Archive: Kid Rock

Kid Rock is tough

Remember when Kid Rock was arrested last year after he got into a fight at an Atlanta-area Waffle House? Now we have video (Kid’s the one rockin’ the white jumpsuit). I don’t really feel comfortable calling it a fight. A six-on-one jumping is more accurate. You’ll note in the video that the man Kid and his friends beat up is black. That’s no coincidence. I heard Kid only started shit with the guy because he hates black people. And Mexicans. And Europeans. It’s true.

Kid Rock hearts sluts

Gabrielle Reece was none too pleased that Kid Rock brought an armful of skanks to her Fourth of July party last weekend in Malibu. From the New York Daily News:

Surfing star Laird Hamilton didn’t seem to mind that Kid showed up at Hamilton’s Malibu beach house with a retinue of leggy, cleavage-bearing, slightly-past-their-prime party favors. But Hamilton’s wife, Olympic volleyball champ Gabrielle Reece, did not appreciate the uninvited guests.

“These ladies were skanky,” our spy observes. “Gabrielle didn’t say anything but you could tell she was fuming.”

We’ll tell you who wasn’t complaining: Kid’s Detroit buddies from the Red Wings, who brought the Stanley Cup with them. Maybe they were distracted by Kid’s blond-tourage, or maybe the ice warriors were disoriented by the throbbing sun, but they forgot the Cup out on the beach. At least for a while. “People mistook the trophy for an ashtray,” says our source. (Source)

It’s pretty much a given that when you invite Kid Rock to a party, he’s going to show up with a gaggle of hot blondes. That’s his M.O. (along with his mullet, Samantha Ronson hat, and Amy Winehouse-esque teeth). Expecting Kid to not show up with an armful of skanks is like expecting Rosie O’Donnell not to supersize her McDonald’s value meal. Both are bound to happen . . . and both will end with someone getting covered in “special sauce.”

[WENN]

Don’t laugh, that’s real dog fur

Hanging out with Kid Rock can pay off. A source at the Southern Hospitality restaurant in New York explains to Page Six:

“[Kid Rock] was daring his friends to drink bottles of Tabasco and barbecue sauce. Two of his friends won $500 each.” (Source)

If Kid Rock needs to pay people $500 to be his friends, he’s doing it wrong. You can hire yourself a member of the “world’s oldest profession” to entertain you for a couple hundred bucks a day. Yeah they can be a bit rough around the edges but I always consider our time together money well spent. Of course I’m talking about stonemasons. Oh the stories they weave!

NOTE: This reminds me of that one time in high school when I paid my friend Tommy $5 to sit naked on a block of ice. Unfortunately his nuts didn’t make it through the dare and he now goes by the name Tamara. Oh sure laugh like I’m trying to make some kind of joke, but just know that Tamara is now a cutter.

Kid Rock’s mug shot

Kid Rock was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery following a Sunday morning brawl at an Atlanta area Waffle House restaurant. E! says:

A male customer, identified as Harlen Atkins, recognized a woman in Rock’s party and approached the group shortly after they entered the eatery, at about 5:15 a.m. Atkins and the woman were observed having a heated exchange, and then, according to authorities, the confrontation escalated into a full-fledged fracas out in the parking lot. Rock, whose real name is Robert Ritchie, and his pals left; his tour bus was pulled over a short time later. The 36-year-old Michigan native and five others were taken into custody on a single charge of misdemeanor battery. (Source)

Man, Kid Rock has the worst of luck. Who knew you could get charged with battery for scratching and pulling the hair of someone laying unconscious on the ground. What, you think Kid was throwing actual punches in this fight? Guy couldn’t punch his way out of a, uhhhh, something, ummmm, something easy to punch out of. Yeah, that’s it. A nursery maybe? Sure.

Kid Rock Waffle House Fight

Paris and Kid in Malibu over the summer

Remember when Kid Rock was spotted partying with Paris Hilton at her beach house over the summer? They disappeared inside for a “few hours” and then were seen later that night arm-in-arm at Bui Sushi. The couple was spotted again together in Toronto over the weekend. Metro (UK) says:

In a stomach churning, yet predictable turn of events, Paris Hilton has been spotted partying with Pamela Anderson’s ex-husband Kid Rock over the weekend. The 26-year-old heiress reportedly hooked up with the tattooed muso at a night club in Toronto. The pair’s late night date comes just a week after Anderson wed Hilton’s porn video partner, Rick Salomon, in Las Vegas. Paris is in Canada making her new musical film,’Repo!’ while Rock played at a gig there on Saturday. (Source)

If two STD-riddled dirt-bags have sex, do both of their diseases cancel each other out? Would the enzymes in Paris’ herpes counteract the Hep-C virus eating away at Kid? Such brave souls, giving up their bodies (and Paris’ mouth) for science. Or maybe the U.S Army is paying these two to hook up just to see what sorta super-mutant STD results. You don’t think Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would stop his nuclear program if he knew we were gonna spray Iran with über-Herpes? Of course he would. All of which brings up an interesting question: If these two ever made a sex tape together and sold it, would it come with anti-bacterial cream? You know, for the children.

Pamela Anderson and her “breasts” in Hawaii earlier this year

According to Kid Rock, everything we’ve been hearing about his divorce to Pamela Anderson is false. One popular rumor about the couple was they broke up because Kid couldn’t get over Pam’s appearance in Borat. Wrong. Kid claims Pam spreading that story is a perfect example of her psycho nature. Regarding the couple’s finances, Kid told Howard Stern earlier this week Pam doesn’t have much money:

“The worst thing in life is to be famous without money.” Further, Pam started spending Kid’s money from the get go — telling him when she moved into his $12 million beach house in Malibu, “If we don’t fix this house, I’ll throw up.” (Source)

Of course she’s broke! The cost of daily penicillin injections can really add up! And have you priced out Valtrex/Acyclovir recently? I’m surprised she hasn’t been selling her ass on the street just to make her co-pays. Wait, she has? I better get myself tested! Or maybe Pam spent all her money on those awesome breast implants. Breasts that natural don’t come cheap.

BONUS: In Touch Weekly is claiming Pam is two-months pregnant with husband-of-one-week Rick Salomon’s baby. Sex out of wedlock Pam? What kind of example is that to the children of America? I expected more out of you. (Source)

Getty

Remember the joke I made on Monday about getting Kid Rock and Tommy Lee into a ring? Apparently someone was paying attention. From the New York Post:

Vegas lounge impresario Jeff Beacher wants to settle the score between Tommy Lee and Kid Rock once and for all - with a winner-take-all $1 million boxing match between Pamela Anderson’s exes. After the two clashed at the MTV’s Video Music Awards, Beacher decided the time has come for them to lace on the gloves. “We all know that they are fighting over Pam Anderson,” said Beacher. “What better way to settle their differences then to slug it out in the ring!” (Source)

There’s no way this fight gets off the ground. The Nevada Athletic Commission has a strict rule against more than ten STDs in the ring at one time. It’s why Paris couldn’t do that Celebrity Boxing show on Fox a few years ago. Besides, if I actually wanted to watch a fight between two whiny bitches, I’d start paying attention to the Rosie/Trump feud.

NOTE: This has nothing to do with this post but check out the kind of ass Tommy Lee was pulling at Coachella a few months ago (pic here and here). For the sake of her modeling career, that chick should think about getting implants.

For those of you that watched the VMAs last night, remember the joke Jamie Foxx made about Tommy Lee and Kid Rock getting into a fight (”stop all this white-on-white crime”)? Well that wasn’t actually a joke. The two rockers were involved in a minor altercation in the middle of the audience during Alicia Keys’ performance. While Kid was allowed to stay at his seat, Tommy Lee was kicked out and later cited for misdemeanor battery by Las Vegas police. Rap producer Rich Nice told the Associated Press:

“It looked like Tommy Lee initiated it because Kid Rock was ignoring him. And Tommy Lee kind of antagonized him. And then when Tommy Lee stood up, it looked a little weird, like, ‘Yo, what?’ When Tommy stands up is when Kid hit him the first time with a backhand And then Tommy Lee looked like he was trying to get at him to aggressively retaliate and then Kid Rock hits Tommy Lee again—bong. And then security grabs Tommy Lee in a headlock and pulls him off.” (Source)

Though Kid and Tommy are about as tough as Switzerland, we need to get these guys in a ring–fast. I can see it now, Michael Buffer at center stage, “And in this corner, weighing in at 75 pounds, The “Hep C Crusher”, The “Tattooed Horny Dude”, the “Ten Inch Tripod”. . . TOMMY LEEEEEEEE! And in the other corner, weighing in at 315 pounds, The “Has Been Hacker”, the “The Fug Mug”, the “Beer Belly Basher”. . . KIIIIIIIID ROCK! Noooooow let’s get ready to Bitch Slaaaaaaap!” My prediction: 10 years from now we’ll see one of these two (Kid Rock) fighting Dustin Diamond in FOX’s Celebrity Boxing . . . my money’s on Screech.

NOTE: The footage of the actual fight kinda sucks so I put up the above video of a dramatic reenactment, albeit a little bit more brutal.

INFDaily

Did Kid Rock nail Paris Hilton over the weekend? The two were photographed partying together outside Paris’ Malibu beach house on Saturday before disappearing inside for a “few hours.” Later that night they were seen arm-in-arm at Bui Sushi in Malibu. When asked for a comment, Kid might have said: “Who doesn’t love hanging out with Paris–She’s so damn infectious! . . . No, literally, I had to get less shots the last time I went to Sierra Leone.”

Bauer-Griffin

More of Paris Hilton and Kid Rock after the jump…

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I just realize it’s been like two months since I’ve posted a good Anna Nicole Smith anecdote. Kid Rock to the rescue! He told the May issue of Maxim about an encounter he had with Anna at last year’s Kentucky Derby:

“I had my son with me, and she strolls in shooting a TV show, so I politely ask her ‘Miss, we’re just trying to have a good time, and you’ve got those fucking cameras rolling,’ And she was like, ‘Fuck you.’ So I was like ‘Fuck me? Fuck you. You’re a fucking pig.’ Then she gave my son 300 bucks. I didn’t know about it until we got home ’cause he bought some Nintendo shit. I’m like, ‘Where did you get the money?’ He’s like, ‘That blond girl with the big boobs gave it to me.’ ” (Source)

This story is sending the wrong messages to the youth of America. 1. Typically, you’re supposed to GIVE the blonde girl with the big boobs $300, not receive it. 2. When at the race track, put your money on Barbaro, not Super Mario. And 3. It is not acceptable to use the word “fuck” five times in one story. For Christ’s sake, mix in a “shit” or an “asshole” occasionally.