Justin Bieber


Is Justin Bieber hooked on sizzurp?

Okay we got some tits out of the way, now let's get to some news. TMZ says Justin Bieber is downing 8-12 ounces of Activis Prometh with Codeine cough syrup (aka "sizzurp" or "purple drank") on a daily basis, which is considered a lot amongst purple drank enthusiasts. Maybe he just has a nagging cough? I've been trying to shake one for a few weeks now.
Multiple credible, connected sources tell us Bieber has been using sizzurp regularly. It's typically codeine and promethazine mixed with Sprite and a Jolly Rancher. Bieber and his crew refer to it as "lean." It's a very dangerous narcotic that can trigger seizures, and even worse.

But that's not the only drug Bieber is using. We're told he's been taking lots of prescription pills, including Xanax, in addition to lots of alcohol and weed. Our sources insist he does NOT do cocaine and has never done it in his life.

We're told a number of people are very worried and have urged him to get help -- including going to rehab.
Dammit, now I feel bad for Justin. I always thought the Biebs was just a poser douche. I had no idea that he suffers from Lil' Wayne Syndrome. Never heard of it? Well, Lil' Wayne Syndrome, or L'WS for short, is what happens when you become famous for no apparent reason then turn to sizzurp in an attempt to drown away the overwhelming fear of being exposed as a talentless fraud. Think of it as drinking your way into a Napoleon Complex, but instead of achieving greatness, you become a bigger asshole than anyone could ever imagine. Get help, Justin, but do me a favor and wait until May-Juneish . . . this winter has been a slow one.

*15 Justin Bieber pictures total in the gallery:

  • Justin Bieber Sizzurp 1
  • Justin Bieber Sizzurp 2
  • Justin Bieber Sizzurp 3
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Justin Bieber's home raided

Police served a felony search warrant on Justin Bieber's home in Calabasas earlier today in connection with a neighbor's complaint that Justin and his merry band of thug friends egged his house. Police are looking for anything that could link him to the egg attack (a security system was dismantled and taken; here come the leaked Justin Bieber pillow fights on YouTube), but are also keeping their eyes open for anything illegal in plain view. Like drugs? Yes, drugs:
Justin Bieber's BFF Lil Za has just been arrested for COCAINE POSSESSION at the singer's home -- during the early morning raid stemming from the Bieber egg attack on his neighbor. A rep for the L.A. County Sheriff's Dept. confirmed the arrest for FELONY drug possession ... and said the cocaine was "in plain view" during the raid. Officials say Bieber was "not connected" to the cocaine.
"Justin Bieber's BFF Lil Za" . . . oh my gosh, he is gonna get so raped in jail. He needs to change his name to Chuck or something.

PIC OF HIS ARREST HERE

*16 Justin Bieber pictures total in the gallery:

  • Justin Bieber Search Warrant 1
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Selena Gomez running errands in L.A. (12/19)

The internets have been on fire since Justin Bieber and his ex Selena Gomez were seen Segwaying together last week, and then shortly after Justin instagrammed a selfie of the two together (awesomely summed up by The Superficial's "Lupus Makes You Retarded" headline). A source tells Life & Style that Justin is only hanging out with Selena again because blowjobs he's concerned about her reported lupus diagnosis. And blowjobs.
"Justin reached out to Selena after she canceled the tour," the Bieber insider discloses to Life & Style. Selena canceled her 2014 Stars Dance tour last month and reportedly has lupus. "He wanted to make sure she was OK and healthy. He cares about her a lot."

As to whether the reunion means the duo is back together? The insider shares, "I don't know if they'll get back together, but he wanted to see her and spend time with her."

Still, sources say that Selena's circle was not pleased by the public reconciliation. "Her friends were blowing up her phone with, 'WTF, Selena?'" a source exclusively tells Life & Style. "Everyone who loves Selena hates Justin. Just hanging out with him is a major setback for her."
I wish you guys weren't such pessimistic Patty's -- I totally believe that the Bieb's intentions are pure, and have absolutely nothing to do with his waning popularity or trying to somehow recapture the fire in a bottle that was his career. Sure, one can theorize that Justin's lame horseshit act was never as popular as it was when he was accepting mouth favors from baby-faced Selena, but I'm sure than neither Justin nor his management team have made that connection. Nah, Canada's greatest import is only concerned with Selena's health because, as you know, Justin is a nurturing soul and a real champion of women. Remember, 2013 will forever be known as the year that Justin helped dozens of South American prostitutes achieve their dream of attending college by showering them with scholarship money. Yep, that little douchebag really knows how to elevate women around the world, one purchased fake orgasm at a time.

*10 Selena Gomez pictures total in the gallery:

  • Selena Justin Reunion 1
  • Selena Justin Reunion 2
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Paparazzi photos from Friday, January 3

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez riding Segways together in Calabasas (pics start here)

Ali Larter taking photos with her family at the beach in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico (pics start here)

Nigella Lawson arriving on a flight at Heathrow Airport in London (pics start here)

Scarlett Johansson and her fiance Romain Dauriac leaving Mary's Marvelous in Amagansett, New York (pics start here)

Gwen Stefani out and about in Mammoth Lakes, CA (pics start here)

Matthew McConaughey and his wife Camila Alves out for a jog in Malibu (pics start here)

Sean Penn out and about in L.A. (pics start here)

Ashlee Simpson leaving CVS in Sherman Oaks (pics start here)

Actor Matthew Morrison (Glee) and his fiancee Renee Puente arriving on a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Charlize Theron leaving a gym in L.A. (pics start here)

David Spade out and about in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Alfonso Ribeiro and his wife Angela Unkrich arriving for dinner at Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

*113 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

  • Bieber Gomez Segway Ride 1
  • Bieber Gomez Segway Ride 2
  • Bieber Gomez Segway Ride 3
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Selena Gomez performing at KISS 108's Jingle Ball in Boston (12/14)

Selena Gomez is looking for a new home in Calabasas and apparently one of the neighborhoods she's zeroed in on just happens to be the one where her ex-boyfriend Justin Bieber lives. Oh man -- just Selena's luck. If only there were houses for sale in a different neighborhood in the tiny, unknown area of Los Angeles County. From Life & Style:
"Selena is very close to making an offer on a house inside the Calabasas development where Justin lives," an insider dishes to Life & Style, on newsstands now. "She looked at other neighborhoods, but really fell in love with a home near Justin's."

But Selena insists that she's over their January breakup, saying, "It's been a year now. We've moved on." Hopefully the two can live amicably, being so close to each other. "Selena's definitely happy she isn't with Justin anymore," the insider tells the mag.
Uh oh, it looks like Selena is going all Single Latina Female on her ex-BFF. I admit that famous female stalkers are rare because it doesn't take much to get plowed by their intended target, but it's not as if Selena doesn't have enough dudes trying to feed her their meat pops. My guess is that either Selena really misses the days of not being sexually-objectified by a guy she spends so much time with, or she just enjoys having someone around even more girly than she is. Yeah, I know I've posted a shitload of Justin's random hookup stories with fans and prostitutes and the whatnot, but implying that he loves the cock tickles my funny bone -- and it keeps me from putting a gun in my mouth due to the injustice of it all. A few years ago, that kid had five pageviews on YouTube. Now he's wondering what island he should buy for Christmas.

*15 Selena Gomez pictures total in the gallery:

  • Selena Gomez Justin Bieber Neighborhood 1
  • Selena Gomez Justin Bieber Neighborhood 2
  • Selena Gomez Justin Bieber Neighborhood 3
  • Selena Gomez Justin Bieber Neighborhood 4
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Justin Bieber has shared his bedroom with a man on more than one occasion

Justin Bieber has employed a man to watch him sleep. Gee, nothing creepy about that at all. A source told the Daily Star:
"Justin can't be alone at night right now. He is paranoid about fans breaking into his room, and he hears noises all the time. It freaks him out. As well as the ever-present guard in his room and the one outside, he also has two on standby to take over when his men need breaks.

"All of the burly guys are around 6ft 5in tall and weigh around 250lb. He wants an army of giants protecting him. Justin is now used to having a guard watch him sleep and he wants the arrangement to continue after the tour finishes."
Okay, wow. So Justin's large (and undoubtedly well-endowed) friends have to keep watch while he dreams of puppies and boy's locker rooms? This will not end well. When eight or nine of Justin's goon bodyguards stumble in in a drunken haze and mistake Justin for a waifish-thin butch-cut model from the Eastern Bloc, they might snap and do to his asshole what Justin's been doing to Western culture for the last half decade -- brutally rape it. Wait, on second thought? That's not a bad scenario at all. Have at him, boys, and don't you let him spill a single drop of shame.

*5 Justin Bieber pictures total in the gallery:

  • Justin Bieber Sleeping Bodyguard 1
  • Justin Bieber Sleeping Bodyguard 2
  • Justin Bieber Sleeping Bodyguard 3
  • Justin Bieber Sleeping Bodyguard 4
  • Justin Bieber Sleeping Bodyguard 5

Justin Bieber shopping in West Hollywood (11/16)

Ladies, you may want to remove your panties at the door because that's Justin Bieber flashing his red firefighter underwears on Saturday. "I want to slide down the pole and ride in the truck!" Yes, Justin, we know, we know. Now run along.

*30 Justin Bieber pictures total in the gallery:

  • Justin Bieber Tries Too Hard 1
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Tati Neves in a bikini

After being quiet about it since leaking the cell phone video she took of him sleeping last week, Brazilian hooker Tati Neves is now admitting that she had sex with Justin Bieber. Oh cool, I wonder if he'll write a song about her now? What rhymes with "mannish whore?" From the Daily Mail:
In an interview with The Sun, Tati goes into detail about her alleged sexual relations with the singer, even praising his prowess between the sheets. She said: "It was marvellous and unforgettable... He has quite a fit body and looked great naked. Take it from me, he's well endowed and very good in bed."

Tati claims she left the next morning, only to get a phone call from Justin asking her to come back. However, Tati - who is separated from her husband - claims she declined because she was "too exhausted," praising Justin for his "stamina" and "energy."
Hannah Montana is smoking more weed than Snoop Dog and Justin Bieber is wearing out hookers faster than Charlie Sheen.

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*30 Tati Neves pictures total in the gallery:

  • Tati Neves Justin Bieber Sex 1
  • Tati Neves Justin Bieber Sex 2
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Some whore filmed Justin Bieber sleeping

When this video of Justin Bieber sleeping in his Rio de Janeiro hotel room hit reddit last night, speculation was that it was a Brazilian hooker that secretly filmed him after a night of dirty hooker sex. But after some sleuthing, it appears that it's actually Brazilian model Tati Neves, and not a prostitute. Unfortunately Tati is described by some sites as "one of Brazil's most famous transsexuals." Wow, this story seems to be getting worse and worse for Justin. Next thing you know, there's gonna be a rumor that Tati actually has a cock . . . wait a minute. Yeah, this is pretty much the worst thing ever.



Justin Bieber on the balcony of his hotel in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil (11/1)

Justin Bieber had a little party over the weekend at a private mansion in Brazil with 30 handpicked ladies from a club. Probably one was a dude, though. I'm just going with the odds. From the Mirror:
Brazilian newspaper Extra reported that he arrived at the Zax Club in Barra, west Rio, at around 1.30am on Sunday morning. After partying in the nightclub's private room on the second floor, the singer was reported to then leave at 3am, surrounded by bodyguards, with a van-load of 30 girls hand-picked by him. All the girls were dressed in black from celebrating Halloween night and the 'chosen' females were piled into a van that followed the Canadian star to a private mansion being rented in West Rio, after Rio hotels turned him away.
Someone's sure trying hard to paint a picture of Justin's masculinity, isn't he? Look, Justin's teen status is a year away from ending, but he still looks like a 15-year-old Canadian hillbilly, eh -- which I say with all due respect. JB needs to understand that his ladyboy looks are what the pre-teens are thinking of when they whip the cream, but once those girls discover the awesomeness that is forcefully losing your virginity on prom night, it'll be all over for him. Justin should save his money for the anti-STD medication he'll surely need after his big Brazilian adventure.

*15 Justin Bieber pictures total in the gallery:

  • Justin Bieber Party Time 1
  • Justin Bieber Party Time 2
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Would You Rather?

Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: