Recently in Kevin Federline Category

Kevin Federline at the 2nd Annual X Games Celebrity Skins Classic at the Coto de Caza Golf & Racquet Club (7/27)

Wow, for being well into his third trimester, Kevin Federline looks great. Yoga -- I bet yoga's his secret. Wait, what's that? He's not actually pregnant? Ummm . . .

Kevin Federline leaving a bowling alley in Calabasas, CA (7/2)

85. 85 pounds Kevin Federline has gained since his divorce to Britney Spears in 2004. He used to weigh 150 and now the National Enquirer claims he's tipping crushing the scales at 235. He's gotten so fat that even Britney Spears is making fun of him, nicknaming him "K-Fatter-line." A source told the National Enquirer:

"[Britney] will ask him, ‘When is the baby due?’ . . . Britney called him ‘a fat housewife,’ and he just laughed. He says he’s gained weight because he is happy and content, but Britney says he is just fat and lazy.

"Britney insisted he go on a diet and stop showing their kids it’s OK to be fat and sloppy. Kevin was more than irritated by Britney’s diet demand, but he’s going along with it for now. Kevin says he doesn’t have to worry about his looks because women still love him."

Watching K-Fed balloon in weight and spend all of Britney's money must make the millions of guys around the world forced to pay alimony smile. Someone not smiling: K-Fed's girlfriend Victoria. Seeing him turn into a fat load of crap must be almost as depressing as knowing she's actually dating him. At least K-Fed knows that no matter how fat and disgusting he gets, as a d-list celebrity, there'll always be some wide-eyed star-fucker that'll still want to hook up with him. Just ask Kelly Osbourne.

"I sure could go for six double cheeseburgers right now . . ."

Even though he's pulling in tens of thousands from Britney Spears each month, K-Fed isn't funneling any of it towards Uncle Sam. From TMZ:

K-Fed's gonna have to spend some of his babysitting money bailing out the US government -- and it's something he should have done a long time ago. The IRS has slapped a lien of Federleze to the tune of $14,371 in back taxes. It's not like he's not making money. Federline is pulling in $30,000 this month alone for babysitting his two kids.

I'm no accountant (although I'm just as sexy) but shouldn't K-Fed be able to write off some of his gambling losses, stripper expenses, and day-long trips to the Hometown Buffet? They're all part of maintaining his public "image" -- that of a slovenly, money-wasting douchebag. If K-Fed wants to pay the IRS but still maintain the lifestyle that he's become accustomed to, there's only one thing left he can do: Britney without a condom.

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline in Beverly Hills in 2005

In an interview with Hello! magazine, Jamie Lynn Spears claims her sister Britney and ex-husband Kevin Federline have become best friends. Wait a minute . . . somebody actually interviewed Jamie Lynn Spears!? WTF? From Hello!:

"Kevin has been great, as always. He and Britney have become best friends. She knows how much he cares about the boys and he knows the same is true of her."

A second source added, "Kev also gets on great with mom and dad, so it’s one big happy family pulling together. Everyone just wants to make sure that this tour is successful for Britney and that she gets the comeback she deserves."

Of course K-Fed wants Britney's tour to be "successful" -- he has a (in)vested interest. Even K-Fed understands that if he severed ties with Britney every time she had a mental breakdown or gained a few pounds the results would be catastrophic for the well-being of his children bank account. The bottom line is that if Britney wants to continue to have "one big happy family," there's only one thing she needs to avoid: bankruptcy.

K-Fed playing craps in Las Vegas in 2006

Kevin Federline's gambling habits apparently have spiraled so far out of control that Jamie Spears is laying down an ultimatum: Quit or else lose your seat on the gravy train. From Bill Zwecker at the Chicago Sun Times:

I've learned that Britney Spears and her strong-willed papa, Jamie Spears, have told Britney's ex-hubby Kevin Federline he better curb his out-of-control gambling habits, or else the Spearses will go back into court to cut K-Fed's megabucks allowance.

Federline reportedly has blown through a couple of million bucks over the past year. Currently, the former backup dancer pulls in approximately $60,000 monthly in alimony and child support, on top of the millions he won in cash and real estate as part of his divorce settlement from the pop star.

Jamie Spears is kidding himself if he thinks he can keep K-Fed away from the casinos. Casinos to K-Fed are like mirrors to Tyra Banks -- both get the shakes if they go 20 minutes without seeing one. Besides, if Jamie really wants to curb K-Fed's spending habits, he doesn't need to ban all contact with gambling halls -- he needs to ban all contact with cocoa butter, glitter, and champagne rooms.

Kevin Federline leaving a bowling alley in Hollywood earlier this year

Remember the millions of dollars Kevin Federline received from Britney Spears after they divorced? It's gone. And not in the "sitting safely in a bank account earning interest" kind of way. From the National Enquirer:

The $2 million he received when his and Britney's house in Malibu was sold is gone, as well as the $500,000 he received for two years of marriage. The money he earned from photos, interviews and personal appearances - estimated to be in the hundreds of thousands - has also been spent. And despite getting a $5,000-a-month increase in child support last spring - bringing it from $15,000 to $20,000 - his spare-no-expense existence is proving to be more than his wallet can handle.

Kevin was renting a $7,500-a-month, five-bedroom home in Tarzana, Calif., that he shared with his sons, their nanny, Kevin's girlfriend Victoria Prince, brother Chris Federline, best friend Jimmy Federico and a few part-time bodyguards. Kevin's food bill is more than $2,000 a month. He claims he needs to have the boys, Sean, 3, and Jayden, 2 , on a special diet because they are picky eaters and suffer from allergies. He always has a fully stocked bar with top-shelf liquors, which cost him an average of $500-$800 a month. Utilities run $1,500, the nanny's monthly salary is $2,800, and the bodyguards get $3,000 a month, added the source.

"Kevin can't afford the rent, his help, the food and the booze it takes to keep up the place."

I have the perfect solution for K-Fed's money problems: JG Wentworth. 877-CASH-NOW. Cash in his lifetime annuity alimony/child support for a one-time lump sum cash payment. Problem solved. Ta da! That aside, it really shouldn't surprise anyone that K-Fed's running out of money. Just look at the guy. Ordering meals by the shipping container isn't cheap.

K-Fed leaving PINZ Bowling Alley in Studio City (4/9)

Kevin "seconds please" Federline is in talks with NutriSystem to become a spokesman. It's about damn time. How many time does someone have to confuse you with Michael Moore before you get the hint? From In Touch Weekly:

Since last year, Kevin Federline has packed on the pounds — one pal estimates that the former backup dancer has gained more than 40 — and his new job may be to shed that fat. According to another friend, K-Fed, 31, has been offered a deal with NutriSystem to promote its Men's Plan program. "Kevin wants to lose weight, and he needs to make money," the friend says. "He's seriously thinking it over."

So K-Fed's going to hock products that help him with the deficiencies he's having in his life? Sounds like he's finally found a way to stay gainfully employed for the next several decades. Of course there is one company he'd never endorse: Trojan. Not putting on one of those things was the best investment he ever made . . . along with that well-timed commodity futures contract he bought last May, obviously. In all seriousness though, he's comically fat.

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline in Santa Monica in 2004

We've been hearing rumors for months that Britney Spears wanted to reconcile with ex-husband Kevin Federline. Now Star claims that the two are having sex again like rabbits:

"It's like they're newlyweds all over again," a family insider tells Star Britney and Kevin, who have been traveling together for much of her Circus tour. "Brit and Kevin can't keep their hands off each other! The flings have made them both a lot happier."

But there's one rather tall issue standing in the way — Kevin's girlfriend, 5'10 ex-volleyball star Victoria Prince, who actually caught Britney and Kevin having sex on the sly!

Victoria "caught him with his hand in the cookie jar," says a source.

And the award for "Most Disturbing Euphemism for Britney Spears' Vagina" goes to: "The Cookie Jar." Thanks Star! Honorable mention goes to "The Grand Grand Canyon" and "Indiana Jones and the Bottomless Pit of Death." Your trophies are in the mail.

Victoria Prince and K-Fed outside PINZ Bowling Alley in Studio City (2/19)

Britney Spears is laying down the law on her new tour, banning K-Fed's girlfriend/surrogate mom to her kids, Victoria Prince. I guess you're allowed to make the rules when you're paying someone upwards of $10k/month just to travel with you. A source told the National Enquirer:

"Britney doesn’t want Victoria on tour -- period. She’s fooling the bill, and she wants to call the shots . . . Victoria has been playing full-time mom to the boys since she quit her job at FOX Sports in January. She’s even skipped volleyball practices and games to be with Kevin and the boys. Britney doesn’t want to see her boys reach out for Victoria." (Print Edition - 3/2)

Why is Britney so upset about K-Fed bringing his volleyball-player girlfriend along? If he does, it'll save Britney loads of time every night -- she won't have to spend hours scrubbing glitter and coco butter off of her kids . . . just sand and the stench of shame. Can you really blame K-Fed though for trying to get as much money out of Britney as possible? Having your wealthy ex pay for you and your younger new squeeze seems like a pretty kick-ass way to go through life . . . unless you're Nicole Brown Simpson.

Kevin Federline at Kat Von D's book launch at Tao nightclub in Las Vegas (2/5)

It's been reported by multiple outlets that Kevin Federline is receiving $5k/week from Britney Spears to let their two sons go on tour. Ridiculous, I know. Even more ridiculous is that that $5k figure may be on the low side. From the the Chicago Sun Times:

There's even more $$$ in the rich deal Kevin Federline inked with ex-wife Britney Spears -- allowing her to have their two sons join her on her upcoming tour. K-Fed supposedly is getting double the reported $5,000 weekly cash payments, plus Spears is said to have signed over to Federline the deeds to a Los Angeles area house and a Las Vegas condo. (Source)

Britney's giving K-Fed two houses? Just wait until he finds out those places are worth 10% less than they were a year ago. Hah! The joke's on you K-Fed! Britney wins!