Kevin Federline and Victoria Prince grocery shopping in L.A. (10/9)
Kevin Federline and his wonder penis haven't impregnated anything in nearly four years. According to the
National Enquirer, that miraculous streak may be over (via
PopCrunch):
Kevin Federline’s girlfriend may soon be sporting a baby bump to match the former rapper’s buzzed about Buddha belly . . . Last summer, Victoria quit working to accompany Kevin around the globe. After one pregnancy false alarm earlier this year, the athlete begin to suspect that she was pregnant after the couple spent two weeks in Las Vegas in late September.
Kevin already has four children; daughter Kori, 7, and son Kaleb, 5, with ex Shar Jackson and sons Sean, 4, and Jayden, 3, with Britney; and was less than pleased with the idea of doing diaper duty with yet a third “baby mama.”
A source says: “The test was positive. She told Kevin that she was pregnant, but he didn’t seem happy to hear the news.”
Well there goes my theory about women not being able to get pregnant when they're unconscious. What, you didn't think Victoria was actually letting that fat bastard have sex with her willingly, did you? Awww, your naivete is so cute. Don't ever change.
NOTE: Is it wrong to change your kids' names years after their birth? If not, K-Fed needs to rename his kids "One," "Two," "Three," "Four", and the new one "Five," because that is the only way in hell he'll be able to remember all of their names.
Kevin Federline leaving Kabuki Sushi Bar in L.A. (10/1)
The owner of the house in Tarzana Kevin Federline was renting until last May is not happy. $110,661 not happy, to be precise. That's the amount he says K-Fed owes for damages and unpaid rent. List of the damages via
TMZ:
- Gutters full of cigarette butts and empty beer bottles
- A broken beer dispenser on the barbecue island
- Permanent spit marks on exterior paint
- Broken light covers
- Bent light posts
- Broken tiles
- Dead trees and plants due to failure to water
- Drawings all over the walls
- A room that was turned into a studio (without the owners' permission)
- Broken dishwasher ... with broken baskets
- Dismantled smoke detectors
- Front driveway oil-leak damage
- Master bathroom windows tinted (without owners' permission)
... and last but certainly not least -- the owners claim K-Fed made off without returning the GARAGE DOOR OPENER!!!
Where the hell is K-Fed gonna come up with $100k+? Oh oh, I know I know! He can give up fast food restaurants for a month! And then, after he pays back his landlord, he can buy a new Lamborghini with all the money he has left over. Sure the fast food industry in L.A. will suffer -- I'm thinking widespread layoffs and restaurant closures, maybe a few chains filing for Chapter 11 -- but they'll eventually recover.
Kevin Federline at an am/pm in L.A. (10/1)
Just a minute before this picture was taken, K-Fed actually tried to eat those signs behind him. The gas station owner finally had to spray him with a hose to get him to stop.
U
PDATE (8:43 PST): The Fire Marshall just told me I had to take this pic down because I'm "dangerously exceeding" the weight limit for the front page and risking collapse.
Kevin Federline at Whole Foods in L.A. (9/26)
On September 26, 2009, at approximately 1:15 PM, Kevin Federline entered a produce section for the first time in his entire life.
Kevin Federline in Miami (8/29)
In "six months too late" news, Kevin Federline is set to appear on the next season of VH1's
Celebrity Fit Club. His ex-girlfriend Shar Jackson is appearing as well. Awk-ward. From
TMZ:
Looks like Kevin Federline is tired of all the K-Overfed jokes -- because TMZ has learned he officially signed on to do the next season of "Celebrity Fit Club."
Federleezy has packed on the pounds of late but he's on a mission to reduce the rolls. Earlier today, a TMZ employee watched Britney's ex saunter onto the Simi Valley, CA set of the VH1 weight-loss reality show.
As TMZ first reported, Bobby Brown, Nicole Eggert and Kevin's other baby-mama Shar Jackson will also join him in trimming the fat.
The only thing harder than trying to lose weight on TV is trying to lose weight on TV with your ex-girlfriend. Now K-Fed will not only have to endure hours of strenuous workouts, but hours of bitching and nagging as well. The bottom line is that if K-Fed and Shar really want to lose weight instantly, they don't have to appear on this show -- they just need to
drink Ipecac see each other naked.
Over/Under on # of episodes before K-Fed is kicked off for smuggling cookies in his fat rolls: 1.5
Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick in Miami (9/6)
Guess who Kourtney Kardashian's baby daddy Scott "
Can I Have Your Number" Disick is hanging out with? K-Fed.
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNN!!! From the
New York Post:
Now that she's pregnant, Kourtney Kardashian is making nice with her baby daddy, Scott Disick. The on-again couple joined Kevin Federline and his girlfriend, Victoria Prince, for dinner Wednesday at Gotham Steak in Miami Beach. "Kourtney and Scott looked really happy. He was spoon-feeding her," said an onlooker. But Disick hasn't totally changed his partying ways. After dinner, Kardashian went to bed while Disick and K-Fed hit nightclub LIV.
Scott's hanging out with K-Fed? That can only mean one thing for Kourtney: she'll soon become an expert on
glitter cocoa butter writing alimony checks. Kourtney should realize that allowing her baby daddy to hang out with K-Fed is the worst thing she can do for the future of her unborn child -- followed closely by drinking, smoking, cage-fighting, gator wrasslin', and doing somersaults down a flight of stairs covered in coat hangers . . . or as the five are collectively known as: "Britney Spears' third trimester with Jayden."
Kevin Federline in Miami (8/29)
In this post, we list parts of K-Fed that aren't fat:
That's all I got.
Kevin Federline in Miami (8/29)
Pretty sure he's pregnant. It all makes perfect sense now: the distended belly, the wild mood swings, the weird cravings. Just the other night, he consumed an entire pepperoni pizza topped with whipped cream and nutella. Jayden and Sean must be so excited. They're gonna have a new brother or sister!
Kevin Federline leaving the Faces & Names lounge in New York (8/24)
Not just one box of leftovers,
two. I guess I understand. Sometimes he gets hungry in between his scheduled 2 AM and 3 AM snacks.
Even his hands are fat K-Fed totally stiffed a cocktail waitress last week in Vegas (and not in the double entendre way he would like) -- despite her hooking his group up with two free bottles of Grey Goose. In K-Fed's defense, oh wait, he has no defense. He's an asshole. From
Fox News:
After wrapping up his new VH1 reality show, a particularly heavier Federline partied hard with yesterday girlfriend Victoria and a group of 15 friends while his VH1 stage crew spent most of the night filming while sipping cocktails. At one point K-Fed decided he wanted to draw more attention to himself and got on stage to hype the Sin City crowd, bragging that he was intoxicated. Fed and his we-don’t-tip posse left the club around 3 a.m., when they reportedly moved on to party in the new Paradise Tower Mega Suite.
Is anyone surprised K-Fed didn't tip his waitress? That's money he could be using for more important things, like gambling, strippers, or cheesecake. The fact that he didn't tip is a little hypocritical though -- especially when you consider that everything he owns is a result of tipping. Don't believe me? Ask Britney. She's the one who listened to him when he said: "Let me just put the tip in."
