Recently in Kid Rock Category

Kid Rock at The Estate nightclub in Boston (8/1)

I'll never understand the bitterness of guys born with extremely small penises. Seems like you should just accept the cards that god dealt you and try not to be an asshole all the time.

Kid Rock at The Estate nightclub in Boston (7/28)

When asked by this month's Rolling Stone if he had a Twitter account, Kid Rock pulled a total Kid Rock. Oh you young kids and your social networks! Via the New York Post:

Count Kid Rock out as a fan of Twitter. "It's gay. If one more person asks me if I have a Twitter, I'm going to tell them, 'Twitter this [bleep], mother[bleep]er,' " the shaggy-haired rocker tells Rolling Stone. "I don't have anything to say, and what I have to say is not that relevant. Anything that is relevant, I'm going to bottle it up and then squeeze it onto a record somewhere."

Kid's right. Using Twitter wouldn't make good business sense. Why should he tell people how he's feeling for free when he can put those same thoughts on an album and milk them for a profit? The strategy's foolproof. Because if there's anything I know about music, it's that the public always embraces a musician who chooses greed over artistic expression -- just ask Metallica's Lars Ulrich.

Paris Hilton and Kid Rock leaving Crown Bar in West Hollywood (1/7)

Remember when Kid Rock hooked-up with Paris Hilton back in 2007? Well apparently he didn't learn his lesson because he helped himself to seconds earlier this month in Hollywood. From the National Enquirer:

Kid Rock was at Crown Bar in L.A. on Jan. 7 - and had his eyes on Paris Hilton! The rocker and socialite flirted and whispered to each other all night. At one point Paris threw her dress above her head, exposing her thong as she danced. Kid lifted his drink and toasted her. (Print Edition - 1/26)

Of course the most shocking thing about this story is that Paris was actually wearing underwear. Also shocking: the other people in the bar didn't succumb to exposure. Those people should be thanking God they're alive today. Because frankly, there's only one thing you can do in a nightclub that's more dangerous than seeing Paris Hilton raise her dress above her head: attend a Great White concert.

Kid Rock leaving Crown Bar in West Hollywood (1/7)

+ Kim Kardashian's ass still fat [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Kelly Brook's Bikini Might Be See Through [Egotastic!]
+ Ashlee Simpson's first night out getting drunk since she gave birth [Just Jared]
+ Diane Kruger upskirt [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ Kevin Costner called 911 on himself [The Blemish]

+ George Lucas's doodles from the set of Star Wars [Holy Taco]
+ The life of a vagina (SFW) [Attuworld]
+ Candance Cabrera is your afternoon pick-me-up [F-Listed]
+ Patrick Swayze hospitalized [Cele|bitchy]

Kid Rock is tough

Remember when Kid Rock was arrested last year after he got into a fight at an Atlanta-area Waffle House? Now we have video (Kid's the one rockin' the white jumpsuit). I don't really feel comfortable calling it a fight. A six-on-one jumping is more accurate. You'll note in the video that the man Kid and his friends beat up is black. That's no coincidence. I heard Kid only started shit with the guy because he hates black people. And Mexicans. And Europeans. It's true.

Kid Rock hearts sluts

Gabrielle Reece was none too pleased that Kid Rock brought an armful of skanks to her Fourth of July party last weekend in Malibu. From the New York Daily News:

Surfing star Laird Hamilton didn't seem to mind that Kid showed up at Hamilton's Malibu beach house with a retinue of leggy, cleavage-bearing, slightly-past-their-prime party favors. But Hamilton's wife, Olympic volleyball champ Gabrielle Reece, did not appreciate the uninvited guests.

"These ladies were skanky," our spy observes. "Gabrielle didn't say anything but you could tell she was fuming."

We'll tell you who wasn't complaining: Kid's Detroit buddies from the Red Wings, who brought the Stanley Cup with them. Maybe they were distracted by Kid's blond-tourage, or maybe the ice warriors were disoriented by the throbbing sun, but they forgot the Cup out on the beach. At least for a while. "People mistook the trophy for an ashtray," says our source. (Source)

It's pretty much a given that when you invite Kid Rock to a party, he's going to show up with a gaggle of hot blondes. That's his M.O. (along with his mullet, Samantha Ronson hat, and Amy Winehouse-esque teeth). Expecting Kid to not show up with an armful of skanks is like expecting Rosie O'Donnell not to supersize her McDonald's value meal. Both are bound to happen . . . and both will end with someone getting covered in "special sauce."

Don't laugh, that's real dog fur

Hanging out with Kid Rock can pay off. A source at the Southern Hospitality restaurant in New York explains to Page Six:

"[Kid Rock] was daring his friends to drink bottles of Tabasco and barbecue sauce. Two of his friends won $500 each." (Source)

If Kid Rock needs to pay people $500 to be his friends, he's doing it wrong. You can hire yourself a member of the "world's oldest profession" to entertain you for a couple hundred bucks a day. Yeah they can be a bit rough around the edges but I always consider our time together money well spent. Of course I'm talking about stonemasons. Oh the stories they weave!

NOTE: This reminds me of that one time in high school when I paid my friend Tommy $5 to sit naked on a block of ice. Unfortunately his nuts didn't make it through the dare and he now goes by the name Tamara. Oh sure laugh like I'm trying to make some kind of joke, but just know that Tamara is now a cutter.

Kid Rock's mug shot

Kid Rock was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery following a Sunday morning brawl at an Atlanta area Waffle House restaurant. E! says:

A male customer, identified as Harlen Atkins, recognized a woman in Rock's party and approached the group shortly after they entered the eatery, at about 5:15 a.m. Atkins and the woman were observed having a heated exchange, and then, according to authorities, the confrontation escalated into a full-fledged fracas out in the parking lot. Rock, whose real name is Robert Ritchie, and his pals left; his tour bus was pulled over a short time later. The 36-year-old Michigan native and five others were taken into custody on a single charge of misdemeanor battery. (Source)

an, Kid Rock has the worst of luck. Who knew you could get charged with battery for scratching and pulling the hair of someone laying unconscious on the ground. What, you think Kid was throwing actual punches in this fight? Guy couldn't punch his way out of a, uhhhh, something, ummmm, something easy to punch out of. Yeah, that's it. A nursery maybe? Sure.

Kid Rock Waffle House Fight

Paris and Kid in Malibu over the summer

Remember when Kid Rock was spotted partying with Paris Hilton at her beach house over the summer? They disappeared inside for a "few hours" and then were seen later that night arm-in-arm at Bui Sushi. The couple was spotted again together in Toronto over the weekend. Metro (UK) says:

In a stomach churning, yet predictable turn of events, Paris Hilton has been spotted partying with Pamela Anderson's ex-husband Kid Rock over the weekend. The 26-year-old heiress reportedly hooked up with the tattooed muso at a night club in Toronto. The pair's late night date comes just a week after Anderson wed Hilton's porn video partner, Rick Salomon, in Las Vegas. Paris is in Canada making her new musical film,'Repo!' while Rock played at a gig there on Saturday. (Source)

If two STD-riddled dirt-bags have sex, do both of their diseases cancel each other out? Would the enzymes in Paris' herpes counteract the Hep-C virus eating away at Kid? Such brave souls, giving up their bodies (and Paris' mouth) for science. Or maybe the U.S Army is paying these two to hook up just to see what sorta super-mutant STD results. You don't think Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would stop his nuclear program if he knew we were gonna spray Iran with über-Herpes? Of course he would. All of which brings up an interesting question: If these two ever made a sex tape together and sold it, would it come with anti-bacterial cream? You know, for the children.

Pamela Anderson and her "breasts" in Hawaii earlier this year

According to Kid Rock, everything we've been hearing about his divorce to Pamela Anderson is false. One popular rumor about the couple was they broke up because Kid couldn't get over Pam's appearance in Borat. Wrong. Kid claims Pam spreading that story is a perfect example of her psycho nature. Regarding the couple's finances, Kid told Howard Stern earlier this week Pam doesn't have much money:

"The worst thing in life is to be famous without money." Further, Pam started spending Kid's money from the get go — telling him when she moved into his $12 million beach house in Malibu, "If we don't fix this house, I'll throw up." (Source)

Of course she's broke! The cost of daily penicillin injections can really add up! And have you priced out Valtrex/Acyclovir recently? I'm surprised she hasn't been selling her ass on the street just to make her co-pays. Wait, she has? I better get myself tested! Or maybe Pam spent all her money on those awesome breast implants. Breasts that natural don't come cheap.

BONUS: In Touch Weekly is claiming Pam is two-months pregnant with husband-of-one-week Rick Salomon's baby. Sex out of wedlock Pam? What kind of example is that to the children of America? I expected more out of you. (Source)