Justin Bieber

via Justin Bieber's Instagram

At this point in his career, I'm just gonna assume that Justin Bieber banged Jennifer Aniston. It's easier that way.

Justin Bieber at The Square Pig and Pen pub in London (10/21)

Justin Bieber drank a real life beer at a pub in London a few nights ago. Yes, you read that right -- beer. Not a strawberry daiquiri; not a Mike's Hard Lemonade; not a Smirnoff Ice. Good ol' fashioned beer. Now all he has to do is kill a spider by himself and wear underwear without an action hero on them, and we can officially call him a man. Proud of you, Justin.

*15 pictures total in the gallery:

  • Justin Bieber Pub 1
  • Justin Bieber Pub 2
  • Justin Bieber Pub 3
  • Justin Bieber Pub 4
  • Justin Bieber Pub 5
  • Justin Bieber Pub 6
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  • Justin Bieber Pub 13
  • Justin Bieber Pub 14
  • Justin Bieber Pub 15

Jeremy Bieber and Justin Bieber in Miami last year (10/12)

Your dad publicly congratulating you on the size of your penis. Most awkward thing ever? Or is that still less awkward than your dad abandoning you as a baby and then suddenly loving you again because you're rich?


*10 Jeremy Bieber pictures total in the gallery:

  • Jeremy Bieber Dick Tweet 1
  • Jeremy Bieber Dick Tweet 2
  • Jeremy Bieber Dick Tweet 3
  • Jeremy Bieber Dick Tweet 4
  • Jeremy Bieber Dick Tweet 5
  • Jeremy Bieber Dick Tweet 6
  • Jeremy Bieber Dick Tweet 7
  • Jeremy Bieber Dick Tweet 8
  • Jeremy Bieber Dick Tweet 9
  • Jeremy Bieber Dick Tweet 10

Justin Bieber and his large penis arriving for a flight at LAX airport (9/25)

A new low today on Celebslam. A post about Justin Bieber's penis. The pics were taken a few days ago when he went for a naked swim in Bora Bora. He's currently on vacation there with really attractive model Jayde Piece. The thing about his penis is . . . it's not what you expect a scrawny Canadian YouTube star to be packing. It's kind of . . . largeish. I officially have no reason to live. Goodbye, cruel world.

*25 Justin Bieber penis pictures total in the gallery:

  • Justin Bieber Penis 1
  • Justin Bieber Penis 2
  • Justin Bieber Penis 3
  • Justin Bieber Penis 4
  • Justin Bieber Penis 5
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  • Justin Bieber Penis 18
  • Justin Bieber Penis 19
  • Justin Bieber Penis 20

Xenia Deli in her work clothes

Justin Bieber is banging Moldovan model Xenia Deli? Sure, why not. He was bored. From the Daily Mail:
The pair were spotted cosying up on a date on Friday night in Los Angeles. Fans took snaps and recorded videos of the couple as they enjoyed a night together at a piano bar, having walked in together hand-in-hand. Justin even took to the keys and serenaded her with a few songs, including the Beatles' Let It Be, as she sidled up beside him on the bench.

At one stage, Bieber shared a snap on Instagram of their footsie-playing feet beneath the piano - his in flat white trainers, hers in pointed white shoes showing major toe cleavage - but he swiftly deleted it.

The 25-year-old is also set to appear alongside the singer in the video for the much-hyped new song, What Do You Mean, in which she is reported to be playing the main role.
I uploaded a few videos of myself singing in the shower to YouTube and I got, like, 250 views. Justin Bieber uploaded a few videos to YouTube and he got to bang Xenia Deli. That doesn't seem fair. That doesn't seem fair at all. Maybe it was because I dropped the soap?

*41 Xenia Deli pictures total in the gallery:

  • Justin Bieber Xenia Deli 1
  • Justin Bieber Xenia Deli 2
  • Justin Bieber Xenia Deli 3
  • Justin Bieber Xenia Deli 4
  • Justin Bieber Xenia Deli 5
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  • Justin Bieber Xenia Deli 30

Justin Bieber in Bora Bora (7/6)

The pale white skin . . . the lack of adult male musculature . . . why does this feel like I'm gonna get arrested for child porn?

*5 Justin Bieber pictures total in the gallery:

  • Justin Bieber Ass 1
  • Justin Bieber Ass 2
  • Justin Bieber Ass 3
  • Justin Bieber Ass 4
  • Justin Bieber Ass 5

Justin Bieber kicked out of Coachella

Justin Bieber was kicked out of Coachella Sunday night after trying to gain access to a private artist's area. Apparently the rent-a-cop guarding the door was not a belieber and was clearly not trained in the fine art of situation diffusion. From TMZ:
Bieber and his entourage walked to the artist's entrance where Drake was performing, when they were stopped by security and told the area was at capacity and they couldn't come in. Bieber and his crew showed security they had the proper wristbands to gain entry. Eyewitnesses tell TMZ, Bieber argued with security, saying there was no way he could stand in a big crowd because he'd get bombarded by fans. Security wasn't having it and told him to leave.

At that point a Coachella staffer came up to Bieber and said she would escort him inside the artist's area. She grabbed Bieber by the arm and began walking him and his security team inside, when Coachella security came up from behind and put Bieber in a chokehold. We're told Bieber's team got into it with security and the singer was then ordered to leave the festival.
Because he's so broken up about the incident, here's what Justin just posted to Instagram:
"I just landed in Europe, shopping bags I'm a tourist"

Hah, shopping trip to Europe on a private jet! Take that, Justin! Wait a minute . . . aw god dammit that's way better than a music festival in the middle of hell on Earth (Riverside County). Seriously, fuck this kid.

*5 Justin Bieber pictures total in the gallery:

  • Justin Bieber Coachella Chokehold 1
  • Justin Bieber Coachella Chokehold 2
  • Justin Bieber Coachella Chokehold 3
  • Justin Bieber Coachella Chokehold 4
  • Justin Bieber Coachella Chokehold 5

Justin Bieber and Kendall Jenner are doing it

I don't mean to alarm anyone, but Justin Bieber and Kendall Jenner are most definitely banging. Justin instagrammed a pic of himself draped over Kendall at Coachella yesterday. God help me, I hope these two are using protection. The world needs a Bieber-Kardashian baby about as much as it needs a meteor strike. At least a meteor strike would kill us all pretty quickly, and we wouldn't have to relive it again every Sunday on E!.

*4 Kendall Jenner and Justin Bieber pictures total in the gallery:

  • Bieber Jenner Doing It 1
  • Bieber Jenner Doing It 2
  • Bieber Jenner Doing It 3
  • Bieber Jenner Doing It 4

Paparazzi photos from Monday, March 30

Justin Bieber arriving at a nightclub in L.A. (pics start here)

Olga Kurylenko at the 2015 Jameson Empire Awards at Grosvenor House in London (pics start here)

Melanie Griffith leaving a tattoo removal clinic in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Jessica Lowndes on her way to a nightclub in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Cindy Crawford and her husband Rande Gerber out and about in Malibu (pics start here)

Idris Elba filming Luther in London (pics start here)

Korrina Rico leaving Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Scott Disick out and about in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Fergie taking her son to a park in Brentwood (pics start here)

Gwen Stefani stopping by an acupuncture clinic in L.A. (pics start here)

Alexa Chung doing a photo shoot for Longchamp in Miami (pics start here)

Reality star Stassi Shroeder (Vanderpump Rules) at Simply Stylist L.A. at The Grove in Hollywood (pics start here)

*104 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

  • Justin Bieber Clumsy Step 1
  • Justin Bieber Clumsy Step 2
  • Justin Bieber Clumsy Step 3
  • Justin Bieber Clumsy Step 4
  • Justin Bieber Clumsy Step 5
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  • Justin Bieber Clumsy Step 1
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  • Justin Bieber Clumsy Step 8
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  • Justin Bieber Clumsy Step 11
  • Justin Bieber Clumsy Step 12
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  • Justin Bieber Clumsy Step 15
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  • Justin Bieber Clumsy Step 17
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  • Justin Bieber Clumsy Step 20

Justin Bieber's airbrushed bulge

According to breatheheavy (via the New York Post), Justin Bieber was a little dick on the set of his photoshoot for Calvin Klein. And I mean that literally. They airbrushed the shit out of him, including giving him a bigger dick. A source told the site:
"He was basically a douche. He hit on [model Lara Stone] several times and she had to stop him, basically calling him out on being just a child... Bieber specified he wanted to look 'taller and buff.' Bigger bulge implied."
I honestly can't make this story any funnier than "Justin Bieber has a small dick," so let's just leave it there. Justin Bieber has a small dick.

UPDATE: Aw fuck, I couldn't leave it alone. Just look at Justin's triceps and back on the airbrushed picture. You know who has triceps and a back like that in real life? The Rock. Justin Bieber did not hit the gym and turn into The Rock last week.

*6 Justin Bieber pictures total in the gallery:

  • Justin Bieber Bulge 1
  • Justin Bieber Bulge 2
  • Justin Bieber Bulge 3
  • Justin Bieber Bulge 4
  • Justin Bieber Bulge 5

Would You Rather?

Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: