Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez driving to her home in Calabasas (8/17)
Stop me if you've heard this story before: Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are messing around again. Justin's been banging his way through the model directory, but apparently that doesn't matter to Selena, because she spent the night at his house on Saturday. That's the two of them rolling around in his Ford Focus on Saturday -- oh no, that's right, he drives a Lamborghini. And owns like ten others. He's basically the Sultan of Brunei of boy banders. Don't think for a second, Justin, Selena won't drop you in a second when you lose your fortune. Somehow I don't think she's with you for your charming personality. "Let's get high on sizzurp and then I'll stick it in your butt, eh?"
*14 Justin and Selena pictures total in the gallery:
Alyssa Arce in Ibiza (8/2)
Seriously, fuck this little asshole. Playboy's Miss July 2013 Alyssa Arce was spotted making out with Justin Bieber on a yacht earlier this week in Ibiza. What makes this especially painful is that Alyssa's measurements are 32D-24-34. Justin is basically banging a chick normally only seen in a comic book. Here. Take my dog. Kick it.
BONUS: Alyssa Arce naked here, here, here, here, here, here, and here
*20 Alyssa Arce pictures total in the gallery:
Orlando Bloom in Malibu (6/28)
Orlando Bloom: American hero. And I don't care if he's British. He's a godddamn American hero in my book. The actor threw a punch at Justin Bieber late last night at a restaurant in Ibiza. You haven't heard anything about Justin being dead so obviously the punch didn't connect. From TMZ:
We're getting different versions of what incited Orlando, and people are taking sides. One account is Justin extended his hand to Orlando, who refused it, and when Justin asked what's your problem ... Orlando mentioned Miranda. Justin then tried to walk away and that's when Orlando swung.Looks like we can confirm those rumors that Bieber slept with Miranda Kerr. But Orlando fucked Selena Gomez, so everything should be even. The big loser in this whole thing is clearly Paris Hilton. What if everyone knew you existed, but no one cared?
A second version -- Justin said something to the effect of, I had sex with your wife ... and THEN Orlando swung . . . Orlando was in Cipriani restaurant which was packed with celebs, including Paris Hilton, and Diddy.
*20 Orlando Bloom pictures total in the gallery:
Justin Bieber at The Commons in Calabasas (6/24)
Justin Bieber doesn't care about red zones. Fuck your red zones. An outlaw like Justin Bieber will park where he wants to. There's a fire? Fuck your fire. There's a medical emergency? Fuck your medical emergency. There's a tow truck? Fuck your tow tr--wait a minute.
*5 Justin Bieber pictures total in the gallery:
Party at Selena's house!
Police were called to Selena Gomez's house last night because of a raging party. Oh thank god they responded so quickly. We're all safe now. From TMZ:
Law enforcement sources tell TMZ Selena's Hidden Hills, CA neighbors were so pissed off at the loud noise coming from her house at around 11:30 PM ... they called police. The cops responded and warned Selena and company to turn down the volume or else. One neighbor tells TMZ the noise was so ear-crushing her windows were rattling.This is clearly Justin Bieber's fault. Before she met Justin, Selena's Tuesday nights were spent drinking milk, knitting poodle skirts, and listening to light Christian rock. Now that milk has been replaced by alcohol and she's listening to modern pop music laced with expletives. America's sweetheart has turned into a . . . wait for it . . . normal 21-year-old woman. EVERYBODY PANIC!
Sources connected with Selena and her family tell us he singer has told her kinfolk she's back with Justin Bieber because he's cleaned up his act. But they tell us they don't think it's coincidental at all that in the last few days she's spent a late, late night at a Hollywood club with Bieber and had an out-of-control party on a Tuesday night.
*15 Selena Gomez pictures total in the gallery:
Catchy song. I could see this going viral and rocketing to the top of the charts. What a talented kid!
Justin Bieber at the amfAR gala in Cap d'Antibes, France (5/22)
Aw, how cute. It's Justin Bieber's first racism scandal. TMZ unearthed a 5-year-old video of a 15-year-old Justin telling a racist joke about black people, and it's just the cutest thing you'll ever see. Of course all the usual predictable assholes are full of false outrage and the Biebs has been forced to apologize, even though the video is half a decade old and shows a teenager telling a dumb joke. The video is so old that Justin looks about as intimidating as a teenage lesbian with an eating disorder. Oh wait, that was a video of him yesterday. My bad.
*25 Justin Bieber pictures total in the gallery:
Justin Bieber and Gigi Hadid on Sir Philip Green's yacht in Monaco (5/26)
Following the news that Justin Bieber probably nailed Adriana Lima during the Cannes Film Festival last week, here he is on a yacht in Monaco with just-turned-18 model Gigi Hadid. Damn this kid. I hope the Buddhists are right about that whole reincarnation thing, because there is no way this kid isn't coming back as the bottom of a porta potty at a NASCAR race. Gotta even things out.
*17 Justin Bieber and Gigi Hadid pictures total in the gallery:
Adriana Lima at the premiere of The Homesman at the Cannes Film Festival (5/18)
So Justin Bieber probably banged Adriana Lima at the Cannes Film Festival last week. Who knew she had a little boy fetish? From Us Weekly:
The duo's romance got started May 20 at the 1 Oak fete at local French Riviera club Gotha. A source tells Us that the singer, who is 12 years younger than Lima, made a beeline for the Brazilian model at the party.From YouTube to Adriana Lima's pussy in six years. Talk about living the fucking dream, man. I'd be happy for him if his face wasn't so damn punchable. Just one shot, Justin? I've got a roll of quarters with your name on it.
"Justin pursued her hard," says a pal of the mom of two, who split from husband Marko Jaric in May after five years of marriage. At a private house party later that night, "they were talking nonstop," adds the source. "They went home together around 5 a.m."
*25 Adriana Lima pictures total in the gallery: