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Julie Araskog is a retard

Despite being forced to wear an orange jumpsuit and having no access to makeup of any kind, an "actress" friend of Paris Hilton's, Julie Araskog, claims the socialite looks "stunning." From People magazine:

"She looked so beautiful," says the actress, who visited the jail in Lynwood on Saturday with Paris's sister Nicky, "It felt surreal, like a movie. No make-up; she is naturally beautiful. I was stunned. She was as beautiful as she is with make-up." (Source)

I know your gut reaction to to this story is disbelief. But really, what does a Hollywood heavyweight like Julie Araskog stand to gain from lying about Paris Hilton's appearance? I trust Julie and you should too. With all the joy and entertainment she's brought us over the years, I think she's earned that right. I mean, who among us can ever forget her memorable role as "Sportscaster" in the timeless classic Saturday the 14th Strikes Back. Or the way she nailed the part of "Dead Woman" in the critically acclaimed Psycho Cop. A national treasure, some call her.