Kate Upton is rich, bitch
For the first time in her career, Kate Upton made the Forbes Highest-Earning Models List. According to their estimates, she pulled in $7 million in the past year, good for fifth place. Only $40 million to go to catch Gisele Bundchen, who actually has an ATM machine instead of a vagina. From Forbes
Kate Upton - $7 million
It's been a very good year for Kate Upton. A newcomer to the highest-earning models list, Upton cashed in on her Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue covers with a lucrative Bobbi Brown cosmetics contract and Express clothing line signing. Upton was signed after a video of her performing a popular dance known as the "Dougie" at a sports game went viral; she has since landed campaigns for Sam Edelman, David Yurman and Accessorize. Upton, whose curvaceous figure may once have made her an unusual choice for high fashion shoots, has proved her detractors wrong -- the 22-year-old took home an estimated $7 million paycheck before taxes and fees. Her 2014 silver screen debut, The Other Woman, grossed $194 million worldwide.
Gotta hand it to Kate. She parlayed huge tits into million of dollars, which is not an easy feat. Oh wait, yes it is. Huge tits are the winning tickets in the genetic lottery of life. Seriously, if you're reading Celebslam right now, you have huge tits, and you didn't make $7 million last year, you are a failure in life. Get off your lazy ass.*30 Kate Upton pictures total in the gallery:
American model Kate Upton
*21 Kate Upton pictures total in the gallery:
Kate Upton on the set of a photoshoot in New York (4/29)*30 Kate Upton pictures total in the gallery:
Kate Upton on the set of The Other Woman last year in New York
Cameron Diaz tells the new issue of Hello!
magazine that Kate Upton is more than just big ol' titties. Well yeah. She has a pretty nice ass, too. After giving her potion a stir in the cauldron, Cameron said:
"Kate is the greatest - and what's behind the boobs is unbelievable. It's incredible how smart she is and how wise she is and how she sees everything. She doesn't miss a thing. She calculates everything so fast. She's like a bullet, she just shoots it right back and you are like, 'God bless you, you are amazing'."
Cameron is totally right. Kate Upton is more than just big tits -- she has a beautiful mind, too. In fact, the first word that springs to mind when I see Kate in a bikini is "brains." Just the other day, I told my friend that I wanted fuck her brains out. Yup, beautiful mind.*33 Kate Upton pictures total in the gallery:
Kate Upton wishes she had smaller boobs
Let's face it, Kate Upton is famous for one reason: boobs. Looks-wise she's no Cleopatra, but she makes up for it with enthusiasm and a willingness to share her DD gift with the world. Despite that, Kate tells The Sun
that she wishes she had smaller boobs. Wait, what?
"I wish I had smaller boobs every day of my life as I love to wear spaghetti tops braless or go for the smallest bikini designs. Every single day, I'm like, 'Oh, man, it would be so much easier,' especially if people didn't constantly bring them up ... In my eyes, Cameron Diaz has the perfect figure."
Oh yeah, I'm sure Kate has had many a sleepless night cursing her big funbags. "Damn you for this burden, God. Why couldn't you give me below average tits like Cameron Diaz and perhaps more acne?" C'mon, Kate. Quit sucking up to Cameron. She's on the wrong side of 40 and would could cut your still-beating heart out in a second for its nourishing youthful energy. No, really. Don't turn your back on her.
*30 Kate Upton pictures total in the gallery:
Kate Upton arriving at the Fendi boutique in Paris (4/5)
*15 Kate Upton pictures total in the gallery:
Kate Upton and Cameron Diaz at the UK premiere of The Other Woman at The Curzon Mayfair in London
Wait a minute, what? Why is Kate Upton in the frumpy ankle-length dress and Cameron Diaz is in the sexy tight leather dress? April Fools' Day was Tuesday. My penis is so confused right now. I may not be able to jack off for tens of minutes.
*36 Kate Upton and Cameron Diaz pictures total in the gallery:
Kate Upton at the Express Runway show at the Raleigh Hotel in Miami Beach (3/13)*35 Kate Upton pictures total in the gallery:
Topless Kate Upton is a pissed off Kate Upton
Kate Upton is pissed off at our friends over at Celeb Jihad
for posting a fake topless photo of her (the one above, from a video taken last year, is real) from this year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition
. She unleashed the magazine's lawyers on them and is threatening to sue. Oh noes! Via TMZ
It's clearly a fake ... but Sports Illustrated's legal team doesn't care -- they fired off a letter to the site threatening to sue if the post isn't taken down, STAT.Sports Illustrated
In the letter, the lawyer complains, "One of these photographs has even been airbrushed."
's lawyers complaining that a photo of a model has been airbrushed. You can't make this shit up. What's next? Jonah Hill complaining that his cake has frosting? That frosting is what got you to where you are today, Jonah.
*20 topless Kate Upton pictures total in the gallery:
Paparazzi photos from Thursday, March 6
leaving Il Pastaio in Beverly Hills (pics start here
out for lunch in West Hollywood (pics start here
out and about in West Hollywood (pics start here
and Blac Chyna
on their way to Barney's Boot Camp in Hollywood (pics start here
Actress Danielle Panabaker
) leaving her hotel in Vancouver (pics start here
catching a flight at JFK airport in New York (pics start here
on the set of Last Days in the Desert
in Borrego Springs, CA (pics start here
arriving on a flight at JFK airport in New York (pics start here
at the premiere of Bad Words
at the ArcLight Cinerama Dome in Hollywood (pics start here
leaving Crossroads in Malibu (pics start here
and her girlfriend Cara Delevingne
arriving at Cara's home in Belgravia, London (pics start here
leaving a gym in West Hollywood (pics start here
*127 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery: