Kelly Osbourne

OH THE HUMANITY!

A few months ago, during a segment for E!'s Fashion Police, Kelly Osbourne called Christina Aguilera a "fat bitch." Well it looks like the two haven't buried the hatchet . . . or fork . .. or butter knife . . . or gravy boat. From Us Weekly:

On E!'s Fashion Police [last] Friday, the 26-year-old slammed Christina Aguilera for her weight. "She called me fat for years," Osbourne said. "I was never that fat."

Osbourne was criticizing Aguilera's performance look at last weekend's Michael Jackson Tribute Concert. The 30-year-old paired a pantsless ensemble with fishnet tights, heavy makeup and supersized hair.

"Fat" is about the nicest thing you could say about Christina at the Michael Jackson Tribute (above). I've seen smaller chicks on The Biggest Loser. And I mean the premiere episode, not the season finale.

[Co-host George] Kotsiopoulos pointed out Aguilera was "still probably a size 2/4," but Osbourne was quick to disagree.

"Trust me," [Osbourne] said. "I'm a 2/4. That is not a 2/4."

When talking about Christina, Kelly thinks she was "never that fat"? It sounds like Ms. Osbourne has become a bigger revisionist historian than Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Newsflash Kelly: You weren't as fat as Christina is now, you were fatter. So get off your high horse . . . no really, get off your horse -- CHRISTINA'S TRYING TO EAT IT! AHHHH!!! EVERYONE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

*10 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery:

Kelly Osbourne filming Extra at The Grove in Hollywood (9/30)

I don't know about you, but I simply do not want to live in a world where Kelly Osbourne is considered even remotely attractive. Thanks a lot Michelle Obama and your stupid national anti-obesity initiative . . . *jumps out window*

*33 Kelly Osbourne pictures total in the gallery:

Kelly Osbourne leaving a public restroom in Malibu (9/5)

You're damn right Kelly Osbourne just took a huge crap in that public restroom. And you're damn right that I just posted the pictures. Horny yet?

*10 Kelly Osbourne pictures total in the gallery:

Christina Aguilera leaving a recording studio in Burbank (6/23)

Wait a minute, let's not jump to conclusions here. Maybe Kelly didn't mean this in a negative way. For example, I call my wife a fat bitch all the time, but it's because I love her so much. "Why isn't dinner ready, you fat bitch!" From the Daily Mail:

Kelly Osbourne certainly shy in revealing how she feels about her nemesis Christina Aguilera. While shooting a segment for E!'s Fashion Police segment, the reality star criticised her rival's fuller figure by calling her a "fat bitch."

Commenting on a photo of the singer wearing a tight black dress, the 26-year-old sniped: "Maybe she's just becoming the fat bitch she was always born to be. I don't know. She was a cunt to me ... She called me fat for so many fucking years, so you know what? Fuck you, you're fat too!"

Well, if it isn't the pot calling the kettle black. Or in this case, the cow calling the hippo fat. Kelly might think her shit doesn't stink now that she's recently lost a few pounds, but racist stereotypes have taught me that her weight is probably just like a Palestinian teenager -- ready to blow up at any second. Frankly, Kelly's kind of amazing. Even when she's not eating that much these days, apparently she still can't seem to keep her mouth shut.

*31 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Saturday, March 26 and Sunday, March 27

Kelly Osbourne arriving for a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Jude Law and Rachel Weisz filming 360 in London (pics start here)

Tim Burton shopping in Paris (pics start here)

Mischa Barton shopping in Silver Lake, CA (pics start here)

Hayden Panettiere leaving Sur restaurant in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Katherine Heigl out and about in Glendale, CA (pics start here)

Taylor Momsen leaving her hotel in Paris (pics start here)

Timothy Omundson filming Psych in Vancouver (pics start here)

Emma Roberts leaving Starbucks in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Jessica Simpson arriving on a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Selma Blair leaving the Ever boutique in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Miranda Cosgrove leaving the Kitson boutique in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Rose Byrne oustide FOX 5 studios in New York (pics start here)

*126 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Kelly Osbourne at the US Ski and Snowboard Association benefit in L.A. (10/3)

She already lost a ton of weight -- or at least a half-ton -- and now Kelly Osbourne is getting some of her tacky tattoos lasered off. If she stops prefacing every sentence with the word "fucking," she may just transform herself into a proper lady. From the Daily Mail:

She's completely revamped her image with an elegant make-over and dramatic weightloss - now Kelly Osbourne is to take her re-invention one stage further and have some of her trademark tattoos removed.

Kelly wrote in her weekly Closer magazine column: "Some still have a special meaning, like the matching ones my brother Jack and I have of each other's names, but I now feel like some were a mistake. They covered a few of them with make-up last week for a scene in my new film Should've Been Romeo - and I can't say I missed them!"

The 25-year-old said the first bits of body art she was going to target were a keyboard on her forearm and a heart and cross bones on her wrist.

She said: "I met with my dermatologist and I'll start the laser treatment as soon as I have time. It will take several months, and while I'm not looking forward to the pain, I've heard it hurts less than getting the tattoo. I hope so!"

Sorry Kelly, having your tattoos removed isn't going to improve your appearance but turning out the lights might. Seriously, lasering off her tattoos to make her look better will be about as successful as removing the flies from a pile of shit -- both will still look like crap. Kelly should know by now that if she really wants to be considered attractive, there's only one thing she needs to do: lose more weight plastic surgery shut up.

*19 Kelly Osbourne pictures total in the gallery:

Kelly Osbourne is skinny now

It's always weird when overweight chicks lose, like 100 pounds, which is why these pictures of Kelly Osbourne leaving the Viper Room last night after performing with the Pussycat Dolls are freaking me the hell out. I know she's probably happier and a lot healthier, but still, I'm not used to seeing her look normal like this. She's acting pretty selfish if you ask me.

*10 Kelly Osbourne pictures total in the gallery:

Kelly Osbourne Halloween Costume

Kelly Osbourne at Heidi Klum and Seal's annual Halloween Party in West Hollywood (10/31)

Kelly Osbourne at Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian's wedding in Bel Air (9/27)

Kelly Osbourne. Might. Do. Playboy. RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! From OK! magazine:

Rumours are circulating that Kelly Osbourne could pose for Playboy.

The 24-year-old star, who is currently dancing up a storm on Dancing With The Stars, the US version of Strictly, is believed to be on playboy chief Hugh Hefner’s wish list, along with Transformers actress Megan Fox.

According to the 83-year-old’s twin girlfriends Kristina and Karissa Shannon, Kelly is looking better than ever and would look great in the buff.

They told entertainment site E! Online: "She's losing weight and she's blond now…She looks good. I want to see what she looks like naked."

Megan Fox posing for Playboy = awesome. Kelly Osbourne = nausea. If you really want to see an overweight and disgustingly unattractive person, you don't buy a Playboy -- you buy a ticket to see Capitalism: A Love Story. The bottom line is that at 83, either Heff's finally starting to lose his touch, or he sees something hidden in Kelly that somehow makes her an extremely attractive woman . . . e.g. she keeps her mouth shut during Monday Night Football.

Kelly Osbourne blasts Lady Gaga

Little known fact about Kelly Osbourne: she doesn't own a mirror . . . right? That's the only way this next story makes any sense whatsoever -- ya know, if she's never actually seen what she looks like. From Contact Music:

Outspoken rock spawn Kelly Osbourne has launched a vicious attack on Lady Gaga, insisting the pop sensation "has everything" but an attractive face.

She rants, "She's a Butter Face - she has everything 'but her face' (is unattractive). She reminds me of Peaches Geldof."

And the 24 year old is urging the singer to focus on her music rather than airing her views in the media: "I love Lady GaGa's tracks but I just wish she'd keep her mouth shut. She talks way too much and has too much attitude. It's starting to make me go off her."

It's ironic that Kelly would call out Lady Gaga as a butterface when she's got the body of a butterball. Kelly Osbourne insulting someone about their looks is like Audrina Patridge calling someone stupid or Michael Moore calling someone fat -- it's the pot/kettle syndrome. If Kelly really wants to pick on somebody truly repulsive, she should start with an easier target, like Sarah Jessica Parker or Northern Florida.