial porn. Even if Kim gets caught by Muslim extremists and they fully intend to make her the star of one of their "special" videos, something tells me that it wouldn't take much to convince those undercover perverts to go from beheading to watersports.

*10 Kim Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

Kim Kardashian leaving Nobu in West Hollywood (5/4)

Noticeably absent from Monday night's Met Gala in New York was Kim Kardashian. Of course "noticeably absent" is usually what happens when you get your sizable ass banned from an event. Presenting the best story of 2012, via Radar:

Kim's new boyfriend, superstar Kanye West, was at Anna Wintour's fabled Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Gala, but Kim was not by his side, and that's down to an edict straight from the famed Vogue editor for years, a source exclusively told RadarOnline.com.

"Anna hates Kim," a source says. "Why would she be invited to the event? It is all the biggest stars in the world and Kim doesn't fit that bill at all. The Met Gala is $25,000 a ticket, but Kim can't even buy her way in, Anna Wintour does NOT want her there! Kim and her camp will deny that she wasn't invited by saying that she had business in L.A., but that is a lie. She would of done anything to be there with all the A-listers."

I know that technically we've never met, and I know that I'm 31 years younger than you, but Anna Wintour, will you marry me?

*15 Kim Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Monday, May 7

Kim Kardashian and her nephew Mason at a park in Malibu (pics start here)

Jessica Alba leaving a salon in New York (pics start here)

Jaime King out and about in New York (pics start here)

Alyson Michalka and Amanda Michalka at The Original Renaissance Pleasure Faire in Irwindale, CA (pics start here)

Molly Sims arriving to her baby shower in the Hollywood Hills (pics start here)

Kristen Stewart out and about in New York (pics start here)

Rachel McAdams leaving Trader Joe's in Studio City (pics start here)

Jessica Biel out and about in New York (pics start here)

Gwen Stefani taking her mom to lunch in Studio City (pics start here)

Kirsten Dunst arriving on a flight at JFK airport in New York (pics start here)

LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian watching their son Jake play soccer in Calabasas, CA (pics start here)

Katharine McPhee arriving on a flight at JFK airport in New York (pics start here)

Amber Heard leaving her hotel in New York (pics start here)

*122 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West arriving back at his apartment in New York (4/27)

What, did you really think Kim Kardashian wouldn't give Kanye West and herself a dumb couple's nickname like Kimye? From the Chicago Sun Times:

Both Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are very savvy about the entertainment biz and the power of their own brands. While my Kim insider laughed about "Kim increasingly using 'Kimye' to describe them," she also added, "I'm beginning to think she's hoping it becomes something like "Brangelina,'" alluding to the term for power couple Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.

I've learned "Kimye" have already put their heads together — chatting about potential joint consumer product marketing ideas they could pursue.

Yeah, the next logical step for (fame whore)2 is to replace Academy Award winner Angelina Jolie and four-time Academy Award nominee Brad Pitt in the Hollywood totem pole. Do you really want to compare the two couples? Well, let's get it right out there: Kanye West couldn't hold Pitt's jock strap with both hands. Why? Because Brad is a humanitarian who is genuinely trying to do some good in this world, whereas Kanye is an ass-clown who yells into microphones and goes on Twitter rants when not instantly recognized at restaurants. Angelina, on the other hand, is closer to Kim than one might think. Kim profited off her own "leaked" sex tape, and Angelina made out with her brother for publicity. In morally corrupt terms, that's almost equal. Still, unless Brad starts setting kittens on fire, Brangelina has a long way to drop before Kimye catches up.

*31 Kimye pictures total in the gallery: