Kelly Osbourne

Kelly Osbourne completely shitfaced last May in London

Kelly Osbourne checked into Oregon's Hazelden Alcohol and Drug rehabilitation center on Wednesday -- the third time she's been in rehab in five years. One more stay and the fifth's free! Kelly's mom Sharon told Radar magazine:

"Yeah, Kelly's in rehab. What else can we say? She knew that it was the right thing to do at this point and we're proud that she did it. The family is all standing behind her. Kelly knew that she needed help and she's getting it." (Source)

Do me a favor. If I ever use the word "proud" when talking about my daughter entering rehab for the third time in five years, please castrate me so I can't reproduce anymore.

Kelly Osbourne arrested for assault

Kelly Osbourne was arrested earlier this month for an incident that occurred last summer where she slapped a journalist who insulted her boyfriend. I guess you're not allowed to hit people in England. Bunch of nancies. From People:

The allegations stem from a claim that Osbourne hit gossip columnist Zoe Griffin after Griffin wrote an article mocking Osbourne's model boyfriend Luke Worrall. In a piece last August in the U.K. newspaper The Mirror, Griffin wrote that she was approached in Punk nightclub by Osbourne, who took issue with a story Griffin had written saying Worrall had to ask how an earthquake was caused.

Griffin quoted her saying, "I have an issue with you. My boyfriend knows what an earthquake is and everyone has been laughing at him and he's upset."

As the conversation drew to a close, Griffin wrote, "That's when I felt a hard slap to my right cheekbone." (Source)

Slapping? Kelly should have been arrested for that outfit. I mean, plaid. Are you fucking kidding me? What season is this, Spring 2007? . . . I'm sorry you had to read that. You know, for a 28-year-old straight male who watches way too much sports, I can be such a sassy bitch sometimes