The Most Embarrassing Picture of Justin Timberlake
Introducing the newest feature of Celebslam: "The Most Embarrassing." Basically I find the most embarrassing picture of a celebrity and then post it for our amusement. First up is Justin Timberlake, whose mom probably called him a fag after she saw this picture.
*1 picture total in the gallery:
Brooklyn Decker looking stupid hot
Note to Justin Timberlake: If you ever tire of Jessica Biel, Brooklyn Decker's waiting for you. From the New York Daily News:
Brooklyn Decker's come a long way from growing up as a North Carolina tomboy to being this week's guest editor for AOL StyleList. "I actually made a pair of pants with the faces of every member of 'N Sync on them to wear to their concert. Jealous?" she tells Confidenti@l. "Those are definitely going to come back to haunt me one day."Wow, how stupid must JT feel right now? Justin could've had his way with pre-celeb Brooklyn Decker and become the Leo DiCaprio of pulling ass before Leo DiCaprio became the Leo DiCaprio of pulling ass. She could've been his Bar Refaeli. Instead, Brooklyn falls for a guy, Andy Roddick, whose list of talents include more than just being able to dress well and hit a high note like the male version of Mariah Carey. I'd love to know how Brooklyn feels about a master of the internets. I might not have an open invite to Jimmy Kimmel, but I am the 148th most popular player on the X-Box Live North American server.
*30 Brooklyn Decker pictures total in the gallery:
Justin Timeberlake and Jessica Biel on their way to see Skyfall in Manhattan's Union Square (11/11)
Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have been married for about a month now, so I guess it's about time to start the divorce rumors that will inevitably plague their marriage for the next ten years. From the National Enquirer:
Justin Timberlake's honeymoon exploded after his stunning bride Jessica Biel ordered him to cut ties with his hard-partying bachelor pals, and he told her: "No way," say sources.Damn, that was quick, wasn't it? I thought that these are the kinds of issues that get hammered out before a couple of kids get married, but I guess I'm just an old-fashioned type of fella. Justin Timberlake is a tool with tools for friends, and Jessica is absolutely right about everything she's thinking about him. I'd never do that to you, Jessica. If you asked me to, I'd put all my friends on a party bus in downtown Tel Aviv bought at Al Qaeda Used Auto Mall and let the magic happen. Then it'll just be me and King Leonidas fighting for the right to finger you. Now THAT, my friends, is love.
"Jessica and Justin are suffering from a bad case of post-wedding blues," revealed an insider. "And it's all because she wants him to dump most of his old friends. All those guys enjoy weekend trips to Vegas, guys-only golf outings in exotic locales and picking up hot chicks at clubs. And Justin used to be a big part of it.
"Jess can't stand how immature Justin's buddies are. It bothers her that they always drag him into trouble. And now that Justin and Jess are married, she doesn't want the guys coming over at all hours and crashing at their home. He told Jessica he's not ditching his friends. And he added insult to injury when he added that he probably won't be ready to start a family for at least two years. Poor Jess was left in tears. And now she's wondering if marrying Justin was a major mistake." (Print Ediiton - 11/19)
*10 Justin and Jessica pictures total in the gallery:
Justin Timberlake snubbed *NSYNC
I hope Justin Timberlake's former *NSYNC bandmates didn't buy him a wedding present for last week's affair in Puglia, Italy, because they didn't get invited. Or at least I hope they bought it from Bed Bath & Beyond. They have an excellent return policy. From the New York Post:
Reports said they flew out close family and friends, including Jimmy Fallon, Andy Samberg and Beverley Mitchell ... but missing from the guest list were his former *NSYNC bandmates Lance Bass, JC Chasez, Chris Kirkpatrick and Joey Fatone. A source told us, "The band were not invited and are pretty upset about it. But the wedding guests were mainly close family and friends."The boys should know by now that fame is a fickle bitch, and Justin isn't a big enough star to survive hanging out with the rest of the Backdoor Boys or *NSYNC or whatever they're called. Actually, he is big enough, he just doesn't like them very much. The wedding was in Italy for two reasons. First, Mr. Timberlake knows none of then can afford tickets or a hotel suite in Italy these days. Second, there's no way the has-beens could get the time off because it's Six Flags Fright Fest season, and somebody has to work the taffy machine.
*5 Justin Timberlake pictures total in the gallery:
Jessica Biel leaving the Fendi boutique in Paris (10/8)
E! says Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel's wedding this weekend (oh, did I mention they're getting married this weekend in Italy) could cost upwards of $6.5 million, according to these figures they pulled completely out of their ass:
"If they've booked out a whole hotel--and chances are, they have--they're probably footing the bill for all of their guests," Bridal Bar founder Harmony Walton explains. "And if those guests are there for 5 to 7 days, that could be a million alone, depending on the hotel."Wow, I'm kinda shocked at the attention these two are getting. I was gonna trash this wedding something ugly, but now I'm rethinking it. Look, it's only Biel and girly-voice Timberlake -- I wouldn't exactly call it a royal union. If anything it should actually be a pretty safe wedding because the happy couple have been pretty boring lately. Maybe I'll dropship Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes to the reception. I can't call this a Hollywood wedding unless there's hair and cocaine flying all over the place. Congrats!
It's also common for stars to close down any properties adjacent to a wedding venue to shut out paparazzi; that's maybe another million, if the location is chic enough.
It's also common for stars to spend "as much on a rehearsal dinner as they do on a wedding," Walton notes. And we're probably not talking about just one dinner and then a wedding. After all, guests who travel for a destination wedding should be given stuff to do, right?
"Events leading up to a destination wedding tend to be experiential," Walton tells me. "Maybe they're renting vintage cars for 75 of their closest friends so they can do a car rally up the coast of Italy. If they're getting helicopter tours for their guests to take tours of the neighboring islands, that's going to cost."
*20 Jessica Biel pictures total in the gallery:
Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel in Paris (4/10)
Settle down, Justin Timberlake. You already got the girl. Save your money for the divorce lawyers. From the National Enquirer:
[Justin Timberlake] recently presented [Jessica Biel] with a stunning diamond necklace-and-bracelet set worth more than many American family homes. "She's ecstatic. She looks incredible in the set," says an insider, who notes that JT had been planning to give her the jewelry for months, even using a shopping trip in May, to jeweler Eli Halili's store in New York City's SoHo, to gauge her tastes. (There, he dropped $7,000 on an antique 24k-gold rind and two necklaces). Even her engagement ring can't compare to his new sparkly gift, which is "easily worth a quarter of a mil," the insider says. (Print Edition - 6/15)What the hell is this Justin Timberlake asshole doing, raising the bar like that? Jessica Biel is one of the hottest chicks on the planet -- who's already forgiven his cheating ways -- so what's up with giving her $250k in diamonds? JT must be planning on doing a hell of a lot of cheating right off the bat, because that makes about as much sense as David Spade's career (seriously, why?). She forgave him, so it's all good. It's like trying to triple stamp a double stamp -- you can't just triple stamp a double stamp and get away with it.
*16 Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel pictures total in the gallery:
Jessica Biel at the 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards in Beverly Hills (1/15)
Jessica Biel's only been engaged to Justin Timberlake for a few weeks and she's already not wearing her ring. Gee, what could possibly go wrong? From the New York Daily News:
Jessica Biel looked radiant when she walked the red carpet at Sunday night's Golden Globe Awards — even if she was missing some bling. The actress accessorized her long-sleeved Elie Saab gown with a number of jewels, however it didn't take long before many noticed something important missing: her engagement ring from fiance Justin Timberlake.Wait a cotton pickin' second -- does this mean I have another shot at Biel? I wish you'd give me a real answer and stop with this cryptic messages. I know that girlie-voice Timberlake is a big deal, but you can certainly do better. Not only do I own a billion dollar website, but I'm also a bullfighter, deep sea diver, and Ron Jeremy's stand in. Get it? I have a huge hog.
Instead, the bare-fingered 29-year-old, who reportedly accepted Timberlake's proposal during the couple's vacation in Montana over the holidays, wore a number of sparklers from Tiffany & Co. on her right hand. Biel had onlookers puzzled the previous night as well. She stepped out sans engagement ring to attend W magazine's Best Performances Issue party at Hollywood's Chateau Marmont.
*15 Jessica Biel pictures total in the gallery:
Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake engaged?
According to unconfirmed internet rumors (so you know this shit has to be true), Justin Timberlake proposed to girlfriend Jessica Biel Monday night in Wyoming. Here's a fun fact about Wyoming for you: Cheyenne is the capital. That was fun, wasn't it? Jezebel says:
Though it's early days yet and the tabloids are feverishly trying to lock down an exclusive, Jackson-based Tayloe Piggott Jewelry confirmed rumors that Justin proposed Monday night at luxury Wyoming resort The Amangani. "Word on the street is that Justin Timberlake proposed to Jessica Biel at the Amangani last night," the company posted on Facebook. "We're picking out post-engagement presents for them just in case they come in! Trying to play it cool."Some say it's all fun and games being a celebrity, but just look at the difficult decision that Justin's facing. He either gets to have sex with Jessica Biel every night or a rotating bevy of eager-to-please 18 and 19-year-old blondes and brunettes with no gag reflex. It's like Sophie's Choice, except that he gets to cum. So glad I'm not famous. I simply couldn't deal with the stress.
UPDATE (1/4): Us Weekly is confirming that Timberlake proposed to Jessica last month in Wyoming:
"Justin knows how much she loves snowboarding and the mountains, so it was the perfect place," one insider explains.Seeing how this situation played out (dating, split, and then proposal), I have a new respect for Timberlake. He's the first dude in history whose bachelor party lasted three months. How cool is that? And instead of throwing quarters at strippers (I'm on a budget), he got to cornhole all kinds of A-listers. I've been to a few bachelor parties in my life and I've never had sex with Scarlett Johansson, Mila Kunis, Ashley Olsen, or Olivia Wilde at any of them. So jealous.
After a brief three-month split in 2011, Biel made it clear that she wanted to spend her life with Timberlake, 30. "When they reunited, they had a conversation about taking the next step."
*10 Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake pictures total in the gallery:
Jessica Biel in Hawaii earlier this year
Since breaking up with Jessica Biel earlier this year, Justin Timberlake has been linked to Mila Kunis, Olivia Wilde, your sister, Ashley Olsen, and Scarlett Johansson. I guess he's bored with plowing through all the hot ass in Hollywood like an ass-plowing snow plow that plows through hot ass because he confirmed to Express that he's back with Biel:
It was something of a scoop when, as we chatted at the premiere of his latest film, In Time, I steered the conversation round to romance and asked whether he was back with Miss Biel.Can you really blame Justin if he's gone back to Jessica Biel? She's got to be one of the hottest chicks on the planet. Sure, he probably spent the past few months banging supermodels on every continent, but in the end, it's safe to assume that he just couldn't say "no" to DAT ASS. Also safe to assume: if I ever see this guy in person, I'm going to punch him right in the pussy.
“Yes, Jessica is still the most significant person in my life,” he replied.
*46 Jessica Biel bikini pictures total in the gallery:
Scarlett Johansson on the set of The Avengers in Manhattan (9/3)
What's better than having sex with Jessica Biel? Having sex with Jessica Biel and Scarlett Johansson. Screw you Justin Timberlake. From Us Weekly:
Justin Timberlake spent the night of Sept. 14 with single-again Scarlett Johansson, the new Us Weekly reports. Timberlake and Johansson were "hardcore flirting" during a raucous evening at NYC hotspot 1Oak, a witness tells Us. "Other guys were trying to talk with Scarlett, but she was only focused on Justin."I think it's starting to become clear who's been "hacking" into all of these celebrities phones lately. First Justin is rumored to have been hooking up with Mila Kunis, and weeks later racy pictures of her are leaked onto the internet. Then, last week he's seen with Scarlett Johansson and nude pics of HER surface. I think there's one thing that can obviously be said about all of this: Justin, will you please start dating Sofia Vergara or Alessandra Ambrosio?
The duo left at 5:30 a.m. and got pizza next door, the source says. The one-on-one party continued just a few hours after the A-listers closed down 1Oak -- when Timberlake showed up at the actress' midtown penthouse apartment. Greeting the doorman and introducing himself as "Justin," Timberlake "wasn't even low-key" about his visit, another witness noted.
"They've hooked up several times over the years," a pal confirms of the pair. But Timberlake just got back together with longtime love Jessica Biel merely a month ago. "For the moment, she's trusting him."
*26 Scarlett Johansson pictures total in the gallery: