Justin Timberlake

Justin Timberlake at TAO nightclub in Las Vegas (3/10)

Justin Timberlake was seen flirting with a few go-go dancers at TAO nightclub last night in Vegas. They even exchanged numbers and were later seen being personally escorted by Justin up to his suite. No harm, right? Um, except he's still dating Jessica Biel. They're even in counseling. But I can personally attest that hooking up with these skanks is not Justin's fault. He was sick and had to skip the counseling session about not sticking your penis into go-go dancers. If anyone's to blame here, it's Justin's assistant for not reminding him to get his flu shot. What a big jerk that guy is!

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel out and about in New York (2/19)

Justin Timberlake is *this* close to getting his man card revoked for being a pussy. From the Chicago Sun Times:

Unlike so many Hollywood romances that collapse with no effort to make them work, Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake -- themselves frequently reported as having split -- are trying hard to hold it together. Though they have come very close to calling it quits, the duo have sought counseling -- unusual for an unmarried couple -- and currently are said to be happy and very much together.

Oh c'mon Justin, you don't need counseling -- you're not even married. You know what counseling is called for dating couples? It's called dump that bitch.  For Christ's sake, you're not even 30. Go out and spread your seed, kill some hookers . . . preferably in that order. Unless you're into that other sort of thing. Sick bastard.

Justin Timberlake on the set of The Social Network in downtown L.A. (1/30)

+ Ali Larter's vagina [The Superficial]

+ Kelis cameltoe [Drunken Stepfather]
+ Jersey Shore back for a second season [OK! Magazine]
+ Michael Jackson's kids to accept Grammy [Wonderwall]
+ Miranda Kerr's hot GQ outtakes [IDLYITW]

+ Alison Brie and her huge boobs do Complex [Popoholic]
+ Monday morning BOOBIES! (NSFW) [College Humor]
+ Kasia Smutniak is a hot piece [Hollywood Tuna]
+ Jayden Nicole looks like she's been around the block [moejackson]

+ 20 options for Conan O'Brien [CityRag]
+ Holy crap Britney looks like hell [A Socialite's Life]
+ A little something for the ladies [Yeeeah!]
+ Matthew McConaughey finally wore clothes [popbytes]

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel in Vancouver (10/21)

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel aren't exactly broken up, as a report in September claimed. But they also aren't exactly dating either. Turns out Justin likes having sex with Jessica, but would also like to nail other chicks, too. Obviously. An insider told Fox News:

"Justin was very clear with Jessica that he didn't want to be in a serious relationship with her anymore where he wasn't able to date other people. Jessica took the news very hard, but once she calmed down and they started talking again, he convinced her to stay friends who hook up, without all the pressure of a relationship."

How did Timberlake succeed in persuading one of Hollywood's most beautiful women to agree to every man's (okay, almost every man's) dream scenario?

"At first she was very reluctant, but she missed him a lot and so she decided to give it a try even though it wasn't exactly how she wanted things to be," the source explains. "She's still in love with him, and they are still attracted to each other, so it would have been difficult for them to quit each other cold turkey."

The source says the new setup is a "win-win" for Timberlake.

"Justin gets the best of both worlds," says the source. "He doesn't have to lose Jess as a lover or a friend, but he's free to explore other [relationships]."

Does it get any better than having Jessica Biel as your booty call? Justin must have done something extraordinarily brave in another life to deserve the one he has now -- like march against racial injustice during the 60's, protest against apartheid in South Africa, or bang Kathy Griffin with the lights on. There is one slight flaw in Justin's plan to start sleeping with random chicks instead of his girlfriend: none will have a body like this.

\ Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel out and about in New York (3/8)

Us Weekly is claiming that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel split up. The two have been dating since early 2007. From the magazine:

A mutual pal of the pair tells Us Weekly that Timberlake, 28, has told friends, "it's over," and that he ended it for good — over the phone.

"It was about a month ago," the pal says.

While he was in NYC in September to show his William Rast clothing line at Fashion Week, "Justin was clearly on the hunt," the pal tells Us Weekly. At a club September 9, he dirty-danced with a tall blonde in a short black dress. At one point, she turned to her friend and mouthed, 'Oh, my God!'

Meanwhile, Biel, 27, is in "severe denial and won't accept" the split, their mutual pal tells Us Weekly.

Another source says, "There's no way of knowing if it's a firm breakup, because with them it's so hot and cold."

Justin and Jessica were spotted together leaving a restaurant last night in Napa Valley, California, leading many to question Us Weekly's report. My crazy theory: Justin really likes hot no-commitment blow jobs. I know, what a reach.

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel at Whole Foods in Brentwood (7/4)

Justin Timberlake does tequila shots exactly the way you'd think: very very slowly. He also wears panties. OK, I made that second part up. From the National Enquirer:

A Corona-drinking Justin Timberlake and smoking-hot Jessica Biel, sipping Evian, were spotted at Crown Bar in Hollywood on Aug. 21. But the kicked-back couple decided to amp it up by ordering his & hers tequila shots. Jess downed hers in one take -- Justin needed two sips to finish. (Print Edition - 9/14)

The more I read about this couple, the more I want to kick Justin's ass and violate Jessica's. Any guy that needs multiple sips to finish a shot should not only have his "man card" revoked, but also his entire package tied up and pulled between his legs until he looks like a woman.* Also, that same guy should take candid photos of his girlfriend -- perhaps while showering, I'm just gonna throw that out there -- and email them to me. I mean, I just think that's fair.

*Yes, like that dude in Silence of the Lambs.

Timberlake almost got his ass kicked

According to WENN, that's Justin Timberlake being "harassed by an aggressive paparazzo as he arrives at his hotel in Los Angeles." No word on what pissed the paparazzo off but Justin's lucky he backed down because he would have gotten his ass kicked. The guy has no hair to pull. Justin would have had no way to defend himself.

Lindsay Lohan leaving Sam Ronson's house in the Hollywood Hills (6/22)

Looks like we finally know why Lindsay Lohan sold out Justin Timberlake on her Twitter last Monday (Lindsay posted a message hinting that she saw him cheating on Jessica Biel): he cockblocked her. A witness that night at New York's AVENUE lounge told the New York Post:

"Usually Justin is pretty in control, but he was acting pretty crazy. He was drinking tequila all night. At one point, he cleared out a little space and started break dancing. He was bumping into people and spilling drinks. It was hilarious."

Our source also says that at one point, Lindsay Lohan, currently off with on-again, off-again girlfriend Samantha Ronson, tried to dance with Timberlake, but "he shooed her away."

But that didn't stop Timberlake from later cozying up to an unidentified brunette partygoer. "It definitely wasn't Jessica," laughs our source. "He was pretty drunk."

Later that night, Lohan ended up posting a thinly veiled message on her Twitter account, "where's jb cheater" — seemingly referring to Timberlake's girlfriend, Biel. The next day, she added, "Why do people cheat?" But she eventually backtracked, claiming that both messages had been sent by someone who'd hacked into her Twitter account.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned . . . especially the ones that date other women. Can you really blame Justin though for turning down Lindsay? When a girl that sexually confused approaches you in a club, you never know what her true intentions are -- like, does she want to bang or arm wrestle? Of course when Lindsay's with Sam, they're both one in the same. Fisting humor! Catch it!

Lindsay Lohan leaving Blue & Cream boutique in New York (6/16)

Lindsay Lohan is denying that she hinted on her Twitter page on Monday that Justin Timberlake was cheating on Jessica Biel at AVENUE lounge in New York ("So dark -- where's jb cheater?"). A grainy pic was also posted of Justin allegedly making out with another woman. Lindsay claims the post and picture were the work of a stalker . . . yeah right. The only guy stalking this bitch is Jack Daniels. Lindsay told Life & Style:

"I would not discuss my personal life, let alone someone else's, on the internet! Clearly! Twitter needs to fix their shit. I didn't write 'jb cheater!' What does that even mean? It's annoying."

And what does Avenue have to say about all this? "Celebrities that twitter about other celebrities will no longer be welcome at Avenue," says an Avenue Lounge spokesperson.

A stalker? That's the best excuse she could come up with? Why not aliens? Or a secret government plot to tarnish her reputation? Both would have been more believable than a stalker. If I'm hacking Lindsay Lohan's Twitter, I'm not writing something cryptic like "So dark -- where's jb cheater?" You better believe I'd be writing something super offensive. "So a Jew, an Asian, and a Mexican walk into a bar . . ."

Britney Spears runs into her ex-boyfriend

Britney Spears ran into her ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake Monday night at the Yatai Asian Tapas Bar in West Hollywood. Oh, and he was with his girlfriend Jessica Biel. Awk-ward. I wonder if Britney took any pictures of Justin to add to her shrine? From Us Weekly:

While "Jessica looked gorgeous," Spears "didn't look the best, but she probably thought no one would see her, as this restaurant isn't usually a hot spot," the onlooker tells Us.  The witness describes the restaurant as "so small...like the size of a living room," and the situation as "uncomfortable.  "Jessica and Justin looked to be slumping down in their seats to avoid [Spears]. She left 30 minutes later," another source tells Us. "Shortly afterward, Justin and Jessica got in their car and left." (Source)

Talk about awkward. Britney's just trying to enjoy her pot stickers, steamed pork bao, peking duck, fried wontons, broccoli with garlic sauce, mandarin chicken, lettuce wraps, crispy chicken wings, hot and sour soup, sweet and sour pork, sesame chicken, vegetarian spring roll, BBQ chicken on a skewer, wonton noodle soup, chow mein, water dumpling with spicy sauce, shrimp dumplings, spicy wonton, cashew chicken, double hunan delight, moo goo gai pan, pork with vegetables dumpling, friend rice, golden honey chicken, egg roll, kung pao chicken, moo shu pork, boneless ribs, eggplant tofu, beef with broccoli, cream cheese rangoon, prawns with snow pea pods, fried shrimp balls, orange chicken, chow fun, garlic chicken, crispy prawns, scallion pancakes, crispy duck, egg flower soup, braised tofu, beef with oyster sauce, szechuan style beef, salt and pepper chicken, lo mein, general tso's chicken, and ice cream, and she goes and runs into her ex-boyfriend. Tough break.