Jude Law is losing his hair
Jude Law’s receding hairline miraculously disappeared in these new ads for Dior cologne. Ha, what a loser! Once all the chicks in London find out he has a Photoshop artist on his staff, I bet Jude only bangs five random chicks a week instead of his normal ten. And he can forget about fivesomes and sixsomes. I couldn’t see him pulling anything more than a foursome after this scandal.
[The Sun]
Jude Law and Kimberly Stewart making out at 195 nightclub in London (5/17)
Jude Law’s zipper was down at a club the other night in London and Rod Stewart’s daughter Kimberly totally zipped it back up for him. So helpful that girl. It’s refreshing to see a well-adjusted celebrity kid that thinks of others before she thinks of herself. Rod must be so proud.
Jude Law is going bald
Ha! Jude’s hairline is receding faster than Hamilcar in the Battle of Cape Ecnomus. Yeah, I went there.
[Splash News]
Bauer-Griffin
Jude Law was arrested by London police today for attacking a paparazzo outside his home on Tuesday. Law’s attorney Graham Shear says the actor voluntarily turned himself in this morning to face charges. According to the photographer:
“I was at a bus stop near Jude’s house but I wasn’t taking pictures of him. My camera was still in the bag. He was by himself when he recognised me and started accusing me of being a paedophile and that all I wanted to do was take pictures of his children. I was shocked at his behaviour.” (Source)
Of course he attacked the photographer. Damn kid was probably on his lawn trampling his rose bushes. Because according to what Jude Law was wearing yesterday in London, he’s a few months shy of his 85th birthday. Christ, my great grandpa thinks that outfit is uncool and he wears a diaper.
Is Jude Law boinking Natalie Portman? Possibly–the two were seen talking “into the wee hours” (last week?) according to the New York Daily News. Is Jude Law boinking a yoga teacher? Yes. At least according to Courtney Love he is. The rocker posted on her website last week (website? WTF?):
“I just found out my yoga teacher is f-ing Jude Law. She’s got a hot bod.” (Source)
WTF? The Courtney Love of a few years ago couldn’t get dressed without getting poked by a used needle and now her biggest concern is whether she has too many links on her homepage. And I’m pretty sure she thought ‘yoga’ was that sound her friends made when they were ODing on the kitchen floor.
Because you hate yourself, Courtney Love bikini candids after the jump…
I don’t know how she convinced herself this was a good idea but Lindsay Lohan is now responsible for two living things. In a “BlackBerry interview” with GQ magazine, Lindsay admitted her lack of impulse control resulted in the recent purchase of both a Yorkie and Jack Russell terrier:
“I bought two puppies today! Sober impulse buying of companions who will help me stay home etc. A Jack Russell terrier. named him Brooklyn. he’s white and black (like Chanel), and a yorkie named Dakota (like my movie name and my lil bro).” (Source)
A little later, Lindsay met in-person with the GQ reporter and revealed: “OK, the interview’s over, right? Good. Jesus I haven’t had a drink in like four hours. You have any vodka? You do, don’t you. I’ll trade you these two puppies for that bottle. They’re brand new. Easily worth a couple grand. C’mon dude, don’t be a little bitch. Lindsay’s wants some sippy sippy. OK fine, I’ll blow you.”
In other Lindsay news, she misses alleged new flame Jude Law:
Sources tell Page Six Lohan’s latest human companion, Jude Law, is in Japan promoting his flick, “Holiday,” and the actress is pining for him. “She just keeps talking about how psyched she is to see him when he gets back,” our spy said.
I feel the same way about the McRib’s seasonal reintroduction. The longing. The anticipation. The boneless pork patty smothered in barbecue sauce gently placed between two sesame seed buns. McRib is back you say? Shakespeare himself hath naught spoken finer words.
Jude Law may be banging Lindsay Lohan. The two were seen spending both Friday and Saturday night together at “The Box,” a New York City bar (Editors Note: The Box? tee he!). A source claims the two are “adoring one another’s company” though it’s unsure if they’re dating. Jude is 34 and Lindsay is 20 by the way. Or to put it another way–when Jude was in his mid-20s, Lindsay still thought boys had cooties. Yikes.
(Source)
Jude Law and Sienna Miller, both in town for the Toronto International Film Festival, were seen together sneaking out the back door of Sotto Sotto restaurant on Monday night.
I’m convinced Jude has actually kidnapped Sienna and the only reason they’re still hooking up is because she’s suffering from a particularly severe case of Stockholm Syndrome. I mean the guy already publicly humiliated her by sleeping with the nanny. What more does he have to do? About the only thing Jude has going for him are worldwide fame, movie star good looks, and millions upon millions of dollars in the bank. I just can’t understand the attraction.
At least my penis is WAY bigger.
